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One twin invited to bday party and not the other
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#1 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:44 PM

My daughter has received an invitation for a birthday party for her friend at preschool however it only has her name on it, not her twin sister's. I suppose I shouldn't expect an invitation for both however they're only 4 and it breaks my heart to have to tell my other daughter that she can't go to the party.

I'd think it would be fair enough if they were in different classes however my daughters and this friend are in the same class. Then I thought maybe the mother doesn't know that they are twins but both of my daughters names are on the same pocket outside the classroom...

Would you ask the mother if your other twin could come along? There is another issue too, my husband won't be home the day of the party and I think my daughter is a bit young for me to do the "drop and run", so I'm not sure who can look after my other daughter. Aargh it's all too hard!

ETA: The party is at their house and not a play centre or anything.

Edited by Libster, 05 March 2013 - 11:40 AM.


#2 Fright bat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

I would ask.

It may well be the case that the other parents don't know, even if both their names are on it.

I'm sure anyone would understand.

#3 her mum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

Every time someone comes on here suggesting it's not fair that their child isn't invited to a party they're shot down and told no one should expect an invite because not everybody needs to be friends with everybody else.

Why do you imagine it should be any different for twins? I'd call this a good learning experience.

#4 seayork2002

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:52 PM

SORRY I DID NOT SEE WHAT SECTION THIS WAS UNDER AS I LOOK AT NEW POSTS

I can only give my view on what I would do in this situation if my son were a twin, first off I am finding all this party etiquette very tiring when I was a kid I received/gave invites and I went/didn’t go or people came to mine or not. I hold the same view towards my son’s (future) ones. He will be invited to some not others (and I am presuming if he was a son the same) we will invite some kids not others (I am not nor ever having an ‘invite the whole class’ parties) and as he takes everything in his stride I would be surprised if it bothered him BUT if it does I will just explain the situation at the time, it is up to me to speak to him if he is upset not the other parents.

Mind you even though he is nearly 5 and a half I doubt he has any idea what a party is or whether he would like to go or not. He has been to one in his life and was not fussed. I could not even imagine him having the foggiest idea at 4

For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.

Edited by seayork2002, 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM.


#5 boatiebabe

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

Strange they only invited one and not both? Particularly as they are only 4.

I think I would probably decline the invite.

#6 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

I would talk to mother. As you say she may not know they are twins, its also possible her DD might have thought inviting one twin was actually inviting the other twin too.





#7 bebe12

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

hi,

When my DD changed schools it had two classes and she invite whole of her class. I didn't know that one of the girls was a twin (twin in other class). The mum rang when she was rsvping and mentioned it. I was grateful to her as i didn't know and didn't have an issue with one more child.

Mention it to the mum, she really may not have realised that they are twins.

May you could mention that you are willing to help out at the event if that would make it easier.

#8 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 03:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The first time one DD went to a party but not the other was hard, but they soon saw it eventually evened out. Is your DP not able to look after one child, assuming the party is on the weekend?


No, he'll be at the Future Music Festival all day... usually he's not busy on the weekends original.gif

#9 facetious-beast

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

QUOTE (seayork2002 @ 28/02/2013, 03:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.


This. Maybe she will get the hint.

Edited by facetious-beast, 28 February 2013 - 03:02 PM.


#10 Twinmum+2

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

I thought this had happened to my boys last year at preschool - I bit the bullet and phoned the other parent to ask if DS1 was invited even though we had only received an invitation for DS2.  It turned out they were both invited and that DS1 had lost his invitation.  I was so relieved.

It's definitely worth asking the question...

#11 Always amazed!

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:14 PM

Last year my boys were in the same daycare room at school ( not twins but close in age)
Only one was invited not the other..
when I arrived at the party and started to talking to mum sis didn't even relise he had a brother . Considering only 2 other boys showed up she would of invited him if she had known.

I also have twins as well who arnt at that age yet.

I would simply tell the mum that you DD cant go as you have no one to watch the other unless she can come.

#12 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:32 PM

I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

Edited by regandrog, 28 February 2013 - 03:36 PM.


#13 Threelittleducks

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:43 PM

I would also ask. There is no way I would drop and run at age 4 and I can't imagine it being an issue. I would of course take a gift from each twin to give to the birthday child and probably two homemade cards / homemade gift wrap (nice craft activity in the days leading up to the party!)

Good Luck. I'm really not looking forward to this stage!

#14 loshto

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:51 PM

I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


#15 rainycat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:52 PM

I would politely decline and let her know why.
I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.

#16 zenah18

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:54 PM

QUOTE (rainycat @ 28/02/2013, 04:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would politely decline and let her know why. I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.
  That's what I'll do.

#17 Feral Mozzie

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:55 PM

This topic was covered recently from the perspective of the inviting parent, you may want to have a read:

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...p;hl=Twin+party

These kids were 7 though.

#18 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Thanks for that Mozzie1, some mixed responses in that thread, although I notice quite a few people said they would invite both twins if they were under 5.

#19 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:08 PM

I would just ring and ask the mother.   Probably a case of her asking the child who they wanted to invite, and that was who got the invitations.  I think that you have the perfect excuse of no one to look after the sibling - just say that your husband already has plans, so would it be ok for x's twin brother to come as well.   I've had to do this myself (not twins) when my husband has been away, and have had parties for my children where the siblings have come along for the same reason.  I only have a problem with it if the sibling just turns up and expects to be included!!

#20 eachschoolholidays

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

QUOTE (loshto @ 28/02/2013, 04:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


That is so rude!!

#21 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

Hm thanks everyone, I think I will call the mother and ask very politely if it would be okay to bring my other daughter, I was thinking of just saying we were busy that day but my girls are so excited about the possibility of going to a fairy garden party!

#22 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (regandrog @ 28/02/2013, 01:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

This, if you had someone else to watch your other daughter then I would be telling you to just suck it up and that they don't have to invite one just because they have invited the other, but as she would have to come along as you have no one else that can watch her then yeah I would ask.

#23 epl0822

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:46 PM

I don't think you should ask the mum to invite your other daughter. The most diplomatic thing you could do is ask if there was a confusion with the invitations and you want to clarify, but communicate that it's ok if she just wants to invite one girl. Maybe there is a specific reason why the other little girl doesn't want to invite one of your twins, maybe they just don't get along etc. I would let the twin attend the party then have a special outing with the twin who wasn't invited. You don't have to say she's excluded from the party - tell her she can't go because she has plans to do something fun with you.

#24 Chill-Pill

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

I think it is a bit forward to ask for an invite directly but I don't think it would hurt to call and say that your husband is busy on the day and you haven't got anyone else to watch your other child and then see what sort of response you get. If the parent didn't offer for you to bring the other child then I think all you can do is either decline or choose to leave the invited child and come back when the party is over.

#25 Cath42

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:03 PM

At this age - 4 - I think this is appalling. It may be rude to just show up at a party with an extra child, but quite frankly I think it's far ruder to invite only one twin to a birthday party. At 7 or 8, fair enough, but at 4? Why would somebody do that, unless it was an accidental oversight? What a mean thing to do.

Honestly, I'd ring this woman and say, "Thankyou for the invite, but we're unfortunately going to have to decline. My husband will be away that weekend. I can't drop a 4-year-old at a party and run, and I can't stay because she has a twin sister who'll be with me and it'll all be too awkward".

What an awful thing to happen, OP. What is so hard about inviting both twins to a birthday party? I do hope it was an oversight.




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