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Going to try for no 2 - freaking out

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#1 Daffy2016

Posted 26 July 2019 - 12:29 PM

Pretty much as it says.

I’ve never wanted kids until I wanted DD, who is wonderful.

Then never wanted a second - until now. Maybe.

DH is fully on board. But I am freaking out!

Share your lovely stories and help me feel better, EB.

#2 zeldazonk

Posted 26 July 2019 - 01:56 PM

2 is a great number!! I have 2 kids (pregnant with no. 3). They do fight, but most of the time they are the best of friends. They also play with each other, which means I don't have to play with them and they are able to keep each other entertained.

And it is so amazing to watch their relationship grow as they get older. They really love each other and look out for each other.

My second child has also learned so much from her sister, so she has done things faster and easier than her sister - toilet trained herself, learnt to dress herself earlier etc. She is also far more independent so things like day care drops off are so much easier with her. I know its not a given, but I think this is pretty common with many second kids.

Plus - now I have two the whole parenting thing actually  seems way less intense than it would if one child got all my love and worry!

#3 just roses

Posted 26 July 2019 - 02:02 PM

Two kids is great. Or at least, it's been a great number for me.

I always wanted kids, there was no doubt about that.

But after three years of TTC and finally getting DS, I thought I'd be happy to be done. I was so very grateful to have a happy, healthy little boy and be off the TTC rollercoaster, and couldn't imagine that having another baby could make life any better.

But we did take a deep breath and go back for number 2 and I am so, so glad we did. DD was born when DS was three and he adored her from the beginning. She was the most wonderful baby and is such a great kid now. Despite the age gap, my kids get on famously. When they're not fighting. We're definitely two and done now, and I'm really happy with our family of four.

#4 spartan_mum

Posted 26 July 2019 - 02:41 PM

We went for number two and ended up with three!

We freaked out at first as 3 was never the plan, but they are wonderful and i love having a big(ish)  family and enjoy the craziness (even though they do drive me mental quite a bit too)

The best bit is watching them play together...i know it may not last forever but right now while they are little they love each other to bits and watching them look out for each other, cuddle and play melts my heart.

#5 Daffy2016

Posted 26 July 2019 - 07:37 PM

Thank you, this does make me feel a little better?

How was the transition from one to two for everyone? I struggle to imagine it because it’s not something I ever thought I’d want.

#6 No Drama Please

Posted 26 July 2019 - 07:50 PM

Haha you must be me; I also never wanted any kids but then I had DD and she is awesome. Then DP wanted to try for another, and since it took years to get DD and I thought it would be the same I said fine, then we ended up with DS on the first try!

I absolutely love having two. If I wasn’t late 40s I would want even more. They are so completely different in personality but they just get more and more awesome. That toddler baby age was admittedly tricky though, with everybody needing a piece of mummy all the time, but it’s great now they at school and are more independent.

#7 Lallalla

Posted 26 July 2019 - 08:08 PM

We also went for No. 2 and ended up with 3 - this is unlikely to happen to you, twins only account for 1/80 births and that includes ivf twins.

In any case seeing my 3 play together and how close they are (less than 22 month gap between the 3) is so rewarding.

I also really love seeing their differences. It’s amazing seeing what the different combinations of genes do.

#8 blueskies12

Posted 26 July 2019 - 08:12 PM

Oh gosh, strangely enough- i'm jealous in a way! We have two and it seriously is the best. There are 2.5 years between them and while it was hard in the beginning, it is so good now (19 months and 4). They squabble and fight, but love each other as best friends too. It is great that you have both made the decision :)

#9 MsLaurie

Posted 26 July 2019 - 08:15 PM

We’re early in the transition from 1 to 2 (bub is 6mos). The first two months were HARD. Miss4 had her nose very out of joint and was just awful behaviour wise. Went backwards with toilet training, was running off in public suddenly, and just such a demanding attitude out of nowhere. And honestly i’d forgotten the 24hr relentlessness of those newborn days, the lack of sleep and structure, the washing, the challenge of feeding and burping etc.
But then bub started smiling and reaching for everyone, and it’s like something just settled and everyone got used to the new normal.
Now at 6mos the kids interact a bit (peek a boo, rattles, cuddles, pushing on the swing), and I think it will all work out! Oh, and Miss4 has settled back to her old happy self, phew!!

Edited by MsLaurie, 26 July 2019 - 08:16 PM.

#10 Wolf87

Posted 26 July 2019 - 08:23 PM

Same! IVF apt in September. Fingers crossed!

#11 Charli73

Posted 26 July 2019 - 08:26 PM

Two is great, mine were only 15mnths apart and yes it nearly killed me but they play together so well now it was worth it.

The things they say to each other and the way they look out for and consider each other (7/8 now) honestly it makes my heart explode!!! They do play a lot together and get upset if they go too long without seeing the other. They no longer go to the same school and they look forward to seeing each other and playing at the end of the day..

You will be fine :)

#12 eigne

Posted 26 July 2019 - 11:26 PM

I’m here too OP - DH is raring to go and im equal parts scared and impatient!

I love the structure of our life at the moment. It’s so doable! I struggled in the first year with no sleep so I’m naturally worried that I’ll get another non-sleeper.

#13 Daffy2016

Posted 27 July 2019 - 06:58 AM

View Posteigne, on 26 July 2019 - 11:26 PM, said:

I’m here too OP - DH is raring to go and im equal parts scared and impatient!

I love the structure of our life at the moment. It’s so doable! I struggled in the first year with no sleep so I’m naturally worried that I’ll get another non-sleeper.

This is exactly it! I do remember how hard it was/is and was so smug I’d never have to do it again.

Then bam, hormones.

#14 Demera

Posted 27 July 2019 - 02:05 PM

We had always wanted two, but when it was so difficult to have just one we weren't really expecting the second to happen, but she arrived 22 months later.  She's six months old today.

I won't gloss over it, the first few months are hard, really hard.  The baby isn't really any trouble, but dealing with a toddler while looking after a baby isn't easy at all!  Feeding the baby is the most difficult bit, and I quickly learned I could walk and boob at the same time.

It's difficult for the two year old to understand that I can't just come and help her all the time. The first six weeks she really struggled with that, but then she began to accept that if I said I'd be there in a few minutes, I would, and that I had to go and check the baby regularly if I was playing with her.  

We haven't really had any jealousy issues, but probably because she's only two, so it's been more about mum not being able to respond to her than jealousy towards the baby. She totally adores her little baby sister and dotes on her. Seeing them interacting together just melts my heart.

I'm so glad we were able to have a second and that they will have each other to share life's challenges. Hopefully soon they will be able to play together.

#15 Kallie88

Posted 27 July 2019 - 02:40 PM

We have 3 now lol, but 2 is nice. Our older 2 do fight sometimes, but they love each other so much too. It's been beautiful watching dd be a big sister and look after her brother, and they both share their drinks and food with each other lol. And sometimes their toys haha. They are 3yo and 2yo so they can both be a bit greedy for my time, but I can cuddle both of them and they're usually good with that. Even though my two are quite different personality wise I do hope they keep the connection they have now, it's nice to think they'll always have each other.

#16 Crazyhouseholdof6

Posted 28 July 2019 - 09:33 AM

I never, ever wanted children until I met DH. I wanted my career, money and to travel etc. fast forward nearly 15 years and the job is still there, money not so much, travel is non existent but we do have four kids lol.
At the time I felt the transition from 1 to 2 kids was quite good as Bub 2 was a fantastic sleeper and in hindsight it was freaking amazing compared to 2 to 3 kids lol. By the time bubb4 came along I had no expectations I just went along with whatever was happening.
I’d say go for it, life is so short and will you regret it if you don’t? If you’d told me 20 years ago I’d be married with four kids and working PT I would’ve laughed at you but fate worked in a funny way for us:)

#17 Crombek

Posted 28 July 2019 - 10:04 AM

I found the transition to 2 harder for DH than I. It was practically tough, sure, but emotionally that’s when he became a real involved dad, with 1 he was basically able to leave everything to me & continue as normal but 2 required him to step up & really parent.

I was completely terrified the whole time I was pregnant with DS2. And in denial. I’m not sure I would have had the courage to have a second if I hadn’t had an accidental pregnancy/miscarriage & in my grief I needed to be pregnant again.

The reality however was so much better than expected. DS1 was so challenging but DS2 was a dream, he finally made me feel confident as a parent. So much in fact we went back for DD. Who may now be the death of us all 😂

#18 Blue Shoe

Posted 28 July 2019 - 10:07 AM

I have 2 with a 3 year gap. They do fight sometimes, but more often they get along brilliantly and the older one is such a wonderful big sister. She loves having someone to play games with, and DS learns so much from her.
Just this morning younger DS was worrying about something and DD was reassuring him by relating the story about how she was scared on her first day of kindy. It was a beautiful moment.
On EB you will hear plenty of cautionary tales about the idea of having another child to give your firstborn a sibling. I agree; I wouldn’t do it for that reason alone. But if you and your partner are keen on having a second child because you want another child, the potential for a wonderful sibling relationship is definitely one of the positive aspects of that.

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