Jump to content

Waiting for a d&c

  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 MsGuava

Posted 11 July 2018 - 01:54 PM

Hi everyone,

So as the title of this post suggests, I have had some bad news and I've opted to get a d&c to manage a missed miscarriage. There was no heartbeat at my 12 week scan and the measurements were a couple of weeks behind. My pregnancy symptoms had completely dropped off so in a way I wasn't all that surprised.

I have decided to go through my local public hosptial. The medical staff there have all been wonderful and have made this situation as easy for me to manage as it could possibly be under the circumstances. (Well, all except one stupid admissions clerk who announced loud enough for the whole waiting room to hear "Oh, you're on the caesarian list for Friday 13th! Aren't you superstitious about your baby being born on that date?" Look, I'm not the skinniest person but I'm not even showing and certainly don't look like I'm due to give birth in serval days time, insensitive idiot.)

Right now my main issue is that the waiting is killing me. I found out on Monday and I am on the surgery list for Friday. I realise that I am extremely lucky to have access to safe and efficient reproducitve healthcare services and that it could be a very different story if I was in a rural or remote community. Even so, I'm starting to get really scared about the possibility of the miscarriage starting before then. I have no prior experience with pregnancy or childbirth and I am absolutely terrified.

Does anyone have any good suggestions for ways I can distract myself until then?  I'm not someone who copes well with uncertainty.

Thank you for reading xxx

#2 HRH Countrymel

Posted 11 July 2018 - 02:16 PM

I had to have a D&C for my one and only IVF pregnancy.

I was really sad.

My only advice is to have someone there with you when you wake up.

For some stupid reason (I think probably because he was so very sad himself) my partner went back into work after he had dropped me off at the hospital and got me all signed in.

I woke up alone and empty and incredibly sad.

No fun lying in a hospital bed sobbing on your own.

Oh and take a book.  There is a fair bit of waiting around.

But prepare yourself for a wave of sadness.  The 'it's really over' hits you like a train.

#3 Neo Aerith

Posted 11 July 2018 - 02:31 PM

I’m very sorry for your loss. And also for that encounter with that clueless administrator!

The wait is gruelling I know, I had to wait nearly 3 weeks for my D&C. I tried to keep myself busy and generally avoided babies where I could for a little while. I also took some time off social media which helped.

I actually started to spot bleed the day before my D&C (I’d had a missed mc so no bleeding prior) but it didn’t change them going ahead with the D&C.

D&C’s are fairly quick and painless so don’t worry too much about that. Might be TMI but I was a bit tender going to toilet for a week afterwards but other than that it was fine.

Look after yourself x

#4 Beancat

Posted 11 July 2018 - 02:49 PM

Hi there, so sorry for your loss :(

Ive had a couple of D&Cs - one awake and one under

Here's what I can tell you

You may very sad - so take time to look after yourself.  You may like to take a few days of work next week

They are very quick and the staff are really compassionate, except for that idiot administrator you dealt with.  You may consider complaining about her once you have had time to settle

Definitely have someone there with you when you wake up and you will need someone to drive you home

You may have some bleeding and cramping post surgery

If you start to miscarry before Friday ring the hospital and see if you can get in immediately for the D&C.  I have had 4 miscarraiges  - two started off very slow (ie spotting for about 5 days), one was missed like yours and discovered at 12 weeks and the other started like a freight train

I hope it all goes as well as it can, big hugs for Friday

#5 Beanette

Posted 11 July 2018 - 03:00 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

Could you plan something small to do for yourself each day, something to look forward to? Perhaps book in for a massage or a haircut one day, movies with your DH another day, just to help the time pass until your appointment?

#6 magalee

Posted 11 July 2018 - 03:37 PM

Oh MsGuava I'm so sorry to hear that, I think you were in the January DIG.

I had a MMC a bit over 2 years ago.  I had started spotting and then had a bad NIPT test result before I went for a scan. The scan confirmed what in my heart I had known when I saw the first bit of spotting..

From starting to spot it took about 6 days to actually have a natural miscarriage - but it was only 24 hours after my scan on the Friday, so no time to have a D&C as it was the weekend.  I also ended up having a D&C as well due to retained product. I remember the week between the miscarriage and D&C as being soooooo hard.  Try and do something each day as Beanette said and binge watch some TV.  It is so hard hanging around and waiting.

I was OK on the day itself and as DH had to work he dropped me off and picked me up afterwards and I was fine with that.  The few weeks following were tough though as it took about 6-8 weeks for my cycle to get back to normal and I was back at work.  Be prepared to be emotional at times and find a way to acknowledge the little one that was inside you.  We planted a tree and still to today it brings me peace looking at it.

All the best and I will be thinking of you.

#7 MsGuava

Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:57 PM

Thank you so much for all your kind words. It really does help to know that other people have been through the same thing. It is so generous of everyone to share their experiences. I don't really feel up to talking about this in real life yet so I am extremely grateful for the support I have found here.

My DH will be coming with me on Friday. His work were great about giving him time off without any fuss. I'm on leave from my work anyway as it's the school holidays so that makes things a bit easier.

I have passed the time today by watching a record amount of TV. I think I will just give up on the idea of being a productive, functioning adult for the next little while.

Countrymel, I am so sorry that you had to wake up on your own and for your loss. That must have been so hard. I think you’re right that it will hit me more once it’s all over. Right now I’m just focusing on the medical side of things and I don’t think I’ve started to process my feelings yet. I will bring a book with me, that’s a great suggestion.

madame blanche, waiting three weeks must have been terrible. I’m so sorry that you had to experience that and for your loss. The TMI is good to know, at least I won’t freak out and think it means something is wrong if I know that other people have the same experience.

Beancat, I am sorry for your losses. It does help to hear about other’s experiences so thank you for sharing. I think my local hospital can only do them on Mondays, Wednesdays or Fridays. It was too late in the day on Monday and the Wednesday list was already full so they put me down for Friday. There is a bigger hospital that I could go to instead if anything happens before Friday that may have more options (I would probably get transferred there from my local in an emergency as they have a bigger obstetrics and gynaecology department).

Thank you, Beanette. That is a good suggestion. I did think about going and getting something new done with my hair (saving for maternity leave is not quite as critical now so a one-off fancy haircut might be back in the budget). I bought myself some sushi for lunch today and DH and I will probably go for a nice lunch if I’m feeling up to it at some point next week.

magalee, it is so generous of you to share your experience with me, especially now as I am sure that it is the last thing that you want to relive at the moment. I’m so sorry to hear that you have been through this too. It must have been awful to start a miscarriage and still end up needing a D&C. I think you’re right in saying that the emotions will come afterwards, I think I’m still a bit numb right now.

#8 zeldazonk

Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:47 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I have had two missed miscarriages this year and had a d&c both times. I do believe the waiting for the procedure was absolutely the hardest part, especially not knowing if I would miscarry first. I found once I had the d&c I did feel some relief because it was over.  With my second d&c this thought was some comfort while I waited.

I found it hard to do much while waiting. Being a functioning adult can definitely wait.  My concentration was non-existent anyway. I spent a lot of time watching TV, going for walks (listening to very lighthearted podcasts) and spending time with my DH. I binge watched all of Nailed It on Netflix which was perfect TV viewing.

I also spoke to my psychologist which helped with a lot of the feelings I couldn't share with anyone else. And I kept a journal which helped get everything out and was really cathartic. And if I am honest, I cried a lot. I think this is pretty normal and natural. Be kind to yourself if you are going through this - I was shocked at how intense my grief was.

I found sleeping hard. My doctor prescribed some sleeping tablets which I took for a couple of days and really helped.

I would definitely recommend avoiding social media this week.

As for the d&c, be prepared for some cramping on the day and maybe some discomfort for a couple of days. I used heat packs for this but didn't need any pain relief after I got home. A few days of rest afterward will do you good too.

The bleeding will probably last a couple of weeks (red at first then brown). It can take several weeks for the hcg to leave your body.  I got my period again nearly 5 weeks after my d&c.

Wishing you all the very best. I hope the week goes as quickly as it can. Look after yourself.

#9 bluesilk

Posted 11 July 2018 - 08:07 PM

Sorry for your loss. I've had a d&c and the waiting is the hardest part. The surgery and physical recovery should be easy. I was at a public hospital - I fasted and went in at 7:30am for surgery and at about 5:30pm they acknowledged that I wasn't going to get in that day so kept me overnight. Overnight I started cramping and bleeding more heavily and was terrified of potentially miscarrying in a public hospital toilet - my worst fear! However, the nurses gave me panadeine forte, which relieved the pain and the cramping subsided on its own and I had the surgery as planned the next morning! Afterwards I was pain-free with very little bleeding. I went on to conceive a healthy baby a couple of months after, so there's definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck and take care.

#10 MsGuava

Posted 12 July 2018 - 11:53 AM

zeldazonk and bluesilk, thank you both so much for sharing your experiences. I am so sorry to hear that you have been through this as well. It is comforting to know that I'm not the only one who worries about a miscarriage starting before a D&C. I completely respect that many women prefer to wait for a natural miscarriage but I know that this is not what I want and it does help to hear that I'm not alone in this.

I'm feeling as well as can be expected today I guess. I still haven't had any cramping or bleeding. To me, that confirms that a D&C is the right option for me as I can't wait forever. I have to go back to work in a little over a week and I don't even want to think about how I would manage a miscarriage starting during school hours.

I woke up this morning to a flurry of text messages about the birth of a colleague's baby. I'm not particularly close to this woman so I think I can just not join in the group texts without anyone really noticing. I can't bring myself to look at the photos.  At least I have a week to mentally prepare before going back to work. My workplace is baby/pregnancy central at the moment and there are people who constantly speculate about who might be preganant. Luckily, I have made my feelings on pregnancy speculation in the workplace known (very vocally and on multiple occaisions) so I am hoping I won't be met with any questions about when it'll be my turn to start having kids.

#11 Beanette

Posted 13 July 2018 - 05:30 PM

Thinking of you today MsGuava xxx

I'm sorry that you have had to see a birth announcement today. I spent the day in the ED with early pregnancy spotting, and saw a friend announce she's pregnant on FB while I was waiting for blood results. It stings so much, and I understand finding it hard to be happy for others. Be gentle with yourself

#12 MsGuava

Posted 13 July 2018 - 08:33 PM

Thank you, Beanette. I just saw your other thread too and I'm keeping everything crossed for good news.

Everything went well today. I had to stay in for a couple of extra hours as I had a little more post-op bleeding than expected (it was enough that I am never going to complain about a heavy period again!) but I'm home now. It is a huge relief to have the physical side of things over with and I feel a lot calmer now. Hopefully I can just move on to healing emotionally.

The staff at the hospital were great today. The nurses were lovely and the surgeon was able to do the procedure through Medicare even though I think I was on an elective surgery list (I have PHI but no maternity cover so I was a public patient). I am feeling a lot more positive about doing my tax return next week after recieving all this free medical care!

Thank you again to everyone who offered support and showed me such kindness in this thread. xxx

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


'My parenting style is Survivalist'

A helicopter or tiger mum, I am not.

8 mums reveal their favourite nappy bags

We asked a bunch of mums which nappy bags they love the most.

Why you shouldn't bother throwing a big first birthday party

If you're feeling the pressure to host an all-out, over-the-top shindig for your baby's birthday, I hereby grant you permission to throw the rules out the window.

The 24 baby names on the verge of extinction this year

If you're on the hunt for the perfect baby name and don't want a chart-topper like Oliver or Olivia, then do we have the list for you.

'My mum doesn't seem that interested in my baby'

Q: My mother and I have always been close, but now that I have a baby, she has not helped out as much as I thought she would.

New guidelines: "Bottle-feeding mums need support too"

Breast is best, but mums who can't, or choose not to breastfeed need support too.

Dads also struggle to 'have it all', study finds

Men and women both experience work-family conflict.

Language development may start in the womb

Study found babies can recognise foreign languages before birth.

Meet the baby born from an embryo frozen for 24 years

Experts say little Emma is a record breaking baby.


Top 5 Articles


From our network

Five things you need to know about flu and pregnancy

As the 2017 flu season begins in earnest, here?s what you need to know to protect yourself and baby.

Mum tips to keep your pre-baby budget in check

Money might be funny in a rich man's world (or so ABBA told us), but for the rest of us it's a major consideration – particularly before having a baby.

5 easy ways to make your maternity leave last longer

Maternity leave is a special time for you, your partner and your new little bundle. The last thing you want is for financial worries to stand in the way of that joy.

10 ways to keep your 'buying for baby' costs down

Becoming a parent is full of surprises – not least of all finding out that, for such small beings, babies cause a lot of chaos and expense.

5 ways to prepare to go from two incomes to one

Here are some ideas for getting that budget in shape, ready for being a one income family.


Baby Names

Need some ideas?

See what names are trending this year.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.