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‘Average’ kids


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#51 ERipley

Posted 23 June 2019 - 08:32 PM

View PostOctopodes, on 23 June 2019 - 07:59 PM, said:

Geeze this attitude p*sses me off. It completely undermines how hard it can be to be a genuinely gifted child in a mainstream school. Being gifted isn't some golden ticket to an easy childhood. It has challenges and frustrations and these children are just as misunderstood as kids with learning and developmental disorders are.

Absolutely this. And it implies that the teacher thinks any parent who asks for differentiation for their child is a delusional “tiger parent”. I would run a mile from an ignorant teacher like that.

#52 Crazy4

Posted 23 June 2019 - 08:33 PM

I have gifted children. It’s exhausting. The perfectionism and anxiety that goes hand in hand with it is tough. Plus, try arguing with a 8 year when they are smarter than you - not fun!

#53 Delirium

Posted 23 June 2019 - 08:35 PM

My DD has been tested as academically gifted (about to go into a selective program for high school), is physically strong and healthy, shows strong leadership skills, plays an instrument, wins awards for her visual arts, is able to hold a conversation with anyone, and is a kind person.  She’s also pretty average at sport, messy, extremely talkative, and frankly, a little bit farty, lol!

Guess which ones I brag about on social media?

#54 Kallie88

Posted 23 June 2019 - 08:37 PM

Comparing usually shows the parents values more than the kids.

When I was young I was streamed into the high achievers when I went into high school. Doubt anyone knew. Everyone knew how my brother was in the high achievers class in primary though (at the same time). I would've felt very average if I'd listened to just what mum talked about: my brother. Didn't hear much at all about my cousin who's actually gifted.

Point I guess, is I'm happy to have happy healthy kids, what everyone else is doing isn't important for my kids wellbeing or worth. Everyone has something special

#55 EPZ

Posted 23 June 2019 - 08:51 PM

Streams of Facebook achievements are tacky, IMO.

Having said that, I love Facebook, I can work out the nutter parents without even talking to them !

Meant in humor!

Edited by RuntotheRiver, 23 June 2019 - 08:55 PM.


#56 Octopodes

Posted 23 June 2019 - 09:08 PM

View PostBut seriously, on 23 June 2019 - 08:05 PM, said:

They might be just as misunderstood but to compare their challenges to a child with real disability is offensive. One has great opportunity - with some extra effort by parents and teachers, the other isn't. Those of us in the intellectual disability category live in a world you couldn't fathom.
Where did I compare?

I said both groups of children have challenges, frustrations and are misunderstood, I didn't compare them. I never implied or suggested giftedness is a disability.

I didn't realise his giftedness made my kid's autism 'not real'. I'll make sure to tell him his giant brain negates his autism, he will be so pleased to know he's been imagining all of those social/emotional struggles he's had his whole life.

#57 annamosas

Posted 23 June 2019 - 09:22 PM

I wasn't sure whether to post or not. Don't want to be negative but I have an almost 11 year old daughter who can't walk, talk, eat or really do anything for herself. She never has and probably never will. She will live with me forever and will most probably die early of something sh*tty like pneumonia or a seizure. She is so far from average it is not funny. She is also a spectacular little girl and I love her so much it hurts.

Average is wonderful. Regular is just perfect. Happy, healthy, easy going, good humans? Sounds like you have wonderful children.

I am not having a dig at you OP because I understand where you are coming from. But seriously let it go. Enjoy average. Don't compare your kids or your parenting. Make decisions through passion not fear and then own those decisions. I honestly adore my little girl but it is incredibly hard physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lucky they are.

#58 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 23 June 2019 - 09:24 PM

View Post3rd time lucky, on 23 June 2019 - 02:05 PM, said:

Hi All,

This is just musing basically....

I feel like I’m surrounded by lots of talented children... and mine seem very average in comparison.
Adding a disclaimer right here that I think my kids are perfect and fabulous, and have their own unique personalities and I wouldn’t swap them for anything. Plus they are healthy, and besides the usual kid problems, they are overall easy. So I am beyond grateful for that.

I guess there just seems like so many of my friends children are particularly excelling in certain areas - eg. Making state / national teams in their chosen sports, applying to gifted selective programs for high schools as they are gifted etc.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my parenting - I’m rather ‘relaxed’ ie I’d never force them into activities and since they haven’t got one particular interest, they never really want to stick to something for more than a year, neither are particularly interested in team sports...

I guess I worry that if I pushed them or encouraged them more they’d achieve more? And maybe they aren’t reaching their potential?

On the other hand - they’re happy, doing well at school, good socially... so no need to worry at all.

Think I need to get off facebook where every second person seems to be sharing their children’s wonderful achievements ������������

Like I said, just musing, and wondering if others feel the same?
I wanted to respond to your OP, because it seems to have been lost in the debate that developed.

I understand. I have very "average" kids. Sometimes I wonder whether I could have put more effort in.I am a perfectionist and an academic nerd. I have had to accept that this is me, and not them. They are not sporting naturals at all. They have no particular areas of brilliance.

I think for me the lessons came in realising academia/sport/ is not everything, and that I have young adults who are genuinely good people, who work hard and have sound ethics and a social conscience.

Yes. I know that others have kids with special needs and that is not easy. I know that parenting a gifted child is not easy. But I also relate to the OP. I think it is another example of where we all suffer from comparing ourselves to others. It is also an example of where we start to enter the parental p*ssing competition of "you do not have a right to worry, because my child is gifted and it is hard/has special needs and it is hard". I get frustrated that we all feel the need to justify instead of accepting that everyone's journey is their own and holds its own challenges, even if they are not the same as yours.

Edited by SkeptiHandsOnMum, 23 June 2019 - 09:28 PM.


#59 night jasmine

Posted 23 June 2019 - 09:42 PM

Yeah but perspective is important.

I don’t mind FB posts about kids’ achievements. Good on them. Infinitely better than hearing about hard times or reading annoying inspirational memes.

#60 DM. 2012

Posted 23 June 2019 - 09:46 PM

I don’t care at all if my son (7) or step son (16) aren’t high achievers at anything.  As long as they grow up to be good people, not crimals and not drug addicts, I’ll be happy.

My son had sports day last week and came last by far in his 60m race but he had fun in that and the other activities on the day and that’s all that matters.

#61 Jingleflea

Posted 23 June 2019 - 10:41 PM

DD rather proudly announced she came last in one race, and second last in the other last week.

AS long as she tried I'm ok with that. Someone has to come last!

#62 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 23 June 2019 - 10:44 PM

I think we are too focused on being amazing at everything these days. I'm happy with average. Even for me, I'm happy just being average.

#63 Prancer is coming

Posted 23 June 2019 - 11:03 PM

View PostDM. 2012, on 23 June 2019 - 09:46 PM, said:

I don’t care at all if my son (7) or step son (16) aren’t high achievers at anything.  As long as they grow up to be good people, not crimals and not drug addicts, I’ll be happy.

My son had sports day last week and came last by far in his 60m race but he had fun in that and the other activities on the day and that’s all that matters.

See, I think this is FB worthy.  But I would probably post about how much fun he had, how proud I was of him having a go and find a cute pic.  I sometimes see posts along these lines and I think it is easy to think the kid did well when they did not necessarily do so,or showed great sportsmanship or effort which are fabulous qualities.  It is all about perspective and I am proud of pretty much everything the kids do, even though they are not representing the state.

Should just add I am not a serial fb poster, maybe once every few weeks which I don’t think is excessive or bragging!

I do get the point scepti is making.  Looking at IQ stats, 50% of the population average.  Only a handful of people are making state teams.  And so much of sport is about talent. Yes, practising heaps will dramatically  improve your game, but not necessarily make you a state player.  And stuff like your height and resting heart rate can have a huge impact on whether you excel at sport.  So basically, I don’t think you can create a gifted child or state player, so I don’t beat myself up for not doing enough.  So being average is what most people are.

#64 #YKG

Posted 23 June 2019 - 11:49 PM

Let’s be honest very few of the worlds population is actually in the very small percentage of truely gifted or genius realm. Approx only 2.5% of the worlds population have an IQ over 140, the remainder 97.5% are anywhere between below average to above average. I highly doubt every parent has a kid that is genuinely considered gifted/genius.

I really do think the term gifted is very overused and tends to be used in place of talented. People tend to excel in the area they are passionate about, they may exceed their age range in that subject/topic/sport/craft but that makes them talented or people that put more work into that area.

I do realise my opinion may not be popular, but most of us are average, most of our kids, friends, family members are average, there isn’t t anything wrong with that.

#65 Ellie bean

Posted 24 June 2019 - 01:03 AM

Another reason I’m glad I’m not on Facebook, I wouldn’t have a clue what people post.

#66 Drat

Posted 24 June 2019 - 07:33 AM

My niece and nephew are gifted. One was doing high school math by the age of 5 or 6, and surpassed my level of math by 7. My SIL has them in a hundred different activities a week and boasts about how amazing they are at every activity. Their grandfather regularly boasts that they will be doctors or prime minister etc.
The dark side that facebook doesn't see is the explosive behaviour from them. My niece has been suspended from school 3 or 4 times and she's in year 3. She's put the school into lockdown multiple times.

Our daughter shows a few similar early qualities as her cousins at age 2. I really hope that she is perfectly average and just learns to work hard at things. Every time their grandfather posts something about how clever or exceptional our daughter is, I delete it. I'm a musician and i'm actually proud to say that I was never exceptional or gifted, but I worked really hard and continuously to get where I am, and that is so much more important!

I do think it's great looking on facebook seeing what everyone's kids are doing, whether it's a cute drawing or representing australia in sports!

#67 alchetta

Posted 24 June 2019 - 07:52 AM

Haven't read all the replies but look at it this way, your kids have their whole lives ahead of them to enjoy whatever achievements come their way, and probably won't suffer burnout at crunch time like exams or uni, and probably won't spend their twenties and thirties worried that they haven't "made it" enough in some spectacular career.

And yes, average when it also comes with healthy is something wonderful. It is probably really hard if not impossible not to take that for granted unless you've been faced with a child who has an issue or issues whether a seriously debilitating disability or a mild physical deformity. That's not to patronise, but to celebrate average. And get off that insidious life sucking fakebook!

Your kids sound like a dream!

#68 Fahrook

Posted 24 June 2019 - 08:33 AM

Your children love you and are loved.  They contribute to your family and the worlds of the people around them.  Everyone does things daily that contributes to society, whether it’s driving a bus, curing cancer, getting the shopping done or just smiling at someone who is having a bad day. (sometimes none of those things).  It is enough.

You are no less a good parent than the parents of the person who discovers a cure for cancer.

Edited by Fahrook, 24 June 2019 - 08:37 AM.


#69 just roses

Posted 24 June 2019 - 08:41 AM

View PostIShallWearMidnight, on 23 June 2019 - 10:44 PM, said:

I think we are too focused on being amazing at everything these days. I'm happy with average. Even for me, I'm happy just being average.
Further to this, I'm happy with just being happy.

#70 Beancat

Posted 24 June 2019 - 08:45 AM

I was that kid among my cohort of high achievers - studied a bit, ok at sport, got a job at the local takeaway at 15, didn't go to the top university.  I had lots of friends etc

Now I look at my friends from high school compared to myself- all of them but one (she was 'average' too) married "well" and a are stay at home mums dependent on their husbands wages and complaining about how bored they are are.  They all dropped out of their professions - medicine, pharmacy, law and nursing.  I know its not a large sample but an interesting little case study

And me as little miss average, I deal with a bit of anxiety and life is crazy  busy, but I am generally pretty happy still coasting along :)

#71 StoneFoxArrow

Posted 24 June 2019 - 09:01 AM

View Postkimasa, on 23 June 2019 - 04:01 PM, said:

I work in an area with a lot of competitive schools, both public and private, and fascinatingly there appears to be no average children there. Everyone is gifted. Every child is apparently totally passionate bout Moby d*ck. Oh and they all win awards, and the parents tell each other about it, loudly, in the middle of a public building. I can imagine what their social media accounts look like, especially when I have to step to the side when they are taking a "pulling a Moby d*ck copy off the shelf" photo (seriously, they really do love that book).

Did I miss the memo on Moby D*ck? I don't think I've even read it :ph34r:

View PostJenflea, on 23 June 2019 - 05:36 PM, said:

Not everyone can be a brilliant prodigy.
Not everyone can cure cancer or represent their country in  a sport.
The world will ALWAYS need average people who plug along in their jobs, getting shirt done, keeping the world running.

I don't care if DD is average, I DO care if she's happy, polite, and able to stand up for herself in life.

And no one knows what's going on in the day to day of these kids, the anxiety, the nightmares or whatever. We only get to see the best things.

This. There's a bit of a trend at the moment of "living your best life". It has me kind of baffled. I'm living my average, happy life, doing small things that add up. I read an article on it once (can't find it now of course). It basically said: so much of the goodness in the world is because of the normal, everyday people, doing normal everyday things. Raising good children, volunteering a their local community group etc. etc. not all of the grand, posted about on instagram/facebook things. Those are good too, and important, but the world is made up of people doing little everyday things. There's nothing wrong with that being your (or your children's) life.

#72 EPZ

Posted 24 June 2019 - 09:28 AM

I said to DH the other day, I feel like every time I talk to someone, I get their child's resume.  

It it generally nice to hear achievements and great positive stories but when that is covered and they have nothing left to talk about.... :huh:

#73 seayork2002

Posted 24 June 2019 - 09:43 AM

View PostRuntotheRiver, on 24 June 2019 - 09:28 AM, said:

I said to DH the other day, I feel like every time I talk to someone, I get their child's resume.  

It it generally nice to hear achievements and great positive stories but when that is covered and they have nothing left to talk about.... :huh:

I never thought much till I read this, yes thinking back I have noticed this when I first meet people in my area which is what I would have to call 'tiger parent central' - at Scouts we talk about all sorts but through other areas yes it is a sales pitch

#74 Moukmouk

Posted 24 June 2019 - 09:47 AM

View Post#YKG, on 23 June 2019 - 11:49 PM, said:

Let’s be honest very few of the worlds population is actually in the very small percentage of truely gifted or genius realm. Approx only 2.5% of the worlds population have an IQ over 140, the remainder 97.5% are anywhere between below average to above average. I highly doubt every parent has a kid that is genuinely considered gifted/genius.

I really do think the term gifted is very overused and tends to be used in place of talented. People tend to excel in the area they are passionate about, they may exceed their age range in that subject/topic/sport/craft but that makes them talented or people that put more work into that area.

I do realise my opinion may not be popular, but most of us are average, most of our kids, friends, family members are average, there isn’t t anything wrong with that.

So much this. We had something come home from school the other day that said 10% of the population is gifted. No, they're not. There is a difference between being bright, being a high achiever, working hard and being truly gifted. But all these kids who are bright are being labelled gifted, and then the "average" ones are forgotten about. Reports have just come out and there is uproar that the kids in the "gifted" stream haven't got the grades their parents were expecting. My average DD on the other hand who has been working hard got quite a few Bs. And DS is decidedly average. Compared to where he was a few years ago, that's amazing.

#75 Beancat

Posted 24 June 2019 - 09:52 AM

View PostStoneFoxArrow, on 24 June 2019 - 09:01 AM, said:

Did I miss the memo on Moby D*ck? I don't think I've even read it :ph34r:



This. There's a bit of a trend at the moment of "living your best life". It has me kind of baffled. I'm living my average, happy life, doing small things that add up. I read an article on it once (can't find it now of course). It basically said: so much of the goodness in the world is because of the normal, everyday people, doing normal everyday things. Raising good children, volunteering a their local community group etc. etc. not all of the grand, posted about on instagram/facebook things. Those are good too, and important, but the world is made up of people doing little everyday things. There's nothing wrong with that being your (or your children's) life.

yes this exactly!!!!   and being kind and thoughtful too.  Who cares if your kid is the best at school, sport, performing arts if they are a little Ar$ehat??
If we all just do our bit and contribute within our capacity, it is very positive




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