Nobody has any insight??
How about suggestions for how to approach the conversation? I'm aware that she will be embarrassed that I've seen it, and then angry. I don't want to alienate her, but am aware that I make the rules, she is 12, so basically has to live by them. I need the communication to be open, not immediately shut down.
It sounds like you and your daughter are both aware she has sailed a fair way off the course you would like and in my experience the further off course the more lines of communication get stretched and impossible to maintain. No advice there.
It feels scary because the Internet is a bit like the great unknown...how can you make kids understand and REALLY take on board the dangers out there? I don't want to force her into becoming super sneaky.
Well, I told my kids this- that police are paid to pose as 12-14 year olds online to locate and arrest predators. If you present yourself on the internet in open areas as '12-14 years old but treat me older' many normal older people who know the police do this will avoid communicating with such a person, thinking they may well be a cop, leaving only those creepy people the police are trying to catch talking to you. You could ask her if the school has talked about 'grooming' with her, and look it up yourself if you are not aware of the practice.
I understand the images are quite risqué in anime, partly because the Japanese place different cultural emphasis on nudity (or near-nudity), and that traditionally the Japanese are heavily into roleplay and cos play environments. But to open an app called Kik, on MY iPad because I hear a notification ( thought it was an email) and to see messages from a boy of about 17/18yrs, including roleplay conversations, including "*wakes up next to you*" in reference to my 12 year old, and " wish I could find Levy sux Gageel pictures!" ( Levy being my daughters character and Gageel being his) is incredibly confronting and frightening.
No, manga/anime is a field that is huge, it covers things I raised my daughters on like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studio_Ghibli
to things so unspeakably vile it would get my account banned forever if I linked them, so thinking 'anime is like this or that' is pretty meaningless. Same with role-play, it can be harmless fantasy or stuff that would make a seasoned adult sex chat room blanch.
In perspective 'wakes up next to you' is rather tame considering that's exactly what kids do in real life on a sleep over. If it was about tongues finding their way into places other than mouths I would be alarmed.... but only you have the exact logs of what was said. Gageel (Gajeel) and Levi (Levy) are actual characters from the manga/anime Fairy Tail, so the message you read MAY not be framed as if they were talking about there own original created characters (ie.. their own role play 'identities') it could be about the characters in the manga/anime.
She has mentioned on her character Instagram account that she is only 12, but doesn't want to be treated like a kid..... Talk about asking for grooming by dodgy types.
Oh dear... many kids who are net savy will either lie about their age or will give a generic age (say 100 years) as a method to communicate that their real age is not relevant to their identity, basically a smart kids snub to ageism. Stating your 12 but 'treat me older' is very net naive I think.
And all this happening, when I am due to have DS3 in three weeks.
I am feeling enormous guilt that I have dropped the ball. Maybe if I had paid more attention......
The last thing mothers need in general is yet more guilt, it leads nowhere positive that I know of, best digest it.
Edited by MidnightDad, 03 March 2013 - 07:31 PM.