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#26 Mollycoddle

Posted 24 April 2019 - 02:31 PM

I wouldn't even think about it yet if I were you OP.  Your youngest is only 5 weeks old and your eldest only 2.5, even your older one still has a year or two of of toddlerhood left so it's a bit early to be saying that the newborn stage has been the hardest.  Once your newborn is up and mobile your eldest will still only be 3.  Two toddlers will likely be hell without having another one about to come into the mix.  I would wait until you have those two toddlers and see how manageable they are before even considering making the decision to have a third.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 24 April 2019 - 02:54 PM.


#27 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 24 April 2019 - 03:20 PM

1) who cares what anyone else thinks?
2) going from 2-3 was much much harder. Really prepared me when number 4 came along. By then,  I had dropped all my standards. :lol:
3) no regrets
4) they all fight with each other some of the time.

#28 Kallie88

Posted 24 April 2019 - 03:34 PM

Lol i've found the 14 month gap between 2 and 3 much easier than the 20 month gap between 1 and 2 so far. Toddler tantrums started kicking off after the tiny newborn stage rather than during haha. But hey, it's different for everyone.

#29 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 24 April 2019 - 03:35 PM

3 csections were fine for me, but that being said Dr commented that I was lucky I opted for repeat CS with my 3rd as at only 36wks, my scar would not have lasted another 6-8hrs of labour. Reconfirmed at 6wk checkup that no more babies for me and if I did falll PG I wiuld have to deliver by 34wks to not put too much pressure on scar.

This was after being told after #2 that everything looked fine for a 3rd.

#30 Drat

Posted 24 April 2019 - 03:37 PM

Thanks for all the opinions.

Definitely not going to make any solid plans yet for #3, but definitely floating the possibility for the future.

When DD1 was 5 weeks I was seriously considering putting her up for adoption and for hubby to get a vasectomy, she was the absolute worst newborn ever. She's still quite a full on 2 year old and she has quite a strong personality... lol. (told me she hates me yesterday and that she wnats to live with grandma...).

DD2 is a much easier baby but still doesn't sleep amazing and has colic, reflux etc.


I'm trying to get an idea of whether it's something i'm serious about or not. Hubby is easy on either two or three.

#31 Tinky Winky Woo

Posted 24 April 2019 - 03:38 PM

I know I only have 2 kids but there have been 3 in our home a lot over the past 15 years.

Our first together was the perfect text book dream baby.  

Our second was the polar opposite.  We were at breaking point just with him alone.  He has higher needs and it is draining financially and mentally on us.

If we had of had a 3rd together I do feel it would of been a very bad idea.

I do miss having a tiny baby around, and get all mushy around them.  But then I snap back into reality and am very satisfied with our two kids.

I would of liked a girl as a baby but as the boys get older I feel like I am much happier without a girl.

#32 JoanJett

Posted 24 April 2019 - 03:55 PM

Congratulations and may your "happy" newborn phase last.  It's such a personal decision - I had decided before our second was born that we would stop at 2 for a number of reasons.  I sometimes wish we had a third, but....

The perspective of someone who decide to stop at 2 with a 2 year age gap while many friends went on to have 3 with 2 years between each - our lives were easier much more quickly, and still are.  The other long term costs to consider (apart from housing/cars/expenses) are travel and schooling, particularly if you want to consider private school at all.  

I sometimes wish my second son would have had the chance to be a "big brother", as he is fantastic with younger kids.  But then I know that's because he doesn't have to tolerate one at home.  I sometimes think there would be fewer arguments with 3, but then it's just as likely that there would be more.  

There's no right or wrong way to have a family.  Give yourself plenty of time to enjoy this baby and this new way of being a family.  

If you do (or don't) decide to have a third child, people will assume what they assume.  In the end, it only matters what you think and how you feel.

#33 JoanJett

Posted 24 April 2019 - 04:01 PM

View PostERipley, on 24 April 2019 - 01:30 PM, said:




Oh and 2.5 years old is easy. Don’t even consider it until you’ve had a threenager. I don’t know why people talk about terrible twos. I don’t know anyone who didn’t find the ages of 3 and 4 1000x harder.



This x 100.

Particularly once you lose all possibility of the older child ever having a daytime nap again.....

#34 Katerina 34

Posted 24 April 2019 - 04:05 PM

Tried for a third.

Now pregnant with twins.

Expect the unexpected I guess- multiples, illness, additional needs. Anything can happen. As long as you can accept that then go for it.

#35 PrincessPeach

Posted 24 April 2019 - 04:09 PM

View PostJoanJett, on 24 April 2019 - 04:01 PM, said:



This x 100.

Particularly once you lose all possibility of the older child ever having a daytime nap again.....

Oh so true.

Mine has in the last week decided to ditch his daytime nap...bedtime cannot come fast enough.

#36 Lallalla

Posted 24 April 2019 - 04:22 PM

I had 3 under 2, including twins. All the same sex. There will be comments and assumptions. But if you don’t mind what they are then those comments will just come off as rude as f&@k.

I’m really glad we had twins as I don’t know if I would otherwise have had it in me to go for round 3 of pregnancy - I hated being pregnant, but I love my 3 kids.

They’ve  nearly broke us a couple of times but i think that is to do with the small age gap. I still wouldn’t swap them.

Also Don’t let anyone tell you you wont be able to take them swimming/do this/do that. Where there is a will there is a way. My twins have been in swimming lessons since they were 11 months and my oldest never stopped and we go swimming all time (they’re 4.5 and almost 3).

#37 newmumandexcited

Posted 24 April 2019 - 04:38 PM

View PostLallalla, on 24 April 2019 - 04:22 PM, said:

I had 3 under 2, including twins. All the same sex. There will be comments and assumptions. But if you don’t mind what they are then those comments will just come off as rude as f&@k.

I’m really glad we had twins as I don’t know if I would otherwise have had it in me to go for round 3 of pregnancy - I hated being pregnant, but I love my 3 kids.

They’ve  nearly broke us a couple of times but i think that is to do with the small age gap. I still wouldn’t swap them.

Also Don’t let anyone tell you you wont be able to take them swimming/do this/do that. Where there is a will there is a way. My twins have been in swimming lessons since they were 11 months and my oldest never stopped and we go swimming all time (they’re 4.5 and almost 3).

I am in the same boat with twins all same sex under two at one point. I absolutely cannot take them swimming sadly. I do take them to swimming lessons, my husband and I go in with one twin each and the eldest goes in with an instructor. But I couldn’t take them to the beach etc - I simply couldn’t keep two two year olds and a four year old safe when the twins run in opposite directions. Same goes with open parks etc.

My greatest regret is having three so close in age - it has nearly broken us many time and though I love my children to death, there is so much I actually can’t enjoy with them and they fight over the same things all day!

Edited by newmumandexcited, 24 April 2019 - 04:41 PM.


#38 TheGreenSheep

Posted 24 April 2019 - 05:09 PM

I have two, the first DS1 broke me as a 2-3yo, so could only face one more. DS2, well he was a dream baby and toddler. If the first had been like him I would’ve had 3-4 kids. And I certainly wasn’t having a go at number 3 just for the girl. Oddly people still feel compelled to ask about whether or not I will go back for the girl. I’m close to menopause, so, no!

Majority of our friends have 3-4 kids. One comment a rather stressed and busy working mum said to me a few weeks ago was ‘I guess I have one child too many’ and she was being honest. It has stretched them emotionally and physically like nothing else, between high needs child and demanding work and careers, they barely see each other. Another mentioned how impossible it is to holiday and get accom and flights for 5, she wanted 4 her DH wanted 2 so I guess they compromised. They do struggle to give their time and run between school, activities and schedules at times.

#39 ~J_F~

Posted 24 April 2019 - 05:13 PM

View PostLallalla, on 24 April 2019 - 04:22 PM, said:


Also Don’t let anyone tell you you wont be able to take them swimming/do this/do that. Where there is a will there is a way. My twins have been in swimming lessons since they were 11 months and my oldest never stopped and we go swimming all time (they’re 4.5 and almost 3).

There isn’t always a way even when there is a will.

No amount of trying is going to make certain things happen for some families!!

This kind of statement diminishes the lived experiences of other people who have struggled and haven’t been able to make things work!!

Edited by ~J_WTF~, 24 April 2019 - 05:26 PM.


#40 **Xena**

Posted 24 April 2019 - 05:14 PM

I have 5 but I had 3 close together and then a large gap and then my other two. I don't regret 3 at all. I had 2 boys and then a girl and whilst people were excited about that and assumed that's why I went back I just ignored it. I had her because I wanted another child, nothing they say changes that fact. I found 2-3 much easier than 0-1 and 1-2. Though 3-4 was the easiest after such a big gap. My others were pretty self sufficient so it was like having my first except with the lived in experience of knowing what to expect.

My 3 eldest get along really well. Dynamics work just fine, they all have some interests in common so that helps. Obviously the more kids, the more expensive so there may need to be some weighing up of priorities. My eldest doesn't do an extracurricular activity and 2&3 can walk to theirs and back so I only need to do any running around for the 2-3 comps a year.

Also I've had 5 c-sections.

Edited by **Xena**, 24 April 2019 - 05:29 PM.


#41 Mooples

Posted 24 April 2019 - 05:26 PM

I have 2 boys (3.5 and 1) and we got comments about having a third to get a girl about 11 seconds after we announced ds2’s birth so if I am pregnant with a third I know I will get them all the time. Doesn’t bother me. I know I want a third baby, not a girl or a boy.

I am super keen for a third, dh is coming around to the idea now ds2 has started sleeping better though this time there will be a bit of a bigger gap. I’m happy to wait until ds2 is 2 before we even start seriously thinking about it.

I know it will be harder, I know it will be expensive, I know I could get twins or a baby with special needs but none of that is enough to sway me. I still get excited about the thought of a big family. I’d love twins, I’d happily have 4 but dh has said no way!!

#42 amdirel

Posted 24 April 2019 - 05:26 PM

Noooooo no no no. Just no.

Two is nice.

To answer your questions...

1) Yes they will. But who cares.

2) Hard. 1-2 was easy. But I find babies very easy. It's as they got older that it got so so much harder.

3) Yeah, I do. And it's nothing against my third child. He is wonderful, as they all are. I just find it overwhelming having 3.

4) Not well. #2 and #3 get along ok sometimes, but #1 and #2 basically ignore each other, and #1 and #3 honestly hate each others guts.

Extracurriculars- are killing me. No joke. It costs a flipping fortune, and you're a taxi driver in your spare time. I leave work, then drive people around to sports etc 6 days a week. They get later as they get older too; many nights they finish at 9pm, which means 10pm bedtime.

Everyone in these threads always talk about juggling 3 babies, toddlers etc, it gets easier when they can do xyz themselves etc etc. It DOESN'T. (IME). Yes physically I don't do much for them (except driving and taking money out of my wallet), but it's the thoughtload, the organisation, the emotional burden, the stress of are they ok, are they happy, are they coping with life, are they growing up into good humans, are they safe when they're out, are they safe online. Plus even though the toddler tantrums have stopped, they just now verbalise it, so I constantly, *constantly* feel like I'm refereeing/counselling/advising/helping/problem solving/organising etc etc etc.

I find it relentless in every way.

#43 Soontobegran

Posted 24 April 2019 - 05:33 PM

View PostERipley, on 24 April 2019 - 01:33 PM, said:

Oh and you might get pregnant with twins. Much more likely as you get into your 30s. Would you consider 4?

Don't scare her off. :) Only 5% over the age of 35 however if she waits until 45 it is 20%

#44 Future-self

Posted 24 April 2019 - 06:04 PM

I don;t think it's something you need to decide to think about seriously even at this stage. See how the next 18 months go and just answer 'who knows' if people ask if you'll have another :)

DH and I always planned 'an accidnetal third' until we had two with so much extra 'stuff' going on with them that we just couldn't see it working for anyone in the family. Not with only two adults - we needed another person in the marriage to parent and bring in money I decided ;)

#45 daisy007

Posted 24 April 2019 - 06:27 PM

When DS2 was around 6 weeks old I was adamant I wanted more, many more! It was really strange because after having DS1 it took me over 2 years to even look at a newborn without wanting to run for the hills. DS2 is 10 months now and I think we’re done. I desperately wanted another for a while but now we’ve settled into our little groove and I’m imaging what we’ll do over the next few years as a family of 4. I’m not 100% sure we’re done but time will tell.

I answer to your question, what other people will think. who cares, you do what you want and don’t worry about their opinions. People will comment regardless of what you choose, I always get asked when we’ll try for a girl. Honestly the idea of having a girl scares me, I know boys now!

#46 newmumandexcited

Posted 24 April 2019 - 06:46 PM

When people ask if I’m going for the girl, I often say that I try to see my kids as people first and foremost, and raise them without worrying too much about their gender or having expectations on them.

It’s true but it also points out people (often so-called liberally minded people’s) limited perceptions about gender.

Edited by newmumandexcited, 24 April 2019 - 06:47 PM.


#47 Soontobegran

Posted 24 April 2019 - 07:20 PM

For me going from 0-1 was by far the hardest transition to make.

Different children have different behaviours at different ages.
Age 3 was not a huge issue for any of ours but people tend to label an age as bad according to their personal experience.

For us teen age was without doubt the hardest time psychologically, under 2 was the hardest in terms of physical exhaustion.

After the fact I can say it is true to some extent that the saying 'this too will pass' is correct but as far as I am concerned there is no stage of parenting including being a parent of adults that is blissfully easy.
There are so many variables.....ill health, special needs, economic hardship........it all impacts how we enjoy parenting and no......you just can't always make it work.

Three did not seem a large family to me, I may have benefited from not having all ours so quickly but then I do not know. I would not change it otherwise.

#48 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 24 April 2019 - 07:40 PM

I have 2 school age girls and Im currently trying to evict a boy :rofl:

Nobody has made any negative comments about trying for a boy but my girls arent particularly girly girls I guess and I think people who know me know better than to think that.

I think 5 weeks in is probably a bit early to assess how hard it is having 2 kids, but then honestly, people have all sorts of age gaps and make it work so who am I to comment.

Good luck in your decision. - ETA I know lots of 3 kid families who get along great, a couple who dont but I also know 2 & 4 kid families where they dont get along. I think its down to personality mostly.

Edited by WannabeMasterchef, 24 April 2019 - 07:43 PM.


#49 Mollycoddle

Posted 24 April 2019 - 07:56 PM

View Post~J_WTF~, on 24 April 2019 - 05:13 PM, said:



There isn’t always a way even when there is a will.

No amount of trying is going to make certain things happen for some families!!

This kind of statement diminishes the lived experiences of other people who have struggled and haven’t been able to make things work!!

Conversely, when I read the PP about only having 2 sets of hands (Mum and Dad) and that 3 kids is one too many to manage for that reason, I thought it diminished the daily, relentless efforts and achievements of the legion of single parents of more than one child...

Edited by Mollycoddle, 24 April 2019 - 07:56 PM.


#50 Staying Strange

Posted 24 April 2019 - 08:04 PM

This thread might interest you OP

http://m.essentialba...__fromsearch__1

And this article is on the front page of eb at the moment


http://www.essential...20180611-h1196c


This is my post from the other thread
I still feel the same...

I have 3... as #2 turned out to be twins. I don't know if it's twins or having 3 (or jumping from 1 to 3) But its too many for me and if I'd had the choice we'd have stopped at 2.

However I have friends who have 3 and are thriving as parents

When speaking with friends about this I generally ask...
What is it about having 3 children that appeals to you? Is there something you don't get from having 2 that you'll get by having a third? If you fall pregnant and its twins, will you manage? What sort of life/lifestyle do you want to have in 10years - are additional children going to enhance that?  

Good luck making your choice




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