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Husband has his heart set on Peter... I don't like it. HALP!


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#26 daybreaker

Posted 08 July 2019 - 03:50 PM

Culturally my husband was expected to name his son after his father (who is alive) but I said no way, didn't like the name at all - John - and just refused. I did give in a little and use it as the middle name though.

Our DD was then expected to be named after DH's mother but I refused to use it even as the middle name because I disliked it so much.

DH didn't really care either way so that made it easier and his parents although disappointed got over it. My baby, my (& DH's) choice.

#27 lizzzard

Posted 08 July 2019 - 04:16 PM

I'm sure you would have considered this already, but you don't have any cultural heritage with a variation of Peter you could live with are there?

#28 lizzybirdsworth

Posted 08 July 2019 - 04:29 PM

Either way one of you are going to be disappointed and I don’t think naming a child something you really dislike is a good compromise. What about asking him to come up with some alternative himself. Say peter isn’t a hard no just yet but he should try find some other suggestions for a first name that he can love.
I really don’t like using a first name after a relative. What if the child didn’t live up to the ‘expectations’ of the name. I personally prefer to use them as middle names and my 3 boys and my 2 nephews all have 2 middle names for those reasons.

#29 kerilyntaryn

Posted 08 July 2019 - 04:55 PM

my dh is Peter James, his dad is James Robert - so the same names - our first son has Peter as a mn,  his first name after a great great grandfather.  I prefer Robert to Robin,  my nephew is Robert always know as Robbie

wow and the classic names you list my other nephews Robbie's brothers are Nathan and have Luke and Josh and Ben as middle names. The only name missing is Matthew

I think Robert, James and Peter are all great names - Robbie, Jamie and Pete are great nn

I knew a few Peta's growing up and they didnt like their unisex names, but now it would be different,  there are girls at school with names like Shaun, Zachary and Calab

#30 Ollie83

Posted 08 July 2019 - 04:56 PM

It’s my brothers name so I have a positive association but I can totally understand where you’re coming from in name traditions.

He’s already getting dads surname I assume?

Could you choose a name with the same initials but then I can’t think of many lovely names starting with P for boys? Another suggestion might be to find the meaning of Peter and see if there’s another name with the same meaning?

I really stand my ground on both parents liking at least (if not loving the name they give).


#31 Hands Up

Posted 08 July 2019 - 04:58 PM

You definitely both have to like the name. I think both of you have the right to veto names the other has their heart set on.

For me Peter as the second name with a first name you both love is the compromise.

I insisted on my dads name as DS2’s middle name though (its a name no one under the age of 50 has) so maybe I’m biased!

Edited by Hands Up, 08 July 2019 - 05:00 PM.


#32 Dianalynch

Posted 08 July 2019 - 04:59 PM

I had a flatmate called Pieter - the Dutch version of peter. I don’t know why I liked it so much more as a name, but I did. Any Dutch heritage?

While I’m sympathetic to your dh, names must be agreed on by both parents...that’s just how it has to be. It’s more important than tradition.

In my less sympathetic moments if it was my dh I’d tell him to get out of the 1880s, but that’s not helpful so I’d probably just think it not say it, and of course there’s a good reason...his dad...it’s just not enough of a reason to go with a name you dislike.

#33 Romeo Void

Posted 08 July 2019 - 05:02 PM

I know 2 people who don't go by their given names.  The family named them knowing full well they wouldn't be using the names..is that an option?
At the end of the day I presume the child will have his surname, I think it's grossly unfair that he would then also get to chose first names that you're so obviously against.

#34 Hellbent

Posted 08 July 2019 - 05:32 PM

I'll probably be flamed for this but is the child going to have his fathers surname alone?  If so, theres your family tradition right there.  Child gets dads last name, mum gets to choose first name if both parents can't agree on a first name.  I've know two couples who did this, seems to work well.

#35 majirlo

Posted 08 July 2019 - 05:32 PM

The only option is to start a new tradition and use the two names as middle names with something you love for his first name.  You can't go through life with your son having a name you don't like.

#36 kerilyntaryn

Posted 08 July 2019 - 05:40 PM

You can always have the name on the birth certificate, but call him by middle name or another name

#37 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 08 July 2019 - 05:41 PM

Eek. That's tough. But I would not want to name my son Peter either. I could live with it as a 2nd name. I REALLY dislike FIL name but I gave it to DS as a middle name.

#38 Romeo Void

Posted 08 July 2019 - 05:43 PM

And frankly...why does some dude a few generations back get to put their stamp on every generation from that point forward?

eta I've just seen the new Spiderman movie and 'Peter tingle' was getting a workout in that movie....so maybe not a great time to revive that particular name?

Edited by Romeo Void, 08 July 2019 - 05:44 PM.


#39 Gudrun

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:15 PM

I don't mind Peter but the idea of a male parent deciding their child has to have all their names from his side regardless of the mother just says only the males matter. My mother went with this regime 70 years ago and it niggled her forever.

So the child will already have one name from the father's father, maybe even another one but you should come in there somewhere with something of your choice that your DH likes well enough.  Some meet in the middle deal that acknowledges you both.

Having said all that Piers Robin is a cool combo.

My daughter went through a similar conversation when her son was born.  Partner's father had just died and her own father not long before. But you know his family tradition and his emotion.

Child ended up with her choice of first name, the father's father's first name in the middle, her brother's middle name also in the middle and the partner's/his dad's surname.

I like Piers and I like Petra and I like Robin but you want a name at least somewhere in there and importantly the first name that you are happy with for your child.

ETA  Miles Peter is also a good name.

Edited by Gudrun, 08 July 2019 - 06:25 PM.


#40 BadCat

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:19 PM

In all honesty, I'd flat out refuse. Politely, but firmly.

His tradition does not get to overrule your taste.  He and his family will get over it.

#41 born.a.girl

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:21 PM

View PostBadCat, on 08 July 2019 - 06:19 PM, said:

In all honesty, I'd flat out refuse. Politely, but firmly.

His tradition does not get to overrule your taste.  He and his family will get over it.


Judging by some EB threads I'm not sure. :)


Not that I'd alter what I did to suit them, but some members of my husband's extended family refuse to use her surname, just use his.  We've lost touch with them all because I've no interest in a relationship with people who think they have the prerogative to decide our daughter's surname.

#42 Lesley225

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:23 PM

View PostRomeo Void, on 08 July 2019 - 05:02 PM, said:

I know 2 people who don't go by their given names.  The family named them knowing full well they wouldn't be using the names..is that an option?
At the end of the day I presume the child will have his surname, I think it's grossly unfair that he would then also get to chose first names that you're so obviously against.

Don't do that!  My father was named after his father and grandfather and always used his middle name.  So confusing when you don't use your legal first name.  Everything was always coming up in the wrong name.

#43 melanieb530

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:25 PM

Given the significance to your husband I would go with the name Peter. You might start a new name trend.

#44 BadCat

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:28 PM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 08 July 2019 - 06:21 PM, said:

Judging by some EB threads I'm not sure. :)


Not that I'd alter what I did to suit them, but some members of my husband's extended family refuse to use her surname, just use his.  We've lost touch with them all because I've no interest in a relationship with people who think they have the prerogative to decide our daughter's surname.

Good move.  I wouldn't be real interested in keeping in touch with people who think they have naming rights over my child.

On the bright side, if his family don't get over it, christmas is going to be way less stressful.  :lol:

#45 Gudrun

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:33 PM

My grandmother was being ordered around by her MIL re all the names coming from the paternal grandfather (just died and tradition and all that) and gave my father
her name of choice but didn't dare fess up.  Pretended she'd done as ordered.  Gave him an unrelated nickname that everyone knew him by.  Family lore tells us that the grandmother never found out.

Edited by Gudrun, 08 July 2019 - 06:34 PM.


#46 rosie28

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:34 PM

I’ve just had two friends go through this situation. One agreed to her husband’s choice of first name provided her surname was used, and wow did he back away fast. They ended up with a lovey name they both like. The other used the family name as a middle name. Both are better than having to settle for a name you hate!

Now, if I could just come up with a name for this baby I have on board, my husband insists I choose because he feels he got his choice with our DS and DD (he didn’t really, but they do have his surname).

#47 born.a.girl

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:55 PM

View Postmelanieb530, on 08 July 2019 - 06:25 PM, said:

Given the significance to your husband I would go with the name Peter. You might start a new name trend.


Shouldn't we be telling him that he has the surname, and she gets first dibs at the first name?


'Given the importance to your wife,and the fact that you already have the surname ...'


Why do women have to be the peacemakers, especially one who's already given up her own surname for his.

#48 born.a.girl

Posted 08 July 2019 - 06:57 PM

Actually OP, there's a thought. As well as calling him Bob, you could start mulling over the fact that Peter might actually be o.k. with your birth name, and that if it's so important to him, you'll respect that and have the other part of the name.


It might be enough to jolt him into seeing how much of it all is supposed to be going his way.

#49 Nasty Poobah

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:04 PM

I think I'd start calling him Brontosaurus.

#50 robhat

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:14 PM

I have a Pieter, Dutch/Afrikaans spelling as my husband is South African and he is named after his grandfather. We considered 'English' spelling but decided we liked the Afrikaans.

Difference is it was totally my suggestion to continue the family tradition (my son is the 4th in a direct line with the name and it alternates with the generations like the OP) and the grandparents in no way pushed for it or even expected it. In fact they cried when we told them and NOTHING makes them cry. My husband wasn't even so sure, but I liked the idea. So it's a bit different to the OP's situation.

If it makes any difference to your decision, my son is now 8 and there are a few other Peters at his school. There is even another Pieter (nope, I couldn't believe it at first either). My son loves his name and loves that he is named after his grandfather and that there is a long history of the name. In fact his sister is a tad jealous.

But the thing is, liking a name is a personal thing and not necessarily rational. Often it's got to do with various associations with the name. I for example could never call a child Decklan entirely due to a 17 hour long countrylink train trip spent hearing a mother screaming that name endlessly... I couldn't do Robert either due to me being a Robyn and my husband being an Albert and the two mashed ends up being... Yeah, weird.




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