Jump to content

Suitable consequence?


  • Please log in to reply
186 replies to this topic

#1 EsmeLennox

Posted 14 November 2018 - 07:28 PM

DS (13 years old) has just flatly refused to attend his 1 hour swimming session today. Refused to come...I couldn’t hang around arguing with him as I had a younger child to get to the pool. He’s been resisting coming for several weeks.

The rule in our house is you have to keep up your swimming until you get a bronze medallion. This is the only thing for the kids that is not negotiable. And seriously, it’s one hour a week and he’s not currently doing any other sport...I don’t think it’s a particularly unreasonable ask.

Background - DS has been having some knee trouble for which he’ll be having an MRI on Monday. Breaststroke kick causes pain, so he hasn’t been doing that. Other than that he sat in the GPs office and said swimming (apart from breaststroke) wasn’t a problem. GP said perfectly ok to continue with sports/activity as normal.

WWYD to handle this?

Edited by EsmeLennox, 14 November 2018 - 07:28 PM.


#2 MooGuru

Posted 14 November 2018 - 07:30 PM

Is he saying why he doesn't want to go?

#3 Whattothink

Posted 14 November 2018 - 07:30 PM

Make him pay for the lesson?

#4 EsmeLennox

Posted 14 November 2018 - 07:32 PM

View PostMooGuru, on 14 November 2018 - 07:30 PM, said:

Is he saying why he doesn't want to go?

Apparently he can swim well enough and it’s boring. This afternoon he was using the knee as an excuse. However, the same knee was able to stand up to a full weekend of physical activity (including swimming) with his mates last weekend.

My personal ‘reading’ of the situation is that he *thinks* he knows everything he needs to know about swimming and reckons he’s too ‘old’ for it.

Edited by EsmeLennox, 14 November 2018 - 07:35 PM.


#5 EsmeLennox

Posted 14 November 2018 - 07:36 PM

View PostWhattothink, on 14 November 2018 - 07:30 PM, said:

Make him pay for the lesson?

I like it!

Wondering about long term though. He’s 14 in April...he’ll be able to do his bronze and then he’s off the hook.

Edited by EsmeLennox, 14 November 2018 - 07:38 PM.


#6 Jersey Caramel

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:01 PM

For refusing to attend the lesson,  I would be making him reimburse you for the cost of it. I would have (if I thought quick enough) taken the modem and any internet enabled devices with me too!

Longer term,  would he be able to pass the bronze medallion now? Perhaps if he can  demonstrate that he can meet the swimming ability requirements (eg 400m in however many minutes it is) now, then he is right and doesn't need more lessons if he finds them boring.  If you want him to do a regular activity for health/fitness, then maybe suggest he can stop swimming if he can find something else of his choosing to keep fit. Maybe water polo would be more fun and keep up his aquatic fitness until he can sit the bronze medallion?

Good luck! My 10.5yo hates swimming lessons with a passion (ETA but has a medical/physical condition that is helped by swimming so it is beneficial for him to continue),  so I will be following with interest.

Edited by Jersey Caramel, 14 November 2018 - 08:19 PM.


#7 Silvers

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:04 PM

I had a similar situation with DS recently when he wanted to go trick/treating which meant he would miss his weekly sports.  I calculated what the sport would have cost, added $10 inconvenience fee and am making him pay it off.

#8 marple

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:11 PM

I've never forced swimming lessons on mine so can't help  really but if he is a great swimmer is there a real need for him to continue? Maybe he'd prefer to do something else.

#9 fascinated

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:15 PM

what is a bronze medallion? Is he doing normal swimming lessons to learn to swim or is this squad type training?

If he can already swim properly why are you forcing this if he doesn't like it? What is the motivation behind this? Maybe he could pick another sport or interest instead?

#10 little lion

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:24 PM

Bronze medallion sounds like a pretty high bar to require if he’s not into swimming. I’d probably talk to him to see why he doesn’t want to continue and then agree on an end date together. Maybe you value the accomplishment more than he does and neither of you is right or wrong. Objectively speaking, what doors can the medallion open (just thinking of he might regret not doing it later)?

#11 EsmeLennox

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:25 PM

He can do whatever other sport he wants...he’s chosen to not do anything else this summer. It’s not a situation of he can only do this and nothing else. Swimming has always been in addition to other activities they’ve wanted to do.

Why enforce it? I think it’s an essential skill to learn first aid skills and have good water safety/rescue skills, especially as we do a lot of water activity in the summer months. Also, as he’s doing nothing else and doesn’t want to at the moment, it’s also about him at least getting a bit of decent exercise. I probably could come at leaving the training and just letting him do the Bronze next year if he was doing some other form of activity.

He’s currently doing a squad session, but once the pool starts a new bronze medallion prep in the New Year he can switch to that.

#12 Serinitynow

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:31 PM

View PostSilvers, on 14 November 2018 - 08:04 PM, said:

I had a similar situation with DS recently when he wanted to go trick/treating which meant he would miss his weekly sports.  I calculated what the sport would have cost, added $10 inconvenience fee and am making him pay it off.

Seriously? That seems really harsh on Halloween which is a massive and fun event no kid would want to miss. And an “inconvenience fee”? Who was inconvenienced? You by not having to take him to a sport?

#13 EsmeLennox

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:31 PM

View Postlittle lion, on 14 November 2018 - 08:24 PM, said:

Bronze medallion sounds like a pretty high bar to require if he’s not into swimming. I’d probably talk to him to see why he doesn’t want to continue and then agree on an end date together. Maybe you value the accomplishment more than he does and neither of you is right or wrong. Objectively speaking, what doors can the medallion open (just thinking of he might regret not doing it later)?

First step to being a lifeguard, if you wanted to pursue it.
I don’t think bronze medallion is a high bar...he’ll have no trouble getting it. He actually loves swimming...but on his terms.

I want to ensure they can protect themselves in the water...and have solid skills. My older son who achieved his bronze a couple of years ago performed a rescue for my DH last summer...something that wouldn’t have been possible without that training.

#14 Overtherainbow

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:35 PM

Bronze medal needs to be redone to remain valid. I’d let him drop and then do the bronze on a summer holiday swimming programme later.

I’m not a big one for dropping sports, but if he’s been saying it for awhile, I think that’s fair.

Teens require more freedom to make choices and more responsibility. It’s a transition to adulthood. I’d be discussing the importance of doing sport regularly for fitness and asking what his plans are now that he’s not doing swimming.

#15 limakilo

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:37 PM

I would explain what you have said, it's not just about the lesson, it's about getting to that bronze level, having a bit of exercise, committing to something, etc.
I also am a bit mean and say that if they don't do something they agree to, I won't agree to something they want in the future, and they won't know what it will be, could be the movies they want, or cash for something, who knows, you have to honour your part of the deal.

#16 aluminium

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:38 PM

I think kids need to understand what it is to follow through with a commitment.

If squad is paid for he should attend. Perhaps you could negotiate a new sport and a timeline for finishing squad if he really is bored?

#17 PurpleWitch

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:41 PM

He is 13, I'd not be forcing him to do it - or he will push back.

Maybe he just doesn't want to swim anymore?

We have no sports this summer - and Im actually cool with it.

I can't imagine making my child pay for something *I* want them to do.

#18 marple

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:42 PM

View PostSilvers, on 14 November 2018 - 08:04 PM, said:

I had a similar situation with DS recently when he wanted to go trick/treating which meant he would miss his weekly sports.  I calculated what the sport would have cost, added $10 inconvenience fee and am making him pay it off.

Holy heck!!

#19 marple

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:45 PM

View PostEsmeLennox, on 14 November 2018 - 08:31 PM, said:

First step to being a lifeguard, if you wanted to pursue it.
I don’t think bronze medallion is a high bar...he’ll have no trouble getting it. He actually loves swimming...but on his terms.

I want to ensure they can protect themselves in the water...and have solid skills. My older son who achieved his bronze a couple of years ago performed a rescue for my DH last summer...something that wouldn’t have been possible without that training.

Do you mean your son rescued his father?
Were you there?

#20 laridae

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:51 PM

OP, may I ask by you have the rule of needing to pass your bronze medallion. He is planning on becoming a lifesaver? Or a swimming coach/teacher? It just seems kind of unnecessary for an average person.   Can he swim the requirements already?
I don't think it's fair to make him pay for something that you are forcing him to do, and he is obviously unwilling. He won't even be old enough to do it until next year. Maybe give him a break and he may come back to it on his own.

My DD1 (who is younger) went through a similar phase of swimming lesson refusal. We changed swim schools. It was enough of a change to renew her interest, I convinced her to give this other one a try for one term and if she still hated it then she could stop. That was over a year ago. Different teaching methods, different pool, a different focus in the classes.


#21 xxyzed

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:56 PM

I have an almost 14 year old boy and I would remove all privileges as punishment until next lesson assuming he attends with no kickback. In our house that means no electronics and no catching up with friends. Not negotiable means not negotiable and if you start a term you finish a term. We have a one sport, any sport, at all times during the year not negotiable arrangement. My boys know they can’t drop their one sport without picking up another and if they start the term they finish the term. I think at 14 it is even more important to not give an inch on not negotiables as they are forever testing the boundaries at this age.

#22 EsmeLennox

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:56 PM

View Postmarple, on 14 November 2018 - 08:45 PM, said:



Do you mean your son rescued his father?
Were you there?

Yes. My (then) 15.5 year old rescued his father. Yes, I was there although not in the immediate vicinity of what happened as I was on another area of the beach with my younger child. DH (and the child who’s refusing swimming) got caught in a rip while snorkelling near some rocks. DS2 was able to swim across and out of the rip and DS1 lifted him out of the water onto rocks, using a lift he’d learned at Bronze medallion. He then instructed his father on how to rest in the rip using a specific float, and eventually swim to the rocks, where he performed the same lift to get his father out of the water. In he mean time, he’d sent DS2 to get the rescue bouy further up on the rocks, however he didn’t need to use it. DH openly admits that had it not been for DS1’s knowledge and his capacity to use a lift that enables you to lift a heavier person, the situation may have ended very differently. It was In a regional area on an unpatrolled beach.

Yes, bronze medallion does need to be renewed to stay current, but even without currency at least they have learned the skills.

Edited by EsmeLennox, 14 November 2018 - 09:04 PM.


#23 seayork2002

Posted 14 November 2018 - 08:59 PM

We stopped DS doing swimming when he was about 10, he didnt want to continue and it would not gurantee to save his life, even Olympians can drown in water

#24 **Tiger*Filly**

Posted 14 November 2018 - 09:03 PM

Gosh some of you are harsh. I would not make a 13yo continue if they didn't want to. It sounds like he has excellent swimming skills already.  I would very strongly encourage them to do another physical activity instead though.  As for the paying for going trick or treating... sometimes you have to remind yourself if you are that mean to your child you might expect similar treatment one day when you're the one hoping for some generosity from them.

#25 marple

Posted 14 November 2018 - 09:04 PM

View PostEsmeLennox, on 14 November 2018 - 08:56 PM, said:

Yes. My (then) 15.5 year old rescued his father. Yes, I was there although not in the immediate vicinity of what happened as I was on the beach with my younger child.

Goodness. How lucky! I'm glad your DH was ok. Did your DH do his bronze medallion? Have you?
It's not something I am capable of so I wouldn't make my kids do it.
I am happy if they can swim a length of our pool and know about rips at the beach.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'My parenting style is Survivalist'

A helicopter or tiger mum, I am not.

8 mums reveal their favourite nappy bags

We asked a bunch of mums which nappy bags they love the most.

Why you shouldn't bother throwing a big first birthday party

If you're feeling the pressure to host an all-out, over-the-top shindig for your baby's birthday, I hereby grant you permission to throw the rules out the window.

The 24 baby names on the verge of extinction this year

If you're on the hunt for the perfect baby name and don't want a chart-topper like Oliver or Olivia, then do we have the list for you.

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Meet the baby born from an embryo frozen for 24 years

Experts say little Emma is a record breaking baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.

 

Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.