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#51 chillipeppers

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:25 AM

View PostWinterberry, on 23 January 2019 - 09:19 AM, said:

OMG this! my mum and a lady I work with give DD little 'trinkets" all the time! drives me bonkers because they are usually dust collectors and i end up throwing them away later.

I have a friend that tries to offload all of her older daughters crap onto us as well (like old bags, little boxes, decor stuff that doesn't match anything we have etc...)
yes I have the same problem. We have a lot of old crap given to them by their cousins who are older, then aunties and grandma don’t stop buying for them

#52 casime

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:30 AM

My son's room was a nightmare, so a few weeks ago I took everything out except the furniture.  With everything piled up in the lounge room, even he was able to see how much stuff it was, and what a mess it made.  We worked on a process of one thing in, one thing out - so for everything that went back into the room, something had to be thrown away or donated.  It worked really well, and now he just has things in there that he actually plays with and is even tidying himself and making his own bed, so it's been a win.  Having a skip on the driveway helped (I am doing my own decluttering too) as he loved being able to toss things into it.

#53 EmmDasher

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:30 AM

All those “but it’s just one little thing” are just the worst. If my kids each get 3 little trinkets a week that’s 6 trinkets coming in every week and over 300 a year. It drives me insane and it cheapens the special gifts they do get for legitimate occasions.

#54 Illiterati

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:44 AM


Edited by Illiterati, 24 March 2019 - 02:44 PM.

#55 *Spikey*

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:50 AM

At first, DD was horrified by the idea of having to get rid of stuff that was hers, but she no longer used. However, she was quite enamoured of the idea that she could select the best of the unused items to gift to family friends with younger children (with their permission of course). Just like she had received one of her favourite toys (a 3 storey Barbie Dreamhouse), from her cousin when she outgrew playing with that - DD had spent hours in her cousins room, playing with in when we visited, so both girls knew it was special to each of them.

She actually gets a lot of pleasure from giving her special things to someone else to enjoy. It's one of the first personal 'gifts' that children can make, gifting things that directly belong to them and have meaning for them - rather than mum or dad buying gifts of new stuff that doesn't feel personal to the child. So when the dreamhouse needed to move on, she had a big choice to make - which little girls would love it the most?

#56 EmmDasher

Posted 23 January 2019 - 10:06 AM

View PostIlliterati, on 23 January 2019 - 09:44 AM, said:

I think everyone realises the source of a lot of stuff is not parents. Hence the suggestion the parents can stop buying stuff.

I do not follow. Parents are not buying stuff but parents can stop buying stuff to somehow stop others buying stuff?

Or are you saying that parents should not buy stuff because other people are buying stuff anyway and they shouldn’t add to it if they don’t like clutter?

#57 casime

Posted 23 January 2019 - 10:54 AM

I buy a lot less 'stuff' for DS now.  Christmas was just one big Lego set and a few toys for the pool, his birthday was just one gift.  If I want to treat him to something now, we go to his favourite restaurant, or a movie or somewhere he wants to go, rather than a new toy that will probably get played with for a while then discarded.  

As much as I hate the term '#makingmemories' there is actually some truth to it as well.  By going to dinner/movie/somewhere, it's DS and I spending time together, rather than me giving him a toy which he disappears with into his room, and me in the study on my computer.  We're also saving up for our holiday later in the year, and when we go to the shops and he wants something, we talk about how much we could do on our holiday with that money, then come home and put that amount in our holiday savings tin.

#58 Illiterati

Posted 23 January 2019 - 11:10 AM


Edited by Illiterati, 24 March 2019 - 02:43 PM.

#59 *Spikey*

Posted 23 January 2019 - 11:21 AM

On a more practical note, the OP could try sorting toys into age appropriate tubs - one for the 'baby' toys, one for sentimental favourites that go into that special keepsake place, and then toddler toys, etc, etc. By grouping them into age group appropriateness, the kids might see that they are now too old for some things, and be more comfortable with the idea that they're past them now. DD does this for herself now - I asked at the beginning of the holidays if there is anything she doesn't play with, and she was able to tell me that all of the stuff in her toy box and tubs was stuff that she still plays with when she has some time. So they're all staying around for another year at least.

#60 CallMeFeral

Posted 23 January 2019 - 11:31 AM

View PostEmmDasher, on 23 January 2019 - 08:34 AM, said:

I am in a tidying up with kids group and there are two polarizing and opposing views on this:
1. My house, my rules. If the kids don’t tidy up, I will.
2. Their stuff, they decide. This too shall pass.

Group 1 tends to think group 2 is ridiculous and group 2 tends to think group 1 is mean and both of those views are probably correct where the position is taken to the extreme.

In every other aspect of parenting, you set boundaries and enforce them. Kids get choice within the boundaries set by parents. As they get older, the balance of independence shifts more to the kids.

I think it is entirely unreasonable to expect the whole family to put up with an overload of one member’s stuff no matter who that member is. In my family it would be boxed up and removed no matter who you are because your behaviour is unfair and unreasonable to everyone else and you are not respecting the rules of the house.

I also think it is unfair to expect kids to have the emotional and mental maturity to declutter with no boundaries, instructions, guidance or assistance when it is something that even grown ups really struggle with. I set the rules about the kinds of things we keep and don’t keeps and within that framework they can exercise whatever choice they like.

Where that lands is that I vanish toys for my 2 year old. I used to do it to my almost 5 year old but she has asked me not to and has shown me that she can and will manage her own things when asked. I give my eldest more freedom and responsibility for the process because she has demonstrated her maturity and ability.

Yeah this post really nails it for me. Whenever there are two competing views, the answer usually is in the middle. But age appropriateness matters too.

I will probably disappear some of my 4yo's stuff. I know her favourites and I know what she doesn't use and if she sees me try to get rid of it, she will want it again, so I won't be able to get rid of anything.

However the 8/9yo's are at a point where logic should start to apply, and learning should be able to begin. Interestingly a couple of years ago DD was the one who couldn't let go and DS could - now it seems to have reversed. But I know I need to give them more input into the cull because if they find that something of theirs has disappeared they would feel really betrayed and unsafe. That said, they wouldn't be able to make the decision yet on their own, so they would need me to help structure it. It's all about age what is appropriate to their age.

#61 Elsegundo

Posted 23 January 2019 - 11:39 AM

Inspired by this thread and binge watching marie kondo the other night, we just had a cull today.

I put them all in a room, grouping together like things (ie transformers, food etc). We agreed lego and soft toys were off the table  (asd kid too attached to some, was too worried about them to consider anything else). We had a look around it all for about 10 mins. Then they got to choose 10 things to keep, then 3 things to donate, then after that we alternated.

They agreed to getting rid od lots more than I expected.

If you can do it with the kids then I would recommend it. I was surprised at what they identified as important and why. I think we could get rid of 50% more!

#62 cabbage88

Posted 23 January 2019 - 01:18 PM

View Postchillipeppers, on 22 January 2019 - 08:47 PM, said:

ive tried this and it results in tears and we don’t seem to get anywhere.
I'm pretty cut throat about this. I don't care if there's tears I just can't stand the clutter. I get rid of it mostly when they're not home. They get pretty mad but I can't stand the mess.

Edited by cabbage88, 23 January 2019 - 01:19 PM.

#63 ekbaby

Posted 23 January 2019 - 01:38 PM

For my 7 and 10 year old the rule is if they haven’t packed stuff up it’s my right to chuck it. If they can’t take care of their stuff and leave it strewn all over common areas why shouldn’t I have the right to get rid of it ? for my 4year old I don’t have that rule yet but I tend to know what she is into and what she isn’t.

#64 Cat12

Posted 23 January 2019 - 02:10 PM

I know this sounds weird but my boys used to love this...Every school holidays I’d go on a rampage and dump every single toy, book, puzzle etc on the floor In a huge pile. We’d then have to sift through every piece putting it all away and getting rid of what wasn’t wanted. They were happy to chuck stuff though. But by golly they used to beg me to ‘go crazy’ and tip it all out

#65 seayork2002

Posted 23 January 2019 - 02:15 PM

We have a clear out when we move (we move a bit) but also when there is a second hand stall on election day for DS's school - so some of his stuff goes to charity and some to there to raise money for the school, he knows it is for a good cause so is more willing to hand it over

#66 Riotproof

Posted 23 January 2019 - 02:23 PM

View PostCat12, on 23 January 2019 - 02:10 PM, said:

I know this sounds weird but my boys used to love this...Every school holidays I’d go on a rampage and dump every single toy, book, puzzle etc on the floor In a huge pile. We’d then have to sift through every piece putting it all away and getting rid of what wasn’t wanted. They were happy to chuck stuff though. But by golly they used to beg me to ‘go crazy’ and tip it all out ������

That is hilarious.

#67 chillipeppers

Posted 23 January 2019 - 02:30 PM

I finally tackled the mess today with the kids. There were tears but I told them it’s going in the garage for a little while. They seemed to be ok with this. All up about 5 bags of toys were put away today. The next step is telling them it would be best to give them to children who need them more.

#68 StartledFlamingo

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:11 PM

I do an occasional sort through with DS into piles for "now", "not now but later" which is put in tubs and put away and "not ever" which can be rehomed. Not much ends up in pile 3 but once something has been put away a while it's more likely to either actually get played with again or be able to be let go when it comes back out.

#69 IShallWearTinsel

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:48 PM

We have set storage. They can fill it and then thats it.

#70 KwaziiCat

Posted 24 January 2019 - 05:58 AM

View PostWinterberry, on 23 January 2019 - 09:19 AM, said:

OMG this! my mum and a lady I work with give DD little 'trinkets" all the time! drives me bonkers because they are usually dust collectors and i end up throwing them away later.

I have a friend that tries to offload all of her older daughters crap onto us as well (like old bags, little boxes, decor stuff that doesn't match anything we have etc...)

My mum is the worst for buying "small" gifts.  If the kids are with her she will normally take them to the shops for whatever reason and they end up getting a toy of some description.  I have told her over and over no more toys/gifts etc etc but for some reason she thinks saying "oh it was just a cheap/small thing" is better?!  Um no, that's actually much much worse!

She doesn't seem to be grasping the main problem that buying cheap plastic carp isn't going to last beyond a week or two, which means it ends up in landfill sooner as you can't even pass it on to anyone.  It is beyond frustrating!!!


Posted 24 January 2019 - 08:33 AM

What worked for our family was making sure everything had a place, and we didn't have large buckets/baskets that could be filled with 'stuff'

For example they had a doll house, all beautifully decked out, but that was it, there wasn't any extra pieces that couldn't fit in.

Lego - we had a few buckets, but all packed away when not on display.

Tea set - in a see through container with a lid.

And so on.

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