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15 year old home by themselves

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#1 Green Gummy Bear

Posted 14 August 2019 - 03:42 PM

For those of you that have teens coming home to an empty house after school, what are your 'rules' surrounding them having friends over? What about girl/boy friends?

Trying to establish some ground rules with DD, and I have no idea what is or isn't considered reasonable these days.

#2 dadwasathome

Posted 14 August 2019 - 03:51 PM

No help, sorry.

As far as I'm aware DS16 has always just come home by himself and got on with things, even when he did have a girlfriend earlier in the year. I suspect he hasn't really considered getting up to nefarious activity, apart form annoying neighbours with loud guitar practice.

#3 seayork2002

Posted 14 August 2019 - 04:11 PM

Not there yet but if I know the friend and they are as sensible as I can be aware then one friend will be fine (I think?)

I will wait to judge the girl thing but may allow it if DS is as sensible as he is now. (if a girlfriend, if just a friend who is a girl then as above)

I had male friends who really were 100% platonic myself and my parents had no issues

#4 JRA

Posted 14 August 2019 - 04:23 PM

We and a few other have no friends over if no-one is home.

When DS has friends staying, we will go out to do shopping etc when they are here, but that is when they are away with us.

It makes it easier if a child can simply say "no one is allowed over" rather than "sally can come - my parents think she is ok, but not helen".  or equivalent

#5 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 14 August 2019 - 04:31 PM

We had no rules for DD.

She came home, relaxed for a short while then did her homework/assignments/study.

If she had brought a friend home, that would have been fine.  We knew her friends.

#6 *Ker*

Posted 14 August 2019 - 04:47 PM

DS stays home a bit, when his sister has sports games/practices. I don't want others over when I'm not home, although they'd probably only play playstation.

#7 MarciaB

Posted 14 August 2019 - 05:11 PM

No friends over during the week (Term time).

To be honest it wasn't/isn't really an issue for us (2 teens, 1 now 19 the other 16) - both focused on school and sport after school and so did their friends and the boyfriends.

School holidays - they could have friends over if I wasn't home.  I didn't/don't really mind as long as they occasionally bring food to share - 4 -6 15/16 year olds would literally clean out my pantry in one day.

Edited by MarciaB, 14 August 2019 - 05:12 PM.

#8 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 14 August 2019 - 05:17 PM

No rules here.  I actually encourage them to have friends over.  (they are 14 and 16).,

DD has had boys over on occasion - rare - but hasn't had a boyfriend yet.  I don't think that will change anything, but I suppose I might implement an open door policy or something if I have to?

I do say no swimming in the pool when there are no adults around...... but until now, that is the only rule.

#9 lucky 2

Posted 14 August 2019 - 05:27 PM

No rules for dd as yet except for "don't burn the house down" if you want to cook. I prefer her to bring someone home, it's always been a female.

#10 WTF*A*Lot

Posted 14 August 2019 - 05:34 PM

With DD15 it isn’t a problem, because she hates being home alone. With the others it was different rules for different kids and they knew why.

#11 Claudia Jean

Posted 14 August 2019 - 06:08 PM

Not quite teen but my son is home a lot on his own.  I am happy for his friends to come over if I'm on my way home or out for a short while but don't want them there together for hours without me.

Not that I think they'd get up to too much mischief, I just don't want to be "responsible" for another kid when I'm not there!

#12 amdirel

Posted 14 August 2019 - 06:14 PM

I don't have any rules re. friends. They're welcome to bring friends home, but in saying that, we're in a small unit so they don't bring friends home that often.

#13 ~J_WTF~

Posted 14 August 2019 - 06:15 PM

No rules really. We haven’t needed too.

We like to give our children trust and allow them to set their own boundaries but they haven’t shown me that they can’t be sensible, so this approach works fine for us.

They give me a heads up if someone is coming around or if they are heading out to the park or shop.

#14 Prancer is coming

Posted 14 August 2019 - 11:07 PM

My almost 13 year old is home one day a week by herself after school.  She really likes being in her own and watch tv or using her laptop - stuff we generally do not do in the week.

Last year she had a friend over a few times, and she was a very sensible girl from down the road.  I had no issues with it.  What we discussed at the time was I did not want anyone coming over who I had not met, and I wanted her to check with me first.  I also asked her to let the friend know there was no parent at home and to check this was ok with the parents.

Ultimately I trust her to be home by herself and make her own choices.  I am hoping to be able to guide her for a bit longer.

#15 wilding

Posted 14 August 2019 - 11:38 PM

No rules for us, however I did grow up with my parents being away for a few months at a time with a someone checking in every now and then through high school. So pretty relaxed.

#16 doubledelight

Posted 15 August 2019 - 06:49 AM

I have two nearly 14 year olds and a nearly 15 year old and we are pretty relaxed about their friends being there but it needs to be pre arranged - no drop ins.  Having said that they have great friendship groups so I'm comfortable with who is in our home.

#17 foofoo

Posted 15 August 2019 - 07:09 AM

We have a 16 and 13 year old.  Only rule is they have to come home.  We don't like them going to the shops or other places.  If we allowed this DD would hang at the local shopping centre everyday.   They can bring friends home.

Edited by foofoo, 15 August 2019 - 07:10 AM.

#18 Green Gummy Bear

Posted 15 August 2019 - 11:40 AM

 JRA, on 14 August 2019 - 04:23 PM, said:

We and a few other have no friends over if no-one is home.

This has been our rule up until now. Or she at least had to call/text me and ask before just having friends over when I'm not home.
Several times I've come home to find a friend here, or evidence that a friend has been there.

DD thinks the rule is unreasonable.  Was interested to see if this is the case, or, if like I suspected, this is a somewhat common rule.

#19 seayork2002

Posted 15 August 2019 - 11:44 AM

 Green Gummy Bear, on 15 August 2019 - 11:40 AM, said:

This has been our rule up until now. Or she at least had to call/text me and ask before just having friends over when I'm not home.
Several times I've come home to find a friend here, or evidence that a friend has been there.

DD thinks the rule is unreasonable.  Was interested to see if this is the case, or, if like I suspected, this is a somewhat common rule.

If it turns out DS has had friends over (because we did not have blanket no rule) and there were no issues then I am can see us letting it continue.

With him like our parents with us so far in our =parenting with him we seem to be having a 'things are allowed until there is a reason not to' kind of thing

this may change when he get to be a teenage, we are open to the idea, but so far we have yet to have any blanket rules that we can remember

#20 dadwasathome

Posted 15 August 2019 - 12:17 PM

 Green Gummy Bear, on 15 August 2019 - 11:40 AM, said:

This has been our rule up until now. Or she at least had to call/text me and ask before just having friends over when I'm not home.
Several times I've come home to find a friend here, or evidence that a friend has been there.

DD thinks the rule is unreasonable.  Was interested to see if this is the case, or, if like I suspected, this is a somewhat common rule.

We haven't had to consider such a rule, but it seems reasonable to me.

#21 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 15 August 2019 - 03:00 PM

Maybe I'm just lucky with DD so far, that it has not been an issue.  She's 16, so there is still time, but so far its all been ok.

I personally love coming home to find DD and a few friends hanging out.  We've tried to make our house a 'everyone welcome' place, and it means I get to know her friends well as they are in and out all the time.

And I'd rather they were hanging out at my place than at someone elses house where I don't know the kids or the parents...... (although I know that's not always going to be possible).

As above, if something happened that made me rethink, then I'd set rules.  But it hasn't been necessary as yet.

She seems to have set her own unwritten rule that any more than 3 and she should check in with me.  That's almost a 'party'.  But even now, I often get a phone call when they are out and about saying "I'm heading home, is it OK if xx and yy and zz come over for a while".  

PErsonally, I find the 'no friends if we are not home' rule for teenagers a bit harsh.

#22 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 15 August 2019 - 05:24 PM

No rules, haven’t needed to. Mates come over, they go for a surf. Come home. Play Xbox/Netflix/homework if I’m lucky. I guess if needs dictate, rules will be set but no need at this stage.

#23 TheGreenSheep

Posted 15 August 2019 - 05:44 PM

Boys come home and do their chores and homework. At this stage friends only ask to come over weekends and holidays, usually organized.

I’m sure as they get older things may change, but for the moment the only rules are come straight home and do your chores. Don’t answer the door. Don’t burn the house down. Be nice to one another. Text or call me when you get in the door - I’m usually stuck in peak hour and it’s nice to hear from them.

#24 kadoodle

Posted 15 August 2019 - 08:46 PM

DD1 is 17 and DS1 is 14. They have the place to themselves on Friday afternoon while the younger kids have swimming lessons. I haven’t had to enforce rules beyond the common sense ones; no using vehicles, no swimming in the dam, no riding horses alone, no fires anywhere except the koonara. I assume the dogs will dob on them if they misbehave.

#25 jmjsa

Posted 15 August 2019 - 08:55 PM

Our children are a little younger at 12, 12 and 13 so only home for short periods of time by themselves.  Our rule so far has been on friends here when there is no adult here.

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