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#26 KwaziiCat

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:00 AM

My kids are ok at getting rid of unplayed with toys but my youngest is still reluctant.  I normally 'hide' toys that I know haven't been looked at in forever and if after 3 weeks they haven't noticed they get donated, tossed if broken or sold.  

I am so sick of living in a toy tip that we have now managed to remove all toys in the living areas, and I have told the kids that no toys are to be stored anywhere but their rooms.  They seem to have taken this on board so far but I tell them if they can't put them away then they get donated.  This seems to get things moving back to their correct location!

I have also told the kids if 1 toy comes in 2 go out.  This generally happens when there are grandparent visits (actually just my mother), and it is so frustrating.  No matter what I say she continues to buy more c**p for them.  

The other night I removed all 'sentimental' toys from rooms when they were babies and have allocated a tub for these.  These are mostly good quality wooden toys.  Possibly in a few months when I look in the tubs I may get rid of some of those too!

#27 sarahec

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:08 AM

If they are not willing to let go I would sort and donate for them. They can have a tantrum if they want.

#28 chillipeppers

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:14 AM

Thanks everyone, I’m going to try the soft cull and see how it goes. I’ll wait till school starts up again and sort the toys and put the ones I want to throw away in the garage for a couple of weeks and see if they notice.

#29 JomoMum

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:46 AM

Wait until a daycare/school day. Then do it for them.

I don’t understand how kids manage to make the rules sometimes.

#30 bearosauraus

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:49 AM

what happens if they notice though? Defeats the purpose really!

#31 Bird1

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:50 AM

so this is what we do at 5pm everyday all toys must be put away.  If they aren’t picked up they are put in a box I’m my room until Sunday. 95% of the time all toys are picked up.
Broken toys go in a box to be fixed if they can’t be fixed they put them in the wheelie bin.
We sort the toys out with the change of season and donate what they no longer want and then take to the salvos.
I don’t listen to tantrums but if they can talk to me about why they want the toy to stay then it stay.
My boys are young but I did this for 20 years when I worked as a nanny

#32 Ellie bean

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:51 AM

View Postgracie1978, on 23 January 2019 - 04:04 AM, said:

I'm not sure if it's because I'm very good at it and he has inherited that from me, or if he is just following my example?

Honestly it might be neither of those things and just his personality. It’s really easy to declutter with one of my kids and not the other, having 2 with different personalities constantly forces me to realise I have way less influence than I think I do ;)

#33 LittleMissPink

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:52 AM

Start by collecting all the broken and "junk" toys when they are at school or daycare. Maccas toys etc. Chuck them immediately.

Then collect up all the baby toys and box them in the garage or shed for now.

Then do the same with things you know they dont play with.

For the rest, put them all on the floor in the loungeroom or some main area, and let them go for it. You will notice in a few days what they play with and what they dont, and can then gather up another box full.

Best storage for us is a kallax bookshelf from ikea- cube one- with lots of smaller baskets. One for cars, one for animals, one for blocks etc
Under bed boxes are good for stuff with more pieces- lego etc

#34 chillipeppers

Posted 23 January 2019 - 06:58 AM

View Postbikingbubs, on 23 January 2019 - 06:49 AM, said:

what happens if they notice though? Defeats the purpose really!
they will notice because it will be cleaner but I will be able to talk to them about how it’s easier to play with the toys they have in their room. There is a reason to keep each toy according to them, eg so and so gifted it to them, it’s special because it reminds them of when they were younger, it’s impossible to get anywhere when I include them in the process.

#35 bearosauraus

Posted 23 January 2019 - 07:08 AM

I mean as in, why keep them in the house? Will you give them back if they get emotional?

#36 chillipeppers

Posted 23 January 2019 - 07:20 AM

If they can name a toy and give a good reason why they want it then I will give it back. Chances are they won’t be able to though

#37 Octopodes

Posted 23 January 2019 - 07:23 AM

View Postbikingbubs, on 23 January 2019 - 07:08 AM, said:

I mean as in, why keep them in the house? Will you give them back if they get emotional?
If the item is not broken I give the stuff back. I do ask for a reason why he wants it back, he usually realises his reason for wanting the item back is a bit silly and decides it's actually ok for the item to be gone. My kid is 11 though, he is capable of rational thinking, much younger children would not be. In that case I would just give it back and try to get rid of it again in a couple of days/weeks. Sometimes removing an item would spark a new period of genuine interest (rather than just wanting it to be there)in an item and it gets a good work out for a few months. Broken stuff get chucked, there is no getting it back no matter how much it is wanted.

I've been using this approach since DS was very little, it has caused very few problems.

#38 Riotproof

Posted 23 January 2019 - 07:58 AM

Depending on what it is, my dd is happier to let go of something she’s outgrown if she knows where it is going. So, some things we gave back to Nanna for her future grandchildren to play with. Some things go to a baby we know. Some things go to playgroup for the other children to use.

She likes being part of the decision making.

#39 Illiterati

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:05 AM


Edited by Illiterati, 24 March 2019 - 02:45 PM.

#40 Cheesy Sanga

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:15 AM

My kids are 7 and 9. We regularly have decluttering sessions. They're old enough now that I include them in the decisions about what stays/goes. When they were younger I used to just do it myself in the evenings. We talk about families that don't have as many toys/books/clothes as us. Stuff goes to the op shop or a local FB PIF group. One kid hates mess so they get rid of a lot. Other kid is messy and hangs on to too much, but is getting better. We usually have a big purge during each school holidays and smaller purges every couple of weeks. To be fair, I do the same with my crap. My only problem is piles of papers so my kids get narky if I ask them to tidy their desk if my area is still messy.

#41 Tweetybird91

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:25 AM

We threw all the toys in one room in a big pile. The older two were quite surprised with how many toys there were and agreed some needed to go. I then sorted the toys by types - soft toys, dolls, baby toys, construction type toys, etc. Then we went through each 'type' and they decided what to keep and what could go. Everything that stayed needed somewhere to 'live' neatly, and was put away then and there.
It worked surprisingly well, previously I've had to do it when they weren't around. Probably helped that we had recently watched some episodes of consumed. Also we are trying to sell a few things they decided to part with and will give them any of the cash we get from this.

#42 MoreCoffeePlease

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:27 AM

Ive got a 7 year old and a 10 week old baby.

for the past few years we have had a big toy declutter before the xmas tree goes up to clear out space for presents (my 7yo bday is late dec as well). We talk about how we can donate them to kids that don't get as many presents.

We are lucky that we have a rumpus room and ALL toys/books live in there not in living areas or bedrooms. Ive kept 2 tubs of baby toys in the garage but thats it.

I declutter quite often as we don't have a huge house and I hate too much stuff laying around and my DD is much happier when she can easily clean up what she has and its not too over whelming

#43 EmmDasher

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:34 AM

I am in a tidying up with kids group and there are two polarizing and opposing views on this:
1. My house, my rules. If the kids don’t tidy up, I will.
2. Their stuff, they decide. This too shall pass.

Group 1 tends to think group 2 is ridiculous and group 2 tends to think group 1 is mean and both of those views are probably correct where the position is taken to the extreme.

In every other aspect of parenting, you set boundaries and enforce them. Kids get choice within the boundaries set by parents. As they get older, the balance of independence shifts more to the kids.

I think it is entirely unreasonable to expect the whole family to put up with an overload of one member’s stuff no matter who that member is. In my family it would be boxed up and removed no matter who you are because your behaviour is unfair and unreasonable to everyone else and you are not respecting the rules of the house.

I also think it is unfair to expect kids to have the emotional and mental maturity to declutter with no boundaries, instructions, guidance or assistance when it is something that even grown ups really struggle with. I set the rules about the kinds of things we keep and don’t keeps and within that framework they can exercise whatever choice they like.

Where that lands is that I vanish toys for my 2 year old. I used to do it to my almost 5 year old but she has asked me not to and has shown me that she can and will manage her own things when asked. I give my eldest more freedom and responsibility for the process because she has demonstrated her maturity and ability.

Edit - I really hate it when people say, oh just stop buying them stuff. So often it is neither the parent nor the child creating the issue. It is extended family members with gifts & trinkets, cousins passing stuff on, party bags, kids activity bags etc etc.

Edited by EmmDasher, 23 January 2019 - 08:37 AM.

#44 a letter to Elise.

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:41 AM

I have one child that will clear things out that she no longer uses. The other goes into hysterics at the mere thought of moving things, let alone getting rid of them. He is 9, and still has a baby lion rocker in his room, that no one is allowed to touch, not even his baby brother who might actually use it.

I've been slowly talking to him about how nice it would be for his room to be a nice space, where he has room to play, and can display the things he loves NOW. He has gradually agreed to reorganise things. We've moved some things to the garage, and have agreed that if he doesn't miss them for a year, then it's time to let them go. It's a slow process, but he has anxiety and is very scared of change, and gets really upset at the thought of growing up. I'm trying to be as respectful of this as I can.

I did put my foot down about his epic collection of cardboard boxes. It took up a quarter of his room, and it was genuinely starting to look like an episode of hoarders. I've told him his things must be able to fit in the cupboard, other wise there are too many things. We went through the boxes together, and he was allowed to keep half, so long as they fit in the cupboard.

Other things like toddler toys, we just have way too many of, even though they are all good. Every birthday for my youngest is bringing more toys in, so I'm gradually trying to sell some. I do that while the older kids aren't home.

#45 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:42 AM

We just decluttered the kids bookeshelf together and I asked them “this one or this one? Which do you use most?” And we were able to clear 30 books. We get given a lot of them and I still have my own childhood books. Mostly we cleared baby books but also books that just missed the mark with the kids interests. I look forward to DD moving her Peppa Pig collection on, they’re dire, but right now she wanted to keep them above all others so we did.

#46 Tweetybird91

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:45 AM

View PostEmmDasher, on 23 January 2019 - 08:34 AM, said:

Edit - I really hate it when people say, oh just stop buying them stuff. So often it is neither the parent nor the child creating the issue. It is extended family members with gifts & trinkets, cousins passing stuff on, party bags, kids activity bags etc etc.

Exactly. We have bought our kids very few toys over the years. Most of what they have comes from grandparents, aunties, uncles, friends, etc. And asking for no toys does not work in most cases.

#47 Apageintime

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:48 AM

We talk a lot about getting rid of the baby toys and making room for new big boy toys.

I've also used the purchase of a new toy to help ie:

'oh no, he won't fit in the toy box, what can we donate to other babies to make room for this new guy'

#48 RichardParker

Posted 23 January 2019 - 08:51 AM

I don’t know what the answer is, but given that many adults have difficulty decluttering, we should probably be teaching our kids HOW to manage this deluge of stuff, rather than just doing it for them, or giving them hang-ups about their favourite things being taken without their knowledge.

#49 Kallie88

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:18 AM

My eldest is 3yo so we're just starting, I tend to declutter for them at this point, though they're often around when I do. I've been selling off some of her size 1 dresses lately and when she's asked what I'm doing with one I say 'this one's too small for you now so we're going to give it to another little girl to wear'. Haven't had any issues with that yet, and I think she's had some practice with the concept seeing her little brothers getting her old stuff too. I'm hoping to just be able to proceed from here and involve them in the process so they can start doing it themselves. Fx they are less attached to stuff than me and more like dh lol, I do think personality makes a big difference in what approaches work. We get so much stuff from my uncle that he's held onto from his kids, it's lucky they have such a big house lol

#50 MoreCoffeePlease

Posted 23 January 2019 - 09:19 AM

View PostTweetybird91, on 23 January 2019 - 08:45 AM, said:

Exactly. We have bought our kids very few toys over the years. Most of what they have comes from grandparents, aunties, uncles, friends, etc. And asking for no toys does not work in most cases.

OMG this! my mum and a lady I work with give DD little 'trinkets" all the time! drives me bonkers because they are usually dust collectors and i end up throwing them away later.

I have a friend that tries to offload all of her older daughters crap onto us as well (like old bags, little boxes, decor stuff that doesn't match anything we have etc...)

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