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Crazy hormones or just normal grief?

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#1 MrsT2018

Posted 03 October 2018 - 04:03 PM

So DH and I had a m/c at 14weeks on 17th July. I had a d&c a week later but didn't get my AF until 23rd Sept (almost 10 weeks later). It only lasted 2.5 days too.

I'm just wondering how long it takes for homones to level out etc after this sort of scenario?

I thought I was coping ok, having good and bad days. The bad days became less and only lasted 2 days or so before I would come good again.

But then, the last few weeks I've been really flat. It's lasted 2 weeks now at least. I thought I was out of it again a few days back but then I'm back feeling like crap and crying all over again.

Any advice how much longer I'll feel like an emotional yo yo?

(also grief is a new thing for me as I've lived an extremely blessed life only having to say farewell to my grandparents so far - & I'm 35!)

#2 Beanette

Posted 03 October 2018 - 05:22 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

After my MMC and D&C I kind of went into "practical mode" and had all these to organise and was very busy as my DH started to get really busy at work. I think my brain went into a sort of autopilot and I was just getting through the days.
Then when things calmed down again, probably a month later, I was a mess. Crying all the time, feeling really down. I think I didn't have a chance to grieve and then it all hit me like a ton of bricks once I had a chance to catch my breath.

I think it wouldn't hurt to have a visit to your GP and discuss how you're feeling with them, and see if they recommend a referral to see someone, or something else. Much better to try to catch these things early.

Take care xx

#3 gab72

Posted 03 October 2018 - 06:14 PM

Hi OP,

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. xx

It is completely normal for you to be up and down like a rollercoaster. You've had a huge loss and hormones aside, the grief you're feeling is to be expected and is very real.

I agree with PP, if you're worried, your GP is a good first point of call. As well as this, the Pink Elephants Support Network is a charity that specialises in miscarriage, and they have a Peer Support Programme whereby you can chat to women who have been where you are, who have been trained by a bereavement counsellor to help women with their grief. You are entitled to 6 free phone sessions with them.

Take care of yourself

#4 MrsT2018

Posted 03 October 2018 - 07:35 PM

Thanks for the replies ladies, i guess i was thinking i may need a gp appt but was hoping this is just normal and i can put it off.

Beanette, that does sound similar with me... not so much being busy but more that now everything has calmed down etc and everyone seems to have forgotten already what happened that I'm just grieving so much more now.  Or maybe its just harder now its only me feeling this way?

I wondered about hormones as alot of the time i feel down or are having a meltdown, I'm not necessarily actually thinking about our baby? Its like permanent pms.being so tired and grouchy with my older 2 also.

#5 Beanette

Posted 04 October 2018 - 06:43 PM

View PostMrsT2018, on 03 October 2018 - 07:35 PM, said:

Thanks for the replies ladies, i guess i was thinking i may need a gp appt but was hoping this is just normal and i can put it off.

Beanette, that does sound similar with me... not so much being busy but more that now everything has calmed down etc and everyone seems to have forgotten already what happened that I'm just grieving so much more now.  Or maybe its just harder now its only me feeling this way?

I wondered about hormones as alot of the time i feel down or are having a meltdown, I'm not necessarily actually thinking about our baby? Its like permanent pms.being so tired and grouchy with my older 2 also.

I think just go to the GP, if they think that it's all normal then at least you have that peace of mind. I think it could be helpful to speak to a counsellor or psychologist, someone who can "hear" your grief and be truly listening to everything you say and giving you their undivided attention. Especially if you're feeling a bit forgotten by family or friends

I'm so truly sorry, my heart breaks for you xx

Edited by Beanette, 04 October 2018 - 06:43 PM.

#6 Daisycakes18

Posted 10 October 2018 - 07:49 PM

Hi MrsT, we lost a baby at 17 weeks in May this year. And your last post resonated with me, I too feel like I’m the only one who still “cares” (well, other than my husband). I have also felt like everyone has moved on and doesn’t really care about me and how I’m feeling anymore. I think it’s hard when there wasn’t a physical being for them to grieve though, like the fact it was too soon for a funeral etc, to make it more “real” for everyone else etc. I think I’m rambling... Anyway, I truly understand your grief, and it is something that still comes and goes for me. Just today I had an awful day, as I am actually 11 weeks pregnant again and had a midwife appt and booked for my 12 week scan - which I’m literally terrified about. I balled at the midwife (she was one who saw me through the miscarriage so she “gets” me which is so reassuring) and I actually requested to see the maternal health counselor while I was there. I have been relatively good up till now, but I’m now worried my anxiety will get the best of me over the coming months. So I totally agree with the other posts about bringing it up to your GP, as you might benefit from some sessions aswell. Sorry for my novel, just know my thoughts are with you, you are amazing with what you have coped with so far, believe me. Xxx

#7 MrsT2018

Posted 11 October 2018 - 10:55 AM

Thanks Daisy. Its sad how common m/c is. I'm sorry about your baby.  Congratulations on your new little life xo

I think you're right, others must have trouble seeing us as having lost an actual child of ours, they only seem to think of the pregnancy. They just don't get it.

I've had another rough period (or continuation of the last). My own mum just doesn't understand. On Sunday night, she actually patted my tummy (which is still carrying extra weight) and says 'and whats this?' with a smile and high pitched voice. I said bluntly 'I'm fat'. To which she says 'anything else?'.

Seriously mum. Even if I could get pg again so soon, I wouldn't have a belly. And I've only had one period so unlikely at that.

How can someone be soo soo soo insensitive - especially my own mum :-(

They just don't get it.

#8 Riotproof

Posted 11 October 2018 - 11:43 AM

I’m so sorry. It is true that many people just don’t get it.

#9 MrsT2018

Posted 19 October 2018 - 08:45 AM

Anyone been to a gp for their mental health?

I've got an appt this afternoon and my anxiety is off the roof!

Would help maybe if I knew what to expect... Do you just go in there and say... so this happened and now I'm a nutcase? lol.

#10 SMforshort

Posted 19 October 2018 - 09:25 AM

sadly your GP probably has this same conversation with someone every day.

There is no need to be anxious (easier said than done).

When you go in to the appointment the GP will say something like..... Hi Mrs T, how are you today or Hi Mrs T, how can I help you today.

You don't need to do anything other that tell them what you are going through..... I'm not doing so well at the moment.  I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks in July and I'm worried that I'm feeling very sad and low most of the time.

The GP may just talk it through with you or ask you some specific questions to better understand your emotional state.

What you're doing is hard but no where near as hard as what you've already been through.  I really admire you for seeking help.  It really is a brave thing to do.

I wish you all the best.

#11 taters

Posted 19 October 2018 - 10:16 AM

I had a miscarriage last week at 9 weeks. Not sure how I feel really. I have noticed my anxiety is really bad though to the point where even good things stress me out (that actually doesnt even make sense when I write it down) but thats how I feel. For me it is such a surreal experience to go through. I hope your gp can help xo

#12 MrsT2018

Posted 19 October 2018 - 10:21 AM

So Sorry taters. Its such a hard thing to go through. xo

I didn't know how to feel at the start either. I remember on day 2 or 3 after saying to DH that I felt bad that I felt like I was OK.

Then was the just feeling numb or like it was all surreal.

The anxiety only has been more recent.

Thanks SM - that does help. I'm calm again now I know what to say :-)

#13 Beanette

Posted 20 October 2018 - 11:01 AM

I hope your GP appointment went well and you've got some advice to help you feel better xx

#14 MrsT2018

Posted 22 October 2018 - 08:32 AM

Thanks Beanette. It actually wasn't much help but going back for her to do paperwork for a referral to the counsellor/psychologist.

Pretty much suggested meditation for the anxiety.

Anyway over the last week, I've gone back to my kickboxing (so sore for days afterwards as haven't done it for almost 6 months!) - and been on several bike rides with DH.  I've really picked up so I think exercise is a key factor for my mental health.

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