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What’s something hilarious your kids have said?

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#26 born.a.girl

Posted 14 July 2019 - 04:02 PM

Anyone remember the 'drink, drive, bloody idiot' campaign?

Before cupholders, so it was rare for me to be drinking anything in the car, but must have taken a swig of something one day, and a voice came from the car seat in the back (1990s, so not very old): 'bloody idiot'.  It was the first time I'd heard her swear so pulled over in astonishment to ask what she meant and said said that I was drinking and driving, therefore I was a bloody idiot.

There was no convincing her about what the ad meant.

#27 Ruby red shoes

Posted 14 July 2019 - 05:31 PM

Ds1 was Thomas the tank engine obsessed for a good while. He could never say fat controller properly....

I taught in a kindy room when the movie Shrek came out. There was more than one child who mispronounced Lord ****ward.

Dd called tissues "bless youse" as a toddler.

#28 Dosninos

Posted 14 July 2019 - 06:17 PM

When my now teen boys were a lot younger, they were having a bit of a disagreement and DS1 says to DS2:

“Don’t make me turn into an alpaca and snot on you”

Laugh I did! 🤣

#29 Ayr

Posted 14 July 2019 - 06:31 PM

My boys used to chant along with "up your nose and up it goes".

The radio thought school drop off time was a great time to put on the erectile dysfunction adverts and we heard them every single morning without fail.

My youngest was 3 and she said preschool wanted her to take a toy that she got when she was a baby. She decided to take the one she was holding. I said you didn't get that when you were a baby, you got it last week!
She replied, quite seriously: they don't know that.

#30 lovemybub2014

Posted 14 July 2019 - 06:52 PM

5yr old daughter: ‘The proper name for willy is doodle’.

Also ‘I am not attituing!’ When told to stop with the attitude

#31 Daffy2016

Posted 14 July 2019 - 07:12 PM

The other morning, DD to DH: “Daddy get up! Daddy poo!”

She obviously knows his morning routine too well...

#32 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 14 July 2019 - 07:30 PM

"I'm so dizzy I'm staring at my brain!"
DD5 after spinning in a circle for fun.  :D

#33 Wolf87

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:29 PM

This is hilarious/sweet and just happened...

While DD4 was in the bath tonight I was scrolling through Facebook and seen that someone I used to know and spend a lot of time with had passed away a couple of months ago (lives in different country and haven’t spoken in years, just happened to scroll past the info).
It shocked me, and he joined another old friend from the same group who passed away at the start of the year, so I had a little cry.
DD asked why I was upset, i said someone I used to know had died and it made me a little sad. She said she would draw me a picture when she was out of the bath to make me happy.
So she draws a picture on the chalkboard while I go and do the dishes. She comes running in after she’s finished and shouts to me,

‘Come and look mum! I’ve drawn you a picture and there are no dead people in it!’


#34 two_ones

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:33 PM

DS1 was about 6 years old at the time and must have picked up from conversations between DH and myself venting about Trump. One day he said "You should never invite Donald Trump to your birthday party because he will pop all your balloons and steal all your presents".

Also back when Abbott was PM his face popped up on the news when we were watching TV:

Me: DS, do you know who that is?
DS (age about 4 or 5): Yes it's Tony Abbott
Me: Do you know what he does?
DS: He doesn't really do anything, he just talks.

#35 Lou-bags

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:42 PM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 14 July 2019 - 12:27 PM, said:

My sister was always glad when her kids could pronounce 'truck' properly. As they lived near the Hume Highway, their presence was commented on frequently.

Oh yes my DS2 has a favourite dump truck that caused me all kinds of embarrassment...

#36 kadoodle

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:56 PM

DS3 (5yo) today to DH “it helps if you call it a ****” about the bolt DH was trying to undo.

#37 maryanneK

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:00 PM

this morning was one of those mornings, 3 little kids under feet, everyone a bit tired and getting on everyone's nerves, trapped inside, raining, etc.

the 'mum! Mum! MUM!!' was coming thick and fast, everyone seemingly needed help, food, drink, toilet, all at once and were talking over each other non stop asking me for things....

I got a bit exasperated and said 'hang ON I can only do one thing at a time"

Miss 5 pipes up with "Well TWO things actually mummy since you do have two hands"

:clap: :rofl:

she's always bl00dy right!

#38 Mamabug

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:06 PM

Plague year in the country was VERY embarrassing when my wee kidlets called grasshoppers "arsepoppers"...

#39 Hands Up

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:35 PM

A couple of years ago, when DS1 had been diagnosed with a moderate speech delay and while having made big improvements still liked to check he’d got the context right.....

Me: *spills cough syrup* “damnit”
DS1: *looks up at me angelically* “yes mummy and also **** it.”
Me: ....
DS1”**** it too, mummy? Right or wrong?”
Me: “errr yes darling, well they are the same BUT only adults are able to say it, ok?”
DS1: “ok” *runs over to DS2 and says earnestly* “DS2 you are not allowed to say dammit or **** it, ok? Only mummy can.”
DS2: **** it **** it **** it **** it.....”

#40 james_c

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:40 PM

first thing my DD3 said when arriving at childcare “Daddy and mummy were playing on the kitchen table yesterday. I think daddy won, mummy was screaming.”...
We were playing scrabble, he stole the triple word with a crappy 3 letters when I had an awesome 7 letters coming, of course I was screaming! Nobody believed me though.

#41 Ellie bean

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:55 PM

Dd at about age 3 when I’d promised her food then forgot: “I ordered a smoothie and it didn’t come!” The service is terrible in our kitchen apparently...

I miss ds calling umbrellas “yombrulla”

#42 EmmDasher

Posted 14 July 2019 - 10:00 PM

5 year old DD to me when I was telling her to do something: “Don’t lose your balls” which I think might have been a funny conflation of losing your marbles and dropping the ball.

#43 Ellie bean

Posted 14 July 2019 - 10:05 PM

I just remembered: 6yo DD recently when she was told she could pick what we were having for dinner: dances round singing “it’s ladies night, ladies night!”
DH amd I were both “wtf” and now he only has to whisper “ladies night” to crack me up

#44 Freddie'sMum

Posted 14 July 2019 - 10:09 PM

DD#1 was a late talker.  I remember when she she finally started speaking we got one word replies e.g. "who is your favourite on Sesame Street?" and she actually answered "Elmo".  I was so excited I phoned DH at work to tell him.

When she was about 3 or 4 she learnt how the DVD machine worked and she put in her Wiggles DVD.  After pushing the button to close the machine she said "thank you finger" to her own finger !

#45 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 14 July 2019 - 10:29 PM

View PostEllie bean, on 14 July 2019 - 09:55 PM, said:

Dd at about age 3 when I’d promised her food then forgot: “I ordered a smoothie and it didn’t come!” The service is terrible in our kitchen apparently...

I miss ds calling umbrellas “yombrulla”

DD calls them Kombrayas, and I stare down anyone who dares to correct her.

#46 Hollycoddle

Posted 14 July 2019 - 10:37 PM

At daycare when DS2 was about 4 they went for a walk around the shops as an outing and when they got back to the centre they had a discussion listing all the different shops. Bakery, Woolies, newsagent, DS2 : ' AND don't forget the bottle shop!'.

I only go on Fridays dammit, only on Fridays!

Then one time when I'd been up and down all evening getting food and drinks for kids, out of frustration I announced 'the kitchen is now closed!' DS1, nearly 11, smartarse: 'Well I don't see any sign!'

Edited by Mollycoddle, 14 July 2019 - 10:43 PM.

#47 DebbieDoesSanta

Posted 14 July 2019 - 10:56 PM

DD is 7 and for the past week she's been singing "you've got a friend in me, and that's called pregnancy" ever since we went to see Toy Story 4 and if you try to correct her she'll tell you the only way you can have a friend in you is if you're pregnant.

I love Aspergers.

#48 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 14 July 2019 - 10:57 PM

My youngest. At about 3. At home with me. Alone.

Me: “whoa mate, what’s that smell? Did you do a stinky?”
Ds: “no, ds1 did it”.
Me: “oh really??”
Ds: “ yep. He stinky!!”

#49 laridae

Posted 14 July 2019 - 11:05 PM

DD1 has a pet chicken called Fluffybutt (it's a silky).
We were having chicken for dinner and DD2 asks what we are having. I say 'chicken'. DD2 goes to DD1. 'DD1, we're eating Fluffybutt'

#50 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 14 July 2019 - 11:11 PM

Ds2 (2.5) is obsessed with Dinosaurs.  He mispronounces it as dinoroars.  He also loves cookies, theyre tokies.

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