Jump to content

Sleepover at friend's with single dad


  • Please log in to reply
108 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:06 PM

I'm so saddened, and a bit surprised.

DD's best friend's parents are divorced and have been for a few years now.  She's stayed over at the mum's place for sleepovers many times, and best friend has stayed at ours many times.

I was chatting to the dad at a birthday party recently and he said that BF would love to have DD over for a sleepover at his one night, and would that be ok.  I said that it would be fine, but then we both got busy with stuff and it didn't happen.

He texted me the other day inviting DD this weekend, and ended it all apologetically with things like "I understand if you aren't comfortable with it, you haven't seen the house" etc.  That never crossed my mind!

My DP divorced with 2 early teen DD's and had a similar thing - he had to go out of his way (or felt he had to) to explain to sleepover friend parents that he was a single dad and ask if they had any objection.  I don't think any did, but he was clearly told (directly or by implication) by other parents at the school that he really should make that part clear.

This makes me so sad!  It's like the stigma against male teachers, male childcare workers etc.  These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.

Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum?  Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.



#2 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:12 PM

I'd only expect to know the dad as well as any mums for a sleepover. I don't think I'd be uncomfortable unless the dad in question gave me a bad feeling or anything, but that goes for any parent, male or female. How sad sad.gif

#3 mumto3princesses

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:14 PM

I would give it no more thought than if the friend wanted a sleepover and had a single mum or a mum and a dad.

DD#1 has had a sleepover at a friends house before. The mum was away visiting relatives overseas and it was just the dad. No problem with it at all and more improtantly DD#1 had no problem with it.

#4 RealityBites

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:14 PM

No problem with it at all.

#5 Funwith3

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:15 PM

QUOTE (LeChatNinjah @ 28/02/2013, 10:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's like the stigma against male teachers, male childcare workers etc.  These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.

Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum?  Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.


Is there a stigma against male teachers? I didn't think there was...my DD has had male teachers for two out of her three years of school so far. She actually WANTED the male teachers in both years. I never gave it a second thought.

DD also has a friend with divorced parents. The little girls father has majority custody (for reasons I'm not sure about). DD has slept there many times, and has been to the swimming pool with this friend and her father. The father is a very hands-on dad. I've never worried about it. However, my own parents (now in their 60's) have mentioned several times - "don't you worry about DD going over there, what if the father DID something!!?" It's sad.

#6 Lifesgood

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:15 PM

To be honest I'm more concerned with my children being old enough to know the difference between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour (theirs and others) and to be mature enough and strong enough to stand up for themselves if they are compromised in any way, than I am with letting them have a sleepover at the home of a friend and their single male parent (assuming I know the family quite well already).

I suspect my age limit on sleepovers is probably a fair bit higher than the average, so no I wouldn't have a problem with it.

#7 Frockme

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:22 PM

QUOTE
Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum? Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.


If I'd known them for years and was comfortable with them, then i would give it a second thought, and id probably let them go. If they were someone I'd just met then yes I would give anyone (male or female) a second, third and fourth thought!  

I wouldn't be at all surprised at someone ummming and ahhhing over their child sleeping over at a mans house. Your level of acceptance is personal. So is theirs.  original.gif

The horrid fact of the matter is pedophiles live in the burbs with you and me. Not down dingy lane ways where we would never stray. And the fact the vast majority are men. You can't tell who is one by looking at them, and you never can know someone well enough IMO. So, to be human and normal about it without being neurotic, you have to rely on your instincts and go with your gut.  original.gif  if someone is uncomfortable about it then so be it. They have their reasons. It may have more to do with them than the fellow.

I remember the pressure from the kids in early primary, (like kindly and y1 ) constantly asking for sleepovers. I was so uncomfortable with it, I think they're too young.and we knew no one that well from school. With my next schoolie it'll be a flat out NO. I remember some parents said "were not doing sleep overs this year" and that was that. No argument. I ll be that parent.  original.gif

#8 Soontobegran

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:22 PM

I would not have a single problem with it providing I knew the family to some extent and that the home was a safe environment. It would be the same for a single mum or a couple.

It is sad that he feels his credibility would probably be questioned by some. He sounds like a really caring person.

#9 TBen

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 09:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I'd think twice about my DD having a sleepover at the house of a single dad. How ridiculous.

Don't blame me for feeling that way, blame the men who abuse children and cast doubt on those that never would.


You know there's equal chance of a man with a partner abusing a child right?

#10 BetteBoop

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

QUOTE (LeChatNinjah @ 28/02/2013, 09:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.


He actually made an assumption about your thinking and it wasn't a very kind one. I'd be kinda miffed at that stereotyping too.

My rule is no sleepovers at all until DD is old enough to know how to assertively say no and enforce her personal boundaries.

DDs best friend has a single mum and my answer is still no.

#11 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:24 PM

I don't know any single dads so I can't really comment.

I let my son stay with his friend and single mum. I trust that she does a better job at parenting than my own husband.

#12 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:25 PM

QUOTE (BetteBoop @ 28/02/2013, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He actually made an assumption about your thinking and it wasn't a very kind one. I'd be kinda miffed at that stereotyping too.

My rule is no sleepovers at all until DD is old enough to know how to assertively say no and enforce her personal boundaries.

DDs best friend has a single mum and my answer is still no.


Why does it make a difference if a mum is single or not? I'm miffed!


#13 RealityBites

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:27 PM

Agree with Bakeorama. Abuse is also sadly more likely to occur WITHIN families.

I have a higher age limit than kindies too, DD started sleepovers at around 8/9. And my DH does most of the care when DD has friends over, because a gaggle of screeching 10yos has me hiding in my bedroom!!

#14 EssentialBludger

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:28 PM

One of my best friends growing up lived with her dad, I slept there just about every weekend! I don't know if mum ever thought twice about it? I must ask her!

Wouldn't bother me at all, so long as I knew them and was comfortable with my child around them, but the same goes for mums too.

#15 BetteBoop

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (OneProudMum @ 28/02/2013, 09:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why does it make a difference if a mum is single or not? I'm miffed!


It doesn't. I wouldn't allow a sleepover whether there was one bloke or one woman, or one woman and 2 blokes.

I hope she doesn't think I'm saying no because I've got an issue with single mums!






#16 EffiesMum172

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

.

Edited by EffiesMum172, 28 February 2013 - 09:47 PM.


#17 Frockme

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

Glad I'm not the only one thinking  5/6 is too young. I over heard parents at daycare discussing sleepover arrangements for 3 year olds..  unsure.gif

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

No, not if I knew them both.

But... and I know this is sexist... if I DIDN'T really know one parent, I would be more uncomfortable if the parent I didn't know was the husband, vs the wife. Like if it was a sleepover and I knew the mum really well and had never met the dad... I'd be more nervous than if I knew the dad really well and had never met the mum.
Not sure why, but I think I would. The thought of an unknown male in the house scares me more than an unknown female.

#19 liveworkplay

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 10:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I'd think twice about my DD having a sleepover at the house of a single dad. How ridiculous.

Don't blame me for feeling that way, blame the men who abuse children and cast doubt on those that never would.


What about the women that do?

OP, No, It wouldn't matter if it were a single parent (mum or Dad) as long as I knew them enough to allow a sleep over (my kids are still young)

I remember a classic EB discussion once about someone being incensed because her child was on a play date and the mum left the dad in charge and didn't inform her that she (the mum) would not be there 100% of the time. It's really sad.

#20 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:34 PM

My best friend was raised by her dad  wub.gif
We spent every weekend at each other's homes.
I doubt my parents ever thought twice. I certainly didn't. He was great.

#21 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

Wow.  Am just on the phone to DP telling him about this topic, and he just told me that when his girls were at their local private school that did student exchange with a school in Bali that he was not allowed to host a student.  Single mothers were allowed, married couples were allowed.  Single fathers weren't

Wow.



#22 SylviaPlath

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:38 PM

QUOTE (Bake-o-rama @ 28/02/2013, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You know there's equal chance of a man with a partner abusing a child right?


Correct in that married/partnered men can abuse too, however as someone else stated, more opportunities, less to zero accountability if you are the only adult in the house.




#23 **Marni**

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:39 PM

Sadly there have been many cases of children being abused at sleepovers when there are two parents present (and one sleeping in the other room at the time - and the abuser isn't always the man.) So until I see concrete evidence that single dads are more likely to commit abuse I won't discriminate. I don't believe in persecuting all men because SOME are pedophiles. Some women are too.

I'd be fine with it so long as I knew the parent (mum or dad, whichever parent will be there) well. I'd also not be allowing sleepovers until my children were old enough to assertively say no and enforce their personal boundaries too. More like 10/11 for me personally.


#24 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:41 PM

My DD is 8, for the record, if that makes any difference.


#25 VJs Mummy

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:53 PM

ohmy.gif  I would not have a problem with it at all
I have a couple of friends who were raised by their dad and i dont think my parents ever gave it a 2nd thought when i had sleep overs

MY DS is 7 will be 8 at the end of the year,  He hasnt had a sleep over as yet lots of asking we are in the process of organising one yes single dad
When my in future daughter starts to have sleep overs i will have no problem with her staying at a friends with single dad




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The popular baby name from the Rio Olympics

"With a pair of athletes who are not only successful, but seen as great role models – combined with a softer sound – it is like hitting the jackpot."

Toy stuck in baby's throat for two weeks

When Jude Atiga's baby son Laith was struggling to breathe the worried mum called an ambulance.

Mum awarded $20 million over birth power struggle with nurses

As a mother of three, Caroline Malatesta thought she knew what she was letting herself in for when it came to the birth of her fourth baby.

Win a Baby Jogger City Premier for Father's Day

To celebrate Father's Day, one lucky EB fan will win one of their own! Enter Now!

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

Why fatherhood scares many dads-to-be

Travis Bull vividly remembers discovering his partner was pregnant for the first time.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

Warning for pregnant women as flu-related deaths triple

A more than three-fold increase in flu-related deaths has sparked a plea for those with the flu to stay away from vulnerable people.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Too many parents still putting babies in unsafe bedding: study

A study found that a whopping 91 per cent of four-week-old babies had been placed in cots with unsafe bedding.

Mum's shock as toddler fat-shamed by internet trolls

When a mother uploaded a cute photograph of her 14-month old child online, she did not expect a swarm of internet trolls to write that her toddler was fat.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

The most awww-worthy celeb baby pics of the week

It's been a pretty cute week on Instagram in terms of celebs relishing their babies.

When 'Just Do It' just doesn't cut it

When even Michelle Bridges admits to struggling with her exercise regime, it's time to accept that having small children can be a legitimate reason for exercise not happening.

What life is really like when you have five kids

Life is cute with one, manageable with three, but at times completely impossible with five.

When no one can pronounce your baby's name

In Wales it's a common name, but over here, it's cause for some confusion.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Single to double pram that folds with seat attached

A pram is a large purchase, and you only want to buy once.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

Blake Lively: 'Post-pregnancy slim down pressure is so unfair'

Blake Lively has urged women not to feel pressured to lose weight after pregnancy.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

ENTER NOW

Win one of two Father's Day Gift Packs

Sign up to receive our new Essential Kids announcements emails for a chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.