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10 Years (**many triggers**)


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#26 Riotproof

Posted 02 January 2019 - 01:19 PM

I don’t want you to feel like I’m not listening, but it’s okay to defend yourself. It’s okay to break down in the face of intimidation. It doesn’t make anything that has happened in any way your fault.

#27 Mollycoddle

Posted 02 January 2019 - 01:25 PM

hugs OP.  Not trying to hijack, just letting you know someone understands, I experienced similar culminating in DP's suicide in 2011 five years and two children later.  I can honestly say the shame is the hardest thing I have had to come to terms with and I haven't dealt with it yet.  I deal with CPS in my work and I often feel shame a wondering if the person I'm dealing with can access my own records of reports made during that period.  He caused a lot of issues at my work with unsolicited calls and visits during our tumultuous relationship, I left that job but returned a few years later to another position in the same building.  The shame followed and I was reminded of it every time I saw my ex-colleagues in that building.  

Seven years later I'm still single as I'm so afraid of how I would deal with a partner like that again, I suspect I would be overcome with rage and I got a glimpse of this when visiting my father interstate and similar passive aggressive behaviours from him were triggering for me.  I probably would have stayed too but the difference between you and me is that I can 100% unequivocally say (and have done, to anyone and everyone except his family members) that I'm glad he's gone and both myself and my kids are better off without him.  You never really get free of a person like that unless they die.  Try to overcome the guilt OP, you have no reason to feel guilty, he chose to act the way he did.

Good on you for recognising that the time has come and being so brave about facing it, all the best to you Xx

Edited by Mollycoddle, 02 January 2019 - 09:46 PM.


#28 Nobodyelse

Posted 02 January 2019 - 01:38 PM

I don't want to write everything I feel about your story, SL. I feel that's not what you were asking for by posting it and it has been echoed by others already.

I read your story while in a food court and I had to stop midway or I would have cried right there and then.

I want you to know that I see you.
And I hear you.
And I acknowledge you.
And once again, I am in awe of you.

#29 doubledelight

Posted 02 January 2019 - 01:47 PM

You have been heard.  I know that what I say will not make a difference but nothing you did, said or thought caused any of this to happen.  This burden is not yours to bear.

#30 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 03 January 2019 - 06:53 AM

Oh SL, I had suspected but I had no idea it was that bad. I hope sharing has helped you on your journey, and that you are able to let some of the shame go. Xxx

#31 SelceLisbeth

Posted 03 January 2019 - 03:27 PM

Thanks again. This is the good that a place like EB can do.

Mollycoddle, I ma sorry I didnt acknowledge your post earlier but I want you to know I appreciated it and your reaching out. I am glad that for you, your DH's death was a kind of relief.

As for me, today is the second day I havent self harmed since late November. My skin is less angry looking and will hopefully get a chance to heal (but it is very itchy!).

Edited by SelceLisbeth, 03 January 2019 - 03:27 PM.


#32 SelceLisbeth

Posted 13 February 2019 - 08:10 PM

Im struggling. I dont know where else to go. I have nowhere else to go. The triggering events and anniversaries just keep coming. It doesnt seem to matter how much I think I am prepared, it just breaks me. Anyone else just get entirely fed up with the relentlessness of grief and trauma?

From the lead up to xmas each year to the middle of march it is just an onslaught of crappy events, reminders and anniversaries. More than anything Im just sick of it. I distract myself and do other things  and try to be more social and look to the future and do a million other things to keep myself going but no matter what I do, it not only catches up with me, it crash tackles me.

Just need to vent.

#33 Mishu

Posted 13 February 2019 - 08:45 PM

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I don’t have any experience in dealing with the kind of trauma and grief you are facing but just want to say I’m thinking of you. Vent all you need.

#34 SelceLisbeth

Posted 15 February 2019 - 07:58 PM

Im needing to let some stuff out but I dont want to start a new thread and I am having trouble put my thoughts and feelings into words.

I know I am crying all of the time. At every stupid thing. Im not sleeping. self harm is not the worst its been but cant be stopped.

Im quite unwell with dual ear infections, sinus infection and now one eye has joined the group. Ive had fevers today but I am unable to face going to a GP at all. Its all a mess

#35 leosmum

Posted 15 February 2019 - 09:59 PM

SL, just wanted to send you a big hug across the internet before I sign out for the night - couldn’t go past without replying. I wonder if you could get one of those home visit GP services to come and see you about the illness side of things? Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is a better day x

#36 Vicbitt9

Posted 15 February 2019 - 11:08 PM

SL, I hadn’t seen this thread until now and I can unfortunately gather what the original post shared.
Let me say it again, you constantly amaze and inspire me with your strength, courage and grace.
I am literally in a better place this week because of the support I received from you last Thursday.
It physically hurts me that you are suffering so much and I can only echo that you have been heard and I’m very sorry that there isn’t some way to reach through this forum and just hug you (let alone that I could drive you to the doctor, so some shopping etc as well!).
Sending you some of the peace that you have given me, I’m just so sorry I can’t do more.
Xoxo

#37 Vicbitt9

Posted 15 February 2019 - 11:11 PM

Ps. I had to call an after hours doctor one Saturday and it was bulk billed, hopefully something like that might work for you if you choose to put your energy towards it.
Xoxo




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