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When is it ok for girls to start shaving/hair removal?

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#1 InOmniaParatus

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:47 PM

DH and I were having a discussion about this and I wanted to see what other people thought... when is it ok for girls to start shaving/hair removal?

#2 JustBeige

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:04 PM

Probably early teens for me.

The only thing that would change my mind is if the child was starting puberty early and got very black hair with it AND was being teased because of it.

We definitely would be having the 'not letting society dictate how you look' conversation  along side it.

#3 Isolated Old Elf

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:04 PM

When is it not ok?

#4 Lifesgood

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:08 PM

DD started last year when she was 12 and in Year 7. Her friends were all shaving/waxing already and although she didn't really want to they were teasing her about being hairy (she's not).

I asked this same qn on here and got the answer "when they start wanting to". I guess if she had asked about it at 8 y/o I may have said no, but at 12 I just showed her what to do and told her it was up to her, that there is nothing wrong with having body hair etc but if she wants to remove it go for your life.

View PostSilly Old Elf, on 07 July 2019 - 08:04 PM, said:

When is it not ok?

#5 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:09 PM

Their bodies. Whenever they choose to.

One of my friends kids has a noticeably hairy lip and would get teased if she didn't tweeze. Her Mum encouraged her due to being teased a lot herself from an early age.

If they don't wish to remove any hair that's also perfectly fine!

#6 Jingleflea

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:09 PM

I'd say early highschool depending on how thick and dark the hair is.

Shaving doesn't make it thicker or darker though, which I know some of my friends think(therefore not wanting their DD's to do it).

#7 TrixieBelden

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:14 PM

I think it has to be when they want to.

This has to be an autonomy issue I think.

I would love to think girls would have the confidence to not remove hair but that’s a big ask - I still remove it now, at 40, because of ideas about femininity - and has to be their choice.

#8 Chelli

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:16 PM

My DDs decided for themselves when they were ready to do that and it was different for all of them. One decided not to and that's ok too.

#9 lozoodle

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:38 PM

When they want to. My daughter is ten and her legs are REALLY hairy. She has mentioned them a few times and being embarrassed and I just said its normal but its up to her what she wants to do and she can shave them / wax them whenever she wants but also have made it clear there is upkeep involved etc. For now she's happy to leave it be and hasn't mentioned it in a while. But I would be ok with her doing it whenever she wanted if it is something SHE wanted to do. Mum made me wait and I felt so self conscious about my legs until one day I nicked my sisters razor and basically hacked my legs up. I'd rather just give my daughter the chance to do it when she feels its time, and also help her so she knows how to do it properly. I have said to her that waxing is probably the best option in terms of not having to do it as option but she's not keen on the pain, so that probably put her off it in general for a while.

#10 Octopodes

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:15 PM

I would discourage it for as long as possible, but if the child really wanted to remove their perfectly normal body hair from 13-14yo onwards that would be ok.

#11 Kreme

Posted 07 July 2019 - 11:24 PM

I think they should start when they want to. My DD got a sudden growth of underarm hair when she was almost 12. It was winter so not really an issue but she was going away on school camp so I asked her if she wanted to shave it and she did. I got her a razor and showed her what to do.

She then decided to shave her legs as well. They are blonde and fine and I don’t really think they needed to be done but it’s her body. She only does it occasionally now.

As she was getting a bit gung ho with the razor I bought her some hair removal cream for her bikini line and banned her from touching her eyebrows. I made her an appointment to get them waxed at my beautician. She just gets rid of her monobrow and leaves them natural.

She’s just turned 13. I was totally left to my own devices with hair removal and I was determined not to do that to my daughter. She knows that it’s her choice but I will help her to make the best choices wherever I can.

#12 Ellie bean

Posted 07 July 2019 - 11:29 PM

View PostOctopodes, on 07 July 2019 - 09:15 PM, said:

I would discourage it for as long as possible, but if the child really wanted to remove their perfectly normal body hair from 13-14yo onwards that would be ok.
Why? I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t let them whenever they asked. Why discourage? Why have some age limit that has nothing to do with when hair grows/ when teasing starts?

#13 Manicmum

Posted 08 July 2019 - 12:09 AM

I’ve asked mine to talk to me when they want to so we can decide the best way for them.

#14 steppy

Posted 08 July 2019 - 12:11 AM

Because half the time it's just a convention and not necessary. One of ours wanted to start in Grade 6. I begged her not to. Her leg hair was short, fine and blonde and barely visible, but one of her snarky best friends mentioned it and she would not listen. Her other parent took her to get waxed and we said fine but it was up to that parent to maintain the waxing. Of course, she didn't and the hair grew back longer and darker immediately. Poor kid ended up shaving her legs continually and wishing she'd kept off from doing it for a few more years.

#15 ceeshell

Posted 08 July 2019 - 12:24 AM

My mum was super weird about it. I would be grounded for a month at a time if she caught me shaving in high school. I was allowed to use the epi-lady only and only once I was 16.

My daughter wanted to shave her legs at 12/year 7. I bought her a razor and showed her how to use it. The sky has not fallen in.

Honestly, it is one of the parenting decisions I feel most confident about. It’s her body.

#16 BECZ

Posted 08 July 2019 - 12:28 AM

With DD1 who is now 12 and in year 7, I noticed a couple of long hairs under one of her arms when she was getting changed about 12-18 months ago.  I bought her some girly razors and suggested she shave them as we were going on holidays soon and she would be spending a lot of time in her swimmers.  I helped her the first time, so she knew what she was doing.  It didn't take long mind you as there were literally only a couple of hairs under each arm, they were just long!
She has since begun shaving her legs.  I'm not sure exactly when, but it was before Christmas last year and although I would have preferred to give her a bit of guidance, she's fine and I'm happy with that.

I had a friend who was in year 10 and was too afraid to shave her legs because she lived with her dad and he had said no.  Surprisingly her mother, who lived about 20 minutes away and she saw most fortnights, was a beautician!  This poor girl had hairs sticking out of her stockings by more than 1.5cms.  She was so embarrassed.  So within reason, I was happy that my DD1 started when she was ready.

#17 BornToLove

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:45 AM

My mother took the hard no approach to things like shaving legs, plucking brows etc That resulted in me taking matters into my own hands and figuring out things on my own often to desasterious results. I will be taking a much more supportive approach and helping DD find solutions that address her concerns.

#18 Octopodes

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:15 AM

View PostEllie bean, on 07 July 2019 - 11:29 PM, said:

Why? I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t let them whenever they asked. Why discourage? Why have some age limit that has nothing to do with when hair grows/ when teasing starts?
The same reason I wouldn't allow makeup until the child was old enough to buy their own or hair dying. It is what the act represents historically. I would hope that any daughter I theoretically had would have the confidence and awareness to recognise shaving/waxing/make up are not things historically done for the betterment of women, but to please men. I would hope they were able to stand up to peer pressure and be who they are instead of bending to conservatism and following ridiculous cultural norms.

That said, I understand a child is not their parent and just because I refuse to conform, doesn't mean a pretend daughter would follow suit. I wouldn't encourage it, but would accept it if the child felt the need to alter their body for society.

On the age thing, Both sides of our family are late developers, there's unlikely to be any hair to remove before 13-14.

#19 Billy Shears

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:25 AM

What about upper lip?  My DDs have dark hair the my DD2 (aged 14) is particularly hirsute.  They have used razors for their under arms, i take DD2 to get her legs waxed while DD1  (aged 16) is happy to shave hers (she waxed only once and that was enough).

I am not sure if DD2 has been teased about her upper lip but it is noticeable, and she has asked to shave it.  Is waxing or tweezing better? What about threading?

#20 lozoodle

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:34 AM

I wax my upper lip, but honestly for something like that I'd consider laser and would like to for myself as well. At least then its permanent. I still remember being teased about my mo in year 8.

#21 Kreme

Posted 08 July 2019 - 07:47 AM

I don’t think laser is recommended until post-puberty. The problem with waxing is you can get a telltale rash of pimples afterwards, so I’d try it at the beginning of the school holidays to give it time to calm down. Or just use hair removal cream until she’s old enough to laser.

#22 ceeshell

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:06 AM

I’d give threading a go on the upper lip.

#23 No Drama Please

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:07 AM

I was another one whose mother just gave them a flat “no” when they asked and didn’t give any explanations or advice so took matters into their own hand with disastrous results!

I’ve told DD that the hair that grows back is black and spiky instead of that tiny blonde hair you can barely see now and also begged her when she starts to just shave her legs just from below the knee down and do it when it’s wet, not some random dry shave experiment!

#24 Lucla

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:12 AM

My poor 6 year old has already started asking to. Her 'friends' keep making comments about her hairy arms and legs and she wants to shave it all. Ive been holding her off but I don't even know what to do, she is already so self conscious about it :( :annoyed:

#25 Cimbom

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:28 AM

I don’t get the attachment to body hair. I’d allow it as soon as they asked to

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