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#1 Drat

Posted 24 April 2019 - 12:55 PM

I'm wanting to hear from other mums with three kids.

I have two daughter, one is 2.5 and another is 5 weeks old. I'm seriously considering a third kid.. I never ever thought that I would, but my second DD has been a dream so far. (My first born was literally the spawn of satan and I wouldn't wish her as a newborn on anyone, she is a very sweet 2 year old though).

I'm wondering about a few things

1) Is everyone just going to assume I want a third child just to get a boy?

2) How much harder was it to go from 2-3
(I've found 1-2 was not hard at all so far. Newborn stage is the toughest for me)

3) Do you regret 3?

4) How do they interact with each other.

My main concerns about having 3 is:
1) People assuming we only went for 3 because we wanted a boy. Honestly I only wanted boys, but now that I have girls, I don't know if I want a boy because i'm afraid he would be really spoilt by my family (and potentially me).

2) Extra curricular expenses. Hubby and I are both musicians and we love sports etc. so i'm worried that the cost may be too much with 3 doing extra things.
(Not concerned with space at home as we have space for 3 kids easily)

3) Having a 3rd c-section :(

4) The dynamic between 3. I'm one of 2 and my brother and I are still like conjoined twins as adults, we hang out constantly. My hubby is one of three and hates his brother with a passion and it was very much 2 kids vs 1 kid. The three never got along together at all.

I'm also wondering whether to go a smaller gap between 2 and 3, or a larger gap. I'm only 33 so not 'too old' to have a bit bigger gap.

Love to hear any isights on life with 3 kids!

#2 ~J_F~

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:08 PM

All I have to say about having three is dont do it!!

ETA Well there is probably more but don’t do it sums it up well enough!!

Actually I will elaborate -

My third has ASD.

My third nearly destroyed us as a couple and a family.

My first two were easy, bloody easy. Sure they had their issues, all kids do but overall easy.

It takes money and lots of it to get help for a kid with a diagnosis and sometimes the other kids miss out.

Even without a diagnosis in the mix, everything is harder with three.

Hindsight I would have stopped at two.

I should have stopped at two!!

Edited by ~J_WTF~, 24 April 2019 - 01:49 PM.


#3 Soontobegran

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:09 PM

Having a third baby should be about having a third and not if there is a hope for a change in sex. Having a third after two of the same sex will without doubt bring out the comments from everyone that you are doing it just to have an opposite so you have to be ready for that.
Many people think that two children is the perfect number so having more is either an accident or a quest for a boy in your case.

I did not feel our family was complete after two girls, we had a third, then a fourth then a fifth and every single time we were completely frustrated by other people’s suspicions. We had four girls then a boy.... the sex of our children was never a factor.

Having a third because the second baby was good is also fraught. Our third was a great baby, our fourth and fifth were not easy babies.
I think you are still in those early days and there is no hurry to make up your mind but for sure it must be the need to extend your family that colours your decision and nothing else.

Wishing you luck, your heart and head will reveal this to you in good time.

#4 Jennifaraway

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:12 PM

I don't (and won't!) have three kids, but I do have a 3yo daughter... O.M.G. She's hard work. Partly personality of course, but partly being 3. If you go again you will have to deal with three lots of 3yos. (DD's older brother wasn't nearly as bad, although he was off with the fairies a bit - ADHD - and personality wise is eager to please).

Um, I may be a bit scarred by being screamed at multiple times last night by said 3yo. She's very cute, but .... OMG. Hard work.

(Also she was a great sleeper as a baby .... until she wasn't. Now that was a shock!).

#5 Expelliarmus

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:13 PM

I have two girls and a boy. 18, 17 and 15.

1) Probably but it honestly wasn't a thing for me, if it bothered me while pregnant I don't recall now. No one comments on it now.

2) Not hard at all. My biggest issue with the third was not dealing with the baby, it was dealing with the 2 and 3 year olds! A bigger gap might have been better but I doubt it - I know what they were like at 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 for example ... FWIW the 2 year gap between #2 and #3 was better than the 18mth gap between #1 and #2. Honestly #3 just sort of slotted in. I found 1-2 more difficult, although that wasn't 'difficult' either. Three is always tricky though because you're outnumbered.

3) Not any more than I regret numbers one and two.

4) They interact as individuals. As a baby DS was doted on by both sisters - squished, smeared in lipstick, covered in stickers, fed things - both edible and non edible and patted/poked/prodded. As big sisters they have been mostly pretty good and my kids get along. Well the girls sometimes don't, but overall they are friends and were throughout childhood. They swung between pairing off and one by themselves to all three playing the same game. Now that DS is bigger than them he tries to antagonise them but only to muck about. My sister has three boys and hasn't seen an issue of 2vs1. Her boys all get along fine.

It has been expensive with extra curriculars though.

#6 Green lady

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:16 PM

I have 3. Big age gap between 2 and 3 of 6 years. No regrets so far but number 3 has only turned 2.

Had a boy and girl already so wasn’t going for number 3 for a gender change. I don’t think people would assume that’s why you’re doing it - in any event I don’t think you should pay any attention to people who think that.

I haven’t found it hard to go from 2 to 3 but that’s probably because of the age gap - I don’t have 2 toddlers to cope with. Mine all interact well however I am a bit worried about the future when the others finish school and move on that poor DS will be like an only child. Having said that my DH was in that position and youngest of 4 much older and he has a good relationship with all of them as adults depsite them spending minimal time living under the one roof.

I have had 4 c sections and this 4th one was fine - in fact probably my easiest recovery so far. I got checked out first to make sure uterus was intact and got the green light from OB that all looked fine.

#7 Crombek

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:17 PM

I found one child hard. Then I found two hard. And now I’m finding three hard. Very hard. I’m not even 2 years in & I’m sure it’s going to get a lot harder before it gets better. We agonised for a long time before we did it.

But. She completes my family. I feel a sense of peace I didn’t have with 2. Yes everything is more expensive, and will get even more so. Yes I am constantly exhausted, overwhelmed and often wishing I didn’t have any at all. But I couldn’t have not had her.

Ask me this question in 10 years though 😂

ETA: on the dynamic thing - mine was the opposite to your experience. DH has 1 brother & they aren’t super close. I’m 1 of 3 & we are close, my youngest sibling generally provides a circuit breaker dynamic. I don’t think my brother & I would have much to do with each other at all without her because we were both so explosive as kids/teens.

Edited by Crombek, 24 April 2019 - 01:41 PM.


#8 SummerStar

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:17 PM

If I could start again I'd have stopped at 2. I don't regret the third, I just think 2 would have been better for me. I do regret number 4 but that's another story.


I was one of two me and my brother are civil at family things but have nothing to do with each other outside of that which suits me. Never been close. My husband is one of 3 boys. Never sees his brothers. It doesn't matter how many you have they will be close or they won't. That will come down to personalities and interests.

#9 Riotproof

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:26 PM

You’re still a bit high on hormones and lack of sleep. I wouldn’t be making any plans now.

#10 literally nobody

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:27 PM

Id have stopped at 2 as well. 2 years between all 3, and i found it difficult between 2 & 3. newborns are easy. wait til they get to the jealous clingy stage, it sucks the life out of you. yes it’s more expensive, definitely had to cut everything back.

#11 lozoodle

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:28 PM

I can't answer anything for you, I can only give you my own experiences.

1) Is everyone just going to assume I want a third child just to get a boy?

Maybe, but who cares what other people assume. I had two girls and when I was pregnant with my third they were on and on about it should be a boy. She wasn't ;)


2) How much harder was it to go from 2-3
(I've found 1-2 was not hard at all so far. Newborn stage is the toughest for me)
I found 2-3 a LOT easier than 1-2, and 1-2 a million times easier than the 0-1 transition. When I had 2 I was already used to dividing my time and having kids, so adding a third in was not really any difference, just a bit more newborn time which sucks but passes quick. (I had a newborn, a just turned 2yo and a just turned 4yo)

3) Do you regret 3? Not at all.

4) How do they interact with each other. They've been fine since the start, some usual sibling bickering but nothing out of the ordinary. Now they're 6, 8 and 10 and all at the same school and get along well. I'm glad I had 3 and I glad I didn't leave it too long between babies.

#12 ERipley

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:30 PM

I had my son and then twin daughters, so it’s not exactly the same. To be honest, life would be SO much easier with 2.

First, the space. We had to upgrade to a massive car to fit all the car seats. And then the stuff you have to carry everywhere. Then there’s the house. 4 bedroom houses are few and far between where I live and incredibly expensive.

There are only two adults. If all 3 kids are upset or having problems it’s hard. If they want to do different activities you can’t take one to each. My 2.5 year olds have never been to the pool because we simply don’t have enough hands to keep them safe.

3 sets of piano lessons/gym fees/swimming lessons/whatever it is. Then the time it takes to do all these things. The two you have will miss out on things they would have if not for the third, especially you and your time and energy.

We have no family to help so it’s just me and their dad so I have a skewed view. If you have family who will babysit and help out all the time it would be so much easier.

Oh and 2.5 years old is easy. Don’t even consider it until you’ve had a threenager. I don’t know why people talk about terrible twos. I don’t know anyone who didn’t find the ages of 3 and 4 1000x harder.

I love my 3 kids so much and wouldn’t change them for anything. As they get older I am enjoying the feeling of family time and the various interactions. So many things are lovely. I do honestly know they miss out on a lot because of it though.

#13 ERipley

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:33 PM

Oh and you might get pregnant with twins. Much more likely as you get into your 30s. Would you consider 4?

#14 ~THE~MAGICIAN~

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:34 PM

I have 3 girls. Always wanted 3 girls. Very very lucky to get what I wanted.

Going form 1 to 2 was harder than going from 2 to 3.

Do what is right for YOU.

#15 Kallie88

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:34 PM

We are 7 months into 3 under 3yo lol

1) Is everyone just going to assume I want a third child just to get a boy? Yes they are, but who cares. We had a girl then a boy so we got the "went would you want another anyway" there's always something no matter what you do

2) 2-3 wasn't a lot harder than 1-2 for us. Dh probably got less time with baby and I got less time with big kids in the early days because that was the most sensible division of labor. Overall though, you know what you're doing by 3, the older two can amuse themselves better than #1 when #2 was a baby. Getting out of the house is painful though, you run out of hands quickly when with both parents!

3) Do you regret 3? No

4) How do they interact with each other? Ours are all pretty good. The big two can be too righ occasionally with each other, they're very gentle with the baby most of the time. Baby adores big bro and sis, you can see it in his eyes. At this stage i think they'll be reasonably close, but it's early days


2) Extra curricular expenses. We've only got eldest in swimming lessons atm but i see this getting very expensive as they get bigger. Guess it depends what you can afford though, they don't have to do anything or more than one thing if you choose

4) The dynamic between 3. Like i said above, atm ours are good, but who knows what will happen. I think dynamics can depend more on personality than number though. I have 3 cousins that are brothers and they had lots of problems growing up but all 3 are really close now

Obviously we went a small gap lol, I'm happy with it, it's full on, but I'm hoping to get the pay off when they're older and the intensity drops off quickly.

So, I've answered all I could. Our #3 slotted into our lives pretty well. After devil child number 1 and laid back number 2 he's sort of a happy medium lol. It's never easy, newborns are hard work and sleep deprivation is crap but we're happy to have another little person in our lives and i think the biggest thing is dh and i are a team

#16 blueskies12

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:39 PM

Drat, I could have written your post myself! Now my second is 16 months and I still would like a third...I think having an ‘easy’ baby as a possible last is really hard. I think if no. 1 had been my last I would have been happier to stop. I’m thinking about whether ‘I would like a third’ or if ‘I want a third’. I think the choice of wording personally for me makes a difference. I’m also finding it more tiring as my second hits toddler-hood!  If we had money and room I think it would be great. I say go for it thank you for starting this thread, I’ll be following.

#17 Cimbom

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:40 PM

I mean it's obvious but don't presume that because your baby is a "dream" (at five weeks in) that a subsequent child will be the same. It's always the luck of the draw with these things. It's up to you of course but I don't think you need to decide straight away

#18 Mands09

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:43 PM

I would have stopped at 2.

Everything is exponentially harder with three. Basically a general day for me is getting everyone’s needs sorted and by the time everyone’s needs are sorted out there is no fun time as everyone’s ‘good’ time is spent playing nicely by themselves whilst I’m sorting out something for someone and by the time that is done they are needing food again or some such and getting ratty. Basically everyone always wants something, nothing is fun, and all I seem to do is answer ‘yes’ to the mum mum mum mum mum requests. I feel exhausted constantly.

3 is so much harder to juggle than 2. But maybe it’s the ages we are dealing with -6, 4 and 18months. Not to mention booking holidays for a family of 5 is exhorbitant. There isn’t always the option of Airbnb type accommodation and so just try looking at the cost of a holiday for 4 vs 5 and that alone may put you off the idea!

#19 EsmeLennox

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:45 PM

1) Probably. But who cares what others think?
2) I found it quite difficult for the first year. In hindsight, I probably had undiagnosed PND and I suffered from the ‘I must do it all myself’ mindset.
3) Depends which point in time you’re asking about. If I’d been answering this when the youngest was under 6, I would have said ‘yes’. When they are all quite little, it can be tough - just organisationally and demand-wise. They all want you! But at the moment, now that 2 are teens and the youngest is 12, I’m a ‘no’. Most of the time I really enjoy their company. I think it’s quite common to have moments of ‘well this was a stupid idea’ about most things in life, let alone kids who can drive you totally crazy at times.
4) Again, depends on the stage. My youngest two bicker a lot - I think this is reflective of the age gap more than anything. They both get on well with the eldest. But you know, siblings don’t always get along all of the time. There is definitely no ‘two against one’ dynamic though.

If I had my time again, I probably would have left another 6 months between number 2 and 3 - they are 21 months apart.

The biggest PITA about having 3 kids is planning for holidays. Accommodation for a family of 5 can be a bloody nightmare!

But honestly, have another if it’s what you and your DH want. Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks is right.

Edited by EsmeLennox, 24 April 2019 - 01:48 PM.


#20 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:48 PM

View Post~J_WTF~, on 24 April 2019 - 01:08 PM, said:

All I have to say about having three is dont do it!!

ETA Well there is probably more but don’t do it sums it up well enough!!

My third was a dream.... until she hit two, since then has been a full on handful (and is turning 10 this year). So early posts said how wonderful and easy it was. Now with nearly 10/12/14yo kids I would say Don’t do it.

Extra expenses for travel and the aggregate costs for music sports etc, plus the fact they outnumber you, so it is parent taking one child to something, Parent taking another child to something and WTF do we do with getting the third child to another location simultaneously across the other side of town.

I should add I love it when one child goes on camp (doesn’t matter which child) as the two remaining get on soooo much better.

For May I have 3/4 weeks where a child is away on camp.... bring it on.

Edited by Veritas Vinum Arte, 24 April 2019 - 01:50 PM.


#21 Renovators delight

Posted 24 April 2019 - 01:52 PM

1) Is everyone just going to assume I want a third child just to get a boy?

Probably. We have 3 boys. I kept the 3rd pregnancy very VERY quiet for a number of reasons, and that was one. Lucky because I could hide it pretty well. I knew he was a boy from about 14 weeks in. We were very happy just to have him, didn't need the awkward comments from people etc.

2) How much harder was it to go from 2-3
(I've found 1-2 was not hard at all so far. Newborn stage is the toughest for me)

Didn't really notice much, although ours are reasonably close together - 17 months between the first 2, then another 26 months, so 3.5 years from eldest to youngest. I found 0-1 very much the most difficult transition.

3) Do you regret 3?

Nope.

4) How do they interact with each other.

They are still only little (3, 5 and 7), but its fine, we do a lot of reinforcing being nice to siblings etc. The middle child is a bit of a stereotype right now, but we work at making sure he doesn't use that lens to view his sibling interactions.


View PostDrat, on 24 April 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

My main concerns about having 3 is:
1) People assuming we only went for 3 because we wanted a boy. Honestly I only wanted boys, but now that I have girls, I don't know if I want a boy because i'm afraid he would be really spoilt by my family (and potentially me).

I was worried about how to do a girl if we had one, by the time there were 2 boys already, I felt comfortable with that scenario. We have subsequently seen how a 4th boy cousin on one side was given a very deflated sort of welcome for being a boy, and how the 1st girl cousin on the other side has been a bit spoiled. That's how things go, I think as long as you plan to notice it you should be right. Our third little boy is spoiled for being 'the baby'. By all of us!

View PostDrat, on 24 April 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

2) Extra curricular expenses. Hubby and I are both musicians and we love sports etc. so i'm worried that the cost may be too much with 3 doing extra things.
(Not concerned with space at home as we have space for 3 kids easily)

The money is a huge issue. I only have 2 doing activities so far, and its expensive. We don't do music lessons yet for this reason, I can't justify high costs for young children. We go to a lot of playgrounds and parks, and things with free entry.

View PostDrat, on 24 April 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

3) Having a 3rd c-section :(

Only my 2nd and 3rd for c-sections. I didn't mind the second one as much, and would happily have more, although vaginal birth was quicker for me to recover from, I know that's not always the case. Its only a blip most of the time, fortunately.

View PostDrat, on 24 April 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

4) The dynamic between 3. I'm one of 2 and my brother and I are still like conjoined twins as adults, we hang out constantly. My hubby is one of three and hates his brother with a passion and it was very much 2 kids vs 1 kid. The three never got along together at all.

I am from a family of 3, we have that kind of dynamic where two of them are mortal enemies. My partner is one of 4, they have one odd-one-out. My Dad has only 1 sister and they weren't able to get along until their 60s. My mum is one of 7 children, and they are all really close. I don't think the numbers come into this.

View PostDrat, on 24 April 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

I'm also wondering whether to go a smaller gap between 2 and 3, or a larger gap. I'm only 33 so not 'too old' to have a bit bigger gap.

I like the small age gap. I see other mothers at school with larger age gaps and they don't really appeal to me - having to drag a newborn around to school drop offs etc would suck. My 'baby' was 1.5 before we had to start dealing with a school drop off, so much easier to work around sleep, feeding etc.

#22 newmumandexcited

Posted 24 April 2019 - 02:05 PM

I would have had more when my 2/3 were 5 weeks old. Now I wouldn’t dream of it - give it a lot more time, 5 weeks old are easy. My dream third baby is now 2.5 and yeah.. hard to believe I ever used that word.

Edited by newmumandexcited, 24 April 2019 - 02:07 PM.


#23 newmumandexcited

Posted 24 April 2019 - 02:12 PM

View Post~THE~MAGICIAN~, on 24 April 2019 - 01:34 PM, said:

I have 3 girls. Always wanted 3 girls. Very very lucky to get what I wanted.

Going form 1 to 2 was harder than going from 2 to 3.

Do what is right for YOU.

Three healthy kids of any kind, what you wanted or otherwise, is good fortune.

#24 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 24 April 2019 - 02:14 PM

View PostRiotproof, on 24 April 2019 - 01:26 PM, said:

You’re still a bit high on hormones and lack of sleep. I wouldn’t be making any plans now.

This, and a 5 week old is very different to a toddler. or a toddler and a 3.5 year old.

Enjoy your baby, don’t make plans for more just yet.

Personally, my second was such an easy baby, but has turned into a bit of a handful now he is 3. We won’t be having a third.

#25 Crombek

Posted 24 April 2019 - 02:20 PM

View Post~LemonMyrtle~, on 24 April 2019 - 02:14 PM, said:



This, and a 5 week old is very different to a toddler. or a toddler and a 3.5 year old.

Enjoy your baby, don’t make plans for more just yet.

Personally, my second was such an easy baby, but has turned into a bit of a handful now he is 3. We won’t be having a third.

My second was also really easy as a baby/toddler. Not great at 3. Ramped up at 3.5, all the way through the f’ing 4’s & shows no signs of slowing at just turned 5. Typical middle child lol.




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