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‘Average’ kids


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#1 3rd time lucky

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:05 PM

Hi All,

This is just musing basically....

I feel like I’m surrounded by lots of talented children... and mine seem very average in comparison.
Adding a disclaimer right here that I think my kids are perfect and fabulous, and have their own unique personalities and I wouldn’t swap them for anything. Plus they are healthy, and besides the usual kid problems, they are overall easy. So I am beyond grateful for that.

I guess there just seems like so many of my friends children are particularly excelling in certain areas - eg. Making state / national teams in their chosen sports, applying to gifted selective programs for high schools as they are gifted etc.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my parenting - I’m rather ‘relaxed’ ie I’d never force them into activities and since they haven’t got one particular interest, they never really want to stick to something for more than a year, neither are particularly interested in team sports...

I guess I worry that if I pushed them or encouraged them more they’d achieve more? And maybe they aren’t reaching their potential?

On the other hand - they’re happy, doing well at school, good socially... so no need to worry at all.

Think I need to get off facebook where every second person seems to be sharing their children’s wonderful achievements 🤣🤣

Like I said, just musing, and wondering if others feel the same?

#2 3rd time lucky

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:11 PM

Op here -

I guess I should add, this also applies to what my kids do around home ie. a friend showing me some cupcake creations her 10 year old daughter had done - the decorating was amazing! Better than I could do- I’m rubbish at baking 🤣
It just made me think my kids are no where near capable of that -but really cos I haven’t taught them!

#3 José

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:12 PM

before becoming a parent i hoped for an average child.

i have a child with additional needs. i still very much wish i had an average child.

as for facebook, im sure youre aware people generally just share the highlights, its not an accurate representation of their day to day life.


#4 3rd time lucky

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:16 PM

Im sorry Jose- my apologies if my post is offensive.

#5 turbulent

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:17 PM

Your kids have lovely personalities, healthy and unique? You are doing just fine and are on the rise. If I had Facebook and you were my friend on there..I would be thinking you were amazing.

Edited to say sorry I have just realised I’m no help there

Edited by turbulent, 23 June 2019 - 02:19 PM.


#6 Octopodes

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:26 PM

Another who wishes they had an average kid. Juggling the conflicting needs of a child who is gifted and has autism is difficult and exhausting.

Parents with regular, bog standard kids don't know how good they have it.

#7 3rd time lucky

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:26 PM

I never post on Facebook as I have nothing to post and am very private anyway!

I’m thinking I need to get off Facebook, as it’s not good for my mental health ... I’m just nosey and worried to miss important announcements...?

I think it also boils down to worrying that my relaxed nature (?laziness!!) doesn’t help my kids be their own best??

#8 ERipley

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:32 PM

Are you at a private school or in a well-to-do area? I think that skews things a lot. Parents of gifted children are often forced to make huge sacrifices to get their children into schools that provide sufficient stimulation for them, so there’s a higher amount in certain schools which may may it seem like it’s everywhere.

It could also just be Facebook, as you say. People don’t tend to post about their children getting a C in maths, or failing to get into the netball finals, or burning a cake. Their kids will do plenty of that too though. That’s just being human.

I’ve heard a lot about the daily struggles of people with gifted children. Emotional intensity often goes hand in hand. Having easy, loving, happy children is incredibly fortunate.

#9 ERipley

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:34 PM

 ERipley, on 23 June 2019 - 02:32 PM, said:

Are you at a private school or in a well-to-do area? I think that skews things a lot. Parents of gifted children are often forced to make huge sacrifices to get their children into schools that provide sufficient stimulation for them, so there’s a higher amount in certain schools which may may it seem like it’s everywhere.

It could also just be Facebook, as you say. People don’t tend to post about their children getting a C in maths, or failing to get into the netball finals, or burning a cake. Their kids will do plenty of that too though. That’s just being human.

I’ve heard a lot about the daily struggles of people with gifted children. Emotional intensity often goes hand in hand. Having easy, loving, happy and healthy children is incredibly fortunate.


#10 BornToLove

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:38 PM

One of DD’s closest friends is super gifted - top of the class, plays several instruments, does dance etc. Very talented kid.

Anyways, one term the girls happen to have swim classes at the same time. DD is a good 3-4 levels above her friend, overall advanced for her age. Her mum was very impressed with how well my DD swims. She said to me, she wished her kids were decent swimmers as she feels it’s a life skill more important than music and dance classes she has them in.

I guess what I’m saying is that it works both ways. I know my DD isn’t competitive so moving up to more intensive level of sports just isn’t her thing. But she’s quite artistic and I have been encouraging her to explore her talents there.

#11 Avocado tree

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:49 PM

OP I know exactly how you feel.  Neither of mine excel at any extra curricular activity, in fact they only do one each.  I have a chronic illness so alot of that is me not having the energy to take them to activities but they also lack interest.  They don’t even ride bikes which I always thought was an essential childhood skill.

I do wonder if we should be pushing them to do more.  But I see alot of kids doing lots of activities, and I wonder how six year olds can sustain doing after school activities 3-4 nights a week.  

Not sure what the answer is!

#12 Ozquoll

Posted 23 June 2019 - 02:57 PM

There’s just no end once we start comparing ourselves (and our kids) to others, is there? 🤔. I know of an (friend of a friend) astrophysicist who feels like he has failed because he hasn’t published a book or been invited to go on TV the way some of his colleagues have 😯. This is a guy whose IQ would be in the top 0.001%.

#13 peckingbird

Posted 23 June 2019 - 03:06 PM

Best saying I’ve ever heard in relation to Facebook/social media:

“Don’t compare your everyday to someone else’s highlight reel”

Just enjoy your precious little ones!

#14 seayork2002

Posted 23 June 2019 - 03:16 PM

My son is perfectly average I just take it as life is what happens when we are worrying about everything as in I happy with what I do have not what I dont

#15 ~J_WTF~

Posted 23 June 2019 - 03:33 PM

Be grateful for average....

Not everyone was designed to exceptional. It’s perfectly ok to be average and content with life.

#16 Jane Jetson

Posted 23 June 2019 - 03:34 PM

Mine both have ADHD so honestly, I'm just happy if they remember to bring their PE gear on the right day :shrug:

Particularly after the occasion that DD1 wandered out into the car and I drove her all the way to school, at which point she realised she'd forgotten to wear shoes entirely...

#17 3rd time lucky

Posted 23 June 2019 - 03:49 PM

Public school, but I guess it’s a suburb which due to rising house prices would now be considered middle to upper class...

Avocado tree - mine don’t ride bikes either!!! 😎😎 I’ve tried- they seem to lack the will and coordination 🤣

What you all say makes perfect sense. And I love my kids as they are, and am grateful for their health and easy ness.

Like I said, just musing...

Average is very lucky really.

#18 kimasa

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:01 PM

I work in an area with a lot of competitive schools, both public and private, and fascinatingly there appears to be no average children there. Everyone is gifted. Every child is apparently totally passionate bout Moby d*ck. Oh and they all win awards, and the parents tell each other about it, loudly, in the middle of a public building. I can imagine what their social media accounts look like, especially when I have to step to the side when they are taking a "pulling a Moby d*ck copy off the shelf" photo (seriously, they really do love that book).

But when you run youth programs and interact with the kids without the parents present it's a whole different story. Suddenly we care way more about the newest Dog Man book and everyone got a certificate for netball, not just one person.

I keep that in mind with my daughter. I have some of her friend's parents on Facebook and yeah, it does seem like they're excelling at things and are little geniuses. There was a picture a few weeks ago of her best friend with a bouquet of flowers after her dance concert and she looked brilliant, like a little professional. But she's just a normal 6yr old.

#19 night jasmine

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:06 PM

Average, happy, relaxed, blend in effortlessly, healthy? How very lucky.

#20 melib

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:10 PM

OP - I hear you! I have had this exact thought. My kids are happy, average kids and I wouldn't change them for the world. However, everyone else seems to have kids being elected as school captains, doing representative sport and winning academic awards. I am not unhappy with my lot, but I had noticed I seem to be surrounded by high achievers.

#21 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:21 PM

 Jane Jetson, on 23 June 2019 - 03:34 PM, said:

Mine both have ADHD so honestly, I'm just happy if they remember to bring their PE gear on the right day :shrug:

Particularly after the occasion that DD1 wandered out into the car and I drove her all the way to school, at which point she realised she'd forgotten to wear shoes entirely...

OT but we were driving to Orange or similar for a family reunion - all staying in cabins on a farm where much bush walking and walking through mud would happen (in winter) ...we pulled up at a Maccas for lunch on the road, ds was reluctant to get out of the car, claimed he wasn’t hungry - when pressed it turned out he had no shoes on. “but you packed some in your bag?” we asked him. um, no. so a detour to the nearest town was required in order to buy him the cheapest pair of runners we could find. slow clap DS. even he conceded he had been a bit of a daft prick on that occasion.

back to topic - yeh my kids are average. particularly when it comes to sport. so many of my fb friends have kids “going through to zone” - one friend posted her three kids and their impressive trophy haul over the space of a weekend - something like 9 trophies between them. amazing. mine - nada. younger ds has one lonely ribbon thingy which was a participation award for junior soccer - which everyone got. that’s it. doesn’t seem to worry them....



#22 Overtherainbow

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:31 PM

Take what people say with a grain of salt.

I’ve heard people brag about their child’s levels to others. These chn are average students.

Some sports are easier to progress with than others (or other talented athletes are ruled out due to the cost).

Praise your child for their accomplishments, support them through their weaknesses, and raise chn who are loving, compassionate, enthusiastic and respectful. It’ll mean so much more in the long term.

I put my joyous moments and my kids celebrated moments on fb. Doesn’t mean that we don’t have our less than average moments, they just aren’t on social media.

#23 lizzzard

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:43 PM

 Jane Jetson, on 23 June 2019 - 03:34 PM, said:

Particularly after the occasion that DD1 wandered out into the car and I drove her all the way to school, at which point she realised she'd forgotten to wear shoes entirely...

Oi....I got half way down the street the other day before I realised I still had my house slippers on....:p

#24 Elizabethandfriend

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:44 PM

I have the two extremes with my kids.  One motivated high achieving DD who is talented at sport and music and strong academically and one DS with ADHD who would also go to school without shoes if someone didn't do the thinking for him...…  

Interestingly, I do find that I get more genuine joy out of my DS's small accomplishments than my DD's constant big successes, despite what my Facebook feed might show.

#25 Jane Jetson

Posted 23 June 2019 - 04:47 PM

 lizzzard, on 23 June 2019 - 04:43 PM, said:

Oi....I got half way down the street the other day before I realised I still had my house slippers on.... :p

:laugh:

To be fair, I did it too. Arrive at the mall, look at my feet, see the slippers.

"Uh, guys, quick trip to Payless Shoes before we go anywhere else..."




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