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I feel so trapped.


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#1 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 10:51 AM

I posted a lot last year about DD2. She’s hard work. She’s now 16 months.

I’m getting so frustrated. It’s nearly midday and I haven’t been able to make myself breakfast yet. If I’m at home, I have to be touching her at all times. I spend everyday (aside from the 2 days she is in care) tied to the couch. It’s like having a permanent newborn. It still hard to even go to the toilet and forget about having a shower by myself.

When will this end? She’s currently crying hysterically because I’m touching my phone and not touching her.

#2 Caribou

Posted 15 February 2018 - 10:59 AM

Oh hun, that is hard. Have you seen your GPand explained the situation? Or a MCHN even.

As for showering, I think it’s important, makes such a difference, can you co-shower? I haven’t showered myself in the past 6 years!

You need to put yourself first too. Will she get in pram? Can you take her for a walk around the block? Or an ergo and she can be on your back and in a way she’s safe but you’re able to do stuff without her getting upset until you can see someone about her behaviour.

#3 ekbaby

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:00 AM

What are things like when you go out ? Does she get distracted and more happy if you are at a park or something ?

#4 lozoodle

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:05 AM

Ugh its such a hard age. Honestly, sometimes you just need to leave them screaming. She's old enough to know that it gets the response she needs. You have to be able to get stuff done, she's just going to have to deal with it.

It will pass :)

#5 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:07 AM

View PostCaribou, on 15 February 2018 - 10:59 AM, said:

Oh hun, that is hard. Have you seen your GPand explained the situation? Or a MCHN even.

As for showering, I think it’s important, makes such a difference, can you co-shower? I haven’t showered myself in the past 6 years!

You need to put yourself first too. Will she get in pram? Can you take her for a walk around the block? Or an ergo and she can be on your back and in a way she’s safe but you’re able to do stuff without her getting upset until you can see someone about her behaviour.
She hates the carrier.
I shower with her everyday. I’d like to be able to shower without her howling up at me from the shower floor.
MCHN is awful.
GP referred me to a paed. There’s nothing wrong with her so there’s nothing she could do.

#6 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:09 AM

View Postekbaby, on 15 February 2018 - 11:00 AM, said:

What are things like when you go out ? Does she get distracted and more happy if you are at a park or something ?

Not really. She alternates between clingy and completely insane. She’s very physically able so if she runs off and unclings herself she can climb very high very quickly. Almost not worth the stress.

#7 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:11 AM

View Postlozoodle, on 15 February 2018 - 11:05 AM, said:

Ugh its such a hard age. Honestly, sometimes you just need to leave them screaming. She's old enough to know that it gets the response she needs. You have to be able to get stuff done, she's just going to have to deal with it.

It will pass :)

It’s not a phase. She’s always been like this. Pretty much from day 1.

#8 Caribou

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:12 AM

It sounds like she’s a intense child who just needs more than most. My son just follows me around the house crying if I don’t pick him up.

Sometimes I just can’t. I got to get DD ready for school. And he just has to roll with it. I try make a game out of it. It works 50% of the time. Like going ‘let’s chase mummy!’ And ‘peekaboo’

No doubt though, you’re mentally exhausted it’s hard to see past all the crying. I know how that is and it’s really hard to muster the energy to keep the enthusiasm up for the day.

What about playgroup? Story time at library? YMCA kinder gym? The important thing here is to get out of the house. When you’re in that stage of doing same thing day n and day out with crying and wanting to be near you, it gets demoralising really quickly. Throw yourself and DD into activities out as much as possible. Even trips to the park.

#9 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:14 AM

Sorry. I’m not intentionally being terse. I’m just about to lose my sh*t today.

#10 wallofdodo

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:15 AM

What sort of Pead? Was it a behavioural pead?

My son likes to be touched and in contact with me, he was/is always climbing over me. He doesn't seem as extreme as yours sounds though.

Anyway we went to a pead and she referred us to an OT, and he is being treated for having some sensory issues. It's really helping.

Sounds really exhausting, good luck OP.

#11 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:17 AM

View PostCaribou, on 15 February 2018 - 11:12 AM, said:

It sounds like she’s a intense child who just needs more than most. My son just follows me around the house crying if I don’t pick him up.

Sometimes I just can’t. I got to get DD ready for school. And he just has to roll with it. I try make a game out of it. It works 50% of the time. Like going ‘let’s chase mummy!’ And ‘peekaboo’

No doubt though, you’re mentally exhausted it’s hard to see past all the crying. I know how that is and it’s really hard to muster the energy to keep the enthusiasm up for the day.

What about playgroup? Story time at library? YMCA kinder gym? The important thing here is to get out of the house. When you’re in that stage of doing same thing day n and day out with crying and wanting to be near you, it gets demoralising really quickly. Throw yourself and DD into activities out as much as possible. Even trips to the park.

We get out to all those things - story time, play group etc. We go out at least every day. But the effort to get everyone ready when she’s like this plus her behaviour once we’re there just makes it a zero sum game. It helps that the other parents at these things are are horrified by her and are suitably sympathetic. But that’s about the only bonus.

#12 Mmmcheese

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:18 AM

I have no idea, but I wonder if there is a sensory thing going on and of an occupational therapist could help? I've been reading about sensory stuff in children, so I 'see' it everywhere, bit I might be on the wrong track there. Hang in there!

#13 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:20 AM

View Postwallofdodo, on 15 February 2018 - 11:15 AM, said:

What sort of Pead? Was it a behavioural pead?

My son likes to be touched and in contact with me, he was/is always climbing over me. He doesn't seem as extreme as yours sounds though.

Anyway we went to a pead and she referred us to an OT, and he is being treated for having some sensory issues. It's really helping.

Sounds really exhausting, good luck OP.

It was a behavioural paed. She didn’t suggest anything like that. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with her - it’s just her temperament.

#14 Caribou

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:20 AM

How long until you can see the paed? You could get into an OT without a paed. Other option is child psychologist. Just need a GP referral for it while you wait for paed.

#15 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:26 AM

View PostCaribou, on 15 February 2018 - 11:20 AM, said:

How long until you can see the paed? You could get into an OT without a paed. Other option is child psychologist. Just need a GP referral for it while you wait for paed.

We’ve seen a behavioural paed.

#16 mayahlb

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:27 AM

I would also suggest an OT. The first thing that I thought from your post is that it's a sensory issue. My second child was not happy unless he was clinging to me. Or breastfeeding. He's a sensory seeker. The input he gets from being held at that age was what made him happy. When he's wasn't getting that input he couldn't regulate and got upset.

Have you tried sensory type activities with her. Paydough, shaving cream, jumping, or something like a weighted lap pillow for when you want to not have her clinging to you. There is also sensory clothing you can get that is sort of like a tight hug. I didn't find it helped much but the weight pillow definitely did for us.

#17 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:31 AM

Ok. I’m getting a pretty strong OT vibe. My SIL is an OT and hasn’t said anything, but I’ll check it out. Thanks all

#18 red_squirrel

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:35 AM

Two thing strike me as possible solutions.

One, it could be a sensory issue. In which case a mummy substitiute could work. E.g a jumper of yours that smells like you or a 'blankly' to cling onto.

The second thing is she seems to be struggling with the developmental milestone of object permanence. Hence you can't leave her sight.

DS was the same. upon recommendation I played lots of peek-a-boo and a game where I put Mr Monkey (toy) in a box and played knocking on the lid to find Mr Monkey. All the time articulating, let's find Mr Monkey, is he in here etc.
Also a variety of other games where you hide the object within their sight and then find it again. It's important they see you put the thing away as part of the process.
You basically teach them things don't disappear when you can't see them.
It's worth a go and won't do any harm but if you are still struggling an OT can give you more ideas. These ideas I've said came from a speech therapist.

#19 mayahlb

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:38 AM

View PostCoeur de Lion, on 15 February 2018 - 11:31 AM, said:

Ok. I’m getting a pretty strong OT vibe. My SIL is an OT and hasn’t said anything, but I’ll check it out. Thanks all

It's possible she doesn't have a lot to do with peads and/or sensory issues. There are lots of OTs that don't beyond some of the more general OT stuff.

#20 unicycle

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:40 AM

Yep, keep searching, CdL. This is not usual and you know it. Can you try another GP? Or a different MCHN?
My middle one also had to be constantly held ( though not nearly  so bad as yours) and it would have been good if this symptom had led to him being diagnosed earlier. But I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to keep searching. And I didn't have EB to help muddle through then.

#21 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:40 AM

View Postmayahlb, on 15 February 2018 - 11:38 AM, said:



It's possible she doesn't have a lot to do with peads and/or sensory issues. There are lots of OTs that don't beyond some of the more general OT stuff.

She’s at a children’s hospital...

#22 lozoodle

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:40 AM

View PostCoeur de Lion, on 15 February 2018 - 11:11 AM, said:

It’s not a phase. She’s always been like this. Pretty much from day 1.

Ok I worded it badly, but what I meant is somethings ARE a priority. I'm not talking about abandoning your child of course, but letting her carry on while you have a shower or eat some breakfast - its not the end of the world for her, she'll be ok. Its so so so important to get some time for you, your mental health depends on it. I feel for you, I remember being trapped with a refluxy baby and it was absolute hell.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to sound simplistic about it - just that its ok if you don't always put her first. You're just as important and you are much more use to her when you have had some time to cater for your basic needs too.

Where are you located? Could you get to something like Tresillian for some help? Any playgroups or things that could help keep her occupied (plus give you a bit of a mental break with some social time as well?)

#23 Coeur de Lion

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:43 AM

View Postunicycle, on 15 February 2018 - 11:40 AM, said:

Yep, keep searching, CdL. This is not usual and you know it. Can you try another GP? Or a different MCHN?
My middle one also had to be constantly held ( though not nearly  so bad as yours) and it would have been good if this symptom had led to him being diagnosed earlier. But I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to keep searching. And I didn't have EB to help muddle through then.

But that’s the thing. I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong. I just feel like she’s just got a difficult temperament. But maybe I’m too close to see it differently?

#24 Bearynice

Posted 15 February 2018 - 11:48 AM

hugs. She does sound like a little sensory seeker. I think that age is tricky also as they don’t have the language ( hence the screaming)
Is she happy doing anything at home? Or does she just like to be on you all the time?

1. Drive thru coffee for you
2. Daughter on lap, make some ph calls
3. Call paed OT
4. Call local health nurse. Get them to do home visit. They can come out for chat. See daughter in home environment. Organise volunteer to visit ( so you can have uninterrupted shower or toilet trip)

Be kind to yourself. That stage is tough.


#25 wallofdodo

Posted 15 February 2018 - 12:22 PM

View PostCoeur de Lion, on 15 February 2018 - 11:20 AM, said:

It was a behavioural paed. She didn’t suggest anything like that. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with her - it’s just her temperament.

Yes, that is what we say about our son. It's his temperament, but the OT can help with teaching what is expected and unexpected behaviors (ie appropriate reactions to things going wrong). And teach boundaries and such.

There are  a lot of online questionnaires you can do about sensory issues. They wont tell you for sure, but it gives you an idea of what sensory issues are.

When our guy was a baby, we used to think that he couldn't feel pain, one of the questions on the sensory chart was about that.

At our OT we had the inital meeting, and we decided from there if we wanted to go ahead. You really have nothing to loose.

Edited by wallofdodo, 15 February 2018 - 12:24 PM.





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