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Would you report this to the police?

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#1 balletmum

Posted 22 May 2019 - 08:37 AM

Last Thursday morning my daughter's boyfriend (now ex boyfriend), stole $1900 from me. He was staying the night and after my daughter left for work at 5am, he got up went into my purse took my debit card, went and withdrew the money from an ATM, then came back and put my card back in my purse. It was easy to work out it was him as my son has autism and can't use an ATM, and I have complete trust in my daughter, she would never steal from me - and has no need as she knows I will usually loan her money for things - and she always pays me back.

I was able to confirm via the apartment foyer security cameras that showed him leave and come back at that time. He was also due to stay again that night so my daughter brought him back and we confronted him and he admitted it (after initially lying). He said that he was desperate however this had to have been premeditated. Two - three weeks ago I accidentally left my card in my car that my daughter drove to an event because her car had broken down. She needed to borrow money for a business expense and instead of transferring it I told her to just use my card as it was easier. He must have purposely watched her use my pin.

I found out on the day he took the money that he had actually taken $300 from my daughter a couple of weeks earlier telling her that she had said it was ok (she didn't), previous to this he had withdrawn $80 from an account she doesn't use much so didn't notice that her card was missing. We have also had smaller amounts of cash disappear over time that couldn't be proven.

He has been proven to be a compulsive liar and is already in trouble with the police due to money issues.

I've wanted him out of our lives for quite awhile as I could tell he was a conman and knew how to make my daughter feel guilty when she had not done anything wrong... but I couldn't do anything without pushing her away... the one time I did he knew how to manipulate the situation.

His mum said she would pay me back the money stolen, but I've still lost so much more, I lent him money over time when I still trusted him and nothing has been paid back & I had to pay about $375 to change the locks and get new keys because my keys disappeared when he was here one time.

I was initially so shocked I didn't think to call the police because I kept thinking about family members who had similar issues and I would hate to see them in jail... but I have been angrier and angrier as time has gone on, and quite frankly I actually feel violated, and if I lived in a house rather than an extremely secure apartment building I know I'd be scared there. It's not so much being physically scared of him as he is all about the manipulation - I don't think he would physically attack anyone (or at least a woman)... but just the act of going into my bag makes me feel sick, and not safe.

I know after all this I actually sound like an idiot even having to ask if I should report it... especially as I'm realising letting it go sends a very bad message to my daughter that he should be forgiven for this. I suppose I'm just looking for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing going to the police as I still have that little voice in the back of my head saying that once kids (although he is 18), are in the system they often stay in the system... have to keep reminding myself that his actions escalated.

Thanks for any advice/support

#2 Lou-bags

Posted 22 May 2019 - 08:39 AM

Yes I would. Absolutely you are doing the right thing. Even if his remorse was genuine, it doesn’t give him a free pass for committing a crime.

#3 Nobodyelse

Posted 22 May 2019 - 08:40 AM

Stolen $2k? Yes, I'd absolutely report it.

#4 Luci

Posted 22 May 2019 - 08:46 AM

Yes I would report it. I thought that there were camera's at most ATM's - he may well have been filmed withdrawing the money.

#5 laridae

Posted 22 May 2019 - 08:58 AM

Yes. Absolutely report it.

#6 SeaPrincess

Posted 22 May 2019 - 08:58 AM

How does your daughter feel about him being reported to the police? Will it help her get out of what is clearly a bad situation, or ruin your relationship and drive her to him?

TBH, the time to report it was probably before you confronted him.

#7 Romeo Void

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:02 AM

Hell yes!  He needs to be stopped.  Think of it as doing him a favour, you may pull him up and get him to see the error of his ways.

#8 No Drama Please

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:03 AM

I would call the police. I know it’s scary thinking that you might upset your daughter and that he might retaliate, but what he’s done is illiegal and there’s no reason to believe that unstopped he will not just escalate further and things will become more difficult and dangerous for your daughter.

I’m very sorry you are in this position, best of luck x

#9 annodam

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:19 AM

Hell yeah!
He’s probably done it before (to others) & will do it again too.
No one just flogs nearly 2 grand from someone’s account just like that!

How brazen!
What, did he think he wasn’t going to get caught?

#10 *Nasty*Squeekums*

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:39 AM

Damn straight I'd be reporting him to the cops
You don't steal that amount of cash from me and get away with it

#11 doubledelight

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:49 AM

It sounds like his mother is practiced at bailing him out.  He needs to be held accountable for his choices.  He isn't a child, obviously he needs to be taught right from wrong.  

I'm glad that he's out of your daughters life but reporting him might save someone elses daughter.

#12 Holidayromp

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:55 AM

There are three  ways about this.

You get every cent paid back plus costs like changing locks etc by mum


Go to the police and not seeing a cent as mum digs her heels in due to reporting her precious boy


Claim the money and then report

Edited by Holidayromp, 22 May 2019 - 09:55 AM.

#13 hills mum bec

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:55 AM

Has the mother actually repaid you yet?  I feel like it should be reported to the police but on the other hand if you do I think you can kiss that money goodbye.  There is no way you can force the mother to repay her son's debt and if you get the police involved I wouldn't be surprised if she goes back on her word.  Legally the son should be paying you back but if he has already spent it and has no other money it will be like getting blood out of a stone.

#14 Soontobegran

Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:56 AM

Yes, you will be doing him a favour.

How old are they?

#15 Mollycoddle

Posted 22 May 2019 - 10:04 AM

Yes absolutely report it.  It likely won't land him gaol anyway, even if it were to get to court the sentences for this sort of offence are laughable.  Regarding you feeling for the family members who have done similar and not wanting them punished, maybe now you might think more of the poor victims.  I am pretty hard when it comes to stuff like this as I've seen so, so many people (and have been myself) ripped off by thieves and crackheads.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 22 May 2019 - 10:06 AM.

#16 Gudrun

Posted 22 May 2019 - 10:20 AM

Yes. And with the back story.

#17 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 22 May 2019 - 11:20 AM

Yes I would.

#18 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 22 May 2019 - 11:31 AM

I wouldn't hesitate to report the thefts to the police.

#19 ~Bob~

Posted 22 May 2019 - 11:48 AM

I don’t think that you will get your money back if you do that. I would be inclined to tell them that you will report it if you don’t get your money back by x date. If they paid it back then I wouldn’t. I guess I’m putting you getting your money back over teaching him a lesson. From what you have said, I have no doubt that he will do this again. He will learn his lesson sooner or later.

#20 elmo_mum

Posted 22 May 2019 - 12:14 PM

Yes report it, but it seems he has access to your pin

After talking to my mil,  banker, not a lot cops can do, as he has access to your account, whether you gave it to him or not

Try and recoup the money from his mum, or through civil action

ndvyes, the law sucks balls

#21 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 22 May 2019 - 12:27 PM

 elmo_mum, on 22 May 2019 - 12:14 PM, said:

Yes report it, but it seems he has access to your pin

After talking to my mil,  banker, not a lot cops can do, as he has access to your account, whether you gave it to him or not

My mum is a banker too. The fact that someone knows your PIN (your daughter) means that your account was vulnerable because you didn't keep to your side of the security agreement for your account (don't tell your PIN to anyone).

I don't know whether I would bother with going to the police at this stage of the game. Horse bolted and all that.

He's going to do it again, it sounds like it is an established pattern for him.

#22 Avocado tree

Posted 22 May 2019 - 12:38 PM

He will just move onto the next innocent victim once he is out of your life, so to save someone else the trauma you have suffered, yes, report him.

The fact that he has manipulated your daughter before and would steal from someone who has opened up their home to him, shows a few narcissistic personality traits.  Those people reek havoc on everyone who comes into their life.  They feel untouchable -  show him that he isn’t.

#23 literally nobody

Posted 22 May 2019 - 01:38 PM

a million % id report him. he will keep doing this to others otherwise.

#24 Neko NoNo

Posted 22 May 2019 - 02:13 PM

please change ALL your passwords and PIN to something he won't be able to guess.

what an awful thing to happen

#25 WTFJerk

Posted 22 May 2019 - 02:18 PM

It depends on how much you need the money.  From where i sit I’d go to the police, but I’m in a position where I could absorb the loss.

Regardless, prioritise your daughter and upping security on all your accounts.

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