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4.5 year old and 2.5 year old twins - when does this actually get better?


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#1 newmumandexcited

Posted 28 July 2019 - 07:10 PM

I am at my wits end and starting to feel like the worldest worst parent (and neighbour!) My children fight, tantrum, argue etc all day and the weekends are so bad that we tend to go straight to bed without dinner at 8 because we can’t deal with it all. Getting them to eat, sleep, not kick me as they are changed...it’s a nightmare. The eldest does some of that stuff on his own but then can just have attitude that makes him hard. You can’t take them anywhere or do anything for any length, def not anywhere ungated or alone.

People say this will get better and I may have asked this, but like when??? My eldest in three days care and the other two are in two, but I work with kids part-time and have no day off day off or break. It’s also be hard in our marriage and everything else. My eldest will go to school but I wonder if that’ll make it harder..

Edited by newmumandexcited, 28 July 2019 - 07:13 PM.


#2 cabbage88

Posted 28 July 2019 - 07:33 PM

My 6 year old is pretty great. My 2.5 year old twins are HARD. so bloody hard. Right now one is screaming uncontrollably in his cot and we have NFI why. Nothing is calming him.
They hurt each other hurt us. It's so tough.
We put them to bed at 6 on daycare days, often they refuse dinner. Could never leave them up until 8 they'd be horrendous. Also 6 bedtime when they skip naps.
We have to leave the house every morning we are home, they can't be here all day. Which is pretty tiring with a newborn.
I'm going by 4 it's easier. My eldest was a total nightmare from 2-4 :-(
Daycare helps a lot. I tend to look for more work days the older they get because I can't entertain them like daycare does

#3 Mumma bug

Posted 28 July 2019 - 07:49 PM

Sounds like you are in the trenches. Are they all sleeping at night? I’d be tempted to put them into childcare more days and work more.

My three year old was an absolute nightmare since her sister started school this year, always wanting constant entertainment. I am so much happier since moving from part time to full time work. She sleeps (mostly) well at night, loves the stimulation of childcare and ELC. Logistics are harder but it’s worth it and I have more money to outsource cleaning and gardening.

Sorry if that sounds like I’m oversimplifying it. But when I compare my life to this time last year when I had both at home on my 2 days off i was not enjoying my time with them. Now I enjoy my time with them more. Mostly.

#4 ERipley

Posted 28 July 2019 - 07:53 PM

My 5yo just started school this year and it is SO much easier just having my almost 3yo twins home through the day. I almost passed out from the stress of all 3 in the school holidays! There was anxiety and tantrums when he started, but he loves school now and my god, the peace of not having to listen (and respond appropriately to) the constant prattle of a 5yo!

It is still hard of course. Doing school drop off and pick up with unruly twins who need to get shoes and coats on and all out in the pouring rain - it’s not fun. It allows me to have something of a routine I don’t have to think about though. We get out every day because I find they are so much easier if they are doing something - anything. It helps my mood to because it’s s boring being stuck at home. It’s really hard in winter because all the parks are wet half the time. Are you in a city? Zoo and museum are great enclosed spaces for us. Playgroups and classes are good too. Yeah they have tantrums but twins mums only ever get sympathetic looks and support when their kids are unruly (in my experience). I am like Teflon with tantrums out now.

#5 spartan_mum

Posted 28 July 2019 - 08:07 PM

I am about 6 months from you with a five year old and just turned 3 year old twins so I completely understand the feeling of everything being a battle and wondering what the neighbours must think because some days all I am doing is referring between two screaming and crying toddlers.

I tend to feel where I am now is better than 6 months ago. It’s what has got me through this far. Remembering what is was like then and acknowledging  that while it’s still hard it is better in some ways.  They are sleeping better now compared to 6 months ago and as they are able to be negotiated with better I am able to manage defiance and tantrums a bit better.

I hope you see improvements soon, twins are so, so hard.

#6 newmumandexcited

Posted 28 July 2019 - 08:07 PM

Thanks all! I couldn’t care less if they screamed for an hour when we are out, I think I’m impervious to it all. It sounds like it might be easier when he goes to school.. but then it’s judt me and the twins allll day. One goes to bed 6:30, the other 7:00 ish. I DREAD them dropping naps.

#7 T2Mum

Posted 30 July 2019 - 10:49 PM

I had 2.5 yr old twins and a 4 year old (and also a 7 year old). My situation was easier than yours as the 7 year old was amazing at entertaining the others.

Hang in there as I think 2.5 years is the peak of it being the most difficult with twins. In even six months time when the twins turn 3 it will be easier. Definitely easier again when they turn 3.5, and then exponentially easier every six months. My twins are now 7 and it is so much better compared to when they were toddlers.

Good luck! Dropping naps might not be as bad as you think because then you can go out all day. We went out a LOT when the twins were aged 3-4.

#8 Staying Strange

Posted 31 July 2019 - 06:45 AM

My twins were 3 earlier this year and my eldest is 5. I definitely noticed things getting better in the last few months...  I've also made a huge effort to give positive instructions to them when they're fighting etc. Eg if you can't Decide how to share- you can take turns or play together mum will decide for you etc. It's ok to be sad you can cry as loud as you want in the lounge room or be quiet if you want to keep playing in the kitchen. Or if you'd like help calming down please ask or if you want to keep screeching please go to the locker room etc. I'm finding giving them some options of how to resolve things has helped them alot.good luck

#9 Lallalla

Posted 31 July 2019 - 01:15 PM

My eldest just turned 5 and my twins just turned 3. You are definitely in the trenches at the moment! As my younger 2 are really getting into the imaginative play stage they (all 3) now play and occupy each other in a way and for lengths of time they never used to. Also I have been encouraging my just 5 year old to do more and more stuff herself, which we are getting there with. It is otherwise still hard (having 2 threenagers and all) but I am starting to see the “gets easier” bit is on its way

#10 Lallalla

Posted 31 July 2019 - 01:18 PM

I also wanted to add, from the title I thought I might have stumbled on a zombie thread of my own, I am fairly sure I posted something similar 6 months or a year ago

#11 mm1981

Posted 31 July 2019 - 01:27 PM

Mine are 2.5 two and a regular day is a struggle. But, having had 3 older kids, I am calling 3 the age when things get easier.

I try to keep this in mind as I struggle through the days at the moment.  Even a trip to the supermarket can be horrifying.

#12 Manicmum

Posted 31 July 2019 - 03:19 PM

when the youngest are about 4

#13 JoanJett

Posted 31 July 2019 - 03:42 PM

I don't have twins.  Having three small children and also working with children must be really difficult for you, and for anyone in that situation. My admiration knows no bounds.

I think you'll find having one at full time school a big relief.  Yes, somethings are harder - you have to meet the time routines, they are often overtired in the afternoons in the first weeks/months  BUT, school gives them brain activity, physical activity and social/emotional engagement.  It means you're not constantly having to give everything to 3 children during the day.  You may also find that school gives you another group of support people - playdate swaps can give you another "break" at times.

Good luck - I have only two kids two years apart, but our big leap was 3/3.5 and 5/5.5 (and that's with one with ADHD, who was/is hard work).

#14 Twinmum+2

Posted 31 July 2019 - 05:36 PM

My twins are 12 now and life is pretty cruisy.  I honestly don't remember when it started getting easier, I think it was a case of swapping one difficulty for another for a while.  But we got there in the end.  I didn't have another young child so I had it easier than all of you poor people who had a toddler.  It still almost drove me crazy.  Especially having to go out all the time because they just couldn't be at home.  I so remember that!

I just wanted to let you know how normal all that is and to reassure you that you will come out the other side eventually.  And then nothing will ever scare you again.. :laugh:

#15 Greenscorpio

Posted 31 July 2019 - 08:31 PM

My twins are 4 and a half and my eldest is 7. Things are much easier now but we still have our moments! Twins are hard work, but I think life gets easier when they start Kinder (4 year old).




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