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60th Birthday present for a Mum who has lost her daughter
8 replies to this topic
Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:23 PM
I wasnt sure where to post this...
My best friend died on 30th December last year from advanced Bowel cancer. She was 33 years old and left behind a loving husband and a 3 year old son.
Since high school my husband and i were always very close friends with her and her husband, aswell as her parents and brother.
Her mums 60th birthday is coming up and understandably she only wanted a very small gathering as she doesnt feel like celebrating, my husband and I are invited because of our very close friendship with her daughter, , and i am totally stumped as to what to give her as a birthday present. I feel like it needs to be something special and meaningful , though I know that no material gift can ever ease the pain of what she is going through.
Just looking for any ideas for any kind of special meaningful gift I could give to her as chocolates or a bottle of wine just doesnt seem enough in this situation.
Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:29 PM
Im so sorry for your loss.
I read this on EB once about sharing stories about the person who has died with their loved ones that they may have not heard before. Perhaps you could do a memory book with funny or heartfelt stories and some pictures she might not have seen before? Or is that too much pressure?
Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:37 PM
Could you make a book of your favourite memories with your friend with photos as well as things you've written (as well other people if you so choose.)
A way of making her daughter part of her special day?
However different people may react differently - DH would not like this - he rarely talks about DS or looks at photos etc because he cant cope with that. Meanwhile I and my parents would love this more than anything.
Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:46 PM
Perhaps with the name of her daughter?
My mum's favourite plant (and scent) was lilac. DH and I came across a lilac tree at a nursery a couple of years ago with my mum's name as the variety of lilac.
I had to have it.
There are a huge number of roses with female names as part of their names.
Or a flowering shrub with flowers the same colour as your friend's favourite colour?
Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:47 PM
Did she and her daughter share an interest or love of something - a favourite flower, art, books, animals, film, theatre, food - if so that could perhaps steer you to something that would remind her of her daughter, but that she would like too.
I am so sorry for your loss x
Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:04 PM
This will be a tough birthday for her. Depending on your budget maybe a night away to a favourite destination, spa/facial treatment, theatre tickets, restaurant voucher.
Gifts probably won’t have much meaning for her this year but I’m sure she would appreciate a beautifully written card.
Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:19 PM
I understand that she is feeling the loss of her daughter as a milestone birthday approaches, but I would try and keep some focus on her, not her lost daughter
after all - its not like an anniversary of the daughters death, or the daughter's birthday that you are commemorating - it is the mother's 60th birthday.
I would steer clear of things like photo books of the daughter, I think that would overshadow her own birthday. She might want to just try and be happy for 5 minutes.
just give her something nice but not too materialistic. Dont over think it, no present is going to make the occasioan easier. A nice potted plant or flower arrangement? A really nice bottle of champagne? you can drink it together and celebrate her birthday, or drink it together while you remember the daughter?
Something a bit decadent, like really nice chocolates? I know it sounds a bit generic, but something that feels like a treat without being too over the top is what I would go for
So sorry for your loss OP, so sad
Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:45 PM
I'm thinking something where maybe you could start a birthday tradition with your best friends mum. High tea somewhere / trip to theatre - something that could become an annual thing that you and her do together, around her birthday. I think she would appreciate you spending time with her, more than material things. At 60, most people have the essentials. So a lovely card, with a ticket / event is the way I would go.
I also would steer clear of photo books etc, keep it about her birthday.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:53 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my mum so I am thinking from that perspective. I like the generic special gift like choc or champagne. I had a milestone bday and I'd have loved a photo book type gift but the party itself wouldn't be the time to do it. If you do that, give it to her a couple of days ahead perhaps. I also love the spending time together idea too.
In fact, I would maybe work on pics and stories for the 3 year old to enjoy later on. From my perspective having not known my dad that well, stories that illustrate the person's personality and values and lessons they'd learned. The 3 year old will eventually be trying to work themselves out, which parent of any have them x characteristic type thing. A gift like that would have been super special. I so appreciated people telling stories etc.
And a big hug to you too. Cancer sucks.
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