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Crazy hormones or just normal grief?


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#1 MrsT2018

Posted 03 October 2018 - 04:03 PM

So DH and I had a m/c at 14weeks on 17th July. I had a d&c a week later but didn't get my AF until 23rd Sept (almost 10 weeks later). It only lasted 2.5 days too.

I'm just wondering how long it takes for homones to level out etc after this sort of scenario?

I thought I was coping ok, having good and bad days. The bad days became less and only lasted 2 days or so before I would come good again.

But then, the last few weeks I've been really flat. It's lasted 2 weeks now at least. I thought I was out of it again a few days back but then I'm back feeling like crap and crying all over again.

Any advice how much longer I'll feel like an emotional yo yo?

(also grief is a new thing for me as I've lived an extremely blessed life only having to say farewell to my grandparents so far - & I'm 35!)

#2 Beanette

Posted 03 October 2018 - 05:22 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

After my MMC and D&C I kind of went into "practical mode" and had all these to organise and was very busy as my DH started to get really busy at work. I think my brain went into a sort of autopilot and I was just getting through the days.
Then when things calmed down again, probably a month later, I was a mess. Crying all the time, feeling really down. I think I didn't have a chance to grieve and then it all hit me like a ton of bricks once I had a chance to catch my breath.

I think it wouldn't hurt to have a visit to your GP and discuss how you're feeling with them, and see if they recommend a referral to see someone, or something else. Much better to try to catch these things early.

Take care xx

#3 gab72

Posted 03 October 2018 - 06:14 PM

Hi OP,

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. xx

It is completely normal for you to be up and down like a rollercoaster. You've had a huge loss and hormones aside, the grief you're feeling is to be expected and is very real.

I agree with PP, if you're worried, your GP is a good first point of call. As well as this, the Pink Elephants Support Network is a charity that specialises in miscarriage, and they have a Peer Support Programme whereby you can chat to women who have been where you are, who have been trained by a bereavement counsellor to help women with their grief. You are entitled to 6 free phone sessions with them.

Take care of yourself
xo

#4 MrsT2018

Posted 03 October 2018 - 07:35 PM

Thanks for the replies ladies, i guess i was thinking i may need a gp appt but was hoping this is just normal and i can put it off.

Beanette, that does sound similar with me... not so much being busy but more that now everything has calmed down etc and everyone seems to have forgotten already what happened that I'm just grieving so much more now.  Or maybe its just harder now its only me feeling this way?

I wondered about hormones as alot of the time i feel down or are having a meltdown, I'm not necessarily actually thinking about our baby? Its like permanent pms.being so tired and grouchy with my older 2 also.

#5 Beanette

Posted 04 October 2018 - 06:43 PM

View PostMrsT2018, on 03 October 2018 - 07:35 PM, said:

Thanks for the replies ladies, i guess i was thinking i may need a gp appt but was hoping this is just normal and i can put it off.

Beanette, that does sound similar with me... not so much being busy but more that now everything has calmed down etc and everyone seems to have forgotten already what happened that I'm just grieving so much more now.  Or maybe its just harder now its only me feeling this way?

I wondered about hormones as alot of the time i feel down or are having a meltdown, I'm not necessarily actually thinking about our baby? Its like permanent pms.being so tired and grouchy with my older 2 also.

I think just go to the GP, if they think that it's all normal then at least you have that peace of mind. I think it could be helpful to speak to a counsellor or psychologist, someone who can "hear" your grief and be truly listening to everything you say and giving you their undivided attention. Especially if you're feeling a bit forgotten by family or friends

I'm so truly sorry, my heart breaks for you xx

Edited by Beanette, 04 October 2018 - 06:43 PM.


#6 Daisycakes18

Posted 10 October 2018 - 07:49 PM

Hi MrsT, we lost a baby at 17 weeks in May this year. And your last post resonated with me, I too feel like I’m the only one who still “cares” (well, other than my husband). I have also felt like everyone has moved on and doesn’t really care about me and how I’m feeling anymore. I think it’s hard when there wasn’t a physical being for them to grieve though, like the fact it was too soon for a funeral etc, to make it more “real” for everyone else etc. I think I’m rambling... Anyway, I truly understand your grief, and it is something that still comes and goes for me. Just today I had an awful day, as I am actually 11 weeks pregnant again and had a midwife appt and booked for my 12 week scan - which I’m literally terrified about. I balled at the midwife (she was one who saw me through the miscarriage so she “gets” me which is so reassuring) and I actually requested to see the maternal health counselor while I was there. I have been relatively good up till now, but I’m now worried my anxiety will get the best of me over the coming months. So I totally agree with the other posts about bringing it up to your GP, as you might benefit from some sessions aswell. Sorry for my novel, just know my thoughts are with you, you are amazing with what you have coped with so far, believe me. Xxx

#7 MrsT2018

Posted 11 October 2018 - 10:55 AM

Thanks Daisy. Its sad how common m/c is. I'm sorry about your baby.  Congratulations on your new little life xo

I think you're right, others must have trouble seeing us as having lost an actual child of ours, they only seem to think of the pregnancy. They just don't get it.

I've had another rough period (or continuation of the last). My own mum just doesn't understand. On Sunday night, she actually patted my tummy (which is still carrying extra weight) and says 'and whats this?' with a smile and high pitched voice. I said bluntly 'I'm fat'. To which she says 'anything else?'.

Seriously mum. Even if I could get pg again so soon, I wouldn't have a belly. And I've only had one period so unlikely at that.

How can someone be soo soo soo insensitive - especially my own mum :-(

They just don't get it.

#8 Riotproof

Posted 11 October 2018 - 11:43 AM

I’m so sorry. It is true that many people just don’t get it.


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