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Friend marrying someone they have known for 5 days


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102 replies to this topic

#51 Expelliarmus

Posted 12 July 2019 - 09:18 PM

3 months is plenty of time to organise a legal wedding in Australia provided the groom is here one month and one day before the ceremony.

#52 steppingonlego

Posted 12 July 2019 - 09:39 PM

Ok so they can get married but probably struggle to get him to be able to live here

#53 Datrys

Posted 12 July 2019 - 11:22 PM

View PostExpelliarmus, on 12 July 2019 - 09:18 PM, said:

3 months is plenty of time to organise a legal wedding in Australia provided the groom is here one month and one day before the ceremony.

He doesn't even have to be here.  He can sign his notice of intent at a consulate overseas, for example.

And yes, the getting married bit is easy, but getting him residency is a whole other thing.

#54 melanieb530

Posted 13 July 2019 - 12:58 AM

I'd be inclined to stay out of it and support her in whatever decisions she wants to make around marrying or not. The only thing that I would raise though if it came to the point where she were to be expecting a child is to have that child born and remain in Australia. While I believe that children are entitled to know both parents, in some cases it's more complex.  Too many women end up stuck for decades living in countries they do not wish to live in, often in incredibly impoverished circumstances, when they have a child to someone living in that country, the relationship breaks down and the father of the child (quite understandably) does not give his consent for the child to leave the country. The mother is sometimes left caring for the child/ren with limited or no financial support from the father of the child, very limited ability to earn any income and limited or no access to welfare payments. The only other option they have is to leave their child/ren behind if they wish to return to Australia (or whatever country they come from).

#55 ljmcco

Posted 13 July 2019 - 01:55 AM

Quoting purely so there's a record of this f*ckery. I've just been through this, my husband and I were forcibly separated for eight and a half months waiting for my spouse visa to the UK, including being apart for our third wedding anniversary and his 30th birthday. This is not a joke, real lives get significantly f*cked up because of people like your friend's cheating toyboy making it more difficult for those of us in genuine loving relationships, and you should have already reported it.

Seriously, the website to report this is:
https://www.homeaffa...ms/border-watch

Edited by lucky 2, 13 July 2019 - 10:22 AM.
R/O OP who requested not to be quoted


#56 ERipley

Posted 13 July 2019 - 09:28 AM

View Postljmcco, on 13 July 2019 - 01:55 AM, said:



Quoting purely so there's a record of this f*ckery. I've just been through this, my husband and I were forcibly separated for eight and a half months waiting for my spouse visa to the UK, including being apart for our third wedding anniversary and his 30th birthday. This is not a joke, real lives get significantly f*cked up because of people like your friend's cheating toyboy making it more difficult for those of us in genuine loving relationships, and you should have already reported it.

Seriously, the website to report this is:
https://www.homeaffa...ms/border-watch

The decent thing to do would be to tell the wife and report it. I can’t imagine sitting back and waiting for everything to come crashing down for this poor woman because my “friend” is after a married man. Why would anyone want to know someone like that?

#57 steppy

Posted 15 July 2019 - 09:12 AM

View Poststeppingonlego, on 12 July 2019 - 09:39 PM, said:

Ok so they can get married but probably struggle to get him to be able to live here

Yep. A friend of mine did similar - took about 3 years to get the guy over here and lasted about 2 years after. Lots of time and money and frustration to have a fairly normal attraction based fizzer.

Edited by steppy, 15 July 2019 - 02:19 PM.


#58 Brrrroooce!

Posted 15 July 2019 - 12:13 PM

Of course it is insane, and if she asks you, you can be honest. But if you are not asked, it is wise to just keep it to yourself. If she has already dismissed concerns from closer friends or family, your words will not only be pointless and potentially alienating, but may reinforce her conviction.

Try not to worry.  It would be counter-productive to bite the hand that feeds him, so hopefully, if he is using her as a source of cash and/or visa, it means she is not in any physical danger. Money can be replaced. Broken hearts can heal. All situations reach their logical conclusion.

#59 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 15 July 2019 - 01:58 PM

View Poststeppingonlego, on 11 July 2019 - 03:33 PM, said:

Of course setting off alarm bells massively.

Main points are

Was travelling in Europe met a man from Tunisia.
Knew him for 5 days and he proposed
Now flying him to Australia to get married.

They have known each other two months been in the same
Place physically for 5 days and marrying in October.

I am not super close with this person but this has disaster written all over it.

Anyone who has said anything has been shutdown very quickly.

I doubt there is much I can do or even if I should do.

Just wondered if anyone knew anyone in a similar situation.

I would have thought it would have been hard visa/govt wise for this to even happen!
Nothing you can do, nothing your should do. Stay out of it. If you don't approve, just nod, smile and say nothing of substance.
Not your issue to deal with. Let them figure out the visa requirements on their own.

But yes, I know people who have been engaged within a very short time period (ie. less than a month). Some are still together today, many years later ....

#60 Nobodyelse

Posted 15 July 2019 - 02:05 PM

View Postljmcco, on 13 July 2019 - 01:55 AM, said:

Quoting purely so there's a record of this f*ckery. I've just been through this, my husband and I were forcibly separated for eight and a half months waiting for my spouse visa to the UK, including being apart for our third wedding anniversary and his 30th birthday. This is not a joke, real lives get significantly f*cked up because of people like your friend's cheating toyboy making it more difficult for those of us in genuine loving relationships, and you should have already reported it.

Seriously, the website to report this is:
https://www.homeaffa...ms/border-watch

I would but I don't know his last name or the poor wife. I also believe the name he uses isn't his legal one.

Edited by Nobodyelse, 15 July 2019 - 02:08 PM.


#61 Nobodyelse

Posted 15 July 2019 - 02:12 PM

View PostERipley, on 13 July 2019 - 09:28 AM, said:



The decent thing to do would be to tell the wife and report it. I can’t imagine sitting back and waiting for everything to come crashing down for this poor woman because my “friend” is after a married man. Why would anyone want to know someone like that?

Why getting uppity with me? I am married to a migrant who had to go through the whole pr thing too. How do I go about telling telling the wife when I don't know who she is? You think they share that information with people knowing how it could be used? I've known this person since I was 12. It isn't like I went out looking for and choosing to be friends with visa fraudsters. She knows how I feel about it. I've made that no secret.

#62 gettin my fance on

Posted 15 July 2019 - 03:41 PM

View PostNobodyelse, on 15 July 2019 - 02:05 PM, said:

I would but I don't know his last name or the poor wife. I also believe the name he uses isn't his legal one.

But you know her name.  Report her.

#63 *holdontight*

Posted 15 July 2019 - 03:54 PM

Def has disaster written all over it, it sounds like staying out of it is a good option especially if anyone saying anything are being shutdown.  

However it doesn't stop you from having feelings & wanting to do something to help avoid the mess that's about to unfold, it makes you a good person.

Sadly grab some popcorn & let the events unfold & maybe be there to help pick up the pieces if needed, some people need to be in the situation before they learn :(

#64 Mollycoddle

Posted 15 July 2019 - 04:02 PM

View Post*melrose*, on 11 July 2019 - 07:29 PM, said:

I would be reporting this.

Reporting it to who?  Immigration?  Police?  They will obviously have hoops to jump through if this progresses but immigration are hardly going to do anything at this stage.  Re. Scamwatch, I don't think the OP would have enough evidence to report it, unless she was able to get something concrete from her friend re. details for this person.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 15 July 2019 - 04:05 PM.


#65 gettin my fance on

Posted 15 July 2019 - 04:10 PM

Yes report to immigration.  Then they are alerted to the likely crime about to be committed.

#66 ERipley

Posted 15 July 2019 - 07:08 PM

View PostNobodyelse, on 15 July 2019 - 02:12 PM, said:



Why getting uppity with me? I am married to a migrant who had to go through the whole pr thing too. How do I go about telling telling the wife when I don't know who she is? You think they share that information with people knowing how it could be used? I've known this person since I was 12. It isn't like I went out looking for and choosing to be friends with visa fraudsters. She knows how I feel about it. I've made that no secret.

You’ve known her almost all your life so you can’t possibly dump her even though she’s an a*s*hole, you know what visa he’s here on and that he’s cheating on a woman and planning to leave her when his PR is granted, yet you can’t get something as basic as his name and suburb? Riiiiight.

#67 Nobodyelse

Posted 15 July 2019 - 10:14 PM

View PostWTFancie shmancie, on 15 July 2019 - 03:41 PM, said:



But you know her name.  Report her.

And what would they look up to find out who she is seeing?

#68 Nobodyelse

Posted 15 July 2019 - 10:26 PM

View PostERipley, on 15 July 2019 - 07:08 PM, said:



You’ve known her almost all your life so you can’t possibly dump her even though she’s an a*s*hole, you know what visa he’s here on and that he’s cheating on a woman and planning to leave her when his PR is granted, yet you can’t get something as basic as his name and suburb? Riiiiight.

Your anger is misplaced. The story of how I know what I know is complex and I owe no one the minutiae of it. It is highly identifying and no one's business.

I have known her a long time but she isn't someone I see often. I haven't seen her in a year. She chats online and runs her mouth but avoids answering questions.

It is so weird how you are angry at me for something I am just witness to. If I had enough info to report, I would. As it stands, I have the name of an Australian citizen in a relationship with a man named John who is on a spousal visa. I'm sure they'll send out a team to run surveillance immediately.

As for the 'dumping her', not that it is any of your business but I haven't seen her in a year because I am disgusted by her.

So take your moral soap box and stick it on another corner.

#69 born.a.girl

Posted 16 July 2019 - 07:50 AM

Nobodyelse I suspect it is the use of the word 'friend' that leads people to assume you know more than you do.

Even the OP describes the person as a 'friend', but sounds more like 'someone I know'.

I have only a handful of friends, plenty more friendly acquaintances, but do find a lot of people just use 'friend'.


My 'friendly acquaintances' know very little about my life, but my friends know most of it.

#70 Heather11

Posted 16 July 2019 - 10:38 AM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 16 July 2019 - 07:50 AM, said:

Nobodyelse I suspect it is the use of the word 'friend' that leads people to assume you know more than you do.

Even the OP describes the person as a 'friend', but sounds more like 'someone I know'.

I have only a handful of friends, plenty more friendly acquaintances, but do find a lot of people just use 'friend'.


My 'friendly acquaintances' know very little about my life, but my friends know most of it.

Add to that the 'Facebook Friends' who aren't really friends either.  They may have been friends from a past life but now all you really now about them is what they post on FB.

#71 ~THE~MAGICIAN~

Posted 16 July 2019 - 10:56 AM

Back in 1991, a close friend married a man she had only met for the first time 3 weeks earlier. She was a single parent to a 2 year old and was desperately lonely I think.

He turned out to be really abusive, they did end up with two kids together of their own before she left him. He now lives in the UK and she lives in NZ.

#72 Sincerely

Posted 16 July 2019 - 11:28 AM

I've known two couples who've married after long distance pen relationships for 1-2 years and a week of actual face to face time together. There were no ulterior motives in either. One couple didn't last and one did, but I suspect the outcomes were much more to do with individual personalities than their pre marriage circumstances.


#73 gettin my fance on

Posted 16 July 2019 - 12:55 PM

View PostNobodyelse, on 15 July 2019 - 10:14 PM, said:

And what would they look up to find out who she is seeing?

They might contact her and ask her?

#74 Ozquoll

Posted 16 July 2019 - 01:22 PM

I read somewhere that you shouldn’t marry someone you’ve known for less than three years, the logic being that the abusive/narcissistic/selfish/etc types can’t keep up their attractive facade for that long - they will start to let through glimpses of their true nature. And three years gives you plenty of time to get to know their family and friends, to see what you might be getting yourself into 😏

#75 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 16 July 2019 - 04:13 PM

View PostNobodyelse, on 15 July 2019 - 10:14 PM, said:



And what would they look up to find out who she is seeing?

They would just red flag her passport file. If any application is made which includes her name and passport number, it would come up. Any partner visa would require the Australian partner's details.




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