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Response to twins! Sigh.

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#1 newmumandexcited

Posted 25 August 2016 - 04:43 PM

Hello all,

I have been kind of amazed at the responses when you tell peeps you are having twins. I do know people are unsure what to say but have had comments like 'what a nightmare' and 'there goes your career!'

I really need some thoughts about one today - a woman told me of a friend whose twins were born really prematurely and were now sure to have (at least one) delays etc. She was saying I should look after myself because 'there's always something wrong with one of the twins - think of all the twins (none, btw) you know, they struggle at school etc.'

I was shocked and so upset and I know she came from a place of concern but what am I to think?! Is there any truth to what she is saying, twin mums? I also just can't believe she thought telling a woman pregnant with twins was in any way useful or productive.

I sometimes just wish people would stop at congrats.

#2 Caribou

Posted 25 August 2016 - 04:52 PM

Don't worry, people say the most stupidest things. like for example DD was born in December. anytime I was asked when she was due, I'd say 'December' and be met with sympathetic  looks and it drove me MAD.


I also wished people would just say congrats too.

If you run into another one of those trying to give unsolicited advice, just say thanks, I know what I'm doing. It usually stops them in their tracks and realise maybe what they said was pretty unhelpful.

ETA: DD was a prem too, and I got comments on how tiny she was and how she was 4 weeks delayed. I was truly at my F** off stage by then.

DD is 4.5 now. You'd never know she was a prem. she's had no problems.

Edited by Madnesscraves, 25 August 2016 - 04:53 PM.

#3 Silly Old Elf

Posted 25 August 2016 - 04:54 PM

I don't have twins, so no experience with that. But I do know people love to tell horror stories and make them sound like the norm. Ignore them, and big congratulations!
For what it's worth, the twins I know are all healthy and were born with no health concerns.

#4 twin2

Posted 25 August 2016 - 04:56 PM

Congratulations I'm a twin mummy and some of the comments were shocking. I got so sick of hearing "you have your hands full or double trouble" I guess people just don't know what to say so say the first thing they think of

Regarding whether all twins have issues mine both have additional needs but so many sets of twins at our multiple birth group have no issues what so ever. I hope that re-assures you. I  wouldn't trade my little folk for the world

Edited by twin2, 25 August 2016 - 04:59 PM.

#5 Lallalla

Posted 25 August 2016 - 04:57 PM

Congratulations on your twin pregnancy and welcome to the club where complete strangers feel even more entitled to comment than with single babies (and that's already a lot). I don't know what she was talking about, my twins are fine as are the vast majority of twins I have met since I had them and all the adult twins/triplets I know. Yes there is an increased risk of preterm birth and yes if they're preterm there is a higher risk of health issues but it's just a risk. Most twins turn out just fine. Be prepared for a potential stay in the special care nursery and the small chance they will end up in NICU but there is no need to panic even if you do end up there.
Have you been in contact with your local multiple births association? They are a great source of support and can answer your questions and concerns etc

#6 flopflop

Posted 25 August 2016 - 05:02 PM

I had something similar in a supermarket.  A woman looked at my lovely little babies and then told me that "one of them is always the stronger, evil twin, who will make the weaker twin his/her salve and will bully them all their life and force them do do whatever the evil twin wants"  The lady followed me around the store, to hammer her point home, make sure I understood that I would have to defend the lesser twin or the evil twin would ruin the nice twins life.  
Smile and nod.  And keep on moving.  Don't let them get you down.  
Twin babies are full term at 37 weeks - perhaps that is why she thinks they are all premature?  Mine were born at 36+6 and are just fine.  No struggles at all.

#7 magnanimous

Posted 25 August 2016 - 06:44 PM

There is some minor data to support some delays for some multiples. Nothing to worry about though. For what its worth im a triplet and my sisters and i are all fine. Normalish (!) and all with multiple uni degrees, including 2 PHDs and one MBA between us.

#8 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 25 August 2016 - 07:00 PM

About you career - Margaret Thatcher had twins, still managed to be PM (whatever you think of her politics). I know a few very successful women who have twins.

People can be very stupid. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and hopefully having twins will be "twice as nice" rather than "double the trouble".

#9 Handsfull

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:38 PM

Congrats on your twins!  You will have an amazing time with them when they come.  My girls bring me such joy that
I'd never want to ever have had just one of them.  

My girls were born very prem but I'd also had a rotten pregnancy and a non compliant body so it was probably inevitable.  My girls do have issues but to tell the truth it's their complexities that make them mine uniquely.

They are awesome friends, have each other's backs and are two peas in a pod basically.

For the first 2-3 years you will tear your hair out with all the comments but just smile and say yes they are amazing!  Be proud as most would be in awe of you and that you were able to "grow" two at once.  

But enjoy enjoy enjoy and cherish it all as it goes fast.

#10 mintyfresh

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:46 PM

I have twin cousins and several sets of adult friends who are twins. All fine, no delays, normal, healthy, no problems at school. My aunt by marriage is a triplet and while I question her intelligence for choosing my uncle as a husband, she and her sisters are fine.

People are idiots and just feel the need to comment on things. You'll be fine

#11 Mummaduke

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:49 PM

Hi I have twins who were born slightly early at 34+5 and they are fine! they were slightly delayed in crawling/walking but nothing to be concerned about.
Please know that you will get a lot of people commenting to you about twins.  I particularly don't like the ones who say "double trouble' in front of my girls so I always correct them and say "double delight'. I don't want the girls to think they are trouble or difficult because they are twins.
If you don't like confrontation perhaps you can just brush off peoples comments and say something breezy like "i'm sure it will all be fine" or "we'll worry about that when it happens".
Good luck with it all and congratulations!

#12 luke's mummu

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:52 PM

I have a friend who when talking about her twins/introducing her twins etc always said "we have been blessed with twins". Rather than 'we have twins". She said she felt it got people to focus on the "blessing" rather than instantly thinking "double trouble."

#13 rosie28

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:52 PM

I went to high school with 7 sets of twins (clearly something in the water, we had all the different types too), and only one had one tiny health issue as a result of prematurity. Nothing that impacted on his learning or abilities. And at the time he was one of the smallest twins to ever survive.

People are stupid. Congratulations on your twins. Two babies, how exciting!!!!

#14 jmjsa

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:52 PM

I have nine year old twins who were five weeks early.  Yes the early years were really hard but it wasn't helped by having a brother only 17 months older.  One of my twins has genetic bone disorder with nothing to do with being a twin.  They both also have adhd and one has dyslexia but is gifted when it comes to maths.  I often wondered and worried if these issues are related to being prem and a twin but in reality I imagine my husband would have been much the same as a child

#15 Black Velvet

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:55 PM

People can be dumb arses.

My id twin boys are healthy 13 yr olds. No delays, doing well at school etc. Let the comments slide.

All the best.

#16 psuedo nim

Posted 25 August 2016 - 08:56 PM

Congrats on your pregnancy.
do not have twins but know several sets through school etc. No health issues more or less than any other at that age group. I hope you can find somegood support in the multiple forums

#17 newmumandexcited

Posted 25 August 2016 - 10:24 PM

Thank you all - I feel a lot better! I realise I posted in the wrong group but am so happy so many of you replied!

Edited by newmumandexcited, 25 August 2016 - 10:24 PM.

#18 Libster

Posted 26 August 2016 - 11:44 AM

My twin daughters are 8 now and are happy and healthy. Most people said nice things to me when I was pregnant and when people said I had my hands full, well, I agree! I think people mean well so I don't take it to heart too much.
For me though, their first year was really challenging for me but now they're great fun :)

#19 Percival

Posted 26 August 2016 - 12:01 PM

I know lots of sets of twins, I can think of 15 sets right now. Of those, there is one child with a hearing loss. Out of 30 children, I would guess thats pretty standard statistics, multiple or not.

#20 Figmoon

Posted 26 August 2016 - 12:02 PM

I too have twin girls...evicted by c section at 37 +3
Apgars 9 +9 ...10  & 10 .roomed with me from night one.no health issues ,delays or otherwise.
We are all individuals,no one can predict the future.
Take a breathe, enjoy the pleasures of your pregnancy as it probably won't happen for you again and prepare well for the chaos of two newborns.
One day at a time is still my survival motto.

#21 IamtheMumma

Posted 26 August 2016 - 12:24 PM

Congratulations! You have a fantastic journey ahead of you. Twins are awesome.

I've been asked which one was the evil one. I said "Obviously you because that is a f..ked up thing to say"

Double trouble comments all the time. Nope, twice the joy and twice the love.

No developmental delays here. They're awarding winning smart. Its a running joke in our house about how much I hate awards night because they both win something in every category so I have to stay for the whole event. Last year I thought good that was the last category, we can leave now. The year coordinator came up to me and said that youngest twin had the best marks across the high school and had won the principal's award. I then had to make excuses as to why we couldn't leave as it was a surprise.

#22 Moo point

Posted 26 August 2016 - 01:11 PM

My son is an only child, born at 41 weeks and has developmental delay (speech and ASD). There are no guarantees or any reason to worry until you're faced with whatever crops up. FWIW, I'd give anything if DS were a twin, even with the same issues, as we can't have anymore children. He is the light of my life and two would be hard but amazing!

You are going to cop a LOT of stupid, uncaring comments in the months and years to come, and with twins probably even moreso. It's hard but try not to let it get to you or come up with some awesome replies :) All the best.

#23 heatherbell89

Posted 26 August 2016 - 02:07 PM

People in general are idiots. Start with this as a basis of all interactions and you will save yourself some heartache.

In all seriousness though, my twins were induced (nothing wrong with them induced just because they were twins, my previous two children were also induced due to me having PreE) at 37 weeks. Ob/gyn would have been happy for me to go to 38, this would have been my sons bday so I said no.

After birth, it was discovered Twin B had very low blood sugars and needed to be in special care for 21 days.

Neither have any developmental delays, although one does have a cataract in his eyes and the other has a peanut allergy (neither of the older two have these so "could" be a twin thing but HIGHLY unlikely.) Twin B is a phenomenal sportsman, can hit or catch anything and picks every sport up very easily. Twin A is brilliant at letters and numbers and can already add and subtract single digits (twins are four)

They have a very close bond, happily play together, look out for each other at kinder and often answer / talk for each other.

Some of the wonderfully :/ whacky things I have been asked when out and about with the twins as babies
"are they twins"
"they are identical aren't they" then when I said no, they are a boy and a girl the woman argued with me relentlessly saying that I was lying about them being identical
"did they come out at the same time" not 100% sure what they meant.....did I birth both heads at the same time? born on same day?? born one after the other???
"oh you have twins? you must have had a sh1teload of stitches, bet your sore" umm wtf did you seriously just ask whether I had to have my genitals stitched???
"oh you wont be breastfeeding them will you"
"do they have that twin language" ummm they might one day but they are currently two months old, so not so much!

But I have had some equally wonderful comments such as little old ladies coming up and saying how lucky I am, because they had always wished they had twins. People telling me how beautiful they are. A random lady coming up behind me in the supermarket aisle and telling me I was doing a fantastic job ( four kids and a double pram doing grocery shopping!!)

#24 newmumandexcited

Posted 26 August 2016 - 04:58 PM

Aww some of these comments are so heartening - thank you so much again!

#25 Aqua21

Posted 26 August 2016 - 11:20 PM

Congratulations on your twin pregnancy!
Having twins is awesome and challenging!
Mine were my first children and had many random comments and most are some mentioned above and most from people not thinking before they speak!
Some can be hurtful to the twins directly a lady told my twins who were about 8yrs at woolies one day that they weren't proper twins (as they aren't identical)! Seriously?
You will get a thick skin and hopefully get in touch with your local Multiple Birth Group for support and a few laughs over coffee at the comments you've had! Mine were 33+2 born but developmentally corrected for a while but no ongoing issues thankfully.
Oh and for what it's worth, pfft about your career I quit my job and went to uni full time when the twins were at school and successfully changed to a new career!
Wishing you all the best!

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