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is this normal daddy/daughter stuff?

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#1 I'msoMerry

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:27 AM

I have to say that I love the relationship that my DD has with her dad. it is close and loving and it makes me happy to see it. She is 3.

Our marriage is over in my eyes so I may be seeing something through jaded eyes but there is one thing he does that makes me uncomfortable.

He is always showing her when he has had a shave and getting her to feel his cheeks. He says isnt daddy nice and smooth and he puts her hand up to stroke his cheek. It seems a bit too much to me but as I said that maybe because I dislike him. This is an every day thing.

There has been no affection between us for more than two years so he probably wants touch but crikey so do I!

So do you think it is normal and innocent? Am I just being silly?

Update post 46

Edited by michellew68, 03 November 2013 - 04:42 PM.

#2 CalEliKat

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:30 AM


My children love feeling their dad's smooth face after he has shaved.  He also likes to tickle them with his whiskers when he has not shaved.  It is a nice affectionate moment between the kids and their dad

I really think you are seeing something in what is completely innocent behaviour.

#3 Feral teens?

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:30 AM

I don't see an issue based on what you have said.

#4 SummerStar

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:33 AM

I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

#5 HRH Countrymel

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:37 AM

That is normal Daddy daughter stuff.

#6 lisacat

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:38 AM

I think you are reading something into it based on your current feelings for DH. I think what you are describing is rather cute and based on father / daughter affection and nothing more.

#7 eigne

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:39 AM

Normal. I used to do that with my grandfather (dad has a beard).

#8 StopTheGoats

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:40 AM

Based upon the information you've provided it sounds like regular Father behaviour.

Life is really short OP. Are you sure you want to stay in such a miserable marriage?

#9 FauxPas

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:40 AM

Normal and sweet.

Sad that you are so hurt yourself to feel unhappy about this interaction.  Maybe counselling would help - you as a couple or even just you as a person to bring you to a better place?

Hoping you have a lovely day

#10 missy78

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:43 AM

Normal. I used to love feeling my Dads face after he shaved. Also when he hadn't. I think it is very cute. My DP and daughter do the same thing, it is a very sweet affectionate moment.

#11 lozoodle

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:46 AM

I used to love feeling my dads face as a kid

#12 Pompol

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:47 AM

I am absolutely paranoid about anything in the grey area in terms of touch but even I see that as absolutely normal.

I agree with PPs OP, why on earth stay if you're that miserable :( you deserve better, if you can't improve things there, maybe it's time to look for a different life.

#13 I'msoMerry

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:48 AM

Thanks for the clarification.

That is all I needed to know. As I said I do love their bond.

I have told him to leave but he just ignores me.

We are in the process of making something change. Even though he doesnt talk to me at all. I have told him, so I am working on where to go from here. The house is mine so He has to leave.

#14 Feral teens?

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:59 AM

Unfortunately depending on how long you have been living together, among other things, legally the house may be considered to be a joint asset.

#15 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:00 AM

Sounds fine to me, sorry you are in such a horrible situation

#16 rosie28

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:05 AM

Sounds totally normal to me- I used to love sitting in the bathroom while Dad shaved. He used an old fashioned brush and would put some shaving cream on my nose. Even now I love the smell of the brand he uses.

If you're having difficulty it's probably because of your feelings, but that doesn't make it invalid, you should talk to someone.

#17 Holidayromp

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:17 AM

Are you sure that he can just leave?  He can have claim to the house if you have been together in it for more than 12 months?

If you are that unhappy I would suggest getting the ball rolling and seeing a solicitor about what you can and cannot do.

As for the face feeling thing - I used to do it to Dad when I was a kid and I do it to DH after a shave (he hates it!!)

#18 Sancti-mummy

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:22 AM

Oh my heart breaks for you OP - if only there was some way that the two of you could work together for the journey henceforth to be one where either you could rediscover the each other that created your gorgeous daughter in the first place or to not hurt each other more or your gorgeous daughter.

I am so sorry that you are all living through that.

My dad used to do this with me, my husband does with our daughter - it is normal.

I really think that you should talk to someone about where you are at with the relationship and perhaps get some left field suggestions that help you all.

#19 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:24 AM

If you really want him to leave you will need legal advice regarding your and his assets and (by the sounds of it) how to get him out of the house.

Sorry - but if you tell him to leave and he ignores you then you will need a lawyer :(

#20 Rubi-stu

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:34 AM

View Postsuziej, on 03 November 2013 - 07:22 AM, said:

Oh my heart breaks for you OP - if only there was some way that the two of you could work together for the journey henceforth to be one where either you could rediscover the each other that created your gorgeous daughter in the first place or to not hurt each other more or your gorgeous daughter.

I am so sorry that you are all living through that.

My dad used to do this with me, my husband does with our daughter - it is normal.

I really think that you should talk to someone about where you are at with the relationship and perhaps get some left field suggestions that help you all.

Maybe the op was never in love with him? Maybe they got together simply because she fell pregnant or some other reason.

I think getting the ball rolling for separation is a healthy start op. Don't force yourself to live in misery.

And what you described is normal behaviour.

#21 cinnabubble

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:35 AM

OP, it sounds like you're at the point where everything he does irks and frustrates you and this is just a symptom. I hope you can find a way to get him out of there.

#22 crunch

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:39 AM

Sounds normal to me. I hope everything works out for you.

#23 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:41 AM

Totally normal for us, they love feeling Daddy's face when he's prickly and then he shows them when he's shaved and says "Daddy all smooth now, feel, nice and soft".  He's always done it.

#24 Oriental lily

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:43 AM

I think you need to start building support around you. Inform friends and family loyal to you how you feel. Contact lawyer about assets. Contact centerlink about entitlements.

make sure you have your own bank account only you can control.

Please however dont start rumours or half baked feelings that your husband is behaving inappropriate towards your child.
That could destroy him.

There is nothing wrong with effectionate between a dad and daughter. I have touched my dads smooth face and scratchy regrowth since I can remember. The feeling and smell of his aftershave will remain with me forever.

The same as my three daughters and my DH.

#25 HarperLeeAndMe

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:55 AM

Ex DH and I seperated when my DD2 was three.  It was much easier for her than my older children because of her age.

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