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what should a 10yo be able to do in the morning, unassisted


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Poll: In the morning does your 10yo (366 member(s) have cast votes)

Wake themselves up?

  1. With parent help (110 votes [30.05%])

    Percentage of vote: 30.05%

  2. Without parent help (164 votes [44.81%])

    Percentage of vote: 44.81%

  3. With reminder but no other help (92 votes [25.14%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.14%

Get themselves dressed

  1. With parent help (11 votes [3.01%])

    Percentage of vote: 3.01%

  2. Without parent help (294 votes [80.33%])

    Percentage of vote: 80.33%

  3. With reminder but no other help (61 votes [16.67%])

    Percentage of vote: 16.67%

Get their breakfast

  1. With parent help (76 votes [20.77%])

    Percentage of vote: 20.77%

  2. Without parent help (244 votes [66.67%])

    Percentage of vote: 66.67%

  3. With reminder but no other help (46 votes [12.57%])

    Percentage of vote: 12.57%

Make their lunch for school

  1. With parent help (208 votes [56.83%])

    Percentage of vote: 56.83%

  2. Without parent help (116 votes [31.69%])

    Percentage of vote: 31.69%

  3. With reminder but no other help (42 votes [11.48%])

    Percentage of vote: 11.48%

Brush their teeth

  1. With parent help (9 votes [2.46%])

    Percentage of vote: 2.46%

  2. Without parent help (220 votes [60.11%])

    Percentage of vote: 60.11%

  3. With reminder but no other help (137 votes [37.43%])

    Percentage of vote: 37.43%

Pack their schoolbag

  1. With parent help (24 votes [6.56%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.56%

  2. Without parent help (221 votes [60.38%])

    Percentage of vote: 60.38%

  3. With reminder but no other help (121 votes [33.06%])

    Percentage of vote: 33.06%

Do any other chores? (if so, what?)

  1. With parent help (38 votes [10.38%])

    Percentage of vote: 10.38%

  2. Without parent help (119 votes [32.51%])

    Percentage of vote: 32.51%

  3. With reminder but no other help (209 votes [57.10%])

    Percentage of vote: 57.10%

How long does it take your 10yo to get ready for school

  1. less than 30 mins (117 votes [31.97%])

    Percentage of vote: 31.97%

  2. 30-45 mins (137 votes [37.43%])

    Percentage of vote: 37.43%

  3. 45-60 mins (90 votes [24.59%])

    Percentage of vote: 24.59%

  4. more than 60 mins (22 votes [6.01%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.01%

Vote Guests cannot vote

#1 tenar

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:32 AM

How long does it take your 10yo to get ready for school in the morning and what do they have to do independently, with a reminder, or with more help from you?

My sense is that our expectations are out (looking at you, DH), but maybe I'm wrong...

#2 IkeaAddict

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:42 AM

DS who is almost 9, does everything independently, sometimes a reminder is needed but mostly not. He knows what time we leave and he is always ready on time

#3 BornToLove

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:47 AM

DD (9 years) can do the majority of what’s needed to get out the door each morning on her own. There are a few reminders from us, usually regarding hygiene (brush teeth, wash face).

DD has been doing this for the most part since year 1, so 6 years old. At first she was given a laminated sheet with items to tick as she went. By the end of the year, she had it down pat and only needed minor nudges to stay in track (we have to leave in 15 min, how is the list going?).  That sheet seriously saved everyone’s sanity in the mornings. Simple but removes the stress, I highly recommend something like this if mornings are a battle

#4 -Emissary-

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:48 AM

DS is 11 this year and does most of the above without help or with reminder.

We need to leave the house by 7:30 and we drop him off at my Mum’s so therefore he has to be up and brushed his teeth then. Most of the time without needing to be prompted though I have a habit of asking him if he’s brushed his teeth yet. He eats breakfast and gets ready for school at my Mum's place.

He usually gets his own breakfast on the weekend but that’s just cereal. He can’t do anything that requires cooking yet but can use the microwave to reheat food.

His only chore at the moment is taking out the bin and vacuuming but he only does it when I prompt/ask him.

We don’t do pack lunches. He orders his own lunch at school.

Edited by -Emissary-, 29 April 2019 - 07:49 AM.


#5 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:49 AM

My 9 year old (so near enough) is hopeless. He's just lazy though, so capable of doing all of these things but we have to nag and hound him all morning. Its exhausting. My elder kids were both able to do all of these things unassisted at this age (I think lol)

His mate who used to stop by in the morning to collect him so they could ride their bikes to school together stopped coming because he was sick of arriving to find him not ready, so he now rides by himself. We have never actually got to the "taking him to school in his pjs' stage but have got pretty close.

#6 Luci

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:53 AM

I wake up DS and he makes his breakfast (dry cereal and an Up n Go drink so not very difficult. He then gets dressed but I lay his clothes out ready the night before. He then brushes his teeth and packs his bag with lunch box & anything else that is needed for that day ie sports gear, library books, musical instruments.  He is pretty good about being ready on time and just gets the occasional reminder / prompting from me.

#7 casime

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:53 AM

Mine is still only 7, but he gets up when he hears me moving around, gets dressed, brushes teeth and hair, makes himself breakfast, and puts his lunchbox in his bag.

I make his lunch at this stage, but I'm working on him doing his own.  I make up little containers of fruits, snacks, etc and put them in the fridge on a Sunday.  I'm getting him used to selecting one of each colour container for his lunchbox, so I hope by midyear he'll be doing it himself.  I usually make them up the night before (mine as well) as I hate doing them in the mornings.

He doesn't have official morning chores yet, but I'm working on him feeding the cat, and putting the dogs out for a run every morning.

I started DS off when he started prep (now in Gr2) with a star chart, and he got a gold star for every morning task he did without reminder.  Enough stars and he got some new Lego.  He doesn't use the chart anymore.

#8 Mishu

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:55 AM

Trying to remember when DS was 10-he could do all of those things independently but would need reminders. Lots of reminders for chores. I also had to remember not to overload him with instructions as he wouldn’t remember them-one thing at a time works best. My husband is the same way - single focused.

The bag thing -I selected  “with parent help” -I always had to check it for yesterday’s lunch that he would inevitably forget to empty out of his bag.

Breakfast was the easiest bit. My son is like me, NOT a morning person but he could make himself weetbix and eat it while still half asleep, minutes after stumbling out of bed. How he could eat like that is beyond me :laugh:

But getting dressed was another story. In winter he would sit in front of the heater and start day dreaming.  10 mins would go by and he would still be putting on the same sock.

#9 barrington

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:57 AM

DD2 turned 10 a couple of months ago.  

We leave at different times each morning depending on before school commitments, so I yell at the children to either wake up or get up 45 minutes before we need to leave.  DD2 is usually awake by 6am, but her older siblings are almost always still asleep.

DD2 gets her own breakfast, packs her own bags (including any sport, after school, instruments), gets dressed.  

I make lunches, but she organises her own water bottles.

I usually need to remind her to do her teeth.

She brushes her hair and puts shoes on in the car, but this is mainly her sensory issues rather than not being ready on time.

#10 lizzzard

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:59 AM

I think it’s very dependent on the kids personality. DD has been doing mostly everything independently including getting her breakfast (but generally not her lunch) since about the age of 9-10yrs. DS on the other hand...sheez.... he wouldn’t eat breakfast if it were up to him, he wants me to lay his clothes out for him, pack his bag.... As a PP said, he’s actually capable of doing it and sometimes has to because I’m busy doing something or other but I can’t stand the grumpiness from him and usually like my mornings to be calm and conflict free...so I usually play along. I’m very confident he won’t need mummy to lay clothes out when he’s 18 yrs old.

#11 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 29 April 2019 - 07:59 AM

from your list -  we make breakfast and his lunch (making lunch also for his younger brother, so it’s just a habit - he could probably do it) - everything else he did himself at that age.

Edited by Lucrezia Borgia, 29 April 2019 - 08:40 AM.


#12 pukeko walking

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:03 AM

DD Is 8. She can and has make her lunch unassisted however her brother can't so I do both at the same time as it's easier. Everything else she does independently apart from occasionally requesting porridge or something that will be made for her as our microwave is above her head height.

The key for her seems to be having a bit of quiet time to start the day where she plays with lego or reads for a while before kicking into action. She gets flustered if rushed so I guess independence is dependent on time (more than 60 minutes to get ready)!

#13 **Xena**

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:07 AM

My 10yo DD gets up, gets ready for school and goes to school by herself (she walks to a friend's house up the road usually and they walk to school together now that my boys are in High School). She's a pretty independent kid with no special needs though.

Edited by **Xena**, 29 April 2019 - 08:16 AM.


#14 Caribou

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:08 AM

DD is 7. She can shower independently, get dressed, brush teeth and shoes on. Breakfast herself as well. I pack the lunch and bag at the moment. But this term we’re practicing remembering what items are needed for each day. I.e violin on mondays, library Tuesday.

She had a task list she drew up herself so she knows what’s expected of her in mornings for school.

We do have a shower timer because she’s hopeless with time management in shower. So it works well having that available. Means I don’t spend my time screaming get a move on!

#15 BeAwesome

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:11 AM

Mine gets up and gets dressed, gets stuff organised for school.  I typically get breakfast for everyone ready (only cereal and fruit, so  no effort).  DH usually makes school lunches, and occasionally lunch for me.

I have a chart on the fridge of who needs what for school each day, as both DDs have different uniform days for sport, and before and after school activities most days.  It's as much as a reminder for me, of who's got to be where and when.

Edited by BeAwesome, 29 April 2019 - 08:13 AM.


#16 Weavile

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:14 AM

DS is 9 but has been doing this since about year one (minus the sister bits).

Most of the time he wakes himself up, if he sleeps in, I'll wake him up and he whinges but will get out of bed. He doesn't have an alarm so I imagine I wouldn't be needed if he did.

He gets his own breakfast and helps his sister if needed, gets dressed (I normally lay out clothing, but he gets his own if I forget or he doesn't agree with my choices).

I make the sandwiches, he used to do his own, but now I am doing one for DH and DD so it makes sense to do all three at the same time, he packs his, and again helps his sister if needed. I might have to remind him if it's band or library day, but he's normally pretty good with that.

He brushes hair and teeth independently and we don't have any chores in the morning except dealing with any breakfast mess created, and he does that himself without prompting.

Wake up time is normally 730, but I'll let him sleep till 745 if he doesn't wake naturally, and we leave at 830. That allows enough time to be ready without rushing.

#17 mayahlb

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:14 AM

I think it can be very dependant on the kid.

My 10yr has adhd. So does the almost 9 yr old. Therefore most suck to the extreme.  The ONLY thing they will remember to do without prompting is make their own breakfast. Which can range from scrambled eggs to cereal and milk (yes my kids use a stove). We have alarms and lists. And only 45mins to get ready to catch a bus at 7am. On a morning going smoothly I will only have to remind them 1-3 times. On days not going well they will miss the bus or I will discover a lunch box I reminded a kid 6 times to put in their bag still on the bench (and my kids school will ring you and demand you bring in your kid food).

We use a list though with magnets. It’s actually designed to be a “reward” chart. Between that and the phone going off with voice alarms every 15mins we get there. Actually last term was pretty good as the 10yr old was making his lunch (fresh pasta with cheese in a thermos) and we only missed the bus and forgot lunch once.

Chores I think depends on how much time you have. I request a dishwasher be unpacked/packed and their toys picked up. On a good morning where we might actually be running early they might vacuum the floor or do a general tidy up.

Edited by mayahlb, 29 April 2019 - 08:15 AM.


#18 TheGreenSheep

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:20 AM

Before I appeared in the kitchen at 730 DS9 was up, dressed, had made his lunch and packed his bag, was sitting at the bench eating his breakfast. Afterwards he made his bed and put up the blind. He then had 25mins to kill before leaving for the bus. DS12 was the same except his turn to unpack the dishwasher and he leaves at 755 for his highschool bus.

#19 a letter to Elise.

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:23 AM

Totally dependant on personality I think! My 9 year old gets himself up, but needs constant reminders to get ready. He goes upstairs to get ready, and then gets distracted and starts playing. He can easily prepare his own breakfast, but needs a reminder that it’s time to do so. He can, and sometimes does, make his own lunch. Most of the time I do it, as I’m preparing his little sisters anyway.

My 6 year old gets herself dressed and most other things by herself. I make her breakfast, but she will see the time and ask for it. Sometimes she has a bad morning, but she’s mostly independent

Neither of mine do chores with out me getting cranky about it. Drives me nuts.

#20 Sincerely

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:25 AM

View Postmayahlb, on 29 April 2019 - 08:14 AM, said:

I think it can be very dependant on the kid.

We have alarms and lists. And only 45mins to get ready to catch a bus at 7am. On a morning going smoothly I will only have to remind them 1-3 times. On days not going well they will miss the bus or I will discover a lunch box I reminded a kid 6 times to put in their bag still on the bench (and my kids school will ring you and demand you bring in your kid food).

7am is pretty early to be out the door so kudos to you and your kids. My kids have been fully independent for the past 2-3 years. My youngest, now 11, is fine on the days we have to be out the door at 7.45 for 8.05 school start but gets stressed, huffy & vocal on the days we have to leave before 7am for her brother's zero period class at 7.15.

#21 mayahlb

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:35 AM

View PostSincerely, on 29 April 2019 - 08:25 AM, said:



7am is pretty early to be out the door so kudos to you and your kids. My kids have been fully independent for the past 2-3 years. My youngest, now 11, is fine on the days we have to be out the door at 7.45 for 8.05 school start but gets stressed, huffy & vocal on the days we have to leave before 7am for her brother's zero period class at 7.15.

We actually have to be down there by 6.50 because sometimes the bus driver runs early... I live in the tropics so school starts at 7.45 and finished at 2. I start work at 8 and we live 25kms out of town. When I worked at the local catholic school temporarily it was horrid because I had to be there at 7.15. I am so not a morning person. Their alarm goes off at 5.50, though they are usually awake and up from 5.30 because the sun is up.

#22 kiwimum2b

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:37 AM

I have 7,8,9 &10 yr old and they do everything on your list independently. We leave for school at 810 and they are usually ready by 745.
Even my nearly 5 yr old does most of that-I do her breakfast, bag and lunch, but she gets up, gets dressed and does teeth without being told. Some reminders for her of have you brushed your teeth, but the answer is generally yes.

General reminders for the older kids if something out of the ordinary is happening (have you got your swim bag, it’s sports day do you have enough water etc)
I don’t wake kids (they all have watches and alarms and with so many ppl getting ready it’s impossible to sleep in)

This is a very interesting thread of expectations that others have of their children-I’ve never really thought about it!

#23 Crazyhouseholdof6

Posted 29 April 2019 - 08:47 AM

We leave for before school care at 6.30 three days a week. My 7&8yo DD do everything themselves (I do make lunches the night before though), they ensure bags are packed the night before too but mornings are lunches and iPads in bags, they get themselves up, dressed, hair, teeth, ready to leave on time. I help my 4yo obviously with his teeth and hair but he mostly dresses himself and packs his own bag. My 11yo does it all himself and even gets himself to school sometimes for a morning. I want my kids to be able to function as independent adults so am trying to instil routine and responsibility into them while they are young.

#24 Ferelsmegz

Posted 29 April 2019 - 09:02 AM

My DD is 11.5 and she takes the bus to school with her brother.

Some days I start work before the kids have to wake, I give them a kiss let them know im leaving and go. They get themselves up, dressed, fed, lunches made and school bags packed house locked and and off to school.

DS is 15 but DD is the responsible one haha.

She has been able to do all these things for a while now... but I do prompt them at times.

#25 Riotproof

Posted 29 April 2019 - 09:02 AM

Ds had a list like previously described in kindy and year 1.

He will get his own breakfast depending on what it is. Usually for school days it’s toast or weetbix which he can do himself. He gets dressed on his own, packs his bag on his own, I make lunch the night before so that is easy enough to put in. I do remind about different stages but only if I see him floundering.




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