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Fluffy spinoff -- Using people's names in conversation -- yes or no?


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#1 Nasty Poobah

Posted 16 May 2019 - 05:50 PM

In the thread about talking to yourself a point was raised about some people not using people's actual names in conversation when talking to them (described an actual "linguistic thingamajig" -- if someone knows more about this I'd be grateful to know what the term is)

I generally feel really uncomfortable when people pepper their conversation with my name. I mean if they're already talking to me then they presumably know who's having the conversation. Or are they reminding themselves? It always makes me feel like they're trying to either sell me something or tell me off.

So where does this (sometimes very forceful) need to continually call your fellow conversationalist by name come from? Is it a taught technique for some reason (I think there must be a reason I associate it with a sales pitch)?

I understand using someone's name to get their attention or in a group situation but it feels really weird in a one-to-one chat.

So am I strange? Or are these people the odd ones?

#2 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 16 May 2019 - 05:56 PM

How does that go? How does one use your name when you’re right in front of them? Can’t say I’ve ever noticed it happening to me.

I rarely use people’s names, with or without them, cause I can never remember their name anyway so what’s the point, I’ll just get it wrong.

#3 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 16 May 2019 - 05:57 PM

People who have trouble remembering names will often do this. I do it if I am determined to remember a name, or if I have a habit of thinking of a certain acquaintance by the wrong name.

I also do it at work, as a means of telling people that they are important and an individual to me (medical field).

#4 TheGreenSheep

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:06 PM

I sometimes do that when trying to remember someone’s name. But I don’t keep going with it.

#5 raspberry sherbert

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:08 PM

It makes me feel very uncomfortable when other people do it to me. I never do it to other people.

#6 lizzzard

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:08 PM

I think sales people (or people who are trying to 'sell' me on their ideas) do this and it seems so fake to me! Once or twice I am okay with...but more than that makes me feel like they are trying to manipulate me, and hence is just a bit annoying.

#7 Caitlin Happymeal

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:11 PM

Yeah i hate it... i feel like i'm in trouble or being lectured...

#8 Treasure Island

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:22 PM

It is a known technique for remembering a name you have just learnt. Apart from that I see no reason to do it.

#9 kimasa

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:45 PM

View Post~LemonMyrtle~, on 16 May 2019 - 05:56 PM, said:

How does that go? How does one use your name when you’re right in front of them? Can’t say I’ve ever noticed it happening to me.

I know someone who does this, and it usually goes like this
"Kimasa did you watch Masterchef last night? Oh Kimasa, what a laugh, Kimasa did you see the bit with the undercooked chicken, Kimasa, how could anyone serve that knowing that they will score bad?"

#10 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:51 PM

View Postkimasa, on 16 May 2019 - 06:45 PM, said:



I know someone who does this, and it usually goes like this
"Kimasa did you watch Masterchef last night? Oh Kimasa, what a laugh, Kimasa did you see the bit with the undercooked chicken, Kimasa, how could anyone serve that knowing that they will score bad?"

Yeah, that’s weird.

#11 can'tstayaway

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:54 PM

I assume that they’re trying to remember my name.

I’m terrible with names and just avoid using any names with everyone so it’s not obvious I can’t remember lol

#12 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 16 May 2019 - 06:54 PM

isn’t it a “how to win friends and influence people” technique to ensure you remember their name? dunno...a mate of dh’s does it. i do find it jarring, but it’s his thing. i don’t do it...and, as it turns out, i am hopeless at remembering people’s names.

#13 ~J_WTF~

Posted 16 May 2019 - 07:46 PM

I hate it when people do that. It makes me feel really unsettled, I tend to distance myself from the person and I miss most of what they are saying because all I can focus on is my name being said over and over...

It seems to be a certain type of person who does it too.

#14 seayork2002

Posted 16 May 2019 - 07:57 PM

I have probably in the past known people who do do it but not currently, I don't think it would bother me but my mum calls me my sister's name more other than not and I answer to that (same for her)

#15 Mmmcheese

Posted 16 May 2019 - 08:01 PM

We played a drinking game once where we took a shot everytime we used someone's name. There was a great range from drunk to sober and I was very sober.

#16 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 16 May 2019 - 08:02 PM

Other than saying

'Excuse me, Fred - do you know how this works.... thanks, Fred.'

Or when consoling/comforting someone:

'Oh, Fred I'm so sorry to hear that...'

I don't use people's names in conversation - I think it's a bit aggressive - as though the person being addressed needs to focus on what is being said but isn't.

#17 Imaginary friend

Posted 16 May 2019 - 08:21 PM

Not sure anyone has ever over done this to me - as in Kimasa's example - but now that I think of it, I do tend to put the persons name after things like Hello, or see you later, or thanks - even though they are only one there and it is obvious who I am  greeting or thanking and therefore really no need to say their name.

No reason, just do so without thinking.

#18 Fizgig

Posted 16 May 2019 - 08:55 PM

I have had Kimasa's example happen to me and I find it really off-putting. On the other hand I realised at one stage that I rarely used other people's names (I don't know why but it makes me anxious to use someone's name) and that not using a name at all was weird. I now try to use someone's name at least once when talking to them. Often it's in the "thanks Fred" stage.

My DH never uses my name and it bothered me for a while but now I'm used to it. The only time he uses it is to call out to me in the house when there is a problem. I know if I hear my name I better go!

#19 Pink Flamingo

Posted 16 May 2019 - 09:13 PM

It feels insincere to me when people use names excessively. A customer used my name in every encounter with me the other day at work and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

#20 dopeydoo

Posted 16 May 2019 - 09:23 PM

My boss does this with me, even in emails and it always puts me on guard.

#21 ipsee

Posted 16 May 2019 - 09:41 PM

The worst boss I ever had used to do it - I can't stand it.

#22 jessiesgirl

Posted 16 May 2019 - 09:41 PM

I use people’s names a lot when I am talking to them, but only if I like them I think.  Oh Sally it was sooo funny, type of comments.  I don’t like de-personalised conversations, so when someone never uses my name, never asks me questions or refers to things we both know about I am left very unsatisfied. But there you go, i’m probably annoying everyone I talk to!

#23 CallMeFeral

Posted 16 May 2019 - 09:54 PM

I never use names. They don't come to mind naturally. Maybe that's bidirectional in causality.
I think I sort of like it when people do it, but I also find it incongruous, it really jumps out at me, but as long as the person is sincere and not a salesperson, it gives me a slight jolt of surprise that they remembered my name. Maybe that suggests nobody I know well does it (or I don't notice if they do).
A sweet old man did it today and I was surprised but it was nice. Still incongruous, but nice.

#24 ipsee

Posted 16 May 2019 - 09:54 PM

I don't mind when friends do it - but from this work guy it had a really patronising/lecturing type edge to it.

#25 Nasty Poobah

Posted 16 May 2019 - 10:21 PM

Sorry,  I didn't come back to this thread as quickly as I intended.

But so glad to know it's not just me!




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