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They'll do it when they are ready?
toilet training

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#1 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:59 PM

My 2.9 yo has initiated toilet training 3 times now. The first she was 18 months, but she broke her leg, and we couldnt risk accidents with a cast, so she went back into nappies (it was 800km round trip to get the cast fixed))
The second time was at 2yo but she went from 90% trained, to 0% trained when DS arrived.
Now at 2.7 she again started asking for the toilet, and holding on. We've had a few 100% dry days, and then this week has been shocking. Every single wee and poo has been in her knickers/pull ups.
Would you give it a bit longer (its been 2 months this try) or just put her back into nappies again, and try again in a few months?
Its a bit worrying for us, as she has been ahead with everything else (crawling at 4 months, walking at 11 months, shes sight reading in both our languages and able to to basic addition/subtraction, with no coaching or anything from us) and isnt showing much progress at this!

#2 kadoodle

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:14 PM

Frustrating, isn't it?

My eldest false started with toilet training a couple of times too, she regressed when DS1 was born, then again when she changed child care centres.  She was having accidents until she was at least 4 too.

If your budget can handle it, stick her back in nappies until next summer.  She'll be three and a bit and the nerve connections between her bladder, bowel and brain well and truly established.  Otherwise, persevere, grit your teeth and make sure the washing machine is running well.

It matters not how smart they are, but how well the nerve connections from bum to brain are established.

#3 SeaPrincess

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:17 PM

Give it at least 3 weeks.  DD PTed early, but something happened at the 3-wk mark and it was like a switch flipped.

#4 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:19 PM

I'm the only person I know with a kid who is not bowel trained and probably never will be.  He's got congenital megacolon and it was never going to be a success.

Give her time and it will work.  Toilet training has nothing to do with intelligence, it's a physical matter.

#5 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:25 PM

QUOTE (SeaPrincess @ 28/02/2013, 08:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Give it at least 3 weeks.  DD PTed early, but something happened at the 3-wk mark and it was like a switch flipped.

this try has been 2 months already sad.gif

I know its not an intelligence issue, but she KNOWS that she needs to go, and doesnt say anything, and doesnt say when she wets herself. If shes playing outside, she will happily stay in wet knickers/pants until I cant stand it any more, and tell her to come and get changed ( we figured that she'd hate the wet feeling and want to be changed if we left her)

We use cloth nappies, so pull ups are heaps more expensive to keep trying with.

#6 kadoodle

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:28 PM

You've ruled out a UTI?

I used cloth training pants on my kids, as it was cheaper and they could tell (and get uncomfortable) when they were wet.  Sanitary pads/incontinence pads have also been used by friends with their TT'ng toddlers, as they're cheaper and easier to deal with and dispose of than nappies or pull ups.

#7 kittycat01

Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:58 PM

Have you tried ditching pull ups completely apart from sleeps? They might be confusing her? Plan about 3-5 days where you don't have to go anywhere. We got loads of $3 shorts in Kmart.

This worked with DS1 for us. We had 20 outfits on day 1 (we were about ready to throw in the towel after that), about 6/7 oitfits on day 2 and only 1 on day 3. Rarely has accidents now (only really if he can't get his shorts open in time (zips/buttons can be a problem). He's had more accidents when he's had UTIs which he's had a few of recently. Seems to affect his sensation...he gets really upset as he explains that he didn't realise he needed to go.

Also, keep potty beside where she is playing..we only moved it to bathroom after 3mths.


#8 Soontobegran

Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:26 PM

Your little girl is still young. If I was you I would be waiting until she started waking with a dry nappy or having longer periods of being dry.

I have seen so many cases of too much expectation and stress placed upon a toddler having the reverse result. Toilet training depends on physiology and not intelligence and has nothing to do with her being an early walker etc.

I personally see no point in running around after a child cleaning up wet patches and cleaning poopy and wet knickers, having a nappy on is not going to stop TT happening but it does stop an awful lot of angst. I'd rather change a nappy than steam clean carpets and rinse dirty clothes.
Our children took a matter of days to 'click' when they were ready and my two 3 years + 3 month  grandchildren have both TT recently going from wet and poopy nappies to undies and no accidents day and night in 2 weeks.
Good luck, give her a break for a bit.

#9 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:43 PM

I hadnt thought about a UTI, will keep an eye on that.
We were only using pull ups in the car (30 min drive either way) and at the local indoor playcentre (in case of accidents). The rest of the time she was dry, until about a week ago.
Shes dry at nap time, and usually dry overnight (in fact first thing in the morning was the one time she was guaranteed to need the loo and actually go)
this last week every time she has been in knickers she has just wee'd poo'd and then not wanted to be changed

#10 ~ky~

Posted 01 March 2013 - 02:00 AM

My older kids were advanced with everything physical too. Neither were ready to toilet train until around their third birthday and they both did it themselves with no accidents.

Night training didn't happen until they were 7yo as their urine did not concentrate overnight until then and they were ridiculously heavy sleepers. Again, no accidents once they were ready.

I will let Anna start trying from around 2yo but I will not put any pressure on her nor get upset or anxious if she doesn't seem to be getting it.

#11 mini mac

Posted 01 March 2013 - 02:18 AM

QUOTE (trishalishous @ 28/02/2013, 08:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
this try has been 2 months already sad.gif

I know its not an intelligence issue, but she KNOWS that she needs to go, and doesnt say anything, and doesnt say when she wets herself. If shes playing outside, she will happily stay in wet knickers/pants until I cant stand it any more, and tell her to come and get changed ( we figured that she'd hate the wet feeling and want to be changed if we left her)

We use cloth nappies, so pull ups are heaps more expensive to keep trying with.

I know a few kids that aren't bothered if they've wet thru knickers ESPECIALLY when they're playing!!! It's hard for them to learn to stop playing to go to the toilet sometimes. And other kids that HATE being wet and avidly avoid that happening... They're all different and they all do learn in the end.

Stay patient and keep up the good work, no matter which approach you take, she will get there eventually. I'm sure you're doing a fab job!

#12 Fright bat

Posted 01 March 2013 - 05:23 AM

Academic advancement does not correlate with global advancement in all areas.

Just because she can 'read' a few sight words doesn't mean she's ready to be toilet trained.

Let it go. Stop stressing. Stop reading too much into it. She's still young. Let her actually be her age.

#13 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 01 March 2013 - 07:10 AM

I'd pop her back into nappies and wait a few more months.  If you have been trying for 2 months, you've given it a good shot this time, doesn't seem to be improving.

Take a break and come back to it in 6 months.  3.5 is not uncommon.

#14 lozoodle

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:08 AM

If its been that long and still accidents, i would go back to nappies for a while.
I wouldmalso ditch pull ups aside frommbed time as they send mixed messages, if you are going to do it it needs to be 100% undies even when out (pack spares at first lol)
Set aside time when you can focus soley on TT and see howmit goes.
Weve recently trained dd2 this way, and dd1 was the same. Few days of consistent reminding to get her used to it, then i stopped reminding and left it up to her. Few accidents in the first days but nothing since.

I dont think its worth forcing the issue if they dont seem to catch on easily as to me that shows they just arent ready. Your child is still young, i wouldnt be worried just yet.


Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:16 AM

All mine bar one waited until they were around 3 to 4yrs old. They were then dry day and night within 3days.

The one who was trained earlier, was just over 2 and took about a week for both day and night.

#16 Jersey Caramel

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:19 AM

It depends, if you think she is physically ready (ie can hold on, knows when she needs to go) and is just choosing not to, then a little bit of motivation in the form of a reward might work. It's probably not the 'done' thing any more, but I was happy to give my kids a reason (a sticker or jelly bean or a turn on the iPad) to stop playing their fun game to go and do a boring chore like toileting. Just for the first little while, and once they'd been dry for a few weeks then they hated the wet feeling (previously they couldn't care less...presumably because they were used to nappies) and were self motivated to go. They were both 2.5yo and I was ready to gently  encourage them to TT (rather than wait till they did it themselves).

But like PPs said, it has nothing to do with intelligence and it's completely OK just to go back to nappies and try again in a few months. Good luck! original.gif

#17 cinnabubble

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:33 AM

I have stood in front of my almost three year old, who was sitting on the toilet with a full bladder from being dry all night, and promised her that the chocolate bar in my hand would be hers if she just used the toilet. Nope. No way. She is physiologically ready, she has bladder control of iron, she just won't use the toilet.

#18 Jersey Caramel

Posted 01 March 2013 - 10:26 AM

I have stood in front of my almost three year old, who was sitting on the toilet with a full bladder from being dry all night, and promised her that the chocolate bar in my hand would be hers if she just used the toilet. Nope. No way. She is physiologically ready, she has bladder control of iron, she just won't use the toilet.

Yes, I didn't mention but should have that sometimes my kids would still choose not to use the toilet even with a bribe reward on offer. Particularly my DS1 who would not poo on the toilet for 6 months after he was wee trained (would wait or beg for a nappy). We didn't force the issue at all (even though it was possibly the most frustrating 6 months of my life!) and eventually he did. I guess we could have just waited longer for TT and perhaps he would have done wees & poos at the same time, but I was still happy to only be using 1-2 nappies per day rather than the 5 or 6.

#19 Rock of Empathy

Posted 01 March 2013 - 11:27 AM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 01/03/2013, 08:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have stood in front of my almost three year old, who was sitting on the toilet with a full bladder from being dry all night, and promised her that the chocolate bar in my hand would be hers if she just used the toilet. Nope. No way. She is physiologically ready, she has bladder control of iron, she just won't use the toilet.

Same with my 3.2 year old. He wakes with a dry nappy and can hang on for hours but has sub-zero interest in discussing undies or a toilet/potty/tree in the backyard. Just will not and knows full bloody well that I can't make him.

Frustrating and expensive? You bet, but that's toddlers for you.

#20 Propaganda

Posted 01 March 2013 - 11:33 AM

I let mine do it when she was ready.

I let her know that the potty existed, let her watch me use a toilet, we spoke about it, but it was up to her if she wanted to use a nappy or not.

She eventually started removing her own nappies and wanting to use her potty, so that's what happened. She was day-trained for quite a while at home, but couldn't be relied upon to request to use a toilet while out. So nappies were a night and when we're out thing.

Then she graduated to using toilets when out, and eventually stopped using her night nappies, and so I stopped putting them on her.

I was all very stress free for both of us and I plan on doing this again with future children. We've not really suffered more than a handful of accidents as a result.

#21 simnik

Posted 19 June 2013 - 06:33 PM

My DD 2.6m was doing great too until recently. She was 100% day trained for a couple of months Similar to you wet knickers and doesn't care,etc. A week ago I put her back into pull ups and stepped right back after weeks of frustration and me getting a tad cross. Today she has told me twice she needs to do a wee and taken herself to the potty. I'm so glad I went back to nappies now. I was very weary though due to advice to persist and being concerned she would totally regress altogether.

#22 Marchioness Flea

Posted 19 June 2013 - 10:13 PM

I've been getting people commenting on the fact that my recently turned 3yr old DD is still in nappies.
I just tell them that I'd rather change a nappy(cloth) than clean up puddles or poo on the floor.
I KNOW she'll do it when she;s ready and there's no point forcing the issue yet.
But if she;'s not shown much readiness by the end of winter I will give TT a try. Mostly because she's getting too big to lift onto the change table and I refuse to use the floor.
We're working on getting her to at LEAST tell us when she's done a poo, but that;s hit and miss still. She isn't bothered about being wet unless there's a bit of a rash, so she;s not ready yet.
We've talked up her cousins using the loo, we've talked about her being a big girl and using it. She just says"Not now". Hopefully soon she'll say "Now"!!

#23 Maggueful

Posted 19 June 2013 - 10:26 PM

A lot of kids aren't fully toilet trained till around 4 years old so I wouldn't worry about it too much. There isn't anything wrong with it. I found the least amount of pressure on the child works the best at getting them to understand toilet training.

I wouldn't even introduce toilet training until at least the age of three when they can more properly understand what they have to do. You can have periods before that when they seem to be trained but then it goes backwards again, so that is why I always three years onward for toilet training.

#24 strawberrycakes

Posted 20 June 2013 - 07:19 AM

I pushed my DD to TT too early despite her initiating interest at around 2.9yrs.  It was a disaster, I believe she wanted to try because she was simply at that age where she wanted to do what I was doing IYKWIM.

I put her back into nappies/pull ups for a couple of months & voila, just before her 3rd birthday she TT herself & we never had more than a handful of accidents.

Night time TT didn't happen until DD was closer to 5, again she did it herself & has only has a couple of accidents.

It really is so much easier to wait that bit longer IMO.

#25 BadCat

Posted 20 June 2013 - 07:43 AM

From the description you've given, I would push.

It sounds like she is more interested in what she is doing than in what her body wants.  DS was like that.  Even now at 12 I can often spot that he needs to go before he allows it to register in his conscious mind.  There's nothing wrong with him.  His brain is just busy with more interesting things so he puts the knowledge of his full bladder on the backburner.  He used to wait until it was too late but he got it under control when he was about 4.

In our case it wasn't so much about recognising the signals from your body but taking the time to do something about it.  So I pushed him to go whenever I knew he needed to.  Eventually he learned that whatever he was doing would wait for him to come back to it.

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