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Not coping with crying


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#1 Coeur de Lion

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:32 PM

I'm at my wits end with DD2.

She cries. She cries what feels like all the time if I'm not holding her. I have a toddler as well so I cannot physically hold her all the time. I use a baby carrier, before anyone jumps in with that, but again, it's not possible to use it all the time.

She's coming up to four months and I thought that the crying would have started to lessen. If anything, it's getting worse. I'm really starting to resent her and have to leave the her screaming in a different room at least once or twice a day just so I don't lose it at her.

DD1 was also a cryer. I'm wondering if she cried at about the same level and I was just more able to cope with it as she was the only one? DD1 also had better sleeps in the day, which I think gave me a break.

Anyway. I'm not looking for answers, necessarily. More just a vent. I'll just keep hanging in there. I'm sure it will start to get better soon.

#2 EmmDasher

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:43 PM

That sucks :( Have you had her checked out medically to make sure there's no explanation eg reflux?

#3 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:43 PM

That sounds really tough. My DD was a bit similar, I had to be with her ALL THE TIME. And she only cat-napped.

Aside from checking for reflux, I'm not sure I've got any advice aside from hang in there!

#4 Beqa

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:48 PM

I never found the answer, but someone on EB suggested headphones and loud music while settling them. You are still looking at them, holding them, responding to their needs, but the psychological/biological? pain you experience hearing the cries isn't there. It made a huge difference to my ability to keep calm.

Electric rocker? Vibrating bouncer? If we throw out 100 suggestions, one might fit?

:hugs: it really sux

#5 Coeur de Lion

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:50 PM

She does have pretty terrible reflux but the GP/paed thinks she's a 'happy chucker' and generally I'm inclined to agree. She's very chunky and the crying seems unrelated to the chucking. I had gone dairy free for a month and stopped about a week ago because I thought it wasn't helping but I've noticed a marked increase in the volume of spew since I've started dairy again. I'm going to try dairy free again and see if makes any difference.

#6 Nastyflea

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:50 PM

The crying is one reason I only had one. It's so so hard for me to cope with too.

Has she been checked for silent reflux?

Ears checked? is she happy when upright mostly, or does she cry no matter what?

And putting her down and walking away is a good thing if it's that or shake her(I had moments where I got close to shaking my DD as a baby. I now understand why some parents do it frankly) and it means she's safe and you get a moment's breather.

#7 Nastyflea

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:52 PM

The vibrating bouncer was a life saver for us!
I spent an absolute fortune on a rocker with twinkling lights and she hated it! Borrowed a bouncy chair and she loved it!

KIDS!!

#8 Coeur de Lion

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:52 PM

 bluecardigans, on 30 January 2017 - 06:48 PM, said:

I never found the answer, but someone on EB suggested headphones and loud music while settling them. You are still looking at them, holding them, responding to their needs, but the psychological/biological? pain you experience hearing the cries isn't there. It made a huge difference to my ability to keep calm.

Electric rocker? Vibrating bouncer? If we throw out 100 suggestions, one might fit?

:hugs: it really sux

I do use the headphone trick!

I also make sure I take some good long looks at her when she's sleeping to remind myself that she is in fact a lovely baby.

#9 Coeur de Lion

Posted 30 January 2017 - 06:55 PM

 Nastyflea, on 30 January 2017 - 06:50 PM, said:

The crying is one reason I only had one. It's so so hard for me to cope with too.

Has she been checked for silent reflux?

Ears checked? is she happy when upright mostly, or does she cry no matter what?

And putting her down and walking away is a good thing if it's that or shake her(I had moments where I got close to shaking my DD as a baby. I now understand why some parents do it frankly) and it means she's safe and you get a moment's breather.

Thanks :)

I do find myself raising my voice at her, which is when I walk away. I'm more worried that I'm going to slap her, TBH :(

She hates the bouncy chair.

#10 dearydo

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:03 PM

I remember your other posts. Is there a reason they just won't trial her on reflux meds? She can easily be tested for responsiveness to them with over the counter meds worked out by the chemist and if they work, then appropriate prescription.

My first screamed and screamed and screamed blue murder. In arms all day. Could not sleep a wink not in arms. Trialled reflux meds, didn't work but other explanatory reasons found later.

Second screamed as well. Probably not same veracity as first but slept even less. Lived in the carrier till she was at least 1. That way could be with them while chasing first. Trialled reflux meds and woohoo for some relief.

Third was in between others but chunky as. They used feeding to help with reflux, works as a bit of an antacid, so fed all the time. They lived on my too while we ran the others around and after them. They still cried but the reflux meds helped with the hysteria and inconsolable crying.

It does all get better thou sheer hell while in it. If you have noticed a difference with dairy, then that is worth pursuing too.

#11 Mollyksy

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:04 PM

Maybe try soy free too. My DS had CMPI and became a different child with special formula. A friends bub had an egg intolerance, similar symptoms when she ate egg. My DS did have reflux, eczema on his face and runny green stools but didnt present in the typical lose weight. He never slept longer than 40 mins either til the special formula. huge sympathies. It is hell.

#12 dearydo

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:05 PM

Mine hated anything mechanical, fabric etc. Anything that wasn't my arms or carrier. It is damn exhausting. I sing lots, badly but lots. Sometimes it helps them but it helps my head, drains them out and least i feel I'm doing something to help.

#13 Beqa

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:34 PM

I don't forget when you talk to women with older kids, or grown up kids, they forget, they all forget. They just remember the good parts. None of them did any better than you.

#14 Beqa

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:35 PM

Do you have a partner OP?  How do they go with the crying? Are they available so you can take turns?

#15 Prioritising Pooks

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:42 PM

My DS was like this. The reflux pain wasn't when he chucked, it was at other times. Actually the chucking often gave him relief. It was silent reflux. The medication made a huge difference. It would be worth a try, it's very safe medication and worst case scenario it doesn't work.

And the cradle and swing on the fastest setting with music. Omg. Bless the cradle and swing. We bought one for $50 from a BSS page then sold it for the same price when done with it.

Putting them down to cry while you calm down is one of the best parenting moves ever. Well done.

Reflux babies grow up to be amongst the loveliest of all children. True story.

#16 Kallie88

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:43 PM

My dd was a screamer, but she's my first baby so i didn't have the toddler problem. Could you try baby wearing? Might make it easier to deal with older bubba and keep this one calm. I don't have many answers for you, but i feel for you, big hugs and i hope bubs calms down the screaming soon!

#17 Bearynice

Posted 30 January 2017 - 07:51 PM

No suggestions other than saying... it sounds really tough. Do u have a good health nurse? Or gp/allergy clinic?

Do u have friends who could visit and hold Bub for a bit?

#18 ms mel

Posted 30 January 2017 - 08:06 PM

My second baby was a crier. She had to be held constantly and would cry and cry and cry. She was eventually diagnosed with reflux and given omeprazole (losec).  It made a big difference. It takes a while to work but every week was a little better.
Wishing you all the best.

#19 lucky 2

Posted 31 January 2017 - 09:14 AM

I suspect this may be too blunt but I'm checking to see you have talked to someone else about your feelings, ie worried you might slap her.
I did have anxiety and depression symptoms and felt similar things (worse actually, they were not acted upon thoughts, but so distressing).

Ignore me if you feel ok and have enough support, but reach out to your chn, gp etc if you are concerned about your responses/feelings. And I hope this thread helps you get it off your chest. x

#20 Ellie bean

Posted 31 January 2017 - 10:11 AM

I would definitely be asking for a trial of reflux meds like losec.
Earplugs so you can still hear but its a bit muffled/ you're a bit removed from it are good too.
Seeing your gp for you is a good idea too. I actually think this is a pretty normal reaction to a high needs baby but that doesn't mean you don't deserve help, you do xx

#21 Silverstreak

Posted 31 January 2017 - 12:02 PM

Hi OP, big hugs!

Yep, I would be looking at reflux meds as well and also getting ears checked. DS was prone to ear infections (apparently babies  have very small ear tubes, which can lead to ear infections.)

My DS used to scream a lot it he wasn't held / kept upright and he was a big baby! I didn't have a bouncer, but I had a little "recliner" I could buckle him into, which he loved. I used to move it from room to room as I did housework and then outside, whilst I hung out the washing. So one of those might work? DS became a lot happier once he started being able to sit up and crawl around (very independent little person!)

One more thought: I found things very difficult around the 4/5 month mark. A lot of "happy mummy hormones" had dissipated by then, I realised I was in for the long haul, I was exhausted and teary and overwhelmed.

I went to the GP about possible PND, got some blood tests and discovered that my thyroid was shot after having DS. This was picked up when DS was five months old. Apparently it's quite common to have thyroid changes after pregnancy.

So, I know you said no advice, but I do urge you to go to your GP for you as well. Get your thyroid, Vit D and iron levels checked. It may not be a contributing factor to how you're feeling (you've got enough on your plate!), or it might. Good to rule these things out.

And now for another hug. I hope things improve for you.Love Silverstreak xo

#22 Silverstreak

Posted 31 January 2017 - 12:06 PM

Actually, just reread the thread and I personally would be insisting on trialling reflux meds. Your GP isn't the one struggling with a screaming child (well, maybe they are, but you get my drift.) No point being a "happy chucker" if they're screaming the rest of the time!

#23 Coeur de Lion

Posted 31 January 2017 - 12:25 PM

Thanks for your kind words and advice everyone. I really appreciate it. Just to respond to some PPs - yes, definitely off the soy too; I'm certain I don't have PND/PNA but I'm keeping my eye on my moods as is the MCHN; the GP said to trial giving her 20mls of thickened formula following each feed to see if that would help with the chucking - I decided not to for a variety of reasons so I'm loathe to go back there and ask for medication without having done what he originally suggested. Maybe I could lie? :)

Thanks again everyone

#24 Coeur de Lion

Posted 31 January 2017 - 12:28 PM

Oh, and I'll look into those vit deficiency and thyroid things. I'm on vit D anyway because of the no dairy.

Also, we've all had a virus over the last ten days so I'm probably more run down and snappy than I usually am.

#25 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 31 January 2017 - 12:41 PM

That sounds incredibly tough! I'm sorry you are gettin such crap support from the GP, it just makes it all the harder!

It might be worth checking in with a good lactation consultant too.

If you suspect that food is an issue, I can recommend the book "Food sensitive babies" by Joy Anderson. Shes an LC and dietitian who has just retired and self published the book. I have no financial gain, but have found it a really good read as a mum with a food sensitive baby.. and it has a chapter on reflux...




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