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#1 Lady Gray

Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:09 PM

Hey all,

(disclaimer:  I suspect I'm being a bit nutty about this so be gentle when replying)

We've just moved overseas for a year and staying with my parents which has been absolutely fantastic except I'm worried that my 11 month old daughter now prefers my mum over me.

I'm used to being her primary carer and her asking for me to pick her up or walking over and giving me a cuddle or a (sloppy) kiss.  But since we've been here she does all this with my mum.  She constantly wants mum to pick her up and gives her cuddles all the time and nothing for me.  I am feeling really hurt and a bit jealous to be honest.  My husband things I'm crazy (in a nice way) and that I'll always be her number 1 but I'm really struggling with it.  I found myself getting teary about it all day.

She also cuddles my husband and runs to him when she sees him but he sees less of her as he works during the day.

Sorry I know this sounds so silly but has anyone else experienced this.  I feel like my kiddo doesn't love me anymore or doesn't need me anymore.

#2 Mooples

Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:19 PM

My ds is like this too. He loves his grandparents so much and they adore him too. They come to my house to look after him and when they arrive he lights up and gets so excited, it's truly beautiful. Same as when daddy gets home, he can't control his excitemen running around the house calling out dada. I don't get quite the same reaction when I get home from work and although I know it's because he sees me so often it did make me sad at the beginning (I've only recently gone back) but when he hurts himself or when he's really tired it's mummy he comes looking for. I know that I'll always be his ultimate comforter which makes me feel better but I also enjoy seeing him love others so deeply.

#3 Agnetha

Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:32 PM

Re grandparents , you never know how long they will have , I'm easy to let them have that . I know that I will will Always be ' the enforcer ' ( dd is 6) but when she's scared, needs anything , distressed etc , it's ''mummy'.
I understand it's harder when they're younger. Dd grandparents all live overseas and interstate so I'm propably a bit easier with it . Fwiw, my nephew ( saw grandies every day) was the same , would run to nanna for all needs.

#4 Nastyflea

Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:44 PM

Kids go through phases. Mine ONLY wanted me for ages which made Dh a bit upset I think, but he understood it's not forever and it doesn't mean she didn't love him
Now, the sun shines out of his butt and he can do no wrong.

It doesn't mean your DD doesn't love you, it DOES mean she's bonded with other family members and that's a good thing.

Plus she may still see you as part of her, not as a separate person so the reactions to other people might be stronger.

You will always be her mum, there's no bond like it. It's forever.

#5 Lou-bags

Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:58 PM

View PostNastyflea, on 15 March 2017 - 09:44 PM, said:

Kids go through phases. Mine ONLY wanted me for ages which made Dh a bit upset I think, but he understood it's not forever and it doesn't mean she didn't love him
Now, the sun shines out of his butt and he can do no wrong.

It doesn't mean your DD doesn't love you, it DOES mean she's bonded with other family members and that's a good thing.

Plus she may still see you as part of her, not as a separate person so the reactions to other people might be stronger.

You will always be her mum, there's no bond like it. It's forever.

All of this.

My DS1 only wants me at sleep time, when he's hurt etc etc but at an age a bit older than your DD now I remember having to physically pull him of his nanna (my mum) with him screaming for her and trying to swat me away when she had to go home from her twice weekly visits/babysitting.

It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Try to focus on how lucky she is to have such engaged and loving extended family, and give her space to build these relationships. You'll always be her mum.

#6 Lady Gray

Posted 15 March 2017 - 10:31 PM

Thanks all, this is such good advice.  I am so grateful she has two extra people that love and adore her and that she feels that she can trust and love them too but it just stings a bit not to get the same treatment I was used to or to have her cry out for my mum and push me away.  I feel better having heard that it isn't uncommon so will try to focus on how lucky we are.  Thanks for being kind everyone!

#7 Crombek

Posted 15 March 2017 - 10:42 PM

Yeah both mine are like this. DS1 cried when I picked him up after a 2 night sleepover at my parents & apparently he loves them just a little bit more because I am a bit boring.

I just take deeeeeeep breaths, remind myself that kids love novelty & attention & remind myself that it certainly wasn't all sunshine & roses when I lived with them as a kid!

I think there's also some truth to the idea that young children don't see their primary carer as a separate person to themselves. So separation isn't concerning at this point because they can't conceptualise it.

#8 Fresh Start

Posted 15 March 2017 - 11:12 PM

View PostMooples, on 15 March 2017 - 09:19 PM, said:

but when he hurts himself or when he's really tired it's mummy he comes looking for. I know that I'll always be his ultimate comforter which makes me feel better but I also enjoy seeing him love others so deeply.

This was/is my DD now 7 from an early age She adored my mum, adores my dad, XH's parents and my sisters. Wants to sleep at their houses, stay with them and I go out etc. But if she needs comfort it's me only.

DS needed an operation at 22 months so mum and dad took DD for two nights so I could get up and to hospital early with DS then only have him to focus on the night after (day procedure).

They took her on a fabulous outing the day of his operation but all she wanted was to come home to me. They came home and turns out she was sick. Mum and dad stayed and spent more time with DS than DD. She was all over me.

She has also been brought home in the middle of the night from a sleepover at PILs as she was sick and just wanted me.

I think the novelty will wear off and you will be number one again.

#9 Lady Gray

Posted 28 March 2017 - 10:04 PM

Hi all, I thought I'd update this in case it was useful to anyone else.  I'm back to being flavour of the month and literally the day after I wrote this she got sick and all she wanted was me to hold her just like you all said. I felt awful she was poorly but man alive I soaked up those cuddles!!  

(On a side note I also got my period the day after I wrote this which may explain the tears and sadness on my part! LOL)




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