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#76 Ellie bean

Posted 25 April 2019 - 02:17 PM

View PostERipley, on 25 April 2019 - 02:08 PM, said:

OP, I think the long and short of this discussion is that 3 kids are hard no matter what you do.
I think we can all agree on that :)

#77 livelifelovehappy

Posted 25 April 2019 - 02:22 PM

Time will tell for us, we have an 8 and 6 year old and a newborn.

For me, the newborn stage has been blissful. I found it dreadful for the first two. I am actually enjoying my baby and feel in a blissful baby love bubble. This is the first time I have truly experienced it. I adore my children equally, but honestly, the first two nearly broke me. The first was such a shock, I struggled with the transition to motherhood and he never, ever slept. The second was prem, serious health issues and I had a crazy non sleeping one year old too. It nearly broke us.

Our life circumstances and my relationship with my husband are what is different this time and the reason it's better. In addition to more independent kids who shower themselves and dress themselves and pack their bags and go to school, the god's honest truth is we currently have a lot more money than we did. My husband isn't off working 70 hours a week, we have a house with more space to be able to have the baby sleep undisturbed, we have a cleaner once a week, and a babysitter two nights a week who will take the kids to the sport and put them to bed when my husband isn't here. All I have to do is take care of the baby, not that and everything else all at the same time. I dont know that I could do it.

It took us until our situation stabilised and things got better for us financially to even possibly consider a third. I can see difficulties ahead in terms of family dynamics - weekends are my husband off with the kids doing big kid stuff, me home with the baby, and it will be this way for a couple more years. But for me, I am so happy we did it. But I wouldn't have dreamed of it if things were otherwise, or how they were 5 years ago.

Edited by livelifelovehappy, 25 April 2019 - 02:26 PM.

#78 livelifelovehappy

Posted 25 April 2019 - 02:29 PM

I also have to say - I think hormones are crazy at the stage. My baby is the same age as yours. I am not saying no internally to a 4th. We cannot have a 4th, that is crazy, crazy and a TERRIBLE idea, for so many reasons. Number 1 of which - I could die. But I still think: ahhh, another would be ok! This one is so beautiful.
I don't feel I can trust myself with these crazy hormones and I think they will go away. That's just me personally. My husband is going for a vasectomy which is for the best, because WE CANNOT HAVE MORE.

Edited by livelifelovehappy, 25 April 2019 - 02:30 PM.

#79 RichardParker

Posted 25 April 2019 - 02:51 PM

Yes the hormones have a lot to answer for. I can remember loving my baby so much I wanted to homeschool him HAHAHAHAHAHHA

#80 ERipley

Posted 25 April 2019 - 02:55 PM

View Postlivelifelovehappy, on 25 April 2019 - 02:29 PM, said:

I also have to say - I think hormones are crazy at the stage. My baby is the same age as yours. I am not saying no internally to a 4th. We cannot have a 4th, that is crazy, crazy and a TERRIBLE idea, for so many reasons. Number 1 of which - I could die. But I still think: ahhh, another would be ok! This one is so beautiful.
I don't feel I can trust myself with these crazy hormones and I think they will go away. That's just me personally. My husband is going for a vasectomy which is for the best, because WE CANNOT HAVE MORE.

Yes, I remember holding one of my tiny twins in the sunshine and saying, “I can’t believe this is the last baby I will have. I wish I could have another one”. MIL was down to visit and the look she gave me was, erm, stern.

#81 livelifelovehappy

Posted 25 April 2019 - 03:01 PM


#82 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 25 April 2019 - 03:07 PM

yes babies are meant to be seductively cute.....human babes require so much care and attention from their parents (and lets face it, primarily their mother in the early days) that they have evolved into these cute little helpless packages, and we in turn i guess have evolved into finding that irresistible-   but it is a con, a trick of nature. it’s too much - what they take from you. too much. if you stood back and assessed it rationally, you would never do it again.

#83 Bam1

Posted 25 April 2019 - 03:09 PM

I would never willingly have 3 under 5 - it really limits your options.  CC costs are horrendous and even if you were happy to be a SAHP its nice to have work at least as a viable option.

#84 Ellie bean

Posted 25 April 2019 - 03:10 PM

View PostRichardParker, on 25 April 2019 - 02:51 PM, said:

Yes the hormones have a lot to answer for. I can remember loving my baby so much I wanted to homeschool him HAHAHAHAHAHHA
I never loved mine that much lol

#85 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 25 April 2019 - 03:12 PM

Babies know they have to come out cute, otherwise they would get smothered when you just couldn’t take their demands anymore!

#86 NeedSleepNow

Posted 25 April 2019 - 03:13 PM

View PostERipley, on 25 April 2019 - 01:38 PM, said:

They’re both hard roles of course but when you’re working you’re not doing both. You’re doing one then the other.

I think one challenge with modern day work and technology, is this just isn’t true at all for many people. Two weeks ago I had to give expert evidence in court for 45 minutes via phone. I had to do it with sole care of three children under 6 as I was given limited notice. I don’t think I’ve ever performed so poorly in my life, and this isn’t an isolated incident. Then the anxiety about whether I’ll get more work kicks in, and the guilt that I’ve basically shushed my kids rudely for nearly an hour. The expectations that people in many roles are constantly ‘on’ and working, means for many people you are juggling both at the same time. I think that’s what I meant about it being ‘easier’ with a contained job where home is home and work is work.

#87 RichardParker

Posted 25 April 2019 - 05:06 PM

Yeah, taking phone calls and trying to draft emails with kids to look after gets very old, very quickly. Working is definitely easier than kids, IMO, but for a SAHP, kids are hard - having three doesn’t make it THAT much harder than two. I’m guessing.

#88 Riotproof

Posted 25 April 2019 - 05:08 PM

I really feel like these threads would go better if everyone stopped focusing on how they think everyone else is going and just spoke their own truth quietly.

#89 blimkybill

Posted 25 April 2019 - 06:12 PM

View PostEsmeLennox, on 24 April 2019 - 01:45 PM, said:

2) I found it quite difficult for the first year. In hindsight, I probably had undiagnosed PND and I suffered from the ‘I must do it all myself’ mindset.
I am the kind of person who loves being with kids and chooses to work with kids and found it easy to decide to have a third. However this was also my experience with number 3. Bad sleeping plus school drop off made for a hard first year and I was exhausted.
For our family,  the dynamics of 3 kids was better than 2. The first 2 had an unhealthily competitive relationship,  the third mellowed that dynamic a lot. I think it's really hard to predict how sibling dynamics will turn out. My sister has 2 and they have fought unpleasantly all their life (now teens, still fighting)
Having 3 definitely reduced the amount of extra curricular activities I could support, both in terms of time and money. It reduced my income for a few extra years  It made holidays less attainable, and definitely less frequent.
However for me regrets never crossed my mind. I adore the three and the relationship they have.
But every choice does come with some kind of price.

#90 3babygirls

Posted 25 April 2019 - 06:24 PM

View Post~J_WTF~, on 25 April 2019 - 03:12 PM, said:

Babies know they have to come out cute, otherwise they would get smothered when you just couldn’t take their demands anymore!

My first daughter was insanely gorgeous looking baby.. but was actually the spawn of satan. I don't think I had a nice moment with her for the first 6 months of her life. I definitely would never have considered any more children... so it's quite surprising at this point that I would consider a 3rd. i don't like the newborn stage at all.

#91 BeStill

Posted 25 April 2019 - 06:26 PM

I was in the same situation as you.

Yes people will assume you want a boy.

Don’t assume the third will be like the second, mine was like my first ;)

The dynamic is tough at times. Someone is often left out.

I don’t regret 3 as such (because I love my third and wouldn’t wish him away) but I do often think of how much easier life would be with just 2.

Extra curricular activities and school fees and medical costs and so on certainly add up.

#92 Sleep Debt

Posted 25 April 2019 - 07:17 PM

I have three.
No 2 and 3 are close in age.
All 3 are of the same sex, yes - even though no 3 was a whoops, it was assumed I was desperate to add a girl.
I love them all and the third and I have this particularly strong bond, but would I do it all again? Would I recommend three to anyone?
It's a solid no.
Three really stretches the resources - financial, emotional, mental, energy.

If your heart was set on 3 I'd say wait until the second is almost three, and has some independence, maturity and is almost at school age - so you get some one on one with the youngest.

#93 blueskies12

Posted 25 April 2019 - 08:25 PM

I was totally in the love bubble with my second. In the hospital I wanted another. I still do as I mentioned earlier.
Although as time goes on I can see juggling all the balls may be harder for us with a third, which may tip us to stay with 2.
If I had plenty of money, so never had to worry about working for a very long time I think it would be a lot easier for me. I think with 3 I would find it hard to remain current in my workplace. I even do now with 2.
If I had help, for example with babysitting and cleaning (I'd need to work more to pay for those bills though!)
I can see why Will and Kate went for a third.

A PP was right, there's no easy answer. Each one does come a cost.

#94 harryhoo

Posted 25 April 2019 - 08:56 PM

I have 2 for a lot of reasons, but mostly I find two to be manageable and think a third would tip me over the edge to chaos.
But no 2 was an amazing newborn. She was super easy, slept without any assistance from me (a quick feed and a dummy) and hardly cried/grumbled till she was 6 months but still was a content baby overall. She is now 4 and I think the last 2 years (from 2-4) were the hardest of my life. She is a very passionate and determined child and was an epic tantrum thrower. Complete opposite to her first 2 years. Obviously not all children are like that (my first didn't start throwing tantrums till he was 3) but just be prepared that easy babies don't mean easy toddlers. But if you are up for the challenge, then go for it.

#95 purpleblaze

Posted 26 April 2019 - 03:49 PM

1) Is everyone just going to assume I want a third child just to get a boy?

Yes but so what.  Do not factor this into your decision.

2) How much harder was it to go from 2-3

Pretty hard up until #3 slept through the night (5 months). Newborn stage was the hardest as the 2 toddlers woke up at 6.30am every day plus dragging 3 kids to kinder drop offs and pick ups and managing multiple naps for the baby.  Much easier now with the baby at 2 yrs old.  I found once sleep was sorted it made everything else a lot easier to deal with.

3) Do you regret 3?

Not at all.

4) How do they interact with each other.

Like siblings - love/hate.  Well they frustrate each other but ages are 2 to 6 so they can play really well together or crack it when one snatches/hits/bites etc.

2) Extra curricular expenses.

Only swimming at this stage but yes this will be a factor as they get older.  We are fairly comfortable so for me it's more about time rather than money.

3) Having a 3rd c-section :(

Can't comment.  All natural births here.

I'm also wondering whether to go a smaller gap between 2 and 3, or a larger gap. I'm only 33 so not 'too old' to have a bit bigger gap.

1st gap is 18 months, gap between #2 and #3 is a little over 2 years.  For me smaller gap is better, they grow up together and are in the same or similar life stage.  Plus I had my first at 38 so no room for large age gaps. And if I'm home changing nappies, I want it out of the way as quickly as possible, not stretched out over 10 years or whatever.

I'm a SAHP.  Life is busy but I don't have the added pressure (or relief) of paid work.  My biggest worry is what to cook for dinner.  In my situation 3 is not a lot more work than 2.

Everyone's circumstances (emotional, financial etc) are so different it's not a blanket yes or no.  Enjoy the newborn cuddles!

#96 Ellie bean

Posted 26 April 2019 - 03:56 PM

I’m so jealous when I read about newborns sleeping through at 5 months and toddlers sleeping in to 6.30 am, it makes me want to cry. Be warned if a third is like my kids (reflux, cmpi, etc) you’re in for a hell of a ride :)

#97 Crombek

Posted 26 April 2019 - 04:12 PM

I think the thing with 3 is not necessarily that they slot in, they’re still just as difficult. But you are so.darn.busy you have less brain space to devote to the difficulties maybe?

DD at 19 months still starts screaming & clinging to me from around 4pm until bedtime. Erry night. But considering we don’t get home until after 5pm 4 nights a week, I’m on my own with them about 75% of the time & have to cook for, feed, clean, bathe & bed 3 kids I don’t count down the hours until bedtime like I did with the others. I just hike her on the bench & tune it out.

#98 blueskies12

Posted 26 April 2019 - 08:18 PM

Purpleblaze, you are living my dream! I’d love 3 kids, to be a SAHP...and kids to sleep to 6:30am!

#99 mlztwins

Posted 27 April 2019 - 03:59 PM

I had twins girls first up & 4 years later had my 3rd girl. 3rd baby was the easiest of all & just slotted right in to our family. She's 6 now & the only issue we have is she gets left out sometimes.... I would recommend a few years between them though. Say, not before at least 1 child is in Kindy..... but 3 is definitely manageable. (I've been a single mummy since smallest was 8months old!)

Best of luck with your decision.

#100 No girls here

Posted 27 April 2019 - 04:28 PM

I have 3 boys and DH and I both came from families with 3 kids and we would definitely go for 3 if we had our time again. My kids get along great for the most part and none of them are left out.

In terms of home life, I didn't find 2-3 that difficult.  My first child was a horrendous baby and his first year of life was far and away more difficult than any time where I have had 3 kids. Now they are 14, 13 and 7 I find them pretty easy!

I don't know if people assumed that I went for #3 to get a girl, but I have had heaps and heaps of comments after having 3 boys about whether I am going to go back again for a girl.

The one thing I have found difficult is trying to keep up with their extra-curricular activities.  Even if they're not doing all that much individually it adds up with 3 of them, the time being more of a problem than the cost for me. Just with soccer alone we have 6 training sessions at different times each week and sometimes they all have a game at the same time at different grounds and we don't have any family help so we have to ask for favours if we want to get them all there.

Another issue with expenses is family holidays. A lot of places (and a lot of cheap deals!) are set up for a family of 4.  We often have to get 2 rooms when we travel, so it can increase the cost of a family holiday quite significantly.

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