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“Stop crying, you’re a boy.”


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#1 Lunafreya

Posted 01 August 2019 - 05:36 PM

This was said to my son by the mum oh his best friend. I wasn’t there or I’d have said something.

My son was crying because his best friend had accidentally kicked him in the face while they were playfully wrestling, things like this do happen and his friend said sorry and DS was okay with that.

But this stayed with me. I liked her until now, that’s not a good attitude.

#2 ~Bob~

Posted 01 August 2019 - 05:40 PM

Great. Let’s toughen him up, get him to bottle up his feelings and not allow him to express sadness/hurt. Because that’s done us so well up until now.

Shaking my head.

#3 ~J_F~

Posted 01 August 2019 - 05:43 PM

Curious - how do you know if you weren’t there?

I don’t agree with it personally but if you like the woman maybe don’t write her off just yet!

#4 Lunafreya

Posted 01 August 2019 - 05:43 PM

And this is how toxic masculinity starts.

DS is a resilient and sensitive boy, thank goodness

I know because ex told me when I saw DS earlier.

Edited by Lunafreya, 01 August 2019 - 05:44 PM.


#5 limakilo

Posted 01 August 2019 - 06:32 PM

While you can't change others, it's a great opportunity to talk with your son about how crying is great, it helps us to work out our feelings, and what he can say if anyone ever says things like that in the future.

#6 Lunafreya

Posted 01 August 2019 - 06:46 PM

I did tell him it was okay to cry. Have before when ever he cries. He normally cuddles when he’s sad, tells us why. We talk about it and then tells us when he’s “feeling better”.

#7 marple

Posted 01 August 2019 - 06:52 PM

Guilty to saying " stop screeching like a girl" to my own boys. Shoot me now. But it's true, one of the bonuses of not having a girl is you rarely  get that high-pitched screaming.

I wouldn't say " stop crying, you're a boy" but I have definitely said "shh that's enough now. Stop crying . Let's go home. " I would say the same to a girl though, and have to my niece.

#8 Lunafreya

Posted 01 August 2019 - 06:59 PM

I’d never say stop crying. To anyone. It’s been yelled at me enough times and only made me cry more. I just say “It’s okay.”

#9 Kallie88

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:03 PM

View Postmarple, on 01 August 2019 - 06:52 PM, said:

Guilty to saying " stop screeching like a girl" to my own boys. Shoot me now. But it's true, one of the bonuses of not having a girl is you rarely  get that high-pitched screaming.

I wouldn't say " stop crying, you're a boy" but I have definitely said "shh that's enough now. Stop crying . Let's go home. " I would say the same to a girl though, and have to my niece.

Think it might've been your boy's, mine scream like banshees lol

#10 Jane Jetson

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:08 PM

View Postlimakilo, on 01 August 2019 - 06:32 PM, said:

While you can't change others, it's a great opportunity to talk with your son about how crying is great, it helps us to work out our feelings, and what he can say if anyone ever says things like that in the future.

Crying is great for some people. It is not great for everyone.

What I object to is the gendered expectation. It is okay to be a boy or man who cries if he needs or wants to, and okay to be a woman who doesn't need to or like to.

OP, your friend was way out of line.

#11 born.a.girl

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:11 PM

View Postmarple, on 01 August 2019 - 06:52 PM, said:

Guilty to saying " stop screeching like a girl" to my own boys. Shoot me now. But it's true, one of the bonuses of not having a girl is you rarely  get that high-pitched screaming.

I wouldn't say " stop crying, you're a boy" but I have definitely said "shh that's enough now. Stop crying . Let's go home. " I would say the same to a girl though, and have to my niece.

No, never got the high-pitched screaming, because I didn't allow it. Sob all you like, but don't give me ear piercing noise.

#12 BadCat

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:13 PM

I think I'd be politely suggesting to the woman that she doesn't use that toxic bullsh*t around my child again.

I'd phrase it more politely because I'm not a psychopath.

Edited by BadCat, 01 August 2019 - 07:14 PM.


#13 PrincessPeach

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:20 PM

Oh dear. I have 2 boys & I don't feel that is acceptable at all.

Boys need to learn that showing emotion is normal, being upset about something is normal & crying is one way of showing you are feeling upset.

#14 onetrick

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:21 PM

I hate most of these gendered ideas. I hope your DS is ok, OP. The shock alone would.make most people a little upset.

Your ex is being truthful though, isnt he? He wouldnt say this to out a rift between friends? (Sorry if this sounds sceptical or is out of line, but some people know exactly which button to press and this would be one of my buttons,too!!)

#15 Lunafreya

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:27 PM

Ex normally quite good about info that affects DS and his schooling and friends. I don’t think it’s a lie, it’s an odd one if it was. And DS did show me the scratch on his face where his friend had kicked him.

That I’m not worried about. He gets all sorts of knocks and bruises from school, usually from the kids being boisterous. Once he got a black eye, purely by accident as a kid was just waving his hands around and the school investigated when I showed them how bruised it got.

It’s funny, because DS’s school is very inclusive and all about sharing feelings. Kids are okay hugging each other and the teachers. I’ll be a little sad when he leaves this year as it’s so good.

Also, the woman isn’t my friend. I only know her slightly. Can’t even recall her name.

Edited by Lunafreya, 01 August 2019 - 07:44 PM.


#16 Hellbent

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:47 PM

View Postmarple, on 01 August 2019 - 06:52 PM, said:

Guilty to saying " stop screeching like a girl" to my own boys. Shoot me now. But it's true, one of the bonuses of not having a girl is you rarely  get that high-pitched screaming.

My DD never screeched. I've never actually witnessed girls screeching.  I'm pretty sure its an urban myth.  Right up there with girls love pink, girls are too emotional, boys like blue, boys are leaders.

#17 Lunafreya

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:50 PM

My son likes pink. And unicorns. He has a favourite jacket which is black with white unicorns on it which I got in the girls section of Best and Less. He also has a dolls pram and a doll :)

Boys need more pink and Unicorns.

#18 ~J_F~

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:51 PM

Telling someone to stop crying is like telling them to calm down, it’s doesnt work and just belittles their feelings...

#19 Freddie'sMum

Posted 01 August 2019 - 07:53 PM

We've got 2 girls obsessed with dinosaurs and dragons !

It's a horrible message to send to a little boy "don't cry because you are male".  All children - regardless of gender - should be allowed to express their emotions - not smother them because they are boys.

#20 Lallalla

Posted 01 August 2019 - 08:01 PM

View Post~J_WTF~, on 01 August 2019 - 05:43 PM, said:

Curious - how do you know if you weren’t there?

I don’t agree with it personally but if you like the woman maybe don’t write her off just yet!

My guess is her son knows how to talk.... and why would he lie about something like that??

My nephew came home from daycare at 2 saying “boys don’t cry” - we don’t know who it came from because he was 2 so couldn’t say where he’d got it from. But by 4 I think he could have, at 6 he definitely can tell you where he heard things.

When he was 2 and didn’t believe his mum or I that boys do cry, my DH, who is one of the main male figures in his life (especially at that point he probably was the main one) had to make a big song and dance about how he cries sometimes to convince my poor nephew

#21 JRA

Posted 01 August 2019 - 08:05 PM

View PostHellbent, on 01 August 2019 - 07:47 PM, said:

My DD never screeched. I've never actually witnessed girls screeching.  I'm pretty sure its an urban myth.  Right up there with girls love pink, girls are too emotional, boys like blue, boys are leaders.

It aint an urban myth. Go to the beach and listen.....

#22 ~J_F~

Posted 01 August 2019 - 08:07 PM

View PostLallalla, on 01 August 2019 - 08:01 PM, said:



My guess is her son knows how to talk.... and why would he lie about something like that??


Well excuse me for daring to ask!!

I know lunafreyas son has ASD, I am not sure to what extent.

Plus kids do lie, it never hurts to double check these things before taking action but it appears that was already confirmed by another adult.

I really don’t think it’s out of line to ask how she knew if she wasn’t there. It’s a pretty ordinary question to ask if someone doesn’t see or hear something themselves!!

#23 Murderino

Posted 01 August 2019 - 08:17 PM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 01 August 2019 - 07:11 PM, said:

No, never got the high-pitched screaming, because I didn't allow it. Sob all you like, but don't give me ear piercing noise.

My DS is the one most likely to screech. Like you I say you can cry all you like but I’m not listening to screeching so off to your bedroom where I can’t hear it, come back when there is no more screeching.

#24 Lunafreya

Posted 01 August 2019 - 08:18 PM

DS is fairly high functioning and social. He is in speech therapy and has improved a lot this year and is far more conversational. But ex was there and told me this afternoon.

#25 Oriental lily

Posted 01 August 2019 - 08:37 PM

I have three girls and they screech like banshees . Unfortunately my two younger boys join straight in as well ....




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