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Almost 3 yo coming into parents bed most mornings

38 replies to this topic

#1 VVV

Posted 02 January 2019 - 12:15 AM

My nearly 3 yo DD goes to sleep fairly well most nights in her bed and then will appear next to my bed most mornings about 2-3am. I pick her up and put her in the bed with us and she’s back to sleep within a few minutes. I don’t mind it but should I be discouraging it so she learns to stay in her own bed and self settle when she wakes up? Thoughts?

#2 **Tiger*Filly**

Posted 02 January 2019 - 12:39 AM

Depends if you mind or not really. If you're happy and she's happy then keep doing it. You can always change things later. She's not going to still be doing it at 10. If you Di mind then that's different.


Posted 02 January 2019 - 12:42 AM

Our kids all went through this phase, some worse than others, but do what works for you.  If you're ridiculously tired, then let her stay, but if she tosses and turns or kicks etc., put her back in her bed.

We typically let them stay in our bed for a while and once they were in a deeper sleep, DF would usually move them back to their bed. Some nights, we just couldn't be bothered.  They all grew out of it eventually, just some sooner than others.

Edited by BECZ, 02 January 2019 - 12:57 AM.

#4 Gruffalo's Child

Posted 02 January 2019 - 12:45 AM

My kids have all gone through stages of doing this, and all more than once.  I’ve just let them climb into bed with me and we all go back to sleep.  Sometimes it’s stopped quickly and others it’s continued for a long time, but it’s never been a problem for us so we just went with it.  Occasionally we’d end up with more than one child in bed and I’d go and sleep in one of their beds in that case, but this was rare.  Now they are older and never end up in our bed I’m so glad I have the memories of those early morning snuggles!

Edited by Gruffalo's Child, 02 January 2019 - 12:45 AM.

#5 Paddlepop

Posted 02 January 2019 - 01:00 AM

I’d be discouraging it and helping her to learn to self settle in her own bed. I’m not a fan of children in my bed for extended periods. From 2am would be far too long for me. Maybe from 5 or 6 am, depending what time you get up in the morning.

My DD went through a phase of getting into our bed every morning from 6 am-ish for a few months. We tried putting her back to bed but we all got more sleep if we just let her in with us so it was in the bed with us that won. She just stopped doing it after a while.

We did the sleep ninja transfer thing if it was too early. I’d stay awake until DD was deeply asleep (15 mins or so) then wake DH who would scoop her up, tuck her into her own bed, and sneak out of her room without waking her.

#6 CallMeFeral

Posted 02 January 2019 - 01:27 AM

I still let my kids come in, and the oldest is almost 10 now. I love it. I love holding them and waking up with them, and they seem to sleep longer when they are with me.
Kids sleeping in rooms alone is a cultural thing. In many parts of the world cosleeping is the norm.

So do what suits you.

#7 born.a.girl

Posted 02 January 2019 - 05:34 AM

So common it's pretty much normal.  As per CMF, kids don't sleep alone in many cultures.

Ours was still coming in right up until she was about ten, but far less frequently than at three - usually just for loud thunder etc by then.

I actually found it a bit sad when it stopped.

#8 Charli73

Posted 02 January 2019 - 06:06 AM

My DD did this most nights. We didn’t mind until it was harder for me to go back to sleep so we slowly encouraged rewards for going back to her own bed and she’s stopped when she was about 5.. she still wakes me every night to take her to the toilet though, sigh..

#9 doubledelight

Posted 02 January 2019 - 06:28 AM

My twins did this quite frequently at this age.  Now that they are 13 and it never happens I look back on this stage fondly.  It won't create a precedent and they won't be doing it forever.  If you are OK with it then just let it be.

#10 Drat

Posted 02 January 2019 - 06:29 AM

My 2 year old has tried it a few times in the last few weeks. I gave in once and while it was nice for a short amount of time, she slept diagonally between us and snored.
She's also the type of kid that would refuse to go to her own bed if we let her in ours for a period of time.

Sleep is super important for everyone and for me, I think she's better off in her own bed and us in ours!

#11 Superduperlucky

Posted 02 January 2019 - 06:38 AM

Our 3.5 does this almost every morning and to be honest I don’t mind. He is tiny and hardly ever wakes us up when he comes in. I usually wake in the morning to find him there.

#12 Riotproof

Posted 02 January 2019 - 06:54 AM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 02 January 2019 - 01:27 AM, said:

I still let my kids come in, and the oldest is almost 10 now. I love it. I love holding them and waking up with them, and they seem to sleep longer when they are with me.
Kids sleeping in rooms alone is a cultural thing. In many parts of the world cosleeping is the norm.

So do what suits you.

I completely agree with this.

As long as you don’t mind, and your sleep isn’t disturbed, it’s fine.
Dd does this and doesn’t even wake us up most of the time. She just climbs in and goes back to sleep. If she’s restless or won’t stop chatting, I take her back.
Ds so close to 9 and he has completely stopped it for the last couple of years. He realised he was too big to be comfortable with all of us in there.

#13 StartledFlamingo

Posted 02 January 2019 - 07:16 AM

We bought a king sized bed to be more comfortable when this happens! The 3 yo is in most nights and the 6.5 year old if he wets his bed or when he wakes in the morning.

There have been times on the past we've wanted to break the habit for a while. We tell the kid the new rule then pop them back in their own bed again and again and again til it sticks. 1 or 2 sleepless nights then it's done- until the next time they are sick or wake up scared and I'm too tired or lazy to enforce it.

You could also check if they're waking for a reason ie kicking off the blankets.

#14 Fresh Start

Posted 02 January 2019 - 07:26 AM

I bought a king size so the three of us would be comfortable - DD, DS and me. They don’t even go to sleep in their own rooms. We all sleep together every night - they’ve had maybe 15 nights in their own beds since we moved in. They sleep in their own beds at their dad’s place.

View Post**Tiger*Filly**, on 02 January 2019 - 12:39 AM, said:

Depends if you mind or not really. If you're happy and she's happy then keep doing it. You can always change things later. She's not going to still be doing it at 10. If you Di mind then that's different.

My kids is almost 9.5 and I don’t see it changing in the next 6 months.

#15 fols

Posted 02 January 2019 - 07:54 AM

Another one who says do whatever you are comfortable with.

I love getting a visitor and some extra snuggles! My DD hasn’t come in since she was about 4 but DS1 is our most regular and he’s 6.5yo.

#16 cvbn

Posted 02 January 2019 - 07:58 AM

If you don't mind, no problem!

My four year old has never not slept with us, we have a KS bed, we don't even notice her.

#17 Apageintime

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:22 AM

View Postcvbn, on 02 January 2019 - 07:58 AM, said:

If you don't mind, no problem!

My four year old has never not slept with us, we have a KS bed, we don't even notice her.

exactly the same here. those morning snuggles are so delightful, I love the little conversation we have first thing in the morning. Its basically the only time of the day I get a snuggle in, otherwise he's too busy - I hope these snuggles last a  good long time yet

#18 casime

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:35 AM

DS generally comes in about 5-6am depending on when he wakes, and has done so since he was little.  It completely suits me, as he just switches on the tv and watches cartoons for a while, so I get some extra sleep on the weekend.

#19 bikingbubs

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:53 AM

My DD just turned 6 and still does this.  I love the cuddles, and know they won't last forever so I have never thought of it as a "problem". Guess it depends on what you want though.

I hope when she is a teenager she still comes in though :D

#20 tayto...

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:54 AM

DD1 is 4 and comes in at least every second night - if she does, one of us exits to her bed/couch as ours is too small for 3 people and she is tall. if DD2 wants company one of us goes into her bed as she has a double. there is absolutely no harm to the kiddies in bedsharing but I only like it so long as there is space, so if you like it, create a musical beds situation that suits ;-)

Edited by tayto.tired, 02 January 2019 - 08:55 AM.

#21 PrincessPeach

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:14 PM

If you don't mind, then let them be.

But if you do mind, then walking them back to their own bed & re-do your goodnight routine is what we do.

I don't mind them coming in after 6am, but anything before that it's back to their own beds (I don't get any sleep otherwise)

#22 nom_de_plume

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:23 PM

I agree with others. If you don’t mind, then it’s not a problem.

My 5yo occasionally wakes during the night and will come into our bed, although mostly she wants us to sleep in her bed with her. I don’t mind because I’d rather be in our king bed than her single!

She comes in every morning when she wakes up for a cuddle to start the day.

#23 Red Sparrow

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:35 PM

My 3 year old does it and I love it!!!!

Sometimes I'll be working late at night in my home office and she will come in and it's a good kick in the butt to get myself off to bed lol.

My middle one did it until he was about 5/6. I can't remember if the eldest did it (oops lol).

It's really just about what you are comfortable with.

#24 Allegra99

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:40 PM

My 4 year old does this probably 50% of the time. When she does my husband tends to take her bed, and I move over to his spot and she takes mine. I’m ok with it- as it’s what she needs at the moment, plus she doesn’t wriggle and kick like my eldest daughter (who I refuse to sleep with!)

#25 Poppie1

Posted 02 January 2019 - 08:44 PM

Both of our children did this through the years. Now they both sleep independently in their own rooms. We were okay with this.

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