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How do you keep on top of it all

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#1 Drat

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:37 AM


How do you keep on top of everything!

I constantly feel like i'm playing catch up. There's toys everywhere, undies, washing is piling up, can't remember when I washed the floor last.

I'm just finding it all so exhausting. I'm constantly judged by my family about the state of my house and it's depressing..

How does everyone do it. What am I doing wrong!

#2 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:40 AM

can your immediate family members (partner if applicable, kids) who presumably contribute to the mess, help clean up? as for other family members who judge - what can you do. i could say “just ignore them” - easier said than done though, i know. i sometimes thinking dropping standards a bit can help...not sinking into squalor, clearly....but just not sweating the small stuff. clean washing still in the folding pile is, actually, clean!

Edited by Lucrezia Borgia, 10 April 2019 - 07:41 AM.

#3 MintyBiscuit

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:48 AM

I don’t, I just close doors. I’m fortunate that I have friends who don’t judge, and the few times family have commented I tell them they’re free to fold some washing or grab the vacuum. But I’m a b**ch so that snark comes easily

#4 eponee

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:52 AM

Could you afford to hire someone to come to your house to do the dishes, do a few loads of washing, a bit of ironing, a quick tidy up, wash the floors and clean the bathroom once a week or so?  Not a 'professional' cleaner but, say, a uni student, a trusted friend, a parent from school etc

#5 taters

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:55 AM

I do a little bit every day and that helps. I also got rid of a heap of stuff so we have no junk in our house. It makes cleaning and tidying so much easier for us.

#6 Drat

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:57 AM

View PostLucrezia Borgia, on 10 April 2019 - 07:40 AM, said:

can your immediate family members (partner if applicable, kids) who presumably contribute to the mess, help clean up? as for other family members who judge - what can you do. i could say “just ignore them” - easier said than done though, i know. i sometimes thinking dropping standards a bit can help...not sinking into squalor, clearly....but just not sweating the small stuff. clean washing still in the folding pile is, actually, clean!

I have a 2 year old and a newborn.

The 2 year old can be quite good at tidying up, but she just makes so much mess and scatters stuff from one end of the house to the next. I'm finding myself constantly angry at her because I feel like i'm either forever picking up her stuff or harassing her to pick it up. She doesn't even have a huge amount of toys!

My husband is ok, he does do some stuff around the house and we are currently doing a renovation ourselves so he is doing that stuff a lot. He is not good with tidying up any of the kids stuff at all. He will play with the 2 year old and then let her move onto a new toy without picking anything up. He doesn't clean their rooms at all and he reads books to them but doesn't really put them away.

I just don't even know how the house gets so messy, but it seems like every second that I turn around something else is trashed!

I just feel so much sadness being in this house in it's current state, but really don't know how to deal with it.

#7 José

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:58 AM

i try to keep to a bit of a routine eg today is laundry day, tomorrow i clean the bathrooms.  
the disadvantage to this is that the whole house is rarely clean at the same time and there is usually something to be done. but i feel good doing a little each day rather than being overwhelmed with everything.
if i find myself with extra time on my hands ill do a little more then get a break the next day. i work full time though so im busy.

#8 SplashingRainbows

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:58 AM

I tidy my kitchen bench and my bedroom and that brings an immense calm. If they’re under control the rest is usually not so overwhelming.

My kids are responsible for their rooms being tidy before friends come over or the weekly cleaner. That helps a lot.

I hate it that I have become keeper of the things but I am so it is what it is. I reckon I spend one day a month cleaning out and donating - clothes, kitchen cabinets, toys. I rotate which one. It is a colossal waste of my time but less stuff is less to tidy so I persist.

#9 EmmDasher

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:59 AM

Nobody does keep on top of everything. Trying to do that will make you miserable. You’re not doing anything wrong. You just have a judgmental, unsupportive family and you love them and care about what they think.

I know there are things that are important to me like having healthy home cooked meals and I know there are things that are unimportant to me (or less important) eg. Washing the car. I do what is important to me first and to be honest, I almost never get to the unimportant stuff. I don’t care and I don’t give two hoots what family thinks of me for not doing that stuff. They have their own priorities as I have mine.

Edit - I’m a big fan of less is more too. We have fewer clothes and toys and it lessens our workload in tidying and managing stuff around the house. We do toy rotation too and my kids (almost 3 & 5) have age appropriate responsibility for their own stuff.

Edited by EmmDasher, 10 April 2019 - 08:01 AM.

#10 Drat

Posted 10 April 2019 - 07:59 AM

View Posttaters, on 10 April 2019 - 07:55 AM, said:

I do a little bit every day and that helps. I also got rid of a heap of stuff so we have no junk in our house. It makes cleaning and tidying so much easier for us.

I feel like i'm constantly putting stuff away and we did a huge clean out recently.

My daughter doesn't have a huge amount of toys, and no plastic junk stuff with 1000s pieces. She really only has books, puzzles, lego and some play animals/play kitchen.

#11 teejay

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:00 AM

Mess makes me anxious so I try and keep on top of things but I do get my family to help. From very young my kids put their dirty clothes in the hamper - helped pick up toys at the end of the day ( if they didn't help I'd just threaten throwing in the bin).
I wash one load every day even when I have work. If I have an early start I wash the night before and hang on a clothes rack.
I only clean(vacuum, mop, dust and bathrooms) the house one day a week but sweep every couple of days. Also on that one day I try and pick an extra job to do - like cleaning the fridge out, ceiling fans, clean a couple of windows etc.
Hope this helps

#12 Riotproof

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:09 AM

View PostDrat, on 10 April 2019 - 07:59 AM, said:

I feel like i'm constantly putting stuff away and we did a huge clean out recently.

My daughter doesn't have a huge amount of toys, and no plastic junk stuff with 1000s pieces. She really only has books, puzzles, lego and some play animals/play kitchen.

You have a newborn and a 2 year old. Anyone judging you on your housekeeping can go throw themselves off a pier.

I want to tell you it gets better, but really it doesn’t. Stuff is insidious. Even when you try to get rid of stuff, it breeds in contempt.

You can try to encourage the 2 yo to pack away before moving on, but it’s a battle at her age and it’s not a hill I’d choose to die on.
My 4 year old has stolen a washing basket atm. She has papers, and various things inside it. Whenever I ask her, she’s not finished with it yet.

Dh’s mother had a spotless house that she spent all weekend accomplishing. I cannot be that person.

#13 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:10 AM

ah ok, sorry, i didn’t know your kids were so young! you have a toddler and a newborn....i can’t believe anyone would dare judge you for having toys lying around the house. our house looked like a giant toy store on crack for around 7 years! big storage boxes helped, big baskets- we just dumped all the toys on the floor in them if we had people over. a room with a door helps! you just shut it.

#14 Literary Lemur

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:27 AM

Those are really tough ages and if everyone is fed and uninjured at end of day you are doing well.

If you want help because it's getting you down (and not because other people are judging) you could say hire a mother's helper and ask them to attend to the stuff you understandably don't have the time or energy to look after.

Could you also maybe allocat your DH some specific things to look after? Its really unfair he's not cleaning up after himself. I assume while he's leaving trail behind him you are doing stuff for him? If he doesn't step up maybe let some of those drop off his list.

Edited by Literary Lemur, 10 April 2019 - 08:56 AM.

#15 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:35 AM

Your judgy family can either come and help or can but out. When you have a baby, every day is about survival. If everyone is safe and fed you’ve done a great job. If there are clean clothes and clean children (and you), you are doing fabulously!

#16 EmmDasher

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:41 AM

I agree your DH is part of the problem too. If you guys agree on the kinds of behaviour s you want to see in your kids ie packing away after a game then it’s up to him to model that when he’s  playing with them. Maybe some short family value statements would help give you a tool to respectfully/calmly communicate the message. Sounds naff but in my experience repetition of catch phrases eventually sticks with kids!

#17 lozoodle

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:55 AM

I'd love to know. Between the house and me working full time and DP working long hours so he's never here and kids activities and 238583453495345455 notes from school with things to remember I am ready to lose my sh*t.

And judgey family is welcome to clean whenever they would like.

#18 teejay

Posted 10 April 2019 - 08:59 AM

Disregard my post - I didn't realise the age of your children. Just do what you can to keep everyone alive and if your family don't like it then tell them they are welcome to clean.

#19 casime

Posted 10 April 2019 - 09:03 AM

For kids toys, a couple of large tubs placed around the place can help.  Just toss everything in there at the end of the day, there doesn't have to be massive amounts of organisation, just a couple of tubs looks a lot neater.  

I finally caved and have a cleaner now, just a couple of hours to wash and vacuum the floors and do the bathrooms.  They are my most hated jobs, and it takes a huge amount of pressure off.

I've been having massive amounts of sorting out, and getting rid of things.  The less stuff, the less mess.

In reality, a lot of things get put off during term time.  The school holidays are when I try and catch up, and I do all of those jobs I've been putting off, lots of batch cooking, etc.

#20 Mmmcheese

Posted 10 April 2019 - 09:04 AM

Can you get a cleaner? It's the only thing that kept my house even a little bit clean when I had one newborn, forget a toddler in the mix!

#21 Let-it-go

Posted 10 April 2019 - 09:07 AM

You don’t need to be on top of anything with kids that age.  I am pretty on top of stuff now but when my kids were that age, I was sinking faster than the Titanic.  When I finally burst into tears to a seemingly organised friend, she just said we are all going through it at times (or all the time) and then bought me dinner the next day.

Do you have any close friends you can confide in and ask for help from?  Especially since your family are being douches.

#22 SplashingRainbows

Posted 10 April 2019 - 09:09 AM

Oh man - newborn and 2! Tell your judgemental family that they’re welcome to go clean a toilet FGS.

#23 ~J_F~

Posted 10 April 2019 - 09:10 AM

I don’t and I don’t bother trying, as long as the house isn’t dirty, messy is fine.

If people want to judge, they won’t be coming back!!

#24 tenar

Posted 10 April 2019 - 09:16 AM

When we had a 2yo and a newborn we took heaps of photos of them two of them being adorable (we didn't photograph all the other times when someone was howling).  In every photo there is a background of mess: every surface covered with toys, paperwork, left-out dishes etc.  It's how life works, some years.

If you can afford a cleaner it will help a lot.

Other things that can help:

- get the 2yo involved in a "picking things up and putting them in a tub" game.  
- use tubs to contain toys.  Put half the toys (or 2/3 of them!) out of reach at any given time and rotate the tubs.  This works wonderfully for keeping old toys interesting as well, so it's a win-win, because the tidying is easier with less stuff.
- ask anyone who comments (or those who don't) to take the 2yo out for half an hour so you can do some tidying without the simultanous mess-making.

- remind yourself that this is normal!  And it will get better.  My kids are now 9 and 7 and can mostly tidy their own toys and their own spaces.

#25 klr75

Posted 10 April 2019 - 09:21 AM

I do only have 1 child, but while I was on maternity leave, I used to find cooking dinner at lunch time helped me out lots!  Yes you have to reheat for dinner, but hey it def made my afternoon/evenings less stressful.  

Once I was back at work part time, my toddler would eat the meal that we ate the night before, which was in the fridge just waiting to be heated up!  Once he was feed and bathed, either me or my partner could start our dinner and his for the next night!

Now back at work fulltime, with a DS8 at school, my house is actually in a worse state, my dining room basically looks like a laundry.  I do get someone to come in and vacuum, mop and give the bathroom a going over.  So at least then I know those few things get done.  But generally I try and not let it bother me!  The piles of clothes in the dining room used to really bother me, but now I just remind myself that at least they are clean!

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