Jump to content

Sleepover at friend's with single dad


  • Please log in to reply
108 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:06 PM

I'm so saddened, and a bit surprised.

DD's best friend's parents are divorced and have been for a few years now.  She's stayed over at the mum's place for sleepovers many times, and best friend has stayed at ours many times.

I was chatting to the dad at a birthday party recently and he said that BF would love to have DD over for a sleepover at his one night, and would that be ok.  I said that it would be fine, but then we both got busy with stuff and it didn't happen.

He texted me the other day inviting DD this weekend, and ended it all apologetically with things like "I understand if you aren't comfortable with it, you haven't seen the house" etc.  That never crossed my mind!

My DP divorced with 2 early teen DD's and had a similar thing - he had to go out of his way (or felt he had to) to explain to sleepover friend parents that he was a single dad and ask if they had any objection.  I don't think any did, but he was clearly told (directly or by implication) by other parents at the school that he really should make that part clear.

This makes me so sad!  It's like the stigma against male teachers, male childcare workers etc.  These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.

Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum?  Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.



#2 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:12 PM

I'd only expect to know the dad as well as any mums for a sleepover. I don't think I'd be uncomfortable unless the dad in question gave me a bad feeling or anything, but that goes for any parent, male or female. How sad sad.gif

#3 mumto3princesses

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:14 PM

I would give it no more thought than if the friend wanted a sleepover and had a single mum or a mum and a dad.

DD#1 has had a sleepover at a friends house before. The mum was away visiting relatives overseas and it was just the dad. No problem with it at all and more improtantly DD#1 had no problem with it.

#4 RealityBites

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:14 PM

No problem with it at all.

#5 Funwith3

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:15 PM

QUOTE (LeChatNinjah @ 28/02/2013, 10:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's like the stigma against male teachers, male childcare workers etc.  These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.

Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum?  Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.


Is there a stigma against male teachers? I didn't think there was...my DD has had male teachers for two out of her three years of school so far. She actually WANTED the male teachers in both years. I never gave it a second thought.

DD also has a friend with divorced parents. The little girls father has majority custody (for reasons I'm not sure about). DD has slept there many times, and has been to the swimming pool with this friend and her father. The father is a very hands-on dad. I've never worried about it. However, my own parents (now in their 60's) have mentioned several times - "don't you worry about DD going over there, what if the father DID something!!?" It's sad.

#6 Lifesgood

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:15 PM

To be honest I'm more concerned with my children being old enough to know the difference between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour (theirs and others) and to be mature enough and strong enough to stand up for themselves if they are compromised in any way, than I am with letting them have a sleepover at the home of a friend and their single male parent (assuming I know the family quite well already).

I suspect my age limit on sleepovers is probably a fair bit higher than the average, so no I wouldn't have a problem with it.

#7 Frockme

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:22 PM

QUOTE
Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum? Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.


If I'd known them for years and was comfortable with them, then i would give it a second thought, and id probably let them go. If they were someone I'd just met then yes I would give anyone (male or female) a second, third and fourth thought!  

I wouldn't be at all surprised at someone ummming and ahhhing over their child sleeping over at a mans house. Your level of acceptance is personal. So is theirs.  original.gif

The horrid fact of the matter is pedophiles live in the burbs with you and me. Not down dingy lane ways where we would never stray. And the fact the vast majority are men. You can't tell who is one by looking at them, and you never can know someone well enough IMO. So, to be human and normal about it without being neurotic, you have to rely on your instincts and go with your gut.  original.gif  if someone is uncomfortable about it then so be it. They have their reasons. It may have more to do with them than the fellow.

I remember the pressure from the kids in early primary, (like kindly and y1 ) constantly asking for sleepovers. I was so uncomfortable with it, I think they're too young.and we knew no one that well from school. With my next schoolie it'll be a flat out NO. I remember some parents said "were not doing sleep overs this year" and that was that. No argument. I ll be that parent.  original.gif

#8 Soontobegran

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:22 PM

I would not have a single problem with it providing I knew the family to some extent and that the home was a safe environment. It would be the same for a single mum or a couple.

It is sad that he feels his credibility would probably be questioned by some. He sounds like a really caring person.

#9 TBen

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 09:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I'd think twice about my DD having a sleepover at the house of a single dad. How ridiculous.

Don't blame me for feeling that way, blame the men who abuse children and cast doubt on those that never would.


You know there's equal chance of a man with a partner abusing a child right?

#10 BetteBoop

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

QUOTE (LeChatNinjah @ 28/02/2013, 09:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.


He actually made an assumption about your thinking and it wasn't a very kind one. I'd be kinda miffed at that stereotyping too.

My rule is no sleepovers at all until DD is old enough to know how to assertively say no and enforce her personal boundaries.

DDs best friend has a single mum and my answer is still no.

#11 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:24 PM

I don't know any single dads so I can't really comment.

I let my son stay with his friend and single mum. I trust that she does a better job at parenting than my own husband.

#12 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:25 PM

QUOTE (BetteBoop @ 28/02/2013, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He actually made an assumption about your thinking and it wasn't a very kind one. I'd be kinda miffed at that stereotyping too.

My rule is no sleepovers at all until DD is old enough to know how to assertively say no and enforce her personal boundaries.

DDs best friend has a single mum and my answer is still no.


Why does it make a difference if a mum is single or not? I'm miffed!


#13 RealityBites

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:27 PM

Agree with Bakeorama. Abuse is also sadly more likely to occur WITHIN families.

I have a higher age limit than kindies too, DD started sleepovers at around 8/9. And my DH does most of the care when DD has friends over, because a gaggle of screeching 10yos has me hiding in my bedroom!!

#14 EssentialBludger

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:28 PM

One of my best friends growing up lived with her dad, I slept there just about every weekend! I don't know if mum ever thought twice about it? I must ask her!

Wouldn't bother me at all, so long as I knew them and was comfortable with my child around them, but the same goes for mums too.

#15 BetteBoop

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (OneProudMum @ 28/02/2013, 09:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why does it make a difference if a mum is single or not? I'm miffed!


It doesn't. I wouldn't allow a sleepover whether there was one bloke or one woman, or one woman and 2 blokes.

I hope she doesn't think I'm saying no because I've got an issue with single mums!






#16 EffiesMum172

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

.

Edited by EffiesMum172, 28 February 2013 - 09:47 PM.


#17 Frockme

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

Glad I'm not the only one thinking  5/6 is too young. I over heard parents at daycare discussing sleepover arrangements for 3 year olds..  unsure.gif

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

No, not if I knew them both.

But... and I know this is sexist... if I DIDN'T really know one parent, I would be more uncomfortable if the parent I didn't know was the husband, vs the wife. Like if it was a sleepover and I knew the mum really well and had never met the dad... I'd be more nervous than if I knew the dad really well and had never met the mum.
Not sure why, but I think I would. The thought of an unknown male in the house scares me more than an unknown female.

#19 liveworkplay

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 10:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I'd think twice about my DD having a sleepover at the house of a single dad. How ridiculous.

Don't blame me for feeling that way, blame the men who abuse children and cast doubt on those that never would.


What about the women that do?

OP, No, It wouldn't matter if it were a single parent (mum or Dad) as long as I knew them enough to allow a sleep over (my kids are still young)

I remember a classic EB discussion once about someone being incensed because her child was on a play date and the mum left the dad in charge and didn't inform her that she (the mum) would not be there 100% of the time. It's really sad.

#20 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:34 PM

My best friend was raised by her dad  wub.gif
We spent every weekend at each other's homes.
I doubt my parents ever thought twice. I certainly didn't. He was great.

#21 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

Wow.  Am just on the phone to DP telling him about this topic, and he just told me that when his girls were at their local private school that did student exchange with a school in Bali that he was not allowed to host a student.  Single mothers were allowed, married couples were allowed.  Single fathers weren't

Wow.



#22 SylviaPlath

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:38 PM

QUOTE (Bake-o-rama @ 28/02/2013, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You know there's equal chance of a man with a partner abusing a child right?


Correct in that married/partnered men can abuse too, however as someone else stated, more opportunities, less to zero accountability if you are the only adult in the house.




#23 **Marni**

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:39 PM

Sadly there have been many cases of children being abused at sleepovers when there are two parents present (and one sleeping in the other room at the time - and the abuser isn't always the man.) So until I see concrete evidence that single dads are more likely to commit abuse I won't discriminate. I don't believe in persecuting all men because SOME are pedophiles. Some women are too.

I'd be fine with it so long as I knew the parent (mum or dad, whichever parent will be there) well. I'd also not be allowing sleepovers until my children were old enough to assertively say no and enforce their personal boundaries too. More like 10/11 for me personally.


#24 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:41 PM

My DD is 8, for the record, if that makes any difference.


#25 VJs Mummy

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:53 PM

ohmy.gif  I would not have a problem with it at all
I have a couple of friends who were raised by their dad and i dont think my parents ever gave it a 2nd thought when i had sleep overs

MY DS is 7 will be 8 at the end of the year,  He hasnt had a sleep over as yet lots of asking we are in the process of organising one yes single dad
When my in future daughter starts to have sleep overs i will have no problem with her staying at a friends with single dad




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

Great-great-grandma delivers great grandchild in her own home

''I've delivered calves, lambs, dogs and cats, but nothing like this.'' This 'Super Gran' calmly peeled the amniotic sac over her great-grandson's head before discovering the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck ... twice.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

Microcephaly still a mysterious condition around the world

For parents, having a child with microcephaly can mean a life of uncertainty.

7 baby firsts you won't see on milestone charts

Here are a few 'other' baby firsts you may not have been expecting, but you'll want to be ready for.

Why it's important to vaccinate on time

My son was born on the 1 July 2014. It's a fabulous birthday, don't you think? Not only does the first of July ring in a new financial year, but it also means we've hit the year's half way mark.

Naturopath treatment allegedly left baby "days from death"

A naturopath whose treatment of a baby boy allegedly led to the infant being severely ill has pleaded not guilty to charges against her. 

Andy Murray's emotional speech to pregnant wife after Australian Open

A teary-eyed Andy Murray promised pregnant wife Kim he'd be on the next plane home after his turbulent two weeks at the Australian Open came to an end.

This toddler and his duck BFF will melt your heart

A small boy in the US has struck up a quacking good friendship with an unlikely companion ... his pet duck. 

Great news for coffee drinkers - caffeine is good for your heart

Researchers have found that, contrary to prior belief, caffeine does not cause health-threatening heart palpitations.

I always wanted children - but I've found other ways to be maternal

I've always been one of the most maternal women I know.

When only one parent wants to know the gender

For some couples you either both want to know the gender of your unborn baby, or you don't. For others, it's not that simple.

'No jab no play' could hurt disadvantaged children, experts fear

Tough new "no jab no play" laws could hurt children who have not been immunised due to family dysfunction, poverty, or poor access to medical support, experts warn.

Zika virus: Airlines offer refunds to pregnant women

Airlines and cruise companies across the world are offering refunds or travel credits to pregnant women who are scheduled to visit countries struck by the devastating Zika virus.

#meditateonthis: Mums fight back against PND ignorance

Not all women will require medication, but many will. And there isn't and shouldn't be any shame in that.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

Free first aid demonstrations daily

Get your free ticket to the Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.