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What is wrong with me!?

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#1 Fillyjonk

Posted 04 September 2018 - 10:44 AM

My third child would be almost 6 if I had not lost the pregnancy at 20 weeks for no apparent reason. I have not been able to conceive again since then, though we've not been actively tried but haven't actively prevented either.

For the last couple of years I've been generally okay with other people's pregnancies. But yesterday a girl at work announced hers and I'm a mess. I am sure my colleagues have noticed that I've turned weird but I can't engage with the constant conversation and an on the brink of tears.

What is wrong with me!?

Edited by Fillyjonk, 04 September 2018 - 10:45 AM.

#2 IamtheMumma

Posted 04 September 2018 - 10:58 AM

I'm going to go with nothing and say you are a normal human being with feelings.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief can strike at any time. Acknowledge it and let the tears come.

#3 Riotproof

Posted 04 September 2018 - 11:19 AM

There’s nothing wrong with you.

I know a woman who lost her first child at term more than 20 years ago. She still says she feels a pang at different stages for people born at the same time.

I know, I get blindsided still, the shock of it tends to get to me more.

Be gentle with yourself.

Edited by Riotproof, 04 September 2018 - 11:20 AM.

#4 AdelTwins

Posted 04 September 2018 - 11:29 AM

Nothing! I lost a child at 19w and still have teary times. It was a difficult pregnancy and we had already lost his twin earlier on.

My rainbow baby (DS3) has been an amazing healer for me, but even he cannot totally remove the pain that is losing a pregnancy so far along. It’s something that will stay with me always and has changed me.

We needed help from a FS to have all three of our rainbow babies. If it’s not too late, I suggest you try and get an appointment. At least this way you can be informed and decide whether to keep trying. Although it was a very emotional and scary pregnancy I am glad we persisted as DS3 has been an absolute joy.

#5 BluJay

Posted 04 September 2018 - 11:41 AM

There is nothing wrong with you.

Grief can last a lifetime, and even though you may accept it, deal with it, move past it, and it may not be at the forefront of your heart and mind - there will be times in your life that it will rear its head. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It means you are a human with a feelings and emotions.

#6 cvbn

Posted 04 September 2018 - 12:07 PM

Nothing wrong with you at all, I am so sorry.

#7 Chaotic Pogo

Posted 04 September 2018 - 12:34 PM

It's ok to grieve. If you can leave work and its a nice day where you are, try going for a walk in the park or something and just acknowledge how very sad you feel.

Be gentle to yourself.

#8 bubbletreemum

Posted 05 September 2018 - 12:34 PM

big hug to you. We lost our son  5 years ago at 37 week. Was lucky to have another one very soon. 5 years on now we are trying again but unfortunately it has not happened to us. I did a laparoscopy in May, found some endometriosis,  but still not pregnant. Seeing a reflexologist who specialise in pregnancy. She has given me some great guidance and put me on a few supplements. I am also tested positive for mthfr mutation (which suggested by her), and today I will be having another procedure to get tested for killer cell.

Just want to share with you my journey as sometimes there is a reason for not being able to fall pregnant again. I thought I would give everything ago (but not IVF as I decided not to).

Good things will happen again. Much love xx

#9 JomoMum

Posted 05 September 2018 - 01:01 PM

Around the times of anniversaries of events like these in our lives, it can bring back those old feelings and memories.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you xx sending you strength.

Edited for auto correct.

Edited by FomoJnr, 05 September 2018 - 01:56 PM.

#10 Lallalla

Posted 05 September 2018 - 01:21 PM

Nothing is wrong with you. Grief does not have a set timeline and it doesn’t have to be consistent either.

#11 Ellie bean

Posted 05 September 2018 - 02:03 PM

Nothing is wrong with you. My mum lost a baby over 40 years ago and it still sometimes hits her. There’s no “normal” time limit on grief x

#12 opethmum

Posted 05 September 2018 - 04:20 PM

Nothing wrong with you, grief comes and goes in waves and it just so happened that it has hit you unexpectedly and there is nothing wrong with that either.

Take some time to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and get it out because this loss is enormous and death of your little one is real and they are forever part of you.

No amount of time can make this loss go away and if anyone says get over it or words to that effect they have no idea and personally aren't worth knowing or having in your life.

I hope this period of unexpected grief eases and you feel lighter soon. So sorry you are going through this now.

#13 RichardParker

Posted 05 September 2018 - 09:15 PM

Trauma exists in the present - it doesn’t matter how much time has passed. Go easy on yourself.

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