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#1 hardworking mum

Posted 20 March 2017 - 08:27 PM

My teenage daughter came back from her dads empty handed (no bday present).  
She was very disappointed.
Her bday was a week and a half prior so he had plenty of time to budget and get a present. She wasn't expecting anything big she is grateful and realistic.
I texted him after seeing she was very upset. He said he hadn't got around to it. He said he would send a present. I feel bad for her. She went to the effort to get him a present and gave it to him (that same weekend). How can someone do that to their child. Why not take her shopping if he didn't have time or didn't know what to get? She said she would get the topic onto her birthday hoping he would pull out the present and he would change topic  😔

I feel bad for her and constantly feel like I have to compensate for his disappointments. This is a new low.

He has been burying his head in the sand about another thing very important to her and it is looking like I will have to pay completely for it ($thousands). He has ignored the two texts I have sent about it. I left a gap of time between so he wouldn't feel harassed. But he is ignoring the issue.

Do you have to compensate for your ex when they disappoint your child like this?  Do you have any tips on dealing with this?

#2 Ellie bean

Posted 20 March 2017 - 09:32 PM

Im sorry, your poor dd. What a selfish pig.

#3 LUV-MY-KIDS

Posted 20 March 2017 - 10:20 PM

Not sure how old you DD is.  How terrible for her.  He is not adulting and you can't make him.  Depending on her age you may need to explain to her that is the way he is and make sure she knows it's him that has the issue not her.  Let her know he just doesn't adult well, it's got nothing to do with her it's him.

Harder if they younger and not an age they can understand that.

You would think he would have at least slipped her some money if he couldn't be bothered to take her out and go shopping. Poor kid, it's not right and it shouldn't happen.

#4 hardworking mum

Posted 20 March 2017 - 10:41 PM

Thanks for your support. She turned 15.
It's a vulnerable age to have your dad forget to celebrate the day you were born.
I give her cuddles and support her the best I can. She is trying to adjust to harder school work and growing up. It's tough only being one person but feeling like I have to be and do the mum and dad roles.

#5 nasty snaugh

Posted 20 March 2017 - 11:23 PM

You cannot compensate for her father.

You can only do the best you can do.

Don't denigrate her father in front of her, but don't make excuses for him either.

I'm already walking the line with my 6 year old DS, and I know it's really difficult.

But kids are smart. And observant. And while they're sensitive, I think they're usually more resiliant than you think.

Co-parenting is so hard, isn't it ?

#6 LUV-MY-KIDS

Posted 21 March 2017 - 08:28 PM

She is at an age where she will form her own opinion.  Teenage girl he didn't even have to make the effort to get a gift, all he had to do was give her some cash so she could get something if he was lazy.

Your poor DD.  All you can do is let her know you love her and you understand that hurts and isn't right.

At the end of the day he pulls that then she isn't going to think much of him and that's his own doing.  If he puts in zero effort he is not going to end up with an adult child that reciprocates and puts no effort into their relationship either.

#7 Holidayromp

Posted 28 March 2017 - 09:43 AM

View PostLUV-MY-KIDS, on 21 March 2017 - 08:28 PM, said:

She is at an age where she will form her own opinion.  Teenage girl he didn't even have to make the effort to get a gift, all he had to do was give her some cash so she could get something if he was lazy.

Your poor DD.  All you can do is let her know you love her and you understand that hurts and isn't right.

At the end of the day he pulls that then she isn't going to think much of him and that's his own doing.  If he puts in zero effort he is not going to end up with an adult child that reciprocates and puts no effort into their relationship either.

Or feel that they are not good enough :(

#8 born.a.girl

Posted 28 March 2017 - 10:22 AM

What a slimeball, I'm so sorry for your daughter.


My niece went through that with her Dad, along with him 'forgetting' her birthday completely in the end. When he died in a car crash she felt guilty that she hadn't put more effort into keeping in touch with him.

She was a child ffs.


I think that's all you can focus on - her not being responsible for any of his behaviour.  

Not that I'm suggesting she does, but there can still be an element of 'is it me?' for children in those situations.




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