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FIrst breast cancer, now prostate .....

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#1 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 13 March 2019 - 11:30 AM

So, after my being diagnosed with breast cancer last September, it looks like DH is going to find out he has prostate cancer tomorrow.  :(  

His MRI results from last week say "high suspicion of cancer", with 'bulging wall' and a few other phrases that don't sound positive.

Of course, I've Dr Googled all the terms in the report letter.

I'm afraid now.  I've been so lucky with my treatment - lumpectomy and Tamoxifen, I'm really well, no real side effects or adverse outcomes.  Didn't even tell the children about it.  I felt like I'd dodged a bullet.

DH's looks more serious...... surgery or radiation.... my googling and the size, results point to something more aggressive.   He's under 55, to young for the 'old man's' disease.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking.... anyone's experience in outcomes and recovery of prostate surgery or radiation?  We have an appointment with his surgeon (urologist) tomorrow and also the GP recommended a radiation oncologist appointment  "just in case we want a second opinion".

I think I'm just venting really..... feeling vulnerable that both of us have a condition that whilst "very treatable", is still cancer.  And we have two young teenagers :(

#2 Minka1313

Posted 13 March 2019 - 11:38 AM

I am so sorry, I don't have any experience but just wanted to give you a hug.

I hope tomorrow brings the best possible outcome for your DH!

I am thinking of you and your family!


#3 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 13 March 2019 - 11:40 AM

I’m so sorry ruf-feral-es. you both must be reeling and suffering from shock and information overload....for what it’s worth....i have three men in my life who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer - all three have had the best possible outcome - treatment was ok (you know, i mean - all things considered) - one in particular was only oral medication - hormonal i think? they have all survived it - keeping everything crossed for you and your dh.

#4 born.a.girl

Posted 13 March 2019 - 12:15 PM

What an awful run of bad luck.

My younger brother had it at that age, had surgery only, to my knowledge, successfully - that was about 8 x years ago.

I believe that was due to the nature of his cancer, rather than specifically to do with his age, or maybe younger men get different types?

Anyway, I hope if it's positive, it's the one with the easiest treatment.

Sorry, I'm not much help, just wanted to let you know that some people have straightforward treatment.

Edited by born.a.girl, 13 March 2019 - 12:20 PM.

#5 Sara.xoxo

Posted 13 March 2019 - 04:14 PM

I’m so sorry OP. I don’t have any advice, just wishing you both the best case scenario. If it is cancer I hope the treatment is straightforward and not too disruptive. Fu cancer.

#6 Yippee-Ki-Yay

Posted 13 March 2019 - 04:37 PM

I am so sorry, that is so much for a couple of bear in such a short time.

I also have a good news story about prostate cancer as DH's dad had it aged 54 (strong family history of cancer). He had surgery and radiation and has had no issues since. His five-year-til-the-all-clear came and went a decade ago.

Best wishes for you both.

#7 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 13 March 2019 - 04:47 PM

Thanks everyone.  I appreciate the good news stories and the support.  

I'm in that position (as a nurse) where sometimes a little information is a bad thing.  Need to stop googling research and technical articles, but am obsessing over it.  

Forewarned is forearmed, I suppose.   And it is definitely the 'best' type to have, even if all the signs point to aggressive at this stage.  

I will probably feel better once tomorrow is over and we have some answers and a bit of a plan.  

The good thing is it's taken my mind off my next scan in 3 weeks.  I was just starting to feel it encroaching my thoughts - now it doesn't seem to matter.  I also think I'm better at dealing with and controlling with my own body and stress than wondering and worrying  how DH is dealing with his.  

Who says I'm not a control freak! :rolleyes:

#8 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 13 March 2019 - 05:15 PM

Wishing you guys all the best. Cancer sux big time.

Glad to hear that chemotherapy has not been too bad for you. We were surprised how well my dad went on chemotherapy.

#9 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 15 March 2019 - 10:03 AM

Well, that was a sucky day......

After our appointment yesterday afternoon, DH has been added to the specialists surgical list for TODAY!  Even though he had a full list this afternoon, he added DH to the end of it, to do a staging biopsy.

Also booked in for a full-body PET scan on Wednesday, with another appointment to discuss options immediately afterwards.....

I'm a bit scared now.  The specialist thinks (although he can't really say, obviously) that there is a more than 80% chance it's already spread.... and the speed at which he has got DH in for these tests also points to his concern.

Prostate cancer is definitely the one to have if you have to have one....... unless you are one of the 5-10% of men who don't do well.    And DH is quite young, relatively, which can mean more aggressive.

#10 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 15 March 2019 - 10:15 AM


Thoughts are with your family.

#11 lozoodle

Posted 15 March 2019 - 10:17 AM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Thoughts are with you!

#12 Chicken Pie

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:02 AM

I'm so sorry OP

My dad was diagnosed with Gleeson level 9 aggressive prostate cancer around June last year at the age of 60, numerous tests and scans were done to determine best course of action

He ended up having robotic surgery to remove the prostate, recovery was not painful but intense (learning to wee again etc) but quick.

Further tests thereafter he still had cancer in his bloods which meant it spread, so more tests done and showed it had spread to his groin region and chest (lymph nodes)

He had hormone injection in Oct and at next check for injection in Jan it showed the hormone treatment worked and is now considered in remission/dormant but still doing hormone treatment. If the chest was still "infected" they would have started radiation.

So fairly positive result when initially it was doom and gloom - hardest part is him adjusting from the cancer and what it meant, but then successful treatment the side effect of hormone has made him emotional etc - but worth it

Best of luck OP

#13 Chicken Pie

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:05 AM

Sorry to add those tests is what my dad had as well and was so very stressful, but its good to do to form the best approach to surgery and treatment

The PET scan will help detect spread, which will advise the plan of treatment - ie hormone only or hormone and radiation

It is scary, and so hard to remain positive - my dad and i cried on the phone (we live overseas), because in that moment our view of long term life and him in it was suddenly unknown....

but the outcome has been positive so focus on treatment and healing and reach out for support, even counselling in need

You are welcome to PM me if you feel the need or have questions, your doctor is doing the right things and acting quickly which is key

Edited by Chicken Pie, 15 March 2019 - 11:06 AM.

#14 Yippee-Ki-Yay

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:07 AM

I would be scared by that too. All the good stories in the world are heartening I am sure, but there is no escaping the little 'what if's in quieter moments.

I hope the PET scan is encouraging and that everything goes better than hoped.

#15 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:14 AM

Thanks everyone.  And Chicken Pie - thanks for that input.  Just what I need to hear!  

Yes, as always, it's the waiting that's hard.   We both function better when we can do something, it's the not being able to do anything yet that is frustrating.  And the 'what if's'.

Then the telling of people, who you know are going to worry - our kids, parents etc.    We haven't told any of them about my cancer because it has all been quite easy and is going well, but this sounds a little more serious.  

Thanks for the thoughts and postive vibes.

#16 IkeaAddict

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:20 AM

A work colleague was diagnosed with prostate cancer at age 48. Normal PSA tests but he felt something was off so they did all the scans. He had his prostate out, a short course of radiotherapy and he is now 6 years past it all and going great

#17 BusbyWilkes

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:24 AM

Oh, that is hard to take. Hopefully your DHs will be as treatable as yours. Another good news story to bolster your spirits.

My dad had surgery when he was in his late 40s and is still going strong (mid 70s now). He did have a reoccurrence (in the general area, that they said was caused by the initial prostate cancer) about 5 years later that required radiation. So, would recommend both at the same time if offered as an option. He continued to work a full time job during his radiation treatment, so you may not need to tell your kids if he doesn't want to.
(Though personally I would be p*ssed at my parents if I found out they had both had cancer and not told me). Obviously there may be specific reasons why you made this decision based on knowing your kids best, so I get that too.

#18 BusbyWilkes

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:49 AM

Hi OP. Hadn't read your update when I posted before - sorry. Another family member (also "young") was diagnosed this year with aggressive prostate cancer. Also fast tracked for biopsy etc. Were dreading the PET scans based on this, but they were all clear. So just surgery and relatively easy (in the scheme of things) radiation. Fingers crossed that this is your DH too.

#19 ~Jam~

Posted 15 March 2019 - 11:52 AM

no advice or stories to share,  but just wanted to wish you and your DH all the best.

#20 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 15 March 2019 - 12:02 PM


(Though personally I would be p*ssed at my parents if I found out they had both had cancer and not told me). Obviously there may be specific reasons why you made this decision based on knowing your kids best, so I get that too.

Yes, definitely, and I agree.  At the moment, DD (15) is about to go overseas on school exchange in a month or so, and will be away when DH has surgery (if he needs it).  So we don't want to ruin her trip by having her worried.

DS (14) has anxiety and depression, so any mention of the word 'cancer' will send him into a spiral.  We are dealing with the start of a new school year, which always makes him wobble a little as well.  

And we lost a good friend to cancer last year as well, so DS is likely to hear of any cancer diagnosis as a death sentence, no matter what we tell him.

We will definitely tell them, eventually.  But not until we either have definite answers, or treatment that will be difficult to manage.  

#21 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 20 March 2019 - 12:11 PM

Thinking of you.

#22 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 20 March 2019 - 12:18 PM

View PostVeritas Vinum Arte, on 20 March 2019 - 12:11 PM, said:

Thinking of you.

Thank you, that is so sweet.  I"m at work, feeling a little sick with worry.

And just to add - DH spoke to his mum last night who is in the UK.  She's very unwell (mid-80's) so now he's trying to fit in a trip back home to see her, depending on what happens.....

A lot resting on the outcome of this evening's appointment.  

Thank you so much for the thoughts.

#23 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 20 March 2019 - 12:18 PM

No advice, just wanted to say thinking of you and your DH and so sorry you're both going through this xxx.

#24 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 20 March 2019 - 12:32 PM

Yes the uncertainty and without a plan is very hard.

We are still trying to find out WTH is going on with my father. Mum won’t book anything as she doesn’t know what is happening but dad just wants to continue life.

#25 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 20 March 2019 - 02:21 PM

View PostVeritas Vinum Arte, on 20 March 2019 - 12:32 PM, said:

Yes the uncertainty and without a plan is very hard.

We are still trying to find out WTH is going on with my father. Mum won’t book anything as she doesn’t know what is happening but dad just wants to continue life.

I hope you get some answers soon too, VVA!  

I am lucky DH is so proactive.  

He wants it sorted.  We wouldn't be here if he hadn't kept harassing the GP for more tests "something just isn't right'? even though all his blood tests and other things were coming back normal.  

The worst thing is that he doesn't want me to tell anyone until we know.  I'm a 'talker" - he's not.  So I'd love to tell my parents and a few close friends, but currently sworn to silence......

He has said that when he knows, he'll tell people..   He thinks it's important that guys talk about these things to each other..... when we get the 'facts'!

Edited by Ruf~Feral~es, 20 March 2019 - 02:22 PM.

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