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Undecided on 2nd child

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#26 blueskies12

Posted 16 May 2019 - 07:58 PM

Being a team of 3 is great too. I was an only child and I really loved it just being the 3 of us. I still do. People have always told me that I must be lonely?! They still do. I felt anything but lonely, I had my parents to myself and I had friends.

Do you deep down want another, yet have big worries? If it is because you are worried about birth/sleep/ etc you can put strategies into place to minimise these things. However, if you look underneath and realise it is one that you want then that is perfect too. Whichever way you go will be perfect.

#27 timtam92

Posted 16 May 2019 - 08:20 PM

My son is nearly 7. He is our only and also an only grandchild on both sides. Growing up I wanted 2-3 kids. Hubby wanted at least 2 too. I just couldn’t do it again. I have depression and anxiety and struggle with one most of the time. I had issues bonding too. I do sometimes regret not having another, but that is less frequent now.

Do what you feel is right for you. There are a lot more one child families now which makes me feel a little better.

#28 Apageintime

Posted 17 May 2019 - 09:32 AM

I always thought we'd have 2 kids.. its just kind of the done thing isn't it?

Then I had a hard pregnancy, but DS is perfect and I love parenting him. H'es 4 now and all the stages so far I have loved, newborn, toddler, preschooler all perfect in every way.

But I also don't feel the need for another, DS is great, our unit of 3 allows us to travel a fair bit, both parents work full time. Life is very very easy.

Most of my friends with 2 do not have 2 paents working full time, and the time juggle is really hard for them.

We always have reasonable baby sitting options because taking 1 child is pretty cruisy.

but mostly, we just like it, it suits us. We're happy, DS is happy. Thats enough

#29 c4a79

Posted 17 May 2019 - 10:01 AM

Unless time is against you, your child is still young so you don't have to make a decision right now.  We have a 4 year gap between ours because it would have been too much for me to have closer together.

#30 polythene

Posted 20 May 2019 - 10:13 AM

You don't need to decide now unless you're at the the age where it's "now or never".  Enjoy your baby now and see how you feel in a year's time.

We nearly had just one child. I found those first two years arduous (PND, anxiety, boredom!), even though DD was not a difficult baby and I really didn't want to do it again.  Then when she was about 2.5 I changed my mind and thought, "why not".  DS arrived when DD was 4 and it was so much easier second time around because it wasn't a steep, scary learning curve.  The four year age gap was really useful too.  They're now teens and I'm glad we had two kids after all...well, apart from the constant bickering! No way would we go for number 3, though.

And of course, you can stick with one child if that's what you want.  Only children can grow up to be sociable, well-adjusted people too.

#31 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 20 May 2019 - 12:40 PM

View Postalfoil hat, on 16 May 2019 - 09:48 AM, said:

I could have written your post. DD is 3, I have a sinking feeling every time I think of going through it again. And yet I know DH wants another one and if society says it’s a good thing, it’s probable they know better than me since there’s a lot of wise and smart people out there. I have lots of decisions in life I regret that lots of people said at the time were bad choices, yet I was adamant. I am so worried that stopping at 1 will be one of them, yet I am 90% sure I am done. I wish I had answers and I hope you find them OP.

I have 3, but... every family is different. Whats right for you isnt necessarily right for the family down the road. And society will judge us mums no matter what we do. Pick what makes your family happy.

I know lots of happy 1 child families by the way :)

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