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Husband has his heart set on Peter... I don't like it. HALP!


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#101 majirlo

Posted 10 July 2019 - 07:02 AM

My husbands family have a tradition of using the initials C W for the first born but I already had my heart set on a name and it meant a lot to me to remember my mother so we used a short version of her name as a middle name. Fortunately there were no issues when we announced the name, they were just thrilled to meet their grandchild.  In fairness, we gave our second child a short version of his mother's name for a middle name, even though I didn't love it. The kids love having that family connection but everyone deserves to have their own moniker.

Of his family names, I'd be happy to use James for a middle name but if it's really important to him to use Peter Robert, it would have to be Miles Peter Robert Surname (or whatever first name you love).  He, and his family, will get over it once the baby arrives.

Edited by majirlo, 10 July 2019 - 07:05 AM.


#102 born.a.girl

Posted 10 July 2019 - 07:18 AM

 CallMeFeral, on 10 July 2019 - 12:50 AM, said:

This drives me crazy too. It's like we are just penis incubators, our only value being to bake the next male heir. Bullsh*t.



I did this with DH - he desperately wanted his mums name as one of DD's middle names, I thought it was unfair that he got surname AND middle from his family, so I said he could do that as long as she could have my last name. To be fair he was fine with it, but the 4yo got upset that her baby sister wouldn't have the same surname as her, so I caved and she has two middle names.

Men expecting every name of the child to be a testament to their family is bullsh*t. If he's sentimental about first-middle being linked to his dad, hopefully he's amenable to the last name being your choice?

Maybe I should have suggested that.  She has both surnames (if I had my time over I'd toss a coin).  He said that if he could choose the second name (his only sister), then I could choose the first.   Sounds like a good deal my way?  Only problem is he vetoed most of the names on my list. I did think it fair that he actually liked them, even though I got to make up the list.  He picked then tenth on the list, my least favourite.  I was so sick the whole time, not severe, just nausea to the extent that I CBF pushing the point.

I absolutely adored Maisie and it would have gone well with the surnames, and it would have suited her.

Fortunately she loves her name, and especially her second name, given that aunty now has one of her Dad's kidneys.

#103 kerilyntaryn

Posted 10 July 2019 - 08:51 AM

what about Piers, Piet, Pieter, Pedro, Pierro, Petros, Pierrick, Petrik, Petro, Pietro, Pierre.  Callen, Carrick, Cephas, Craig, Ferris, Peeto, Peterson, Adri, Cargan, Eben, Fergus, Halsten, Panos, Parkin, Parnell, Peirce, Pero, Perry, Allen, Zuriel - all have the same meaning as Peter

I hope you have a girl and her middle name with be Anne

#104 CallMeFeral

Posted 10 July 2019 - 10:41 AM

 born.a.girl, on 10 July 2019 - 07:18 AM, said:

Maybe I should have suggested that.  She has both surnames (if I had my time over I'd toss a coin).  

Yeah, I'm kind of sad that I only thought to question the "hey, why do they get your surname..." after the 2nd child so I didn't really throw my hat in for the first. I was ok with it though while the first two had middle names from my family - but I'm still kind of sore that the last one has his surname AND a middle name from his family while I only get a middle. I sometimes passive aggressively only use 'my' one on forms though :p

#105 born.a.girl

Posted 10 July 2019 - 10:44 AM

 CallMeFeral, on 10 July 2019 - 10:41 AM, said:

Yeah, I'm kind of sad that I only thought to question the "hey, why do they get your surname..." after the 2nd child so I didn't really throw my hat in for the first. I was ok with it though while the first two had middle names from my family - but I'm still kind of sore that the last one has his surname AND a middle name from his family while I only get a middle. I sometimes passive aggressively only use 'my' one on forms though :p

I was 38 when I had her - both of my sisters had separated and had the dilemma of changing their names back, or not, and the issue of their kids having different names to them.


My (otherwise lovely) MIL said 'well she can drop your name if she wants' and for once in my life I thought quickly enough to say 'or his'.   That was the plan, that she could choose.  People don't though, they get attached to their name, and she will never change hers.

I also thought very carefully about which went first, and whether to hyphen, after talking to a few people.

#106 Nebula

Posted 10 July 2019 - 02:20 PM

Only use a name you both like.

#107 Imaginary friend

Posted 10 July 2019 - 08:13 PM

As a first name, yes.

You have to both like and agree on it.

But I would compromise by using the name Peter or Robin or both as middle names - a middle name often honours somebody and does not have to be a name we like.

I would stand my ground on No as a first name but agree to using as a middle/s.

#108 DM. 2012

Posted 10 July 2019 - 08:41 PM

Does your husband care that it is your potential son who is going to grow up with a name that is pretty out-dated for his generation?  In 20 years time he will apply for jobs and the employer will see is name and think he is 60 years old and not hire him.  

He can still honour his father by giving a son his name as a middle name.  James is in the mix on your list, if anything, this would be the better of the name because it is a name that doesn’t date.  Best option would be family name as the middle name though.


#109 gracie1978

Posted 11 July 2019 - 03:35 AM

Everytime my DH plays up with names I throw in that I think because these two are girls, they should have my surname.  That gets him back on track.

At this stage we will have first names we both like and middle names from my family.

This isn't at all helpful but my friends just named their baby Peter, it was the first name of both of their deceased fathers!

How far along are you? Hopefully it's a girl, you call her Peta, and then it will be ridiculous to call any future boys Peter.

You can't call a baby a name you don't like, it will do your head in.

#110 Soontobegran

Posted 11 July 2019 - 07:29 AM

I am early 60’s, most Peters I know are not old men but aged between 30 and 40.

I don’t hate the name, there are none in my family but those I do know are lovely young men.

If my husband and I had to agree on all our children’s names they would never have got named.
Fortunately he relied on me for naming when it came to the crunch.

#111 laridae

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:00 AM

My brother is Peter and he's 45. There were lots in his class at school. My DH's great uncle was also Peter (and I had a great uncle called Peter too), so they'd probably be in their 90s if they were still alive. So it's actually probably soon due for a comeback.
I don't mind it personally.  

But that said,  I hate these 'naming traditions' that require the babies named after parents or grandparents.  DH's family did a thing where the middle name was the dad (or mums) name. I said no way! I don't like DH's name that much, and he doesn't have his dad's name as the middle as he's the second son anyway. So we came up with something that woukd be a subtle nod to his name rather than direct.
And then we had 2 girls so it was moot anyway.

Hopefully you'll have a girl and it'll be a non issue.

#112 born.a.girl

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:08 AM

 Soontobegran, on 11 July 2019 - 07:29 AM, said:

I am early 60’s, most Peters I know are not old men but aged between 30 and 40.

I don’t hate the name, there are none in my family but those I do know are lovely young men.

If my husband and I had to agree on all our children’s names they would never have got named.
Fortunately he relied on me for naming when it came to the crunch.


I'm probably influenced by the fact that if my siblings and I get together with partners, there are three Peters, average age late sixties.

I do have one nephew who'd fit the age group you mention.

#113 born.a.girl

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:16 AM

I know this is from the US, and don't know how different we are here, but it definitely peaked in the early fifties.


http://www.babynames...ames/Peter.html

#114 kerilyntaryn

Posted 11 July 2019 - 08:17 AM

I know a lot of Peters in their 50's some in their 30s, 20s and a few under 10

#115 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 11 July 2019 - 02:10 PM

i know Peters in their 50’s, 40’s and 30’s....older ds is 12 and there are no peters in his cohort - both when he was at primary and now he’s in secondary. younger ds is 7 and no peters in his cohort either.

but all of this is irrelevant - as the OP simply doesn’t like the name. so her child should not be named peter. end of.it used to be tradition for the oldest son in a family to inherit all the property and any younger sons would find a profession. and never mind the daughters - they would marry and then become the property of their husbands. thankfully, traditions die out. and the world still turns.

Edited by Lucrezia Borgia, 11 July 2019 - 02:11 PM.


#116 Imaginary friend

Posted 11 July 2019 - 09:57 PM

As mentioned earlier, I know a Peter aged about 7.

Also know or know of, several in their 20's.

Sure, it may have peaked in the 1950s but I think it has held on at a lesser rate right to today.

And anyway, lots of people have names not common in their generation - I'm sure it doesnt make employers think they are 60 years old. It's not as if everyone else has an on trend name

I think Peter is perfectly usable as a name today IF YOU LIKE IT.
I don't mind it myself.

BUT If OP doesn't like it, she should stand her ground about it being off the table as a first name.
On the grounds she doesnt like it - not irelevant red herrings about whether it peaked earlier or job opportunities.

#117 Freddie'sMum

Posted 11 July 2019 - 10:07 PM

It's actually irrelevant whether the name is Peter or John or Stephen or Robin or James or Zulu - the point is that the pregnant female OP doesn't love it and doesn't want to use it for a first name.

Throw it in for a middle name but the first name has to be something that both parents love.

#118 Nobodyelse

Posted 12 July 2019 - 12:35 AM

My brother was meant to be named for his grandfather like my dad was and his dad was and all the Italian boys were. I was meant to be named for my grandmother because she had a huge ego.

Neither of us were, although bro got an anglosised version as his middle name.

By the time we were old enough to form memories, no one cared that we had the names that we have.

The family will get over it and if you don't break the line of tradition, not only are you passing on a lame name to your kid, you're also passing on the pressure to continue to give your descendants the same lame name.

For the sake of all that may come after your possible son, stop the nonsense.

#119 Caribou

Posted 12 July 2019 - 06:14 AM

Regardless of whether you know a peter or not it boils down to this.

Both parents need to love the name. Regardless of tradition or one person prefers it more. She needs to like the name. She doesn’t. He needs understand she doesn’t. If it was that damn important to him, he should have mentioned it before they got married thsn assume that she’d fall in line with his expectation.

OP. I get right now is fraught with emotions everyone is highly emotional over the name right now. I’d tell him that you’re not using the name. You understand the importance but you’re not comfortable with the boy if you have one being called this. That you’d give him a few weeks to digest this and hopefully in a few weeks he will come to table with other name suggestions.

Don’t be guilted into naming your child something you didn’t want.

#120 born.a.girl

Posted 12 July 2019 - 06:47 AM

 Imaginary friend, on 11 July 2019 - 09:57 PM, said:

As mentioned earlier, I know a Peter aged about 7.

Also know or know of, several in their 20's.

Sure, it may have peaked in the 1950s but I think it has held on at a lesser rate right to today.

And anyway, lots of people have names not common in their generation - I'm sure it doesnt make employers think they are 60 years old. It's not as if everyone else has an on trend name

I think Peter is perfectly usable as a name today IF YOU LIKE IT.
I don't mind it myself.

BUT If OP doesn't like it, she should stand her ground about it being off the table as a first name.
On the grounds she doesnt like it - not irelevant red herrings about whether it peaked earlier or job opportunities.


That became a side discussion as many thread have, when people started talking about when it was most popular.

I think the discussion about it being her choice is done and dusted.  I can't imagine any rational person thinks she should use it under the circumstances.

#121 born.a.girl

Posted 12 July 2019 - 06:48 AM

 Nobodyelse, on 12 July 2019 - 12:35 AM, said:

My brother was meant to be named for his grandfather like my dad was and his dad was and all the Italian boys were. I was meant to be named for my grandmother because she had a huge ego.

Neither of us were, although bro got an anglosised version as his middle name.

By the time we were old enough to form memories, no one cared that we had the names that we have.

The family will get over it and if you don't break the line of tradition, not only are you passing on a lame name to your kid, you're also passing on the pressure to continue to give your descendants the same lame name.

For the sake of all that may come after your possible son, stop the nonsense.


Good point about passing on the pressure to do the same.

#122 Sancti-claws

Posted 12 July 2019 - 07:18 AM

Having just made the terrible faux pas of speed-scroll reading through the thread...

John, Harold and Edwin are both family names on my Dad's side.

Ian was one on my Mum's.

Were my sister a boy, she would have been Harold Ian.

Were I a boy, I would have been Harold Ian.

My mother had the nerve to tell Dad that she actually really disliked this combo by the time my brother was born (luckily).

I always wanted to name a girl Edwina Jean - but neither of my girls' fathers were willing to come to the party.  (Lord, that sounds like I had a harem - distance in time between the two!!)

I have just finished reading a book which had WW2 and the Holocaust as major themes - and one thing that was said towards the end was about how much easier it is to trace the right records is when there are several middle names involved.

Make it easy for all the historians and give him right of insertion somewhere in the middle?

(Oh, and another book I read long ago - I like to read historical books - was trying to trace family in Sicily - the tendency to name every boy in lineage following a strict pattern meant that it was impossible to separate records!  Especially as John Peter Surname was known as Leggy Surname to differentiate from Digger Surname, JP Surname, Jape Junior Surname and Jack Surname and only John Peter Surname on official records.)

#123 born.a.girl

Posted 12 July 2019 - 07:33 AM

Cripes, Sancti-claws that sounds difficult.


My sister found, too, that with old records it was just whatever people volunteered, not a lot of double checking going on with the records.

When she was looking for a James Ryan with no middle name you can imagine how many came up, despite applying all the filters.   All had their occupation stated, and one was simply described as 'lunatic' so we choose to decide he wasn't one of our ancestors.

#124 Imaginary friend

Posted 12 July 2019 - 05:01 PM

 born.a.girl, on 12 July 2019 - 06:47 AM, said:




That became a side discussion as many thread have, when people started talking about when it was most popular.

I think the discussion about it being her choice is done and dusted.  I can't imagine any rational person thinks she should use it under the circumstances.

Well, yes, side talk is fine.

But some of those posts were still addressed to OP directly - OP, doesnt your husband care about son's job opportunities?

Well, no, a name  like Peter won't affect anyone's job options and that really isn't a reason to not use it as a first name.

One and only reason is that OP doesn't like it.

#125 born.a.girl

Posted 12 July 2019 - 05:06 PM

 Imaginary friend, on 12 July 2019 - 05:01 PM, said:

Well, yes, side talk is fine.

But some of those posts were still addressed to OP directly - OP, doesnt your husband care about son's job opportunities?

Well, no, a name  like Peter won't affect anyone's job options and that really isn't a reason to not use it as a first name.

One and only reason is that OP doesn't like it.


Completely agree.


In fact in terms of jobs I think people might actually be better off with a name that every second person applying doesn't have.




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