Jump to content

Sleepover at friend's with single dad


  • Please log in to reply
108 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:06 PM

I'm so saddened, and a bit surprised.

DD's best friend's parents are divorced and have been for a few years now.  She's stayed over at the mum's place for sleepovers many times, and best friend has stayed at ours many times.

I was chatting to the dad at a birthday party recently and he said that BF would love to have DD over for a sleepover at his one night, and would that be ok.  I said that it would be fine, but then we both got busy with stuff and it didn't happen.

He texted me the other day inviting DD this weekend, and ended it all apologetically with things like "I understand if you aren't comfortable with it, you haven't seen the house" etc.  That never crossed my mind!

My DP divorced with 2 early teen DD's and had a similar thing - he had to go out of his way (or felt he had to) to explain to sleepover friend parents that he was a single dad and ask if they had any objection.  I don't think any did, but he was clearly told (directly or by implication) by other parents at the school that he really should make that part clear.

This makes me so sad!  It's like the stigma against male teachers, male childcare workers etc.  These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.

Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum?  Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.



#2 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:12 PM

I'd only expect to know the dad as well as any mums for a sleepover. I don't think I'd be uncomfortable unless the dad in question gave me a bad feeling or anything, but that goes for any parent, male or female. How sad sad.gif

#3 mumto3princesses

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:14 PM

I would give it no more thought than if the friend wanted a sleepover and had a single mum or a mum and a dad.

DD#1 has had a sleepover at a friends house before. The mum was away visiting relatives overseas and it was just the dad. No problem with it at all and more improtantly DD#1 had no problem with it.

#4 RealityBites

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:14 PM

No problem with it at all.

#5 Funwith3

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:15 PM

QUOTE (LeChatNinjah @ 28/02/2013, 10:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's like the stigma against male teachers, male childcare workers etc.  These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.

Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum?  Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.


Is there a stigma against male teachers? I didn't think there was...my DD has had male teachers for two out of her three years of school so far. She actually WANTED the male teachers in both years. I never gave it a second thought.

DD also has a friend with divorced parents. The little girls father has majority custody (for reasons I'm not sure about). DD has slept there many times, and has been to the swimming pool with this friend and her father. The father is a very hands-on dad. I've never worried about it. However, my own parents (now in their 60's) have mentioned several times - "don't you worry about DD going over there, what if the father DID something!!?" It's sad.

#6 Lifesgood

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:15 PM

To be honest I'm more concerned with my children being old enough to know the difference between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour (theirs and others) and to be mature enough and strong enough to stand up for themselves if they are compromised in any way, than I am with letting them have a sleepover at the home of a friend and their single male parent (assuming I know the family quite well already).

I suspect my age limit on sleepovers is probably a fair bit higher than the average, so no I wouldn't have a problem with it.

#7 Frockme

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:22 PM

QUOTE
Would you give a 2nd thought to a sleepover invitation if it was with a single dad instead of a single mum? Let's assume for argument's sake that you've known the kid in question for a few years and had heaps of school / social activity interaction with both parents.


If I'd known them for years and was comfortable with them, then i would give it a second thought, and id probably let them go. If they were someone I'd just met then yes I would give anyone (male or female) a second, third and fourth thought!  

I wouldn't be at all surprised at someone ummming and ahhhing over their child sleeping over at a mans house. Your level of acceptance is personal. So is theirs.  original.gif

The horrid fact of the matter is pedophiles live in the burbs with you and me. Not down dingy lane ways where we would never stray. And the fact the vast majority are men. You can't tell who is one by looking at them, and you never can know someone well enough IMO. So, to be human and normal about it without being neurotic, you have to rely on your instincts and go with your gut.  original.gif  if someone is uncomfortable about it then so be it. They have their reasons. It may have more to do with them than the fellow.

I remember the pressure from the kids in early primary, (like kindly and y1 ) constantly asking for sleepovers. I was so uncomfortable with it, I think they're too young.and we knew no one that well from school. With my next schoolie it'll be a flat out NO. I remember some parents said "were not doing sleep overs this year" and that was that. No argument. I ll be that parent.  original.gif

#8 Soontobegran

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:22 PM

I would not have a single problem with it providing I knew the family to some extent and that the home was a safe environment. It would be the same for a single mum or a couple.

It is sad that he feels his credibility would probably be questioned by some. He sounds like a really caring person.

#9 TBen

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 09:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I'd think twice about my DD having a sleepover at the house of a single dad. How ridiculous.

Don't blame me for feeling that way, blame the men who abuse children and cast doubt on those that never would.


You know there's equal chance of a man with a partner abusing a child right?

#10 BetteBoop

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

QUOTE (LeChatNinjah @ 28/02/2013, 09:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
These dads feel obligated to apologise for being male because society assumes they must be some sort of paedophiles.


He actually made an assumption about your thinking and it wasn't a very kind one. I'd be kinda miffed at that stereotyping too.

My rule is no sleepovers at all until DD is old enough to know how to assertively say no and enforce her personal boundaries.

DDs best friend has a single mum and my answer is still no.

#11 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:24 PM

I don't know any single dads so I can't really comment.

I let my son stay with his friend and single mum. I trust that she does a better job at parenting than my own husband.

#12 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:25 PM

QUOTE (BetteBoop @ 28/02/2013, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He actually made an assumption about your thinking and it wasn't a very kind one. I'd be kinda miffed at that stereotyping too.

My rule is no sleepovers at all until DD is old enough to know how to assertively say no and enforce her personal boundaries.

DDs best friend has a single mum and my answer is still no.


Why does it make a difference if a mum is single or not? I'm miffed!


#13 RealityBites

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:27 PM

Agree with Bakeorama. Abuse is also sadly more likely to occur WITHIN families.

I have a higher age limit than kindies too, DD started sleepovers at around 8/9. And my DH does most of the care when DD has friends over, because a gaggle of screeching 10yos has me hiding in my bedroom!!

#14 EssentialBludger

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:28 PM

One of my best friends growing up lived with her dad, I slept there just about every weekend! I don't know if mum ever thought twice about it? I must ask her!

Wouldn't bother me at all, so long as I knew them and was comfortable with my child around them, but the same goes for mums too.

#15 BetteBoop

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (OneProudMum @ 28/02/2013, 09:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why does it make a difference if a mum is single or not? I'm miffed!


It doesn't. I wouldn't allow a sleepover whether there was one bloke or one woman, or one woman and 2 blokes.

I hope she doesn't think I'm saying no because I've got an issue with single mums!






#16 EffiesMum172

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

.

Edited by EffiesMum172, 28 February 2013 - 09:47 PM.


#17 Frockme

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

Glad I'm not the only one thinking  5/6 is too young. I over heard parents at daycare discussing sleepover arrangements for 3 year olds..  unsure.gif

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

No, not if I knew them both.

But... and I know this is sexist... if I DIDN'T really know one parent, I would be more uncomfortable if the parent I didn't know was the husband, vs the wife. Like if it was a sleepover and I knew the mum really well and had never met the dad... I'd be more nervous than if I knew the dad really well and had never met the mum.
Not sure why, but I think I would. The thought of an unknown male in the house scares me more than an unknown female.

#19 liveworkplay

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:30 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 10:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Of course I'd think twice about my DD having a sleepover at the house of a single dad. How ridiculous.

Don't blame me for feeling that way, blame the men who abuse children and cast doubt on those that never would.


What about the women that do?

OP, No, It wouldn't matter if it were a single parent (mum or Dad) as long as I knew them enough to allow a sleep over (my kids are still young)

I remember a classic EB discussion once about someone being incensed because her child was on a play date and the mum left the dad in charge and didn't inform her that she (the mum) would not be there 100% of the time. It's really sad.

#20 OneProudMum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:34 PM

My best friend was raised by her dad  wub.gif
We spent every weekend at each other's homes.
I doubt my parents ever thought twice. I certainly didn't. He was great.

#21 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

Wow.  Am just on the phone to DP telling him about this topic, and he just told me that when his girls were at their local private school that did student exchange with a school in Bali that he was not allowed to host a student.  Single mothers were allowed, married couples were allowed.  Single fathers weren't

Wow.



#22 SylviaPlath

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:38 PM

QUOTE (Bake-o-rama @ 28/02/2013, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You know there's equal chance of a man with a partner abusing a child right?


Correct in that married/partnered men can abuse too, however as someone else stated, more opportunities, less to zero accountability if you are the only adult in the house.




#23 **Marni**

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:39 PM

Sadly there have been many cases of children being abused at sleepovers when there are two parents present (and one sleeping in the other room at the time - and the abuser isn't always the man.) So until I see concrete evidence that single dads are more likely to commit abuse I won't discriminate. I don't believe in persecuting all men because SOME are pedophiles. Some women are too.

I'd be fine with it so long as I knew the parent (mum or dad, whichever parent will be there) well. I'd also not be allowing sleepovers until my children were old enough to assertively say no and enforce their personal boundaries too. More like 10/11 for me personally.


#24 Guest_LeChatNinjah_*

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:41 PM

My DD is 8, for the record, if that makes any difference.


#25 VJs Mummy

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:53 PM

ohmy.gif  I would not have a problem with it at all
I have a couple of friends who were raised by their dad and i dont think my parents ever gave it a 2nd thought when i had sleep overs

MY DS is 7 will be 8 at the end of the year,  He hasnt had a sleep over as yet lots of asking we are in the process of organising one yes single dad
When my in future daughter starts to have sleep overs i will have no problem with her staying at a friends with single dad




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Toddler aggression not caused by language delays after all: study

The logic was that children who don’t have the language to fully express themselves will lash out when they’re misunderstood. Not anymore.

Why we chose to adopt a child with Down sydrome

Everyone in foster care (and really in life) has something that makes them more vulnerable. We just know what our son's is.

Object of desire

Curvy mums make clever babies

Scientists appear to have discovered why women have evolved to have more curves than men – shapely thighs and bottoms lead to healthier babies.

'We'll make sure they know how much she loved them'

A first-time mum will never get to hold her four newborns, dying shortly after giving birth to the quadruplets.

The baby names NZ knocked back in 2014

A New Zealander has tried to name their baby Senior Constable but didn't get away with it - and numbering children is also a no-no.

How can you go into labour without knowing you're pregnant?

For most of us, the idea that a woman could carry a child to full-term without knowing she is pregnant is mind-boggling.

Will you get to the hospital in time?

Worrying your baby will be delivered by the roadside is a common concern for many mothers-to-be. So how likely are you to be caught short?

Video: Funny 'Lips Are Moving' parody just for mums

Meghan Trainor's song 'Lips Are Moving' was already a hit, but now it's been turned into a hilarious parody that is set to be very popular with frustrated mums everywhere.

Out with the clutter

Decluttering by the numbers: take the 30-day challenge

Forget the 5:2 diet - Twitter's 30-day declutter challenge will have your house back in shape in no time (well, a month).

Parents, don't be too hard on yourselves

We need to stop damning parents of today, and embrace their appetite for knowledge instead.

Is my baby normal?

There are chubby Buddha babies and there are thin, smaller babies. Neither are right or wrong, they are all 'normal'.

When an older sibling starts school

When one child goes to ‘big school’ and leaves the other behind, it can cause deep upset. Here's how to make the transition easier.

Stray cat saves abandoned baby

They say dogs are man's best friend, but one cat has proven felines can be just as devoted to their human companions.

How strangers are helping a mum's wish come true after her death

A mum of five, Liz Marquez wanted to breastfeed her premmie son for a year. So when she passed away suddenly, her friends - and strangers - stepped in to help.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

Win with The Boxtrolls

To celebrate the release of The Boxtrolls on 3D Blu-ray, DVD & Digital with UltraViolet, we're giving you the chance to win a Boxtroll stationary package and DVD.

 

School Term 1

Get after-school care sorted

Wait lists too long at OSHC? Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.