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Friend marrying someone they have known for 5 days

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#26 born.a.girl

Posted 11 July 2019 - 06:56 PM

 MissMilla, on 11 July 2019 - 06:37 PM, said:


Probably still a damned sight easier than Australia by all accounts.

Bet he felt the cold!

#27 MissMilla

Posted 11 July 2019 - 07:10 PM

 born.a.girl, on 11 July 2019 - 06:56 PM, said:

Probably still a damned sight easier than Australia by all accounts.

Bet he felt the cold!

Its much easier. Basically you get a visa to stay right away after marriage, but in order to get a work visa you have to be married for a certain amount of time. Thats why they are known to scam people here. They come over, but arent allowed to work. So they basically live off their wife and when theres no money left or they finally get citizenship or a work visa, they usually ditch the wife and start their own life or try to bring over their previous families.

Thats also the main backlash my friend and her husband had to put up with. He wasnt able to work for ages, so they lived on her income only. And now that hes been here for such a long time he can work, but doesnt make much because his education is nothing here.
When i met my husband here in Europe we were lucky because he was on a student visa and he worked internships in between (we were very young). Because he lived here for 4 years as a student he got a work visa instantly when we got married. But we also had to show the course of our relationship and we were interviewed at length.

#28 steppingonlego

Posted 11 July 2019 - 07:23 PM

I love hearing of happy long distance relationships that work out and find it sad that it is so expensive and costly for so many people to be with the people they love.

I personally think it is next level to agree to marry someone after 5 days I have known my milk longer than that.

Will butt out and cross my fingers and toes for a happy ending for her

#29 *melrose*

Posted 11 July 2019 - 07:29 PM

I would be reporting this.

#30 BeachesBaby

Posted 11 July 2019 - 07:36 PM

There are a large number of these types of marriages that attempt to get a fiance or spouse visa in the US. There's even a show "90 day fiance" which has one of these couples every season, and unfortunately it almost always is some type of fraud, or the "relationship" doesn't work out.

That said, I married my husband and had to apply for a US spouse visa - he's south african and we'd known each other for a year - and plenty of my friends had plenty to say about it. It soured some of those relationships which had been decades' long, and now I'll never forget some of the hurtful things that were said. The best thing you can do is tell your friend you'll always be there for her, and that you just want to support her. If it doesn't work out she may come to you then, but it's almost a guarantee she won't come to anyone who's been judgmental or rude about it, no matter how "right" the person was about the outcome of the relationship.

#31 TheGreenSheep

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:24 PM

I have numerous friends who have partnered with OS visitors or been on holidays themselves and started a long term long distance relationship. All of them have gone on to have successful marriages. However. Bureaucracy is a tyrant, never underestimate the amount of paperwork and proof needed to obtain visas to stay.

I surprised myself and stayed silent, let them navigate the immigration process as well as living with a person they barely know.

#32 Jingleflea

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:30 PM

Fun fact.
The Month plus one day thing came about because in WW2 the US ships came here on shore leave for one month and too many married women so they'd be able to sleep with them, but they never saw them again after their shore leave ended abandoning their new wives.

So one month plus one day meant they couldn't marry women they'd just met.

That and the year No Fault divorce came into Australia are the only 2 things I learned in year 11" Law and You" lol.

A lawyer I was not cut out to be!

#33 Nobodyelse

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:35 PM

I know a few legitimate couples who have gone through the spousal visa process and it is insanely thorough. I also know of one successful fake marriage who is now awaiting their PR visa to be approved. He's been having an affair with a friend of mine for over a year and plans to leave his 'wife' as soon as his PR has been approved.

The 'wife' doesn't know about my friend and she is taking it on face value that the 'wife' knows it is a fake marriage. I'm not convinced and am pretty sure this guy swindled some lonely woman into thinking he was madly in love with her and is about to completely destroy her heart.

(Please don't quote, I might delete later)

Edited by Nobodyelse, 11 July 2019 - 08:37 PM.

#34 Coffeegirl

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:45 PM

DH and I went through the spousal visa process almost 3 decades ago.   We met in May, I came to Australia with him in November and we were married in Feb.

The process then was a lot easier compared to some workmates that are going through it now and she’s from New Zealand!

But even back then we had to proved a lot of evidence that the relationship was real.

#35 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:53 PM

 EsmeLennox, on 11 July 2019 - 03:38 PM, said:

I’d be very surprised if they don’t run into some kind of immigration hassles.

On the other hand, I hope it works out.

Yes this. My friend had a genuine marriage to a Russian exchange student who was studying the same degree as him. He had to go through so many tests to prove their relationship was legitimate.

#36 WaitForMe

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:57 PM

They don't need to get married for him to steal all her money.

Or even live in the same country.

"Oh no, I tried but I couldn't get a visa please send money"
"I spoke to immigration its a very expensive process please send money"
"I can come visit you flights are so expensive please send money"
"Oh no they made a mistake on my visa go back to start please send money"

#37 CallMeFeral

Posted 11 July 2019 - 09:48 PM

Visa is a hassle, I'd be more worried about how much of her money she will lose in the meantime.
But people in love often can't be warned. Unless you could phrase it as a "just make sure you don't support him too much financially or give him access to your money, as it might make the visa people think he's a con man" or something like that. She might listen to that?

Edited by CallMeFeral, 11 July 2019 - 09:48 PM.

#38 Tokra

Posted 11 July 2019 - 09:59 PM

Meh, not your circus, not your monkeys.

She will likely learn the hard way and if so, just be there to support (if that is what kind of friend you are).

#39 ERipley

Posted 11 July 2019 - 10:35 PM

What’s this woman like? Is she the sort to be taken in easily? And how soon does he arrive? I assume he will move in with her when he arrives? He would have to talk a pretty good game for her to live with him for a few months and still want to marry him.

#40 Treasure Island

Posted 12 July 2019 - 12:48 PM

I have a work friend who met someone while traveling. I'm not sure of the time frames exactly but she was back home for a while then visited him again and then he moved here and they got married. It has been more than 10 years and they are still together.

#41 red_squirrel

Posted 12 July 2019 - 01:05 PM

He won’t be eligible for a visa.
It will be very difficult for the right circumstances to exist for him to ever be eligible for a visa as you have to spend a certain amount of time together.

How many other wives in various countries does he already have? Maybe you could unearth his real family before the wedding.

Best just be there for the inevitable fall out. There is still time for it to fall through.

It’s such an obvious con.

If they really want to get married it might be easier for here to go over there. Then in a few years, apply to come back here.

Edited by red_squirrel, 12 July 2019 - 01:31 PM.

#42 Heather11

Posted 12 July 2019 - 05:18 PM

I'd probably appear to be happy about it but ask some general questions that may make her think twice.  Things about whether she has met his family, what does he do for work etc?

She may not even be aware how hard it will be for him to get a visa.  The getting married will be the easy part.  Whether he will be allowed to stay in the country is another thing altogether.

Edited by Heather11, 12 July 2019 - 06:42 PM.

#43 ERipley

Posted 12 July 2019 - 05:58 PM

Hmmm. I also wonder how old she is and if she has/desperately wants children. Maybe there’s something in it for both of them.

#44 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 12 July 2019 - 06:26 PM

I don’t think you should let it be. I think these alarm bells are too loud to be ignored. But as a friend you might be too far removed to get all the details as they unravel.

I would be contacting her closest family members and making sure they know, and are keeping an eye on it. And should any money issues arise they need to make sure she protects herself and the police are contacted.

Of course if everything goes swimmingly no one has to do anything. Which would be great.

But these sorts of con men, if he is one, will take all her savings before she even realises, and if she is too ashamed to ask for help (as a lot of people are) then she will need family and friends to force her to seek help and face reality before it’s too late. Love is blind, she needs her family and friends, to stop her walking in front of that bus.

#45 Heather11

Posted 12 July 2019 - 06:59 PM

 WaitForMe, on 11 July 2019 - 08:57 PM, said:

They don't need to get married for him to steal all her money.

Or even live in the same country.

"Oh no, I tried but I couldn't get a visa please send money"
"I spoke to immigration its a very expensive process please send money"
"I can come visit you flights are so expensive please send money"
"Oh no they made a mistake on my visa go back to start please send money"

I think that has already started if the friend is paying for him to fly out here.

#46 steppingonlego

Posted 12 July 2019 - 07:05 PM

Thanks everyone.

I know have some stories that have worked out but if you are honest they are the exception not the rule.

There is actually a website dedicated to scams based on Tunisian men marrying western women and the timeline fits perfectly.

I have scant info at the moment apparently a celebrant dress and rings have been bought (all by her) for a wedding in 3 months but not sure on the legality of the wedding (maybe it is a commitment ceremony? How hard is it to organise a legal wedding in this time period ?)

She is in her 30s he his late 20s. I don’t think she wants children but is quite insecure on the whole

#47 Heather11

Posted 12 July 2019 - 08:02 PM

DH and I organised our wedding in just over a month.  

Is he here yet?  He will need to sign the intent to marry form too before it can be lodged.

#48 missminx

Posted 12 July 2019 - 08:06 PM

When my sister was travelling through Malaysia, she met a Nigerian guy and they had a holiday romance. As luck would have it, he just happened to be the son of a wealthy Nigerian oil tycoon and promised my sister a lifetime of riches.  

My sister returned to Australia and began investigating visa options for him to live with her in Melbourne. In the meantime, he showered her with gifts and paid for her to visit him in Malaysia again (funny how his wealthy father could only spring for a budget airline and a cheap hotel).

My sister began talking marriage.  It talk me a couple months, but I eventually talked her out of it. It helped that I was working in immigration at the time and I gave her plenty of examples of the difficulties of applying for a visa.

My sister ended the relationship. They ended up reconnecting on Facebook a few years later, where he admitted to be using her for a visa to Australia and his intention had been to marry her, obtain a visa, divorce her and then bring over his actual Nigerian wife, who he had been with since he and my sister met.

I would be extremely skeptical of your friend's situation. Even if they are genuinely in love, why is there such a rush to get married?

#49 Datrys

Posted 12 July 2019 - 09:02 PM

 steppingonlego, on 12 July 2019 - 07:05 PM, said:

How hard is it to organise a legal wedding in this time period ?

In Australia, not hard.  Not sure about other parts of the world.

#50 Expelliarmus

Posted 12 July 2019 - 09:18 PM

3 months is plenty of time to organise a legal wedding in Australia provided the groom is here one month and one day before the ceremony.

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