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What’s something hilarious your kids have said?


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#76 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 15 July 2019 - 05:35 PM

View PostLou-bags, on 15 July 2019 - 05:01 PM, said:



Presumably he’s talking about a gardening implement and not a woman, otherwise WTAF?!?!
I guess you're not familiar with Minecraft? Lucky you!

#77 RichardParker

Posted 15 July 2019 - 05:42 PM

DS (while demonstrating) told me, “that’s how you do a wee: standing up. You can try it with your vagina if you like.”  

Thanks mate, I’ll let you know how I go.

#78 cvbn

Posted 15 July 2019 - 05:56 PM

We had our car broken into last night (on holidays)
At first we thought they had only taken phone chargers and some iPods.

Miss 4 was saying the thief must have been looking for something to eat and we should leave out some food...

Later we realised a leather back pack with a precious teddy, apple headphones and my DD's 3k flute were gone too.

Miss 4 declares, 'He is not getting a sandwich now'...

#79 born.a.girl

Posted 15 July 2019 - 06:03 PM

View PostRichardParker, on 15 July 2019 - 05:42 PM, said:

DS (while demonstrating) told me, “that’s how you do a wee: standing up. You can try it with your vagina if you like.”  

Thanks mate, I’ll let you know how I go.


We caught our daughter actually doing that (well, not with her vagina obviously) - would have been 5 as I remember where it was.  Dammit if she wasn't spot on accurate too, which I found even more bizarre.  She'd seen her Dad, and wanted to work out why he did it that way. Never did it again, to my knowledge.

#80 born.a.girl

Posted 15 July 2019 - 06:05 PM

View Postcvbn, on 15 July 2019 - 05:56 PM, said:

We had our car broken into last night (on holidays)
At first we thought they had only taken phone chargers and some iPods.

Miss 4 was saying the thief must have been looking for something to eat and we should leave out some food...

Later we realised a leather back pack with a precious teddy, apple headphones and my DD's 3k flute were gone too.

Miss 4 declares, 'He is not getting a sandwich now'...

Someone ran right into my car one day.

Kid in the car seat in the back huffed 'that wasn't very nice!'.


Hilarious when they start being able to use judgement, morals, balance, fairness etc but oh lord, do they get a bit righteous sometimes at that age.


ETA: Sorry about the breakin, that's upsetting, and I know from house break ins you do feel a bit violated.

Edited by born.a.girl, 15 July 2019 - 06:06 PM.


#81 marple

Posted 15 July 2019 - 07:05 PM

Apparently they are taught at school about their personal space  bubble i.e. your own personal space.
The other week my 7yo yelled out from the shower. He was laughing hysterically. I raced in and saw he had used way too much body wash and had a massive bubble, covering his willy going from one thigh to the other. He says, pointing at his willy " Look mum , its my own personal space bubble" !!!
We were laughing for a long time. We both have the same sense of humour.

#82 Lou-bags

Posted 15 July 2019 - 09:38 PM

View PostFuzzyChocolateToes, on 15 July 2019 - 05:35 PM, said:


I guess you're not familiar with Minecraft? Lucky you!

Nope, my eldest is 5 (nearly 6) so we’re a ways off. Looks like I’ve got lots to look forward to 😮

#83 MummaBlossom

Posted 15 July 2019 - 10:23 PM

DS1 (when he was almost 4, I think) was asking about how babies are made. I kept it short mentioning that women have an egg etc. A few weeks later we were talking about his new cousin who had been born and he pipes up with "does Uncle have the chicken?" Had me in stitches!!

#84 Lou-bags

Posted 15 July 2019 - 10:30 PM

I’ve told this before on here but it still makes me laugh. DS1 was about 2.5yo and I was heavily pregnant with DS2.

Him: the man will cut the baby out of your tummy
Me: no probably not, the baby will probably be born the same was as you were
Him: how?
Me: Out through my vagina
Him: *long thoughtful pause* you’re going to need a really big hole!
Me: yep...

#85 lozoodle

Posted 15 July 2019 - 10:45 PM

My 6 year old told my 10 year old "you're getting hair on your butt" today :rofl:

The 10 year old came out and told me while looking quite horrified. I said "well, you probably are by now" hahaha

#86 lozoodle

Posted 15 July 2019 - 10:47 PM

View PostMummaBlossom, on 15 July 2019 - 10:23 PM, said:

DS1 (when he was almost 4, I think) was asking about how babies are made. I kept it short mentioning that women have an egg etc. A few weeks later we were talking about his new cousin who had been born and he pipes up with "does Uncle have the chicken?" Had me in stitches!!

Oh gosh this reminds me of when I told my daughter, she would have been about 8 and I gave her the nitty gritty details. Then my friend who was pregnant was over and she asked her "Did [hubby's name] do that thing to you too?!"

I nearly died laughing

#87 needs to get out

Posted 16 July 2019 - 07:21 AM

DS1 (aged 7) has a teacher going on maternity leave. I explained to DS2 that once the baby came out she would need some time at home to look after the baby until it was a bit older.

DS1 - she has a husband you know.

DS2 - well he could look after the baby while she comes back to school. Does he have a job, though (DS2 is a switched on little person)

DS1 - I don’t think so. He’s been helping her since January because that’s when she started having the baby.

:lol: :omg:



#88 Hollycoddle

Posted 16 July 2019 - 09:23 PM

View Postlozoodle, on 15 July 2019 - 10:47 PM, said:



Oh gosh this reminds me of when I told my daughter, she would have been about 8 and I gave her the nitty gritty details. Then my friend who was pregnant was over and she asked her "Did [hubby's name] do that thing to you too?!"

I nearly died laughing

I was once babysitting for a new family and the 6-7-year-old asked me if I had kids. When I said I didn't she said 'Well when you do have a baby can you bring it over and tell us how hard it was to get it out??'

#89 kimasa

Posted 17 July 2019 - 07:39 AM

The kids at work have some serious gems. Especially the Storytime crew, I've got a few regulars there who are very comfortable just yelling things out.

A few weeks go I was reading this book called "The ABC Book of Food" which is about where different foods come from and has a lot of prompting questions throughout it.

Me: "Do you know where bananas come from?" Has anyone here ever seen how bananas grow?
~4yr old: THEY DON'T GROW! THEY COME FROM MONKEYS!
Me: Well, monkeys do like to eat them
~4yr old: NO! MONKEYS LAY BANANAS!
Me: *turns the page to reveal an illustration of a banana tree*
~4yt old: NO. THAT'S WRONG.

Her Mum was sitting at the back with her head in her hands.

#90 needs to get out

Posted 17 July 2019 - 07:49 AM

View Postkimasa, on 17 July 2019 - 07:39 AM, said:

The kids at work have some serious gems. Especially the Storytime crew, I've got a few regulars there who are very comfortable just yelling things out.

A few weeks go I was reading this book called "The ABC Book of Food" which is about where different foods come from and has a lot of prompting questions throughout it.

Me: "Do you know where bananas come from?" Has anyone here ever seen how bananas grow?
~4yr old: THEY DON'T GROW! THEY COME FROM MONKEYS!
Me: Well, monkeys do like to eat them
~4yr old: NO! MONKEYS LAY BANANAS!
Me: *turns the page to reveal an illustration of a banana tree*
~4yt old: NO. THAT'S WRONG.

Her Mum was sitting at the back with her head in her hands.

Oh I love it.

I took DS3 shopping yesterday after his morning kinder session. It was all a bit much for him. He is a VERY MELODRAMATIC child and was doing his usual thing of throwing himself to the floor and moaning "I can't get up, I am stuck with glueoooooo" while I merrily walked up and down the aisles of Aldi. The bloke who was packing shelves thought DS was hilarious, and thinks he should be the next big movie star.

#91 Evra

Posted 17 July 2019 - 09:03 PM

3yo DD gets join and enjoy mixed up, so she keeps inviting us to play with her by saying “ would you like to enjoy me?”

Edited by Evra, 17 July 2019 - 09:03 PM.


#92 Bugster

Posted 18 July 2019 - 05:32 AM

At church during a child focused service the minister made the comment that ‘you can’t walk on water, can you?’

Miss 5 says matter of factly “I can, I walk on ice and ice is just water” 🤣 (it snows here so icy footpaths and all our lakes/rivers freeze over in winter)

#93 Givingitanothergo

Posted 18 July 2019 - 07:55 PM

We asked my nearly three year old what she would like for her birthday.. her reply was big boobs like mummy and a monkey

#94 kimasa

Posted 19 July 2019 - 03:44 PM

DD told me that she and two of her friends joined the lunch time dance club at school today. I asked her what type of dancing do they do. "The one with music".

#95 Lou-bags

Posted 19 July 2019 - 03:48 PM

DS1 was racing Bmx when he was 4. When he was lining up for the next race a club official asked him ‘where did you finish the last race?’ DS1 says ‘over there’ and points to the finish line.

#96 AllyK81

Posted 19 July 2019 - 04:10 PM

A few weeks ago I told DD4 that she didn't have to be such a dictator.

DS5 nodded along. 'Yes DD don't be such a d*** potato'.

#97 123Tree

Posted 19 July 2019 - 04:57 PM

View PostMummaBlossom, on 15 July 2019 - 10:23 PM, said:

DS1 (when he was almost 4, I think) was asking about how babies are made. I kept it short mentioning that women have an egg etc. A few weeks later we were talking about his new cousin who had been born and he pipes up with "does Uncle have the chicken?" Had me in stitches!!


My son was four when he asked if uncle was in the room when God put the baby in aunties tummy.

#98 Wolf87

Posted 19 July 2019 - 06:35 PM

I heard a really cool thing I might do, if you make an email address for your kid and send emails with this hilarious stuff you can then go back and read it with them when they are older. Might do it

#99 Jingleflea

Posted 20 July 2019 - 07:05 PM

If email is still around in 18 years, or your server is still live or whatever.

#100 Wolf87

Posted 20 July 2019 - 08:36 PM

View PostJenflea, on 20 July 2019 - 07:05 PM, said:

If email is still around in 18 years, or your server is still live or whatever.

Good point, I’ve had the same email for 10 years but who knows what will he happening in 18!




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