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Lost & don’t know what to do


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#1 udontnome

Posted 13 June 2019 - 06:04 PM

Ok so I know this is a common theme for me - I guess like everyone I’m trying to work out my place in the world & it’s just not coming together.   Firstly I’m living somewhere I really don’t want to but unless I want to leave my kids moving is not an option at this point.   I started a new job 3 months ago - similar career path but different environment that I have never worked in before - im feeling extremely overwhelmed & just when I feel like I’m making some headway my upper management has completely cut me down - apparently their expectation would be that I would be 100% competent by now & even though my boss has explained I am improving & it’s all new for me.  He is going part time in a couple of weeks so even more pressure will be placed on me.  My mental health is not great at the best of times & I already have my own high expectations so I’m not sure how I can cope with the added pressure.  I am tempted to give my notice tomorrow & hope I get something quickly.    I also have been working a night job 5 nights a week which is fine but I feel quite fatigued - the main purpose is the job assists paying the school fees of my eldest son.  I have asked to reduce these hours but I have been told i have to work 5 nights.  

I feel lost in my career & I don’t even know where to start in terms of changing & still being able to pay my bills.   My current career is no longer something I feel good about & it actually feels like a drain.

#2 Navy Blue

Posted 13 June 2019 - 07:37 PM

You've been through a LOT OP. I admire your strength to stay on course, always doing the best for your kids.

Could you just keep the night work - would that pay enough?

Have you got any orders relating to who is meant to pay the school fees, or could you talk to the school about a concession for the fees?

#3 Chelli

Posted 13 June 2019 - 09:49 PM

If it were me, I'd start looking around for something else. No job is worth your mental health, it just isn't. Maybe for the time being you look for something that doesn't require as much strategic planning while you decide which direction you want to go in.

All the best with it.

#4 udontnome

Posted Yesterday, 08:04 AM

Thank you for your reply.   I think you’re right I need to look for something less responsibility & pressure for a bit.  Hopefully I can make an arrangement with the school.  It’s unlikely that my ex will contribute any money towards school fees.

#5 born.a.girl

Posted Yesterday, 08:27 AM

I remember your threads.  You will look back on this period of your life and realise what enormous pressure you were under and marvel at what you achieved.

#6 Sincerely

Posted Yesterday, 09:12 AM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 17 June 2019 - 08:27 AM, said:

I remember your threads.  You will look back on this period of your life and realise what enormous pressure you were under and marvel at what you achieved.

Yes. OP, you sound amazing. It clearly sounds like you are indispensable at your night job if they won't let you reduce your hours even slightly and also must be performing spectacularly well in your new job if your boss is planning to reduce hours and hand over some of his workload to you (after you've only been in your position for three months).

Your work hours do seem untenable in the long term though, so I hope some arrangement can be made with the school fees. In the meantime, even if you are getting little job satisfaction, you should at least know that you are doing an amazing job as a parent, employee and all round individual.

PS: I suspect upper management couldn't do the job you are doing. Upper administrators look good by trimming staff and pushing those at the coal face to take on as much workload as they can possibly bear (sometimes more). Front line workers are seldom appreciated even though they are the ones that keep organisations going.

Edited by Sincerely, Yesterday, 09:14 AM.


#7 Octopodes

Posted Yesterday, 09:13 AM

Can you move schools? I know it can be hard on a kid to leave friends etc, but if it is a choice between that and your mental health...

Once the pressure of school fees is gone, you might be able to cut back on work a little

#8 udontnome

Posted Yesterday, 09:24 AM

 Octopodes, on 17 June 2019 - 09:13 AM, said:

Can you move schools? I know it can be hard on a kid to leave friends etc, but if it is a choice between that and your mental health...

Once the pressure of school fees is gone, you might be able to cut back on work a little

I am reluctant to do this as this is the 3rd school my son has been to in less than 3 years.  I don’t feel like it is fair to change him again.

#9 Octopodes

Posted Yesterday, 09:43 AM

View Postudontnome, on 17 June 2019 - 09:24 AM, said:

I am reluctant to do this as this is the 3rd school my son has been to in less than 3 years.  I don’t feel like it is fair to change him again.
That is tough, OP. I would be reluctant in that situation as well. His mental well being is important too. How many years does he have left at the school?

Is the requirement to work two jobs a long term or short term necessity? It definitely sounds like the day job isn't working for you and a change might help ease the stress.

#10 udontnome

Posted Today, 10:21 AM

I’ve quit my day job - I have nothing to go to but I’m drowning here & it gets worse every day.   Now I’m freaking out about whether I can get another job?   Honestly everything feels hopeless at the moment - I can’t get it together.  Nothing seems to work & I don’t seem to fit anywhere.

#11 Holidayromp

Posted Today, 10:46 AM

I think that you seriously will need to review the private school.

You will not be of any assistance if you are drowning in debt and completely stressed as a result.

Whilst you are not happy about changing schools it would be the best course of action to relief to relieve your immediate financial situation and in the long term.




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