Jump to content

They'll do it when they are ready?
toilet training


  • Please log in to reply
26 replies to this topic

#1 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:59 PM

My 2.9 yo has initiated toilet training 3 times now. The first she was 18 months, but she broke her leg, and we couldnt risk accidents with a cast, so she went back into nappies (it was 800km round trip to get the cast fixed))
The second time was at 2yo but she went from 90% trained, to 0% trained when DS arrived.
Now at 2.7 she again started asking for the toilet, and holding on. We've had a few 100% dry days, and then this week has been shocking. Every single wee and poo has been in her knickers/pull ups.
Would you give it a bit longer (its been 2 months this try) or just put her back into nappies again, and try again in a few months?
Its a bit worrying for us, as she has been ahead with everything else (crawling at 4 months, walking at 11 months, shes sight reading in both our languages and able to to basic addition/subtraction, with no coaching or anything from us) and isnt showing much progress at this!

#2 kadoodle

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:14 PM

Frustrating, isn't it?

My eldest false started with toilet training a couple of times too, she regressed when DS1 was born, then again when she changed child care centres.  She was having accidents until she was at least 4 too.

If your budget can handle it, stick her back in nappies until next summer.  She'll be three and a bit and the nerve connections between her bladder, bowel and brain well and truly established.  Otherwise, persevere, grit your teeth and make sure the washing machine is running well.

It matters not how smart they are, but how well the nerve connections from bum to brain are established.

#3 SeaPrincess

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:17 PM

Give it at least 3 weeks.  DD PTed early, but something happened at the 3-wk mark and it was like a switch flipped.

#4 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:19 PM

I'm the only person I know with a kid who is not bowel trained and probably never will be.  He's got congenital megacolon and it was never going to be a success.

Give her time and it will work.  Toilet training has nothing to do with intelligence, it's a physical matter.

#5 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:25 PM

QUOTE (SeaPrincess @ 28/02/2013, 08:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Give it at least 3 weeks.  DD PTed early, but something happened at the 3-wk mark and it was like a switch flipped.

this try has been 2 months already sad.gif

I know its not an intelligence issue, but she KNOWS that she needs to go, and doesnt say anything, and doesnt say when she wets herself. If shes playing outside, she will happily stay in wet knickers/pants until I cant stand it any more, and tell her to come and get changed ( we figured that she'd hate the wet feeling and want to be changed if we left her)

We use cloth nappies, so pull ups are heaps more expensive to keep trying with.

#6 kadoodle

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:28 PM

You've ruled out a UTI?

I used cloth training pants on my kids, as it was cheaper and they could tell (and get uncomfortable) when they were wet.  Sanitary pads/incontinence pads have also been used by friends with their TT'ng toddlers, as they're cheaper and easier to deal with and dispose of than nappies or pull ups.

#7 kittycat01

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:58 PM

Have you tried ditching pull ups completely apart from sleeps? They might be confusing her? Plan about 3-5 days where you don't have to go anywhere. We got loads of $3 shorts in Kmart.

This worked with DS1 for us. We had 20 outfits on day 1 (we were about ready to throw in the towel after that), about 6/7 oitfits on day 2 and only 1 on day 3. Rarely has accidents now (only really if he can't get his shorts open in time (zips/buttons can be a problem). He's had more accidents when he's had UTIs which he's had a few of recently. Seems to affect his sensation...he gets really upset as he explains that he didn't realise he needed to go.

Also, keep potty beside where she is playing..we only moved it to bathroom after 3mths.

Kitty

#8 Soontobegran

Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:26 PM

Your little girl is still young. If I was you I would be waiting until she started waking with a dry nappy or having longer periods of being dry.

I have seen so many cases of too much expectation and stress placed upon a toddler having the reverse result. Toilet training depends on physiology and not intelligence and has nothing to do with her being an early walker etc.

I personally see no point in running around after a child cleaning up wet patches and cleaning poopy and wet knickers, having a nappy on is not going to stop TT happening but it does stop an awful lot of angst. I'd rather change a nappy than steam clean carpets and rinse dirty clothes.
Our children took a matter of days to 'click' when they were ready and my two 3 years + 3 month  grandchildren have both TT recently going from wet and poopy nappies to undies and no accidents day and night in 2 weeks.
Good luck, give her a break for a bit.

#9 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:43 PM

I hadnt thought about a UTI, will keep an eye on that.
We were only using pull ups in the car (30 min drive either way) and at the local indoor playcentre (in case of accidents). The rest of the time she was dry, until about a week ago.
Shes dry at nap time, and usually dry overnight (in fact first thing in the morning was the one time she was guaranteed to need the loo and actually go)
this last week every time she has been in knickers she has just wee'd poo'd and then not wanted to be changed

#10 ~ky~

Posted 01 March 2013 - 02:00 AM

My older kids were advanced with everything physical too. Neither were ready to toilet train until around their third birthday and they both did it themselves with no accidents.

Night training didn't happen until they were 7yo as their urine did not concentrate overnight until then and they were ridiculously heavy sleepers. Again, no accidents once they were ready.

I will let Anna start trying from around 2yo but I will not put any pressure on her nor get upset or anxious if she doesn't seem to be getting it.

#11 mini mac

Posted 01 March 2013 - 02:18 AM

QUOTE (trishalishous @ 28/02/2013, 08:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
this try has been 2 months already sad.gif

I know its not an intelligence issue, but she KNOWS that she needs to go, and doesnt say anything, and doesnt say when she wets herself. If shes playing outside, she will happily stay in wet knickers/pants until I cant stand it any more, and tell her to come and get changed ( we figured that she'd hate the wet feeling and want to be changed if we left her)

We use cloth nappies, so pull ups are heaps more expensive to keep trying with.


I know a few kids that aren't bothered if they've wet thru knickers ESPECIALLY when they're playing!!! It's hard for them to learn to stop playing to go to the toilet sometimes. And other kids that HATE being wet and avidly avoid that happening... They're all different and they all do learn in the end.

Stay patient and keep up the good work, no matter which approach you take, she will get there eventually. I'm sure you're doing a fab job!

#12 Fright bat

Posted 01 March 2013 - 05:23 AM

Academic advancement does not correlate with global advancement in all areas.

Just because she can 'read' a few sight words doesn't mean she's ready to be toilet trained.

Let it go. Stop stressing. Stop reading too much into it. She's still young. Let her actually be her age.

#13 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 01 March 2013 - 07:10 AM

I'd pop her back into nappies and wait a few more months.  If you have been trying for 2 months, you've given it a good shot this time, doesn't seem to be improving.

Take a break and come back to it in 6 months.  3.5 is not uncommon.

#14 lozoodle

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:08 AM

If its been that long and still accidents, i would go back to nappies for a while.
I wouldmalso ditch pull ups aside frommbed time as they send mixed messages, if you are going to do it it needs to be 100% undies even when out (pack spares at first lol)
Set aside time when you can focus soley on TT and see howmit goes.
Weve recently trained dd2 this way, and dd1 was the same. Few days of consistent reminding to get her used to it, then i stopped reminding and left it up to her. Few accidents in the first days but nothing since.

I dont think its worth forcing the issue if they dont seem to catch on easily as to me that shows they just arent ready. Your child is still young, i wouldnt be worried just yet.



#15 DEVOCEAN

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:16 AM

All mine bar one waited until they were around 3 to 4yrs old. They were then dry day and night within 3days.

The one who was trained earlier, was just over 2 and took about a week for both day and night.

#16 Jersey Caramel

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:19 AM

It depends, if you think she is physically ready (ie can hold on, knows when she needs to go) and is just choosing not to, then a little bit of motivation in the form of a reward might work. It's probably not the 'done' thing any more, but I was happy to give my kids a reason (a sticker or jelly bean or a turn on the iPad) to stop playing their fun game to go and do a boring chore like toileting. Just for the first little while, and once they'd been dry for a few weeks then they hated the wet feeling (previously they couldn't care less...presumably because they were used to nappies) and were self motivated to go. They were both 2.5yo and I was ready to gently  encourage them to TT (rather than wait till they did it themselves).

But like PPs said, it has nothing to do with intelligence and it's completely OK just to go back to nappies and try again in a few months. Good luck! original.gif

#17 cinnabubble

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:33 AM

I have stood in front of my almost three year old, who was sitting on the toilet with a full bladder from being dry all night, and promised her that the chocolate bar in my hand would be hers if she just used the toilet. Nope. No way. She is physiologically ready, she has bladder control of iron, she just won't use the toilet.

#18 Jersey Caramel

Posted 01 March 2013 - 10:26 AM

QUOTE
I have stood in front of my almost three year old, who was sitting on the toilet with a full bladder from being dry all night, and promised her that the chocolate bar in my hand would be hers if she just used the toilet. Nope. No way. She is physiologically ready, she has bladder control of iron, she just won't use the toilet.


Yes, I didn't mention but should have that sometimes my kids would still choose not to use the toilet even with a bribe reward on offer. Particularly my DS1 who would not poo on the toilet for 6 months after he was wee trained (would wait or beg for a nappy). We didn't force the issue at all (even though it was possibly the most frustrating 6 months of my life!) and eventually he did. I guess we could have just waited longer for TT and perhaps he would have done wees & poos at the same time, but I was still happy to only be using 1-2 nappies per day rather than the 5 or 6.

#19 Rock of Empathy

Posted 01 March 2013 - 11:27 AM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 01/03/2013, 08:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have stood in front of my almost three year old, who was sitting on the toilet with a full bladder from being dry all night, and promised her that the chocolate bar in my hand would be hers if she just used the toilet. Nope. No way. She is physiologically ready, she has bladder control of iron, she just won't use the toilet.


Same with my 3.2 year old. He wakes with a dry nappy and can hang on for hours but has sub-zero interest in discussing undies or a toilet/potty/tree in the backyard. Just will not and knows full bloody well that I can't make him.

Frustrating and expensive? You bet, but that's toddlers for you.

#20 Propaganda

Posted 01 March 2013 - 11:33 AM

I let mine do it when she was ready.

I let her know that the potty existed, let her watch me use a toilet, we spoke about it, but it was up to her if she wanted to use a nappy or not.

She eventually started removing her own nappies and wanting to use her potty, so that's what happened. She was day-trained for quite a while at home, but couldn't be relied upon to request to use a toilet while out. So nappies were a night and when we're out thing.

Then she graduated to using toilets when out, and eventually stopped using her night nappies, and so I stopped putting them on her.

I was all very stress free for both of us and I plan on doing this again with future children. We've not really suffered more than a handful of accidents as a result.

#21 simnik

Posted 19 June 2013 - 06:33 PM

My DD 2.6m was doing great too until recently. She was 100% day trained for a couple of months Similar to you wet knickers and doesn't care,etc. A week ago I put her back into pull ups and stepped right back after weeks of frustration and me getting a tad cross. Today she has told me twice she needs to do a wee and taken herself to the potty. I'm so glad I went back to nappies now. I was very weary though due to advice to persist and being concerned she would totally regress altogether.

#22 Marchioness Flea

Posted 19 June 2013 - 10:13 PM

I've been getting people commenting on the fact that my recently turned 3yr old DD is still in nappies.
I just tell them that I'd rather change a nappy(cloth) than clean up puddles or poo on the floor.
I KNOW she'll do it when she;s ready and there's no point forcing the issue yet.
But if she;'s not shown much readiness by the end of winter I will give TT a try. Mostly because she's getting too big to lift onto the change table and I refuse to use the floor.
We're working on getting her to at LEAST tell us when she's done a poo, but that;s hit and miss still. She isn't bothered about being wet unless there's a bit of a rash, so she;s not ready yet.
We've talked up her cousins using the loo, we've talked about her being a big girl and using it. She just says"Not now". Hopefully soon she'll say "Now"!!


#23 Maggueful

Posted 19 June 2013 - 10:26 PM

A lot of kids aren't fully toilet trained till around 4 years old so I wouldn't worry about it too much. There isn't anything wrong with it. I found the least amount of pressure on the child works the best at getting them to understand toilet training.

I wouldn't even introduce toilet training until at least the age of three when they can more properly understand what they have to do. You can have periods before that when they seem to be trained but then it goes backwards again, so that is why I always three years onward for toilet training.

#24 strawberrycakes

Posted 20 June 2013 - 07:19 AM

I pushed my DD to TT too early despite her initiating interest at around 2.9yrs.  It was a disaster, I believe she wanted to try because she was simply at that age where she wanted to do what I was doing IYKWIM.

I put her back into nappies/pull ups for a couple of months & voila, just before her 3rd birthday she TT herself & we never had more than a handful of accidents.

Night time TT didn't happen until DD was closer to 5, again she did it herself & has only has a couple of accidents.

It really is so much easier to wait that bit longer IMO.

#25 BadCat

Posted 20 June 2013 - 07:43 AM

From the description you've given, I would push.

It sounds like she is more interested in what she is doing than in what her body wants.  DS was like that.  Even now at 12 I can often spot that he needs to go before he allows it to register in his conscious mind.  There's nothing wrong with him.  His brain is just busy with more interesting things so he puts the knowledge of his full bladder on the backburner.  He used to wait until it was too late but he got it under control when he was about 4.

In our case it wasn't so much about recognising the signals from your body but taking the time to do something about it.  So I pushed him to go whenever I knew he needed to.  Eventually he learned that whatever he was doing would wait for him to come back to it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.