Jump to content

One twin invited to bday party and not the other
Update Post #49


  • Please log in to reply
53 replies to this topic

#1 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:44 PM

My daughter has received an invitation for a birthday party for her friend at preschool however it only has her name on it, not her twin sister's. I suppose I shouldn't expect an invitation for both however they're only 4 and it breaks my heart to have to tell my other daughter that she can't go to the party.

I'd think it would be fair enough if they were in different classes however my daughters and this friend are in the same class. Then I thought maybe the mother doesn't know that they are twins but both of my daughters names are on the same pocket outside the classroom...

Would you ask the mother if your other twin could come along? There is another issue too, my husband won't be home the day of the party and I think my daughter is a bit young for me to do the "drop and run", so I'm not sure who can look after my other daughter. Aargh it's all too hard!

ETA: The party is at their house and not a play centre or anything.

Edited by Libster, 05 March 2013 - 11:40 AM.


#2 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

I would ask.

It may well be the case that the other parents don't know, even if both their names are on it.

I'm sure anyone would understand.

#3 her mum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

Every time someone comes on here suggesting it's not fair that their child isn't invited to a party they're shot down and told no one should expect an invite because not everybody needs to be friends with everybody else.

Why do you imagine it should be any different for twins? I'd call this a good learning experience.

#4 seayork2002

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:52 PM

SORRY I DID NOT SEE WHAT SECTION THIS WAS UNDER AS I LOOK AT NEW POSTS

I can only give my view on what I would do in this situation if my son were a twin, first off I am finding all this party etiquette very tiring when I was a kid I received/gave invites and I went/didn’t go or people came to mine or not. I hold the same view towards my son’s (future) ones. He will be invited to some not others (and I am presuming if he was a son the same) we will invite some kids not others (I am not nor ever having an ‘invite the whole class’ parties) and as he takes everything in his stride I would be surprised if it bothered him BUT if it does I will just explain the situation at the time, it is up to me to speak to him if he is upset not the other parents.

Mind you even though he is nearly 5 and a half I doubt he has any idea what a party is or whether he would like to go or not. He has been to one in his life and was not fussed. I could not even imagine him having the foggiest idea at 4

For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.

Edited by seayork2002, 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM.


#5 boatiebabe

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

Strange they only invited one and not both? Particularly as they are only 4.

I think I would probably decline the invite.

#6 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

I would talk to mother. As you say she may not know they are twins, its also possible her DD might have thought inviting one twin was actually inviting the other twin too.





#7 Lady Garden

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

The first time one DD went to a party but not the other was hard, but they soon saw it eventually evened out. Is your DP not able to look after one child, assuming the party is on the weekend?

#8 bebe12

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

hi,

When my DD changed schools it had two classes and she invite whole of her class. I didn't know that one of the girls was a twin (twin in other class). The mum rang when she was rsvping and mentioned it. I was grateful to her as i didn't know and didn't have an issue with one more child.

Mention it to the mum, she really may not have realised that they are twins.

May you could mention that you are willing to help out at the event if that would make it easier.

#9 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 03:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The first time one DD went to a party but not the other was hard, but they soon saw it eventually evened out. Is your DP not able to look after one child, assuming the party is on the weekend?


No, he'll be at the Future Music Festival all day... usually he's not busy on the weekends original.gif

#10 facetious-beast

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

QUOTE (seayork2002 @ 28/02/2013, 03:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.


This. Maybe she will get the hint.

Edited by facetious-beast, 28 February 2013 - 03:02 PM.


#11 Twinmum+2

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

I thought this had happened to my boys last year at preschool - I bit the bullet and phoned the other parent to ask if DS1 was invited even though we had only received an invitation for DS2.  It turned out they were both invited and that DS1 had lost his invitation.  I was so relieved.

It's definitely worth asking the question...

#12 Always amazed!

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:14 PM

Last year my boys were in the same daycare room at school ( not twins but close in age)
Only one was invited not the other..
when I arrived at the party and started to talking to mum sis didn't even relise he had a brother . Considering only 2 other boys showed up she would of invited him if she had known.

I also have twins as well who arnt at that age yet.

I would simply tell the mum that you DD cant go as you have no one to watch the other unless she can come.

#13 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:32 PM

I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

Edited by regandrog, 28 February 2013 - 03:36 PM.


#14 Threelittleducks

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:43 PM

I would also ask. There is no way I would drop and run at age 4 and I can't imagine it being an issue. I would of course take a gift from each twin to give to the birthday child and probably two homemade cards / homemade gift wrap (nice craft activity in the days leading up to the party!)

Good Luck. I'm really not looking forward to this stage!

#15 loshto

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:51 PM

I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


#16 rainycat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:52 PM

I would politely decline and let her know why.
I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.

#17 zenah18

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:54 PM

QUOTE (rainycat @ 28/02/2013, 04:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would politely decline and let her know why. I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.
  That's what I'll do.

#18 Feral Mozzie

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:55 PM

This topic was covered recently from the perspective of the inviting parent, you may want to have a read:

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...p;hl=Twin+party

These kids were 7 though.

#19 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Thanks for that Mozzie1, some mixed responses in that thread, although I notice quite a few people said they would invite both twins if they were under 5.

#20 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:08 PM

I would just ring and ask the mother.   Probably a case of her asking the child who they wanted to invite, and that was who got the invitations.  I think that you have the perfect excuse of no one to look after the sibling - just say that your husband already has plans, so would it be ok for x's twin brother to come as well.   I've had to do this myself (not twins) when my husband has been away, and have had parties for my children where the siblings have come along for the same reason.  I only have a problem with it if the sibling just turns up and expects to be included!!

#21 eachschoolholidays

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

QUOTE (loshto @ 28/02/2013, 04:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


That is so rude!!

#22 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

Hm thanks everyone, I think I will call the mother and ask very politely if it would be okay to bring my other daughter, I was thinking of just saying we were busy that day but my girls are so excited about the possibility of going to a fairy garden party!

#23 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (regandrog @ 28/02/2013, 01:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

This, if you had someone else to watch your other daughter then I would be telling you to just suck it up and that they don't have to invite one just because they have invited the other, but as she would have to come along as you have no one else that can watch her then yeah I would ask.

#24 epl0822

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:46 PM

I don't think you should ask the mum to invite your other daughter. The most diplomatic thing you could do is ask if there was a confusion with the invitations and you want to clarify, but communicate that it's ok if she just wants to invite one girl. Maybe there is a specific reason why the other little girl doesn't want to invite one of your twins, maybe they just don't get along etc. I would let the twin attend the party then have a special outing with the twin who wasn't invited. You don't have to say she's excluded from the party - tell her she can't go because she has plans to do something fun with you.

#25 Chill-Pill

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

I think it is a bit forward to ask for an invite directly but I don't think it would hurt to call and say that your husband is busy on the day and you haven't got anyone else to watch your other child and then see what sort of response you get. If the parent didn't offer for you to bring the other child then I think all you can do is either decline or choose to leave the invited child and come back when the party is over.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.