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Having a Baby Shower?
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Posted 12 April 2016 - 05:21 PM
We lost our twins at 5 months late last year. I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and this is obviously a very anxious pregnancy.
I am just beginning to think about having a baby shower, as we always planned to have one with our twins.
I am not sure how I feel though. At the moment I am still reluctant to tell people let alone buy anything as I am not believing at this stage I will hold a healthy baby at the end. However part of me feels we should celebrate this baby with all of the people who have been such wonderful supports since our twins died as they will all be very excited. I dont think it will make it hurt any less if we dont make it through this one, yet have still had a baby shower. I wouldnt have a shower until approx 33 weeks as my sister in law will be in town.
Women who have been in the same boat - what did you do? Did you have a shower to celebrate your rainbow baby or was the superstition of jinxing it too hard?
Posted 13 April 2016 - 07:51 PM
Congratulations on your new pregnancy and sorry to hear of the loss of your babes.
We lost our DS at 21 weeks and I wasn't sure what to do either when we got pregnant again. I ended up having a baby shower for DD at around 33 weeks I think it was and it was a lovely day with absolutely no regrets. It was definitely bittersweet knowing we never got to have one with DS but it was lovely to have friends and family who had been so supportive, be able to celebrate in our happiness and our hope for the future. I had spent 3 weeks on total bedrest in hospital and then rest at home for the weeks leading up and it was a way to connect and feel a bit like a "normal" pregnant woman. My OB's wise words to me when my panic threatened to take over was to focus on what I could control - I couldn't control whether my cervix would let us down again but I COULD control having a baby shower, attending breastfeeding classes and antenatal classes as we got closer etc. It was good advice for me
We also went the complete opposite to our pregnancy with DS, being that with him we chose not to find out the gender - with DD we told everyone straight away that she was a girl and also what her name was as we felt so sad that nobody really "knew" DS. If we lost her too, we wanted everyone to know her. The following pregnancy we went back to a surprise for us and everyone else!
All the best with whatever decision you make and for the rest of your pregnancy x
Posted 13 April 2016 - 08:20 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I didn't have a baby shower with any of my pregnancies, but they are really not my thing.
That being said, after a late miscarriage, we were very conservative with announcing my last pregnancy. For many people the first they knew I was pregnant, was when my daughter was born. I had a very strong desire to not have to "un tell" anyone, though I know some people were hurt.
For me, it comes down to the fact that the people who do and will know are obviously very close to you. I think you should celebrate it in whatever way seems appropriate to you. If that's a little morning tea with a few friends, then so be it. One thing though, someone should really "throw" it for you if you're calling it a baby shower. If it's just a pre baby catchup, well anything goes.
Best of luck with your pregnancy.
Posted 14 April 2016 - 06:51 PM
Lou Lou I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies.
Although I don't know what it feels like to lose my baby, I wanted to share my story. My DS was born prematurely at 30wks. I had actually planned to have my baby shower at 34wks pregnant & had left the invites on the bench to post the night before I was admitted to hospital.
When my son was born he was very unwell in NICU. I didn't know if he would make it through some days. I too questioned whether I should still go ahead with my baby shower. I didn't want to plan too far ahead. I didn't want to 'jinx' my son. But in the end I just posted the invites (at very late notice) & thought, well not many ppl will make it anyway.
It ended up being a lovely afternoon. Everyone brought food for the party. My family cleaned my house (as I was spending every moment by my sons side). To have your child not physically with you when they are born makes you feel like you're not a mother & almost like they don't exist outside of the hospital.
That afternoon I actually felt like a mum for the first time. That afternoon people acknowledged that he existed (they obviously had previously but this event really just made it hit home that he IS my son & I am his mum). It was also so nice to really thank everyone who was dear to me in supporting us through that tough time.
Maybe just take a kinda relaxed approach to planning it. Don't get stressed about it. I think it would be a lovely way to celebrate your growing baby & acknowledge your twins.
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