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Should I suck it up


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#1 giggleandhoot

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:03 PM

Neighbour on one side moved in after we brought our house. I met her at our garage sale and she seemed nice. Apparently no one in the units liked her and wouldn’t let her out a sign up for her piano lessons. I told her she could use our side if she’d like. So I was super nice to her. Then came the dog poo in our mailbox. Apparently our dog had gotten into her courtyard so she put dog poo in our mail box instead of just telling me. We had no idea as we’d come home and she was in the yard. Then every time DH went out to wash cars etc she’d complain we don’t look after our trees good enough and go through which needed pruning. Then came calls from her body corporate at my work about our rain forest tree. I googled rain forest tree. I told body corporate to google too and she was nice about it but again annoying for me to deal with it. Then came a letter about god etc saying to forgive her...if I cut some trees. Then today a 3 page letter. Now she has cancer has for a year or 2. But more god stuff and we should love our neighbours. If I can run errands for her, sit for a while with her or cook a meal etc. plus my trees need pruning. I have a great relationship with our other elderly neighbours (most are old here) and always check and chat to them. Do I suck it up and talk to her? I don’t think she understands we own a few businesses in different locations. We are always running around with work or with the kids. My other neighbours understand what it’s like.  I’m sad she’s sick but I don’t have time to sit and chat to her like the elderly man across the road. And I don’t want to prune my tree. It’s beautiful and shady and not even near her house. But should I be a nice person and think she’s not around for long. Suck it up and at least visit once. I go from yes to she still managed to tell us what we’re doing wrong rather than just a nice letter saying she’d love company. Should I just suck it up and go?

Edited by giggleandhoot, 14 May 2019 - 05:07 PM.


#2 luke's mummu

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:06 PM

Yes I would prune the trees but no to running errands, cooking meals etc. They are things you offer to do if you’ve got time

#3 giggleandhoot

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:10 PM

I’m not pruning the trees. It’s not near her fence or house. It’s one stand I’m refusing to budge on. One other neighbour (units on both sides of our house filled with elderly) wanted us to remove every tree in our yard because they rustle in the wind! If the trees are close to fences etc We prune and keep tidy- but they want to have a say on every tree on our property ������

Edited by giggleandhoot, 14 May 2019 - 05:11 PM.


#4 Catticus

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:15 PM

Dog poo in your letter box? Outrageous and that would have been it for me.

No. Don't be nice. Don't engage. Withdraw any favours you've offered like that advertisement, and don't encourage contact. If you get additional poo mail, complain to the body corporate.

Protect your family. She may very well want a friend, or carer, but she cannot expect to live consequence free.

#5 Mumma_Mazikeen

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:15 PM

I know this is cynical, but you don't even know if she is telling the truth. So I probably wouldn't.

#6 rosie28

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:16 PM

She has not treated you with any respect at all. I’d ignore her altogether.

#7 Kallie88

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:19 PM

View Postrosie28, on 14 May 2019 - 05:16 PM, said:

She has not treated you with any respect at all. I’d ignore her altogether.

This

#8 giggleandhoot

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:20 PM

Thank you all. I thought I was being a horrible person!

Edited by giggleandhoot, 14 May 2019 - 05:20 PM.


#9 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:20 PM

View PostMumma_Mazikeen, on 14 May 2019 - 05:15 PM, said:

I know this is cynical, but you don't even know if she is telling the truth. So I probably wouldn't.

I agree. I wouldn't have anything to do with her at all. She sounds like a complete nutjob. Just being old doesn't give you a 'get out of jail free' card.

#10 No Drama Please

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:22 PM

I’m not interested in people who cause drama and need lots of attention. If they get sick it’s sad, same as if anyone gets sick, but I don’t let them guilt me into anything. I’d just stick with your legal obligations and leave it at that.

#11 esme weatherwax

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:22 PM

Is she elderly? Is it possible that she has early stage dementia?

#12 giggleandhoot

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:29 PM

She is elderly 81 it’s in her letter. Lol my grandparents are 95 and 93 so 81 is young in my eyes lol. No she doesn’t have dementia as far as I know. She goes into great detail from when we met at the beginning. Another neighbour had Dementia she used to knock on the door introducing herself after living next to us for 8 years. We all looked after her (despite her being another toxic cranky person) hers wasn’t personal that’s who she was lol.

#13 Black Velvet

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:35 PM

I had a neighbour like that once (but no where near as bad as yours!). I approached her nicely and gave her the opportunity to apologise for her ridiculous behaviour.

She did, in fact apologise and all was good... for a while. After that I refused to have anything more to do with her.

Her cancer/age has no bearing on this. Everyone has their own issues in life to deal with. It doesn't excuse her poor behaviour.

#14 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:53 PM

Just get on with your life and move around her. Smile, nod and do what you normally do. If it's easy enough to accommodate a request without completely re-arranging your plans, I would, but it's no big deal if it doesn't fit in with whatever you have on.

We have some big trees in our yard, maybe 60-80 years old? Big gum trees. The trees were there when we bought the property, were there when the neighbours built next door to us and then moved in. Neighbour asked us to cut down tree because it *might* fall on to his garden shed that he put up next to their back fence (nowhere near their house). DH said no, we get the trees regularly checked by an arborist and the arborist said that the tree was very healthy. If that ever changes, we would consider trimming them back but for now, the trees remain as is. Neighbour was not impressed and made comment that we would have to pay for damages if it felt down in a storm - DH responded that he better have decent home insurance because that's what would cover damage to his garden shed, not us. Neighbour shut up after that, haven't heard a peep from him. But his wife is lovely and always has a smile and a bit of a chat. (And we do get the trees checked every few years anyway, even before neighbour came along. We don't want problems with falling gum trees if we can avoid it.)

Trees, dogs and fences bring out the worst in some neighbours. Just nod, smile and move along ...

#15 Sweet.Pea

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:04 PM

View Postgiggleandhoot, on 14 May 2019 - 05:10 PM, said:

I’m not pruning the trees. It’s not near her fence or house. It’s one stand I’m refusing to budge on. One other neighbour (units on both sides of our house filled with elderly) wanted us to remove every tree in our yard because they rustle in the wind! If the trees are close to fences etc We prune and keep tidy- but they want to have a say on every tree on our property ������

I hope you told him to turn his hearing aid down!

I agree with the trees, if they aren't near anyone elses property then leave them.

As for the dog poo, that's spiteful.

#16 daisy007

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:10 PM

No, age and health is no excuse for putting dog poo in a letterbox! I wouldn’t be visiting.

#17 onetrick

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:18 PM

I think some people realise how many friends they have chased away when they get sick...

You've done well so far but I think that's enough. The dog poo in letterbox would have confirmed that for me.

#18 Nasty Teens

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:33 PM

View PostYodaTheWrinkledOne, on 14 May 2019 - 05:53 PM, said:

Just get on with your life and move around her. Smile, nod and do what you normally do. If it's easy enough to accommodate a request without completely re-arranging your plans, I would, but it's no big deal if it doesn't fit in with whatever you have on.

We have some big trees in our yard, maybe 60-80 years old? Big gum trees. The trees were there when we bought the property, were there when the neighbours built next door to us and then moved in. Neighbour asked us to cut down tree because it *might* fall on to his garden shed that he put up next to their back fence (nowhere near their house). DH said no, we get the trees regularly checked by an arborist and the arborist said that the tree was very healthy. If that ever changes, we would consider trimming them back but for now, the trees remain as is. Neighbour was not impressed and made comment that we would have to pay for damages if it felt down in a storm - DH responded that he better have decent home insurance because that's what would cover damage to his garden shed, not us. Neighbour shut up after that, haven't heard a peep from him. But his wife is lovely and always has a smile and a bit of a chat. (And we do get the trees checked every few years anyway, even before neighbour came along. We don't want problems with falling gum trees if we can avoid it.)

Trees, dogs and fences bring out the worst in some neighbours. Just nod, smile and move along ...

It may vary by area but if trees on our property fall over/drop a limb we are responsible for damage caused to other people's property.

#19 Lunafreya

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:36 PM

Yeah, dog poo in the letter box means I do that  to do anything about you. That’s harassment even.

#20 4lilchicks

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:40 PM

I think if you give her an inch she will take a mile. I would try to limit my contact with her where possible.

#21 just roses

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:42 PM

I think there’s a reason none of the other residents like her.

We knew our neighbour didn’t get on with the old owners of our house when we bought it. Naively, we though we could win her over with niceness. We were wrong, and so began a nightmarish two years during which she smashed a car window, kicked in our screen door, broke all our terracotta pots and harassed us with loud music played all hours of the day and night. Police recommended we take out an AVO - we did - and it only intensified her attacks. So I say, stay well away.

#22 Anon wife

Posted 14 May 2019 - 06:54 PM

It'd be a firm no from me...to pruning trees and visits.

#23 jayskette

Posted 14 May 2019 - 07:24 PM

hahahahahahahaha ha ha ha.

#24 Ozquoll

Posted 14 May 2019 - 07:26 PM

She put dog poo in your letterbox and you still talk to her?!! You’re a nicer person than me!

#25 BadCat

Posted 14 May 2019 - 07:30 PM

Being sick doesn't give you the right to be d*ck.  Ignore her.




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