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Wedding day nerves

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#1 redleaves

Posted 12 July 2019 - 09:38 PM

In just under 11 weeks, I am getting married.
Its my first marriage and he is a wonderful, caring and intelligent man. He's pretty special.

Things have been tracking really well in our relationship, I have been happier and healthier than in my whole adult life.

The wedding planning has been coasting along nicely.

Last weekend we handed out all the invitations...and now the nerves have kicked in. I don't have cold feet or any misgivings about marrying him - I definitely want to, but I think it just might be nerves and anxiety as the day gets closer.

Any thoughts and words of wisdom would be much appreciated,
thank you

#2 MooGuru

Posted 13 July 2019 - 02:08 AM

Would it help you to reframe it as nervous excitement/anticipation - which is totally normal to feel. Eta nerves are generally normal but adding the anticipation may help you separate it from feelings about your relationship vs the event itself (I'm not sure I'm making sense but it's totally normal to be nervous.

The most important thing on the day is you and your partners happiness. If you're both glowing with happiness everything else could go wrong and everyone will still be over the moon for you.

One of my favourite ever weddings was one disaster after another if you were to look at it written down before the big day but being there in person, it was the most beautiful day filled with love and lots of laughter.

Edited by MooGuru, 13 July 2019 - 02:10 AM.

#3 onetrick

Posted 13 July 2019 - 08:32 AM

I think the big thing is to remember that you're beginning a marriage, not 'having a wedding'. It will be an amazing day no matter what happens as you are starting the next step together.

Oh, and something will go wrong, but you shouldn't let it get to you no matter what it is. It will just be another story to tell later :)

#4 MsLaurie

Posted 13 July 2019 - 08:40 AM

I recall being told that at least one thing will be wrong- thecake the wrong shape or the flowers the wrong shade or the table settings not right, or... etc etc. BUT ONLY YOU WILL KNOW OR NOTICE, so just sail through like you always meant for orange flowers with pink bows and no one else will care.

#5 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 13 July 2019 - 08:52 AM

The wedding day is just that, a day. Being married carries on (hopefully) for life. DH and I have been married for over 15 years, together for nearly 21 (we were 23/24 when we met). We have even managed to survive the major house renovation/extension/build where we moved out for 18m.

My actual wedding day stuff didn’t go as planned but like PP said no one will notice and it is one day. I was a relaxed Bride and I can say that night/following day my cheeks were sore from all my smiling (natural from joy not forced) smiling I did all day... you could not wipe the smile from my face that day. Sure my brother wore dark glasses most of the day looking like he was hung over (had ended up working night shift night before) and I didn’t get a photo with my siblings, sure I walked into the door handle and had a huge bruise on my upper arm (with sleeveless dress) and forgot to apply concealer, but I was just soooo happy that day.


#6 TheGreenSheep

Posted 13 July 2019 - 09:08 AM

Redleaves I remember your story. I am so delighted for you that this day is almost here. It’s sounds perfect.

I thinks it’s perfectly normal to feel nervous excitement about your wedding day.

There may be tiny wrinkles in your day, despite that it will be amazing. Enjoy!

#7 PhillipaCrawford

Posted 13 July 2019 - 10:14 AM

WE were married in 1988.
I still remember the dreams in the last few months - like the one where I walked down the aisle in a gown with a huge coffee stain - didn't even drink coffee at the time.

What went wrong?
Hmm...  the night before teenage rebel and bridesmaid SIL stayed overnight 2.5 hours away to go to a party, refused to leave me her wedding shoes and realised when she was at the station she didn't have them. God knows what speed she travelled at back to get them - but she made it - Hungover but there.
We forgot to get the service booklets to the church so had a frantic call that guests were arriving but no books.
The photographer's camera broke, the back up didn't work so things came to a halt while a third was ferried over.
PIA FIL got 'lost' on the way to the service - with 4 overseas guests in the car. They never made it we went on without him.

I hope the above list doesn't give you further stress. The day was a dream, despite all that happened I floated through it on a cloud of joy.
We have been married for over 30 years have 3 fantastic kids and a happy, happy life. It is a big stress getting organised, it won't be perfect but it doesn't matter.

You are committing to the person you love in front of people who love you - life doesn't get much better.

#8 Jingleflea

Posted 13 July 2019 - 10:32 AM

Heh, my florist guy was late. he'd been pulled over for speeding on the way!

It's like childbirth. One day out of your life and the main event is the actual marriage(or bringing up a human), not the few hours of wedding.

I was so nervous on the day, but the moment I stood at the end of the aisle my anxiety melted away and it's been 21 years of (mostly) happiness since.

I hardly even remember by wedding day itself.

#9 Romeo Void

Posted 19 August 2019 - 07:21 AM

Things WILL go wrong, it's how you mentally frame them that makes the difference.  Sure my sister could have been upset about getting covered in lice bites the night before her wedding (we all did!) but she chose not to.  We spent the entire wedding reception trying to stealthily slide our hands up our dresses to scratch our itchy legs.. my sister laughed it off and it's just a silly memory 20 years later. Things will happen, focus forward!!

#10 IamtheMumma

Posted 19 August 2019 - 08:05 AM

My advice - Just f... it. What will happen, will happen. You're marrying him. You've done your best to plan everything but that isn't what is important. It is joining with him and starting your life together.

If the caterer doesn't show up - order pizzas

Photograph doesn't show - your guests have phones. Ask them to take photos.

Florist bails - put a call out through your guests. You will have a bouquet and it will have the thoughts of your guests in it.

Wedding venue goes under - a beach/garden wedding for the win.

Wedding cake is a fail - Cheesecake shop small and large mud cake. You can even get a fancy one with dripping and coloured balls (I have no idea what they are).

There are lots of alternatives for things going wrong. Your goal is to marry him.

Enjoy your last few weeks of being a single woman.

#11 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 19 August 2019 - 08:19 AM

My wonderful husband, we’ve been married only 14 years now, gave me this wonderful bit of advice.
Focus on the three most important things for you.
For me it was
1. That he showed up.
2. That a priest was there
3. I got to wear my dress (I really loved my dress!)

If all of those three things happened, did anything else matter?

My wedding Dj and music kinda sucked.
They forgot to keep topping up our drinks at the reception (I ended up at the bar asking for some water please, no dramas from my point of view, but the bar staff then got yelled at and I felt bad!)

The best man almost didn’t make it, he went hunting for ugg boots thinking it was only a few minutes away. It was 45 mins away.
The grooms suit jacket didn’t fit and he had to race 1.5hrs away to get a replacement that morning.
Half the photos from the church didn’t turn out because of the weird lighting. The photographer hit on a bridesmaid.
It still was a wonderful day. I have so many happy memories.

#12 Sincerely

Posted 19 August 2019 - 08:44 AM

View PostBethlehem Babe, on 19 August 2019 - 08:19 AM, said:

My wonderful husband, we’ve been married only 14 years now, gave me this wonderful bit of advice.
Focus on the three most important things for you.
For me it was
1. That he showed up.
2. That a priest was there
3. I got to wear my dress (I really loved my dress!)

If all of those three things happened, did anything else matter?

It still was a wonderful day. I have so many happy memories.

I think these were my three main priorities too (ours was a church minister, not a priest).

I was working 60-70 hour weeks in Wollongong whilst planning my wedding for 100 guests in Sydney, so there really wasn't much time to fuss over the details. We had already picked a beautiful church (with a great pipe organ & acoustics), a gorgeous reception place and the perfect garden for our photos, so I knew it was going to be a great day no matter what and didn't feel stressed.

ETA: It was the perfect day (as far as we were concerned), we have gorgeous photos & memories and it's our silver anniversary this year.

Edited by Sincerely, 19 August 2019 - 08:55 AM.

#13 born.a.girl

Posted 19 August 2019 - 08:46 AM

Our marriage celebrant (in our lounge room) was so awful I wish now that I'd taped it - it would be hilarious.

We got married in MY house, with the three surviving parents as witnesses, who'd been given an hour's notice.

At 37 I'd been renovating the house for a few years, re-stumping, re-wiring, re-plastering, the lot, on my own.

Half way through the ceremony the celebrant asked me 'are you sure you wouldn't like to be given away?'.

Cue three parents discussing between themselves who should be 'giving me away', with me to furious to even be able to engage with anyone.  No one asked me anyway, apart from him.

ETA: I meant to add, and now we just laugh about it and wish we'd recorded it.

Edited by born.a.girl, 19 August 2019 - 09:15 AM.

#14 Jelly Bee

Posted 16 September 2019 - 08:51 PM

Red leaves 🍁I’m in exactly the same boat, even down to (I’m pretty sure) the date we are getting married

The marriage itself is the only thing I’m sure of at this point

Like you it’s my first, I’m a little older than most, and I’m nervous about basically everything. I like PPs idea to reframe as excitement.

I want to wish you all the best for a wonderful day x

#15 redleaves

Posted 16 September 2019 - 09:09 PM

View PostJelly Bee, on 16 September 2019 - 08:51 PM, said:

Red leaves I’m in exactly the same boat, even down to (I’m pretty sure) the date we are getting married

The marriage itself is the only thing I’m sure of at this point

Like you it’s my first, I’m a little older than most, and I’m nervous about basically everything. I like PPs idea to reframe as excitement.

I want to wish you all the best for a wonderful day x

Congratulations Jelly Bee!! Not long to go now.

I'm so excited now.
Where are you up to with your planning?

#16 Jelly Bee

Posted 16 September 2019 - 09:17 PM

Thank you! I’m pleased to be a late bloomer if it means I was free to marry this wonderful man!

I’m at the stage where if there is something I haven’t done yet, I don’t know what it is! All are clothed, shod, ceremony is written, menu planned, place cards ordered, DJ has the music..... that’s it, right?!

How about you? I’m excited for us!

#17 Jingleflea

Posted 16 September 2019 - 09:43 PM

We'll need pics!

#18 redleaves

Posted 08 October 2019 - 01:06 PM

I had the most wonderful day on my wedding day last Thursday.

I could not have been happier and it was such a beautiful day in a beautiful setting.

I've attached some pics that friends took. I can't wait for the professional ones to come back, they look so artistic.

Attached Files

#19 IamtheMumma

Posted 08 October 2019 - 01:10 PM


Wishing you many happy years together.

#20 71Cath

Posted 08 October 2019 - 01:11 PM

Absolutely beautiful redleaves, congratulations :)

#21 doubledelight

Posted 08 October 2019 - 01:29 PM

:heart: :heart: :heart:

#22 got my tinsel on

Posted 08 October 2019 - 01:38 PM

Congratulations - you both look beautiful and so happy.

#23 Romeo Void

Posted 08 October 2019 - 02:00 PM

Love it all!!!  Congratulations to you both xxx

#24 TheGreenSheep

Posted 08 October 2019 - 02:18 PM

Wow! Great photos. You look beautiful, congratulations!

#25 Chchgirl

Posted 08 October 2019 - 02:21 PM

Aww beautiful photos, congratulations!  Love your dress and your shoes!

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