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Telling the boss

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#1 alecia1986

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:26 PM

OMG I am having a serious anxiety attack over this! They will NOT be impressed one bit!
When I was hired (2 years ago) I was asked if I was planning on having kids any time soon as they didn't want to hire someone who was just going to get pregnant and leave (yes, their words). I had no plans on having kids at that stage, so of course I said no...
We have 4 people in our very busy team, one is currently 28 (i think) weeks pregnant, another left today (resigned) and I'm 14 weeks pregnant and need to tell them soon or it's going to be obvious. But the thought of it is causing me so much stress because I know how they are going to react! (And I know they aren't allowed to do/say anything but this won't stop them, they don't play by the rules at all!)

Does anyone have any advice on what to do/how to tell them? I'm waiting for the boss to comment that I've been eating too much cake or something so I can just blurt it out. Lol! The other pregnant girl told them in the shop, around people, so that they couldn't be anything but nice and she told me it was the best thing she's done... But omg I'm so scared!

#2 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:32 PM

Wait till they ask!

#3 busy&happy

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:36 PM

Just do it sooner rather than later and than you can get on with enjoying your pregnancy. I was in that same situation twice but the response was happy for me and disappointed for them! By law they are not supposed to ask you questions relating to children.

#4 Marty McFly

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:37 PM

I can't believe they asked you upfront about personal issues! That's illegal I think. They cannot discriminate based on pregnancy or breastfeeding. They also can't hold you back from promotions or other career opportunities.

But to your dilemma, two years is long enough since you were hired.. I think you've fulfilled your loyalty requirements to the company.

I would tell your boss during a scheduled 'catch-up' if you have those. Just say, this makes me really nervous to tell you, but... I'm expecting. Then at least they'll know that you've thought of the consequences, and should tailor their reaction accordingly.
But all the same - they can't say anything negative about it!

#5 Justaduck

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:37 PM

I just dropped a letter on my bosses desk lol
Didn't want to face her

#6 alecia1986

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:38 PM

I considered texting her! Lol... What did you say in your letter?

#7 Meluha

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:42 PM


I  in a 6mth position with the plan of making it permanent in sept: I am due in oct! I hear you and your anxiety. I waited til 14 weeks and was showing too.

For me I have a few things up my sleeve (I think) that still make me not just an attractive candidate for the permanent position regardless of the fact i will take some mat leave. Take a stock of where you are with the company, what your value is to them and what you can offer them in the long term. Also think about what contingencies could be put in place while on mat leave so it is still a win for them. Last time I offered my services on a casual basis 3 days per week from 6-12mths because childcare allowed it and it gave me flexibility still. I returned 4 days permanently by 12 mths.

Also my experience over the years is at the end of the day companies do right by themselves, loyalty or no. Keep in regular contact with them while on mat leave if you have security concerns.
Good luck.

#8 alecia1986

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:42 PM

Ms.nolte - it IS illegal... But they still asked. I got the job so didn't worry (but I wish I had've taken it as a sign and run, run far away!)

I'm actually considering resigning over telling them! (Yes, ridiculous!)  I know they CAN'T say anything negative but it doesn't mean they won't...

I'm just gonna have to be brave & blurt it out... Ugh sad.gif

#9 Fright bat

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:42 PM

You officially don't have to tell them until 10 weeks before they intend to take leave. That's federal law. As is protected mat leave and your job on return. Yes, that's right. Federal law (Thanks Labour Party).

Don't stress. You have a huge amount of legislation behind you.

Be proud of your pregnancy - you are helping with the continuation of the human race! And let everything they say wash over you. Let them spit it all out. Then say "as per my federally legislated rights it is my intention to take x leave starting this date, returning to work this date blah blah".

They hired a woman of child bearing age - and the continuance of our species depends on such women - thems the breaks.

Stand up! Be proud and happy!

(Vote Labour - they might lock up refugees but at least they got rid of Work Choices and enshrined rights to maternity leave. An if you want to stop incarcerating kids too - vote Greens) :-)

#10 alecia1986

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:44 PM

Oh, I also don't plan on returning there after baby. (Not sure if I should say it straight up or leave my options open though - just incase!)...

#11 alecia1986

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:46 PM

Thanks avadakedavra - that surprisingly makes me feel slightly better!

#12 StopTheGoats

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:49 PM

If they start to rant, just walk away. You are not obligated to listen to abuse.

QUOTE (alecia1986 @ 07/06/2013, 08:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh, I also don't plan on returning there after baby. (Not sure if I should say it straight up or leave my options open though - just incase!)...

Leave your options open. A lot can change in 18 months.

#13 Marty McFly

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:51 PM

If you don't intend on returning anyways, and they say negative things, or cut down your hours, or keep you from opportunities, or whatever the case - then take it to court! Make a complaint. Teach em good!

#14 Marty McFly

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:51 PM

If you don't intend on returning anyways, and they say negative things, or cut down your hours, or keep you from opportunities, or whatever the case - then take it to court! Make a complaint. Teach em good!

#15 Justaduck

Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:54 PM

I just said something along the lines of
Writing to let you know I am pregnant due on xx/xx/xx
Current plans are to work until xx/xx/xx but will keep you informed with how I am going
Looking at returning for 1dpw from xx/xx/xx (but I still haven't gone back and return date was a year ago!)
Am trying to schedule all appointments for late afternoon outside of the core work day (I was in childcare, so core work day was 9am-3pm) to minimise disruption
Am happy to provide a letter from my Obstetrician confirming the pregnancy and EDD

There is a template for a letter on here:


#16 Mumsy2B

Posted 08 June 2013 - 12:15 AM

If I were in your position (my boss won't be pleased but he doesn't sound as bad as yours sad.gif ) I would tell them asap. If it were me I'd just end up stressing about telling them and would prefer to have it out in the open. I don't think it would be a good tactic to wait and make them guess.

Agree as well that you should leave your options open in regards to returning, you never know what might happen!

#17 eks81

Posted 11 June 2013 - 08:14 AM

Definitely don't tell them you're not planning on returning yet. With my work, I only have to give a months notice if my date of return is changing, or if I plan not to return at all. Not sure if that's a standard thing across the board or just local government which is where I work but either way, leave your options well and truly open. You might find your current workplace to be the best option for you when you are ready to return to work after baby. And also, if you've been there 2 years, by the time baby is born you'll have been there almost 3 years....to me, that's not having a baby any time soon so as far as I'm concerned, you haven't 'lied' to them. Sorry they are being pains!

#18 nom_de_plume

Posted 11 June 2013 - 04:27 PM

Make sure you know your rights and obligations in relation to the National Employment Standards (NES) which you can view via the Fair Work website. You have to give written notice that you are intending to take unpaid parental leave of up to 12 months at least 10 weeks before you intend on taking the leave, which is usually your due date. Your workplace can request that you provide evidence (usually a medical certificate) that confirms the due date so most people generally attach this to the letter. You then have to provide your employer with another letter at least 4 weeks before the date you're due to start your leave confirming the start and end dates of your parental leave (can be up to 12 months). Your employer can also request that you supply them with a medical certificate confirming you are fit for work if you intend to work past 34 weeks. This is the only notification you need to give them regarding your pregnancy.

Basically, i'm in a similar situation to you whereby work is not impressed and keeps pressing me to notify them of my leave dates now; i'm quite sure they want to fill my position and force me on leave at 34 weeks! I have no intention of returning at this stage but i'd like to keep the door open as you never know what could happen in 12-24 months and don't want to burn any bridges. I'll be giving them the notice i'm required to under the NES and leaving it at that because there's nothing they can say/do as long as you're meeting your obligations. This option also keeps the communication regarding pregnancy professional and means you have a paper trail to back you up if your employer decides not to meet their obligations. If you don't want to return at the end of your unpaid leave you can contact them and let them know you're resigning or if you're not sure you can ask for an additional 12 months (you need to write to them and ask for this 4 weeks prior to your original period expiring). It's also worth checking with your workplace what their policy is regarding parental leave as you may be covered by state law or an EBA that entitles you to paid parental leave or additional unpaid leave based on your years of service.

#19 alecia1986

Posted 11 June 2013 - 08:37 PM

Thanks pure_blonde! That's very helpful. Just thinking about this causes me to stress out, I'm so petrified!

So maybe I should go armed with a letter detailing dates etc. I plan on working until 36 weeks (beginning of November). I don't want to go past that because work becomes completely feral in November and December and I don't need that extra stress when I'm fat and uncomfortable! Lol...

I'm pretty sure my award doesn't entitle me to paid leave (unfortunately) but I have a couple of weeks of holidays that I will use up to get me by until baby is born...  

.... Maybe I can do up a letter and email it. Lol!!

#20 nom_de_plume

Posted 13 June 2013 - 09:06 PM

Glad to be of help  original.gif

I was stressed about it as well and the look on my bosses face when I told him kind of said it all  unsure.gif Now to top it off they're in a flap about replacing me. Usually I'd be the one doing the hiring and firing but I don't think they want me involved LOL

I'm going to try to work until 38 weeks but really that's a bit over 22 weeks away and anything could happen between now and then (touch wood it won't!) I have about 5 weeks of annual leave saved up so I might even drop back to 3-4 days for a few weeks before I finish and top up my pay with my leave depending on how I feel. I think most employers reasonably expect your plans to change and as long as you keep them in the loop you shouldn't have any problems.

If you can't face your boss/HR I'm sure an emailed letter would suffice ... So long as it's written it doesn't matter if it's delivered on paper or electronically. Good luck with it all  original.gif

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