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60th Birthday present for a Mum who has lost her daughter

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8 replies to this topic

#1 Carrietarool

Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:23 PM

Hi everyone,

I wasnt sure where to post this...

My best friend died on 30th December last year from advanced Bowel cancer. She was 33 years old and left behind a loving husband and a 3 year old son.
Since high school my husband and i were always very close friends with her and her husband, aswell as her parents and brother.

Her mums 60th birthday is coming up and understandably she only wanted a very small gathering as she doesnt feel like celebrating, my husband and I are invited because of our very close friendship with her daughter, , and i am totally stumped as to what to give her as a birthday present. I feel like it needs to be something special and meaningful , though I know that no material gift can ever ease the pain of what she is going through.
Just looking for any ideas for any kind of special meaningful gift I could give to her as chocolates or a bottle of wine just doesnt seem enough in this situation.

#2 Lady Gray

Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:29 PM

Im so sorry for your loss.  

I read this on EB once about sharing stories about the person who has died with their loved ones that they may have not heard before.  Perhaps you could do a memory book with funny or heartfelt stories and some pictures she might not have seen before?  Or is that too much pressure?

#3 MooGuru

Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:37 PM

Could you make a book of your favourite memories with your friend with photos as well as things you've written (as well other people if you so choose.)

A way of making her daughter part of her special day?

However different people may react differently - DH would not like this - he rarely talks about DS or looks at photos etc because he cant cope with that. Meanwhile I and my parents would love this more than anything.

#4 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:46 PM

A plant?

Perhaps with the name of her daughter?

My mum's favourite plant (and scent) was lilac.  DH and I came across a lilac tree at a nursery a couple of years ago with my mum's name as the variety of lilac.

I had to have it.

There are a huge number of roses with female names as part of their names.

Or a flowering shrub with flowers the same colour as your friend's favourite colour?

#5 tayto...

Posted 22 October 2018 - 07:47 PM

Did she and her daughter share an interest or love of something - a favourite flower, art, books, animals, film, theatre, food - if so that could perhaps steer you to something that would remind her of her daughter, but that she would like too.

I am so sorry for your loss x

#6 Silvers

Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:04 PM

This will be a tough birthday for her.  Depending on your budget maybe a night away to a favourite destination, spa/facial treatment, theatre tickets, restaurant voucher.

Gifts probably won’t have much meaning for her this year but I’m sure she would appreciate a beautifully written card.

#7 maryanneK

Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:19 PM

I understand that she is feeling the loss of her daughter as a milestone birthday approaches, but I would try and keep some focus on her, not her lost daughter

after all - its not like an anniversary of the daughters death, or the daughter's birthday that you are commemorating - it is the mother's 60th birthday.

I would steer clear of things like photo books of the daughter, I think that would overshadow her own birthday. She might want to just try and be happy for 5 minutes.

just give her something nice but not too materialistic. Dont over think it, no present is going to make the occasioan easier.  A nice potted plant or flower arrangement? A really nice bottle of champagne? you can drink it together and celebrate her birthday, or drink it together while you remember the daughter?

Something a bit decadent, like really nice chocolates? I know it sounds a bit generic, but something that feels like a treat without being too over the top is what I would go for

So sorry for your loss OP, so sad

#8 *Melstar*

Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:45 PM

I'm thinking something where maybe you could start a birthday tradition with your best friends mum. High tea somewhere / trip to theatre - something that could become an annual thing that you and her do together, around her birthday. I think she would appreciate you spending time with her, more than material things. At 60, most people have the essentials. So a lovely card, with a ticket / event is the way I would go.

I also would steer clear of photo books etc, keep it about her birthday.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

#9 Mollyksy

Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:53 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my mum so I am thinking from that perspective. I like the generic special gift like choc or champagne. I had a milestone bday and I'd have loved a photo book type gift but the party itself wouldn't be the time to do it. If you do that, give it to her a couple of days ahead perhaps. I also love the spending time together idea too.

In fact, I would maybe work on pics and stories for the 3 year old to enjoy later on. From my perspective having not known my dad that well, stories that illustrate the person's personality and values and lessons they'd learned. The 3 year old will eventually be trying to work themselves out, which parent of any have them x characteristic type thing. A gift like that would have been super special. I so appreciated people telling stories etc.

And a big hug to you too. Cancer sucks.

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