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Husband has his heart set on Peter... I don't like it. HALP!


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#51 crankybee

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:19 PM

I met a 5th generation Henry John and he HATED IT. This was long before Henry became popular again. His Dad had never even used Henry - called himself John because Henry was a sh*t name by his own admission!

#52 Freddie'sMum

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:20 PM

I've known two women who faced this same issue.  One was a stock standard name like Peter and every first born son had to be named Peter.  The second woman was told that every first born son was named Richard - with Dickie as the officially approved nick name (not joking).

In both cases the babies were given Dad's last name as a surname and both women told their respective in laws to get nicked.  They chose first and middle names that both new mum and dad loved.

The world still turned.  The sun still rose the next day and life continued.

#53 magicmrkeronashelf

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:34 PM

I got to pick the 1st name. Double barrelled middle names.

#54 Drat

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:11 PM

Parents should have equal decision in the name. You have to live with it. I couldn't deal with using a name that I didn't love just because it was 'tradition'
(I am also not a fan of repeating names etc.)

Some ideas:
- Using the same initials
- Using a variation of the name/s
- Picking a new FN and having two middle names

Peter Robert
Robert James
Peter Robert
Robert James

So for Robert: Robin, Bert, Roberto, Robbie, Bobby etc.
Peter: Pier, Pieter, Piers, Petro, Pierre, Piotr, Peadar, Pedro, Pierrick etc.
James: Jacob, Jacques, Seamus, Jaime, Iago, Jaco, Coby, Jake, Jay, Jimmy, Hamish etc.

(check out behindthename.com)



#55 maryanneK

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:39 PM

middle names! surely the whole purpose of middle names is to hide awkward family names :8

Peter Robin sounds like Peter Rabbit to me! not horrible names but I wouldnt want to use them either

Call him James Peter Robin Surname

that way, he gets a nice first name,  plus your husbands traditional two names.

#56 Hypnic Jerk

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:52 PM

What about 2 middle names?

So, Nameilike Peter Robin Lastname

#57 deedee15

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:53 PM

Sorry but his dad has died and you knew what was coming if you had kids together, it’s rather mean to suddenly decide his choice isn’t even in the running if it’s a boy.
Was his father known by any other names you could use instead?

#58 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:55 PM

 deedee15, on 08 July 2019 - 08:53 PM, said:

Sorry but his dad has died and you knew what was coming if you had kids together, it’s rather mean to suddenly decide his choice isn’t even in the running if it’s a boy.
Was his father known by any other names you could use instead?

what the?

she “knew what was coming”? what - that she wouldn’t have a say in naming her own kid?



#59 Drat

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:54 PM

Also, there's a lot to be said for honouring with a second middle name. My daughter has two and one of them is her great grandmothers name. I always think of it as extra special because as a second middle name it's not used on many forms and stuff, so it's like a special secret name that she shares that mainly just family know about.

#60 dreamweaver80

Posted 08 July 2019 - 10:00 PM

 moineau, on 08 July 2019 - 01:52 PM, said:

Yep, We had a chat about it last night.
He reiterated how much it would mean to him and teared up a bit because he has lost his dad. He and his Dad were really close.

I wouldn't call our baby Robert either, I agree it's in the same league. Fine for a 30 year old... but I just can't picture it for a child these days - Other names in this league for me are names like Jason and Keith..  think I actually HATE it as a name.


I think I've made it harder for him to get his head around because I like it for a girl with the feminine spelling.

The two names I've come across that I like are Bennet and Miles - So vastly different feels.

We could do Bennet James or Miles Robin to keep some history in it.

I have a DD from a previous marriage and I didn't do family names at all.



Haha, my brother is called Keith Robert, he was named Keith after my mother's favourite brother and Robert is our father's name. From the perspective of a child who's grown up with family names, I know he would never say it aloud to my parents but he's always resented the fact that there is nothing original about his name. And let's be honest, neither are great names. Coincidentally, the uncle Keith's bday is 29 June, brother Keith's is 28th June and the brother has just had his baby son, my nephew, on 27th June. My mother thought the obvious (and just perfect) thing was to give the new baby the name Keith as well. My brother did not even entertain the idea!

That being said, I have no problem conceding a child's middle name to a meaningful family one and I think that's a reasonable compromise. Our son's middle name is Thomas, which was the name of my partner's father. They were quite close and the father was diagnosed with terminal cancer not long before our son was born and passed 6 months after. It was the best way we could think to honour him.

#61 Imaginary friend

Posted 08 July 2019 - 10:01 PM

I don't mind the name Peter and I think it is a classic name that is still quite usable today.
I know a young Peter, about 7 years old.

However if you dislike it, you shouldnt have to use it

I think the best way here is Firstname you both agree on Peter Robin Lastname.

Although I am not usually a fan of 2 middle names, Peter and Robin  are both short names and it seems the best compromise here.

#62 Etta

Posted 08 July 2019 - 10:13 PM

I love the name Peter. I didn't realise there was so much dislike for it. It was my first choice for DS, but DP thought it was too English (even though there was one in his Scottish family) so we went for my second choice.

I have no regrets about DSs' name but if I had another boy it would be Peter.

#63 Kreme

Posted 08 July 2019 - 10:53 PM

This thread cracks me up. So far on the hated list have been mentioned both of my brothers, my husband and my grandfather (jackpot - both of his names!)

I know a couple of young Peters and Roberts. Nobody blinks an eyelid or thinks they’re outdated AFAIK.

I’m pretty sentimental and I would name him the family name unless it was something really weird or out there.



#64 BadCat

Posted 08 July 2019 - 11:02 PM

 deedee15, on 08 July 2019 - 08:53 PM, said:

Sorry but his dad has died and you knew what was coming if you had kids together, it’s rather mean to suddenly decide his choice isn’t even in the running if it’s a boy.
Was his father known by any other names you could use instead?

Oh get real.  People die. Doesn't mean we are required to saddle kids with names we hate.

#65 Ellie bean

Posted 08 July 2019 - 11:09 PM

 deedee15, on 08 July 2019 - 08:53 PM, said:

Sorry but his dad has died and you knew what was coming if you had kids together, it’s rather mean to suddenly decide his choice isn’t even in the running if it’s a boy
That’s what middle names are for

#66 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 08 July 2019 - 11:21 PM

 Kreme, on 08 July 2019 - 10:53 PM, said:

This thread cracks me up. So far on the hated list have been mentioned both of my brothers, my husband and my grandfather (jackpot - both of his names!)

I know a couple of young Peters and Roberts. Nobody blinks an eyelid or thinks they’re outdated AFAIK.

I’m pretty sentimental and I would name him the family name unless it was something really weird or out there.

but the OP doesn’t like the name - it’s in the thread title. she doesn’t like Peter. so no way should she name her kid that.

#67 JK4

Posted 08 July 2019 - 11:27 PM

Hi OP, is the name important to him because of the traditional naming in his family or because his father passed away and he wants to have a connection between his father and the grandchild he will never meet? I think the answer to this question really impacts on how you go about naming the child. If just for tradition sake, no way; if a very sentimental desire for a link between his father and his child then I think you both need to work together to find a common ground.

#68 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 08 July 2019 - 11:59 PM

DH comes from a long line of his name for the first born son of the first born son...

MIL told me not to follow the tradition, she really regretted doing so. DH was not going to saddle DS with his very old fashioned name (will probably be in soon), so DS got it as a middle name.

Much harder if your DH really wants it! But the world has not come crashing down by giving DS a different name.

#69 MooGuru

Posted 09 July 2019 - 01:14 AM

OP I'm curious that you are fine with Peta Robyn but totally against Peter Robin.
Did you come to this realisation after finding out it was a boy?  I'm wondering if subconsciously you're hoping "maybe we'll have a girl next and I like Peta Robin for a girl...."

In your shoes I'd be trying to figure out exactly what it is you don't like because it's not the sound of the names as such if you'd be ok with them for a girl. And I'd say they are of equal vintage male/female for when they were last popular at a guess.

#70 Bugster

Posted 09 July 2019 - 02:31 AM

I personally don’t mind Peter but I agree you shouldn’t be pressured into calling your child something you dislike. I would never call a baby something either I or hubby hated.

My mother was expected to use a certain name as either first or middle name for her eldest girl (me) the tradition ran generations back through her mums line. Mum refuses as she didn’t like it as a first name and thought it sounded stupid as a middle with the first name they decided on. I believe my grandmother was displeased but got over it very quickly, my younger sister has it as her middle name instead.

#71 born.a.girl

Posted 09 July 2019 - 06:43 AM

 MooGuru, on 09 July 2019 - 01:14 AM, said:

OP I'm curious that you are fine with Peta Robyn but totally against Peter Robin.
Did you come to this realisation after finding out it was a boy?  I'm wondering if subconsciously you're hoping "maybe we'll have a girl next and I like Peta Robin for a girl...."

In your shoes I'd be trying to figure out exactly what it is you don't like because it's not the sound of the names as such if you'd be ok with them for a girl. And I'd say they are of equal vintage male/female for when they were last popular at a guess.


I'm  not sure we can always adequately explain what it is about a name that we don't like.

Robyn for me is an old fashioned name (although not as bad as my own) that I'd not give a child, but that's got a lot to do with my age.

Robin is a name that was so rarely used for a boy, and I've always liked it.

#72 Kreme

Posted 09 July 2019 - 08:01 AM

 Lucrezia Borgia, on 08 July 2019 - 11:21 PM, said:



but the OP doesn’t like the name - it’s in the thread title. she doesn’t like Peter. so no way should she name her kid that.

As I said, I am sentimental. For me, the tradition and my DH’s feelings would outweigh the name choice unless it was something that would make people gasp with horror, which clearly Peter would not.

I know a couple of people who have been faced with this same decision and they’ve all opted for the family name and none of them regrets it. Certainly one little boy tells everyone the story of his name, and loves it.

#73 BornToLove

Posted 09 July 2019 - 08:16 AM

I dated a guy in my early 20s who had a similar tradition in his family. First born sons given the same name going back at least 6 generations. He was quite set on his son having the name, to the point that it was a deal breaker if I couldn’t commit to it.

I personally am not a fan of kids having the same first name as a family member. I’m all for middle names used to honour family members, but it had to be first name according to him. Needless to say, once things looked to be getting serious, I walked away. I couldn’t see myself changing my mind, he was too adamant in his views, so that was that.

#74 NeedSleepNow

Posted 09 July 2019 - 08:21 AM

Another vote for using either Peter or Robin as a middle name, depending on which your DH feels most strongly about. I understand sentimentality and tradition, but realistically naming a boy Peter Robin DHSurname is only meaningful and sentimental to one parent... There is nothing of her preferences, family background, or own sentimentality in there, and I can’t really grasp how that sits right. For DH and I, we knew babies would get his surname, so for him meaning/sentimentality was already ticked off (I’m assuming her DH and his father also shared a surname) and then I picked one name with meaning/sentimentality to me, and then we picked a name we both just liked. 1 child had the name with meaning to me as the first name, the other 2 it fit better as a middle name.

Perhaps if it means that much to her DH to have a son called Peter Robin, he would call him Peter Robin DWSurname....somehow I doubt it. My father died when I was pregnant with my first son, so I get the emotion...and my fathers name is DS1’s middle name. I got to ’honour’ him but didn’t see it as my right to suddenly have the whole name taken with little consideration for my DH’s feelings.

#75 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 09 July 2019 - 08:35 AM

I understand how the OP can like Peta and not Peter. Peta can have more emphasis on the a at the end Pet-ta and not the "er" Peter has. Makes it totally different. Make it Petra and is even more different.




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