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Pros and cons of having a second child

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#1 VVV

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:11 PM

I am completely undecided about whether to have another child (have one DD who is 2 years old.) I need to make a decision as I am getting on in fertility age. I go back and forth between yes and no and don't know what to do. Hoping people can give me some pros and cons to help me make up my mind!

#2 Mel1609

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:19 PM

Im not sure pros and cons applies to this decision,  OP. Only you and your DH can make this one.

#3 blueskies12

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:20 PM

I could have written this myself but for the third child! So you have my answer. Two children are fantastic.Mine are too little to play together (youngest is 11 months), but it means more love. Though I must admit it took be a fair while to get in the right head space and I had to be 100% committed to trying and wanting another. What does your heart say?

#4 Glittery Fairy

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:21 PM

I can’t say i have any cons to be honest. it’s lovely watching the kids play together. yes they bicker too but not for long.

#5 Chelli

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:22 PM

I think it`s an individual choice than can only be decided by the people involved. For me, I always wanted at least two children, but for others, having one completes their family.

Good luck with your decision OP.

#6 Daffy2016

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:23 PM

I’m really glad you started this thread, OP. We have a DD too, she’s only 14 months but because of our ages we’ll need to make a decision soonish.

As an only child I find it hard to imagine myself with two and don’t know if there will be enough of me to go around. DH is keen for another but I’m really on the fence.

#7 -Belinda-

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:26 PM

We have DD and DS, who are 2 years and 9 months apart.

The second baby was slightly easier, partly because of their personality and partly because we were familiar with the horror of sleep deprivation.

The biggest joy I got, and still get, is watching their relationship develop. It is unique and special to them, different to the relationships each of them have with DH and I and the other adults in their lives. I've really enjoyed watching their relationships develop with their cousins as well. Never expected it and caught me by surprise. :wub:

That being said, lots of freedom with only one... :8

#8 Boganly Pooks

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:27 PM

I don’t think it made logical sense to go back for a second, and it hasn’t been easy. On the other hand I always had the sense that there was another child to come, and once she was born she fit into that space in my heart like a hand into a glove. I don’t think I could have dealt with how hard it had been if I didn’t have that feeling. But I did.

#9 EmmDasher

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:33 PM

What are the factors you’re tossing up OP? What’s making you flip between yes/no?

#10 JBH

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:35 PM

Mine are a bit older now (youngest is 7), and I love the way their relationship has grown, and how they entertain each other. I find the family size works beautifully for us, although it was hard for a while there. That said, I have friends raising happy, well adjusted only children. On my observation, they spend more time engaging with their children, because they don’t have each other, but you can see that as a positive or a negative. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer.

#11 Nanns

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:37 PM

Don't do it.

I was an only child and loved it. I went on to have a big family and hate it.

If I could do it again I would have had one child only.

One is easy and rewarding and manageable. More and you are just a slave to your children and their activities.

#12 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:38 PM

My second is 1, my first is 4, and I’m still struggling with having two, I’m hoping it’s going to get easier in the next year. DH was more strongly for a second than I was, I found my first satisfied (not quite the right word) me completely and I didn’t have the same urge as I did for my first.

But baby number two is rather awesome and I am enjoying watching his personality take shape. I love watching them together, but it’s not always harmonious with wildly different needs.

Sorry, not much help.

#13 petal71

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:49 PM

We had just one for many reasons - some might (or might not) resonate with you.

- Conception (IVF), birth and first 2 years were really hard, when I was 39. DS was v high maintenance, and not at all an "easy baby". I couldn't imagine doing it again, several years older and with a demanding toddler/pre-schooler in the mix.

- my relationship with DH honestly wouldn't have survived

- I did not at all have the overwhelming urge I had the first time around

- Easier to get to activities (mine, ours and his), not such a delay to get back to work / study

- I am cranky enough of the time with just one

- I go round to friends with 2+ and think "how do they deal with the bickering"?

- DS (only in the last 2 yrs or so) entertains himself quite well and seems satisfied - he would like a sibling, but then he sees the fights that his friends who have sibs have.

On the minus side:

- I would have loved to see him be a big brother and watch the sibling relationship blossom

- I would have loved a girl and still have the occasional pang of gender disappointment- but no guarantees of that

Edited by petal71, 05 December 2018 - 07:49 PM.

#14 MGB

Posted 05 December 2018 - 07:57 PM

It’s really only something you and your husband can decide.

We had 3 kids under 4. It was hectic! As they are getting older I’m finding it easier, it was hard there for a while.

I think we always knew we would have more than one. We knew when we were having our third that was our last. I love how much they love and care for each other,sure they argue, but mostly they play together and enjoy being with each other. I hope that continues always.

I can’t really think of any cons. With each child comes extra costs, but otherwise I am very blessed.

Good luck with your decision.

#15 No Drama Please

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:01 PM

I didn’t even think I wanted one originally but now we have two!  Although they are pretty awesome kids and if we were younger we might have tried for three. I’m pretty tired though, physically and mentally.

I don’t have any siblings myself but I love watching the sibling dynamics. It feels like I get to see what it might be like to have a sibling, and for me that’s an interesting and fun experience, so that’s a con. They do play together and entertain each other so that’s a plus. They fight though which is annoying and a con.

It’s more expensive, especially day care after school activities etc, so that’s a con. I found it very tiring with a toddler and baby and found sleep deprivation really hard to cope with, that’s a con. Although those years are behind us now, so it doesn’t last forever.

It’s a tough decision to get your head around though but there’s probably no right or wrong decision, more like swings and roundabouts. Good luck!

#16 ~river song~

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:05 PM

View PostNanns, on 05 December 2018 - 07:37 PM, said:

Don't do it.

I was an only child and loved it. I went on to have a big family and hate it.

If I could do it again I would have had one child only.

One is easy and rewarding and manageable. More and you are just a slave to your children and their activities.

Agreed! Love my children, but it’s not about love. I’m mentally drained with my three and we are now having a fourth which I honestly have no idea what the hell i’m thinking.

If you’re undecided stick with one. One is way easier

#17 Freddie'sMum

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:09 PM

We have 2 daughters.  I was desperate to have a second, I went absolutely bananas counting down until we could start trying for baby number two.

There is a bog standard 2 and a half year gap between our girls.  Looking back now, I personally would have left a much bigger gap - say having a 4 year old and then new baby - it was really tough dealing with toilet training the toddler and up to my elbows in nappies with the baby.

I got crippling PND after DD#2.   I thought that she would have the same cuddly personality as her sister. How wrong I was !!  The girls are like chalk and cheese.  They were like that as babies and are still chalk and cheese more than 10 years later.

Good luck deciding.

#18 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:11 PM

The plan was two but PND and other health issues has meant one and done. I really don't want to ruin the family dynamic and my sanity for a second. We can afford what DS needs, easy to travel, don't need huge house or cars and no bickering.
Yes, I would of loved a girl but no guarantee on that. Also the chance of having an even more difficult baby like a chucker for example.
DS has nevrr asked for a sibling. He prefers us to himself.

#19 winterlove

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:20 PM

Stick to one - I have 3. I feel like a really crap mum. I may have been better mum to just one or at least only mess up one child rather than 3....although it has been a bad night and I could feel different tomorrow.

#20 Kallie88

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:21 PM

We've just had #3 (ours are 3yo, 1yo and baby to give you a good idea of our level of crazy lol). Honestly I never could have imagined just having one and dh is the same, two was pretty good even so close together, like pps I love the sibling bond, #1 loves her baby brothers and #2 looks up to her already. Even when they're getting up to mischief and driving me nuts I can't help but melt that they're always in it together. More kids = tighter money, less time to yourself, less time as a couple. #2 pregnancy was really tough on our relationship but things have improved since then. We've had them close together so prolonged sleep deprivation is really hitting hard atm. But really one they're here there's so much love, I wouldn't change my 3 for the world.
In the end only you can decide what works for you of course

#21 PrincessPeach

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:27 PM

The plan all along was for 2 here & we have a 2 year age gap between them.

Now they are 2 & 4, they do pay together really nicely most days & it's beautiful watching the relationship between them.

But ultimately this is a decision between you & your DH, there is no right or wrong answer.

#22 Romeo Void

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:31 PM

You know what I'm grateful for in as far as I had a second child?  I was *determined* to not be a helicopter mother to my DD.  I was convinced I wasn't. Ha! DS cured me :rofl:

#23 StartledFlamingo

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:34 PM

I love both my kids, of course, and yes there's positives.

However, in all honesty, one would be better. Easier. Kids take so much of you and 2 take more than double 1.

Both my kids are pretty chill, really, and get along ok. So it's not them, it's me.

#24 HippyDippyBaloney

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:38 PM

If you can’t decide I would stick with one.

#25 little lion

Posted 05 December 2018 - 08:41 PM

Con: the fighting. Oh, the fighting! Arguing. Bickering.

Pro: their relationship with each other

Overall I’m happy with two. But I would have been happy with one too. Like that movie “Sliding Doors”, you’ll never know what the other option would have been like.

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