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Start in same class or seperate?


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#1 Lallalla

Posted 13 May 2019 - 05:55 PM

In my local multiples club there is a majority (or loud minority??) who say you should keep your twins together at school at least while they are little. They often cite studies showing identical twins do better academically if together.

But my twins are frat (same sex) and I want to do the right thing by their social development too. I cannot find any studies on the effects on social development.

I have noticed 2 things when 1 is sick and stays home from daycare
1) daycare consistently reports the twin who went spoke way way more than usual that day and interacted with more kids (there is only 1 room per age group)

2) they fight a lot less when reunited (at least for a few hours anyway).

So I am already thinking of separating them for preschool (year before FYOS) - this would mean being in classrooms next door to each other seeing each other in the playground at lunch etc 2-3 days a week. They will have true advantage of being amongst the oldest kids in their grade, being born 3 weeks after the age cut off.

But according to a lot of people around here that’s the wrong decision. Did anyone on here separate them young and how did it go?

This is a bit academic because we have 11 months before enrolment and 18ish months before they start. But I am increasingly thinking about it, especially as I have confirmed our school follows the lead of the parents when it comes to twins (my eldest is there already).

#2 ERipley

Posted 13 May 2019 - 06:10 PM

I won’t be separating my twins. This is the most special bond they will ever have. When they look back at their childhood I want them to remember being together. There’s plenty of time for them to branch out when they follow their own interests in high school and university. Why rush it?

#3 T2Mum

Posted 13 May 2019 - 06:13 PM

I separated mine from first year of pre-school (when they were 3) and both us and the school think it has been great. Every set of twins is different and I think you need to assess the situation according to the dynamics of your children, your family and your school.

This is now the fourth year of pre-school/school for my twins and they have been in different classes each year.



#4 Mollyksy

Posted 13 May 2019 - 06:25 PM

No twin experience but I say go for it in preschool given what you've observed (nothing like having the time to miss someone to improve relationships!) and reassess in FYOS. They might want each other in the adjustment but obviously are comfortable enough at preschool. You can always swap them back if it doesnt work. Good luck!

#5 Caribou

Posted 13 May 2019 - 07:10 PM

We have twins in DDs class, they were two peas in a pod in first year, but as they progressed, while still being in same class, they formed their own friendship circles with occasional overlap.

The teacher has them sitting from time to time together and seperate, based on skills or just because.

I think it’s fine to keep them together, you can ask for them not to be next to each other at desks if you’re concerned, but so far with the twins in DDs class, they’re fine and are their own person and own friendship circles.

#6 rainycat

Posted 13 May 2019 - 07:21 PM

My b/g twins are now in year 4 and are still in the same class. They share most of the same friends, don’t fight (yet) or boss each other around and are very close. Their teachers have never had a problem with them being together.
All twins are different of course and my other friends with twins have always separated them for various reasons.

#7 Caitlin Happymeal

Posted 13 May 2019 - 07:33 PM

Its so true that all twins are different. Mine for example? No way could they be in the same class. From three year old kindy room, we separated them (the four year old room had space for my more "advanced" twin) and apart from her having to repeat just because of her age, they've never been together at school. Usually the school has placed them next door to each other but to be honest that's not really necessary. They arent each other's besties, often arent even on the same wavelength. #notalltwins

You need to assess the needs of your own kids and not base it on what other twin parents say you should do. Academic studies are great and can inform your decision but shouldn't be the deciding factor.

#8 Black Velvet

Posted 13 May 2019 - 07:42 PM

I kept my id twin boys together because it was easier for me having them in the same class. Having said that, I don't think it would have mattered much either way to them. They made their own friends and rarely hung out together outside class.

In your situation, I would do what you think is best. I don't pay attention to what others would or wouldn't do.

#9 Lallalla

Posted 13 May 2019 - 07:48 PM

View PostERipley, on 13 May 2019 - 06:10 PM, said:

I won’t be separating my twins. This is the most special bond they will ever have. When they look back at their childhood I want them to remember being together. There’s plenty of time for them to branch out when they follow their own interests in high school and university. Why rush it?

This is exactly the kind of guilt laden comment people around here make. If my girls forget being together when they grow up even if they are in separate classes I will be amazed. They are twins. They share a room. I certainly haven’t forgotten my siblings...

#10 fibilly

Posted 13 May 2019 - 07:50 PM

We separated our identical twin boys in prep. I figured my boys had spent 5 years in childcare/kinder together, share a room and spend all their family time together - I felt it was time for our boys to have some time on their own. I also noticed some frustration between them if you asked one about their day and the other one jumped in and answered.

It was the best decision we ever made. They have different stories to tell about their day, and some different friends and some similar friends. If anything, the time apart has improved their relationship.

#11 robhat

Posted 13 May 2019 - 08:00 PM

I don't have twins myself, but there are a lot of them at our school. Three different sets in my daughter's grade and my son is good friends with a set in his grade. To the best of my knowledge, none of them have ever been in the same class as their twin ever. I've only ever asked one of the mums about it and she said her boys would never have any other friends if she kept them together. I have no idea what research says is best, but there are definitely plenty of parents with twins choosing the separate them.

I'm also on the management committee for a preschool. We once had a set of twins whose mum signed them up for completely different days so there was no chance they'd be together. That's probably the most extreme I've heard of. Others have asked for their twins to be on the same days, but different rooms and some have asked to keep them together.

I think the criteria for deciding here would be whether or not your twins will be seriously upset and hate going to school if they are split. If so, that could make the beginning of school a hard and anxious time for them and it might be better to have them together for the first year and split them later.

#12 ERipley

Posted 13 May 2019 - 08:05 PM

View PostLallalla, on 13 May 2019 - 07:48 PM, said:



This is exactly the kind of guilt laden comment people around here make. If my girls forget being together when they grow up even if they are in separate classes I will be amazed. They are twins. They share a room. I certainly haven’t forgotten my siblings...

It’s not “guilt-laden”. If you feel guilty that’s really nothing to do with me or my comment.

I remember my home life with my sibling too, but I remember being so distant from him at school. I found it really disconcerting to have such a stark difference between home and school life. I always wished we were closer at school. I don’t want that for my twins. If that’s what you want for yours then that’s fine. It’s a major consideration for me and since the OP has asked about this kind of thing I’m sharing. I really doubt she’s going to feel “guilty” because some random woman on the internet thinks it would be nice for her own kids to share a classroom.

Edited by ERipley, 13 May 2019 - 08:12 PM.


#13 ERipley

Posted 13 May 2019 - 08:10 PM

View PostLallalla, on 13 May 2019 - 07:48 PM, said:



This is exactly the kind of guilt laden comment people around here make. If my girls forget being together when they grow up even if they are in separate classes I will be amazed. They are twins. They share a room. I certainly haven’t forgotten my siblings...

Oh I just realised you are the OP. Well your comment suggests to me you’re quite worried about the emotional distress they might suffer if you seperate them. It also suggests you’ve already made up your mind and just wanted reassurance you’re doing the right thing. Thing about the internet is not everyone is going to have the same opinion. 🤷🏻‍♀️

As others have said, all twins are different and I’m sure you know what will suit yours best. Good luck with it.

#14 Bearynice

Posted 13 May 2019 - 08:34 PM

Preschool we had our twins in together. We separated our twins from fyos. Ours are identical and were frustrated when people couldn’t tell them apart.


They coped fine being apart in class but always played together at lunch and recess.

They developed friendships in classes but still play together ( plus with mutual mates) and they are in grade three.

I think there are no rules, do what works for your situation


#15 AdelTwins

Posted 13 May 2019 - 09:13 PM

2 boys (fraternal twins): Childcare they were together, kindy separate, Reception together, year 1 & 2 separate.
The Reception teacher had a terrible time with them together as they were “too familiar” - playful pushing etc. We always request that they be separated if possible.

They share a bedroom, most co-curriculars and play at home together. That’s enough bonding time IMHO.

#16 twin2

Posted 13 May 2019 - 09:32 PM

I have b/g twins so a bit different to you however we have separated them since fyos.

They are very competitive and being in separate classes gave them independence and in some ways stopped people treating them like a "unit"

They have also made their own friends and very very rarely play together.

They are still the very best of friends even now and it hasn't hurt their bond one bit.

You know your twins best. Do what you think is right

#17 Moukmouk

Posted 13 May 2019 - 09:37 PM

I have siblings that are twins (frat). The most different people ever. They hated always been forced to be together, and were so much happier to be in separate classes. They would have preferred separate schools. They think that if they had had a bit more separation early in school then they might have got on better overall.

#18 mumworkingos

Posted 13 May 2019 - 09:58 PM

We separated ours from prep onwards. They needed to have their own identity and circle of friends. It also stopped one twin being so dependent on the other.

#19 Jenflea

Posted 13 May 2019 - 10:12 PM

I'm a twin.

I'm glad we were split into different classes. I think twins should be able to develop their personalities away from each other in school. And it was a pain always being compared with my twin so when we were apart not many people knew we were twins and treated us as individuals.

I helped out in a kindy class a few years ago that had FOUR sets of twins(and there were only four kindy classes) so they were all split.
One of the girls said to me "I have a twin brother but we don't play together very well so he's in that class over there" lol.

I haven't spoken to my twin in 25 years.
Just because you shared a uterus it doesn't mean you're going to be BFF.  And if you are close then you can be close at home and at lunch time.

#20 Expelliarmus

Posted 13 May 2019 - 10:16 PM

All I can tell you is that when I teach twins together it's frustrating and hair tearing and when I only have one twin it is so much better.

My experience is that most twins appear to do better in separate classes. That said, usually twins have been kept together in FYOS - and I've not had them then, it's been subsequent years.

I don't know that this helps your preschool/FYOS dilemma though!

#21 Manicmum

Posted 13 May 2019 - 10:29 PM

Mine are in separate classes for the first year this year (yr6). They started at a small school so there wasn’t a choice thankfully. They’ve had a few schools and were always told when they both wanted to be separates they could. This year they are and the one who always had the more popular friends kept them and the other got a class where she knew no one. Now, for the first time ever, they share friends from the new class- lol!

#22 Inthepast

Posted 13 May 2019 - 10:46 PM

I am a huge advocate or twins in the same class. BUT saying that  I am also a huge advocate of doing what is best for the individual set of twins. And that overrides all other ideas.

My boys are now twelve and this year started secondary school. They’re ID and have been in the same class since kindergarten. For them it worked and they needed it. They felt calmer being able to see that the other was safe and secure. They never sat together and rarely worked on projects together unless  randomly placed together. Added reasons that this worked for them was that they had never really quarrelled with each other prior to school and never have even now at twelve. No fighting and a close bond despite having vastly different personalities and styles of approaching things meant that they didn’t compromise each other’s ability to learn or socialise.

But this is their unique situation. Had one spoke for the other, had one been far better academically than the other creating an unfair comparison, had they behaved poorly as a team and disrupted the class I would have separated them.

The biggest problem we have ever had with them in the same  class is the teacher not treating them individually and ridiculous reports where poor report writing practices became highlighted as I received two reports where other parents didn’t so I could see the blatant copy and paste they did on reports.

Advantages of the same class are : the same teacher , so equal education quality, same homework, one class excursions, common class birthday parties (and oh god there are a lot of them, 15 or so a year is hell but 30 might have killed me), and friends in common.

All these were my reasons. That suited my twins. I have all the studies that have been done and yes most  suggest that not separating before year 3 is the best for the majority of twins and moreso for ID twins. But that also hinges on how often the children had been separated prior to school starting and how that affected them and how they coped.

If you find your twins are nicer to be around, nicer to each other, more attentive when not colluding with their twin, participate better with others then it is obvious that different classes are best for your twins.

There is one simple way to do things .Do what brings the best out of your children. Don’t do it based on ideology of twin bonds.  Ot all twins have that bond. Mine do but they went to school with plenty of twins who don’t. Some hated each other, Some were separated and still were very close. Each set of twins is unique.

#23 redchick

Posted 14 May 2019 - 05:53 AM

View Postmumworkingos, on 13 May 2019 - 09:58 PM, said:

We separated ours from prep onwards. They needed to have their own identity and circle of friends. It also stopped one twin being so dependent on the other.

Absolutely totally agree!

Being in separate classes has worked really well for our boys. I like that get to have friends and experiences that are theirs only so they each have different things to tell us when they get home for school.

#24 theboys2

Posted 14 May 2019 - 09:03 AM

View PostERipley, on 13 May 2019 - 08:05 PM, said:

It’s not “guilt-laden”. If you feel guilty that’s really nothing to do with me or my comment.

I remember my home life with my sibling too, but I remember being so distant from him at school. I found it really disconcerting to have such a stark difference between home and school life. I always wished we were closer at school. I don’t want that for my twins. If that’s what you want for yours then that’s fine. It’s a major consideration for me and since the OP has asked about this kind of thing I’m sharing. I really doubt she’s going to feel “guilty” because some random woman on the internet thinks it would be nice for her own kids to share a classroom.

im not sure if all people would feel like this though. My sons are in Year 2 and Prep and every morning when the bell goes my eldest will run to prep to say have a good day to my youngest. they will also find each other at lunch breaks to say gday to each other.

so not everyone will feel disconnected from their siblings even if they arent together the whole time.

#25 Kreme

Posted 14 May 2019 - 09:44 AM

My friend has frat twin girls. She kept them together in FYOS because one was extremely anxious and needed the other. From year 1 they were separated and it was better for both of them. They’re about to do the HSC, are best friends and do everything together.




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