Jump to content

One twin invited to bday party and not the other
Update Post #49


  • Please log in to reply
53 replies to this topic

#1 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:44 PM

My daughter has received an invitation for a birthday party for her friend at preschool however it only has her name on it, not her twin sister's. I suppose I shouldn't expect an invitation for both however they're only 4 and it breaks my heart to have to tell my other daughter that she can't go to the party.

I'd think it would be fair enough if they were in different classes however my daughters and this friend are in the same class. Then I thought maybe the mother doesn't know that they are twins but both of my daughters names are on the same pocket outside the classroom...

Would you ask the mother if your other twin could come along? There is another issue too, my husband won't be home the day of the party and I think my daughter is a bit young for me to do the "drop and run", so I'm not sure who can look after my other daughter. Aargh it's all too hard!

ETA: The party is at their house and not a play centre or anything.

Edited by Libster, 05 March 2013 - 11:40 AM.


#2 agnodice

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

I would ask.

It may well be the case that the other parents don't know, even if both their names are on it.

I'm sure anyone would understand.

#3 her mum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

Every time someone comes on here suggesting it's not fair that their child isn't invited to a party they're shot down and told no one should expect an invite because not everybody needs to be friends with everybody else.

Why do you imagine it should be any different for twins? I'd call this a good learning experience.

#4 seayork2002

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:52 PM

SORRY I DID NOT SEE WHAT SECTION THIS WAS UNDER AS I LOOK AT NEW POSTS

I can only give my view on what I would do in this situation if my son were a twin, first off I am finding all this party etiquette very tiring when I was a kid I received/gave invites and I went/didn’t go or people came to mine or not. I hold the same view towards my son’s (future) ones. He will be invited to some not others (and I am presuming if he was a son the same) we will invite some kids not others (I am not nor ever having an ‘invite the whole class’ parties) and as he takes everything in his stride I would be surprised if it bothered him BUT if it does I will just explain the situation at the time, it is up to me to speak to him if he is upset not the other parents.

Mind you even though he is nearly 5 and a half I doubt he has any idea what a party is or whether he would like to go or not. He has been to one in his life and was not fussed. I could not even imagine him having the foggiest idea at 4

For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.

Edited by seayork2002, 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM.


#5 boatiebabe

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

Strange they only invited one and not both? Particularly as they are only 4.

I think I would probably decline the invite.

#6 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

I would talk to mother. As you say she may not know they are twins, its also possible her DD might have thought inviting one twin was actually inviting the other twin too.





#7 Lady Garden

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

The first time one DD went to a party but not the other was hard, but they soon saw it eventually evened out. Is your DP not able to look after one child, assuming the party is on the weekend?

#8 bebe12

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

hi,

When my DD changed schools it had two classes and she invite whole of her class. I didn't know that one of the girls was a twin (twin in other class). The mum rang when she was rsvping and mentioned it. I was grateful to her as i didn't know and didn't have an issue with one more child.

Mention it to the mum, she really may not have realised that they are twins.

May you could mention that you are willing to help out at the event if that would make it easier.

#9 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 03:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The first time one DD went to a party but not the other was hard, but they soon saw it eventually evened out. Is your DP not able to look after one child, assuming the party is on the weekend?


No, he'll be at the Future Music Festival all day... usually he's not busy on the weekends original.gif

#10 facetious-beast

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

QUOTE (seayork2002 @ 28/02/2013, 03:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.


This. Maybe she will get the hint.

Edited by facetious-beast, 28 February 2013 - 03:02 PM.


#11 Twinmum+2

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

I thought this had happened to my boys last year at preschool - I bit the bullet and phoned the other parent to ask if DS1 was invited even though we had only received an invitation for DS2.  It turned out they were both invited and that DS1 had lost his invitation.  I was so relieved.

It's definitely worth asking the question...

#12 Always amazed!

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:14 PM

Last year my boys were in the same daycare room at school ( not twins but close in age)
Only one was invited not the other..
when I arrived at the party and started to talking to mum sis didn't even relise he had a brother . Considering only 2 other boys showed up she would of invited him if she had known.

I also have twins as well who arnt at that age yet.

I would simply tell the mum that you DD cant go as you have no one to watch the other unless she can come.

#13 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:32 PM

I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

Edited by regandrog, 28 February 2013 - 03:36 PM.


#14 Twolittleducks

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:43 PM

I would also ask. There is no way I would drop and run at age 4 and I can't imagine it being an issue. I would of course take a gift from each twin to give to the birthday child and probably two homemade cards / homemade gift wrap (nice craft activity in the days leading up to the party!)

Good Luck. I'm really not looking forward to this stage!

#15 loshto

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:51 PM

I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


#16 rainycat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:52 PM

I would politely decline and let her know why.
I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.

#17 zenah18

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:54 PM

QUOTE (rainycat @ 28/02/2013, 04:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would politely decline and let her know why. I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.
  That's what I'll do.

#18 Mozzie1

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:55 PM

This topic was covered recently from the perspective of the inviting parent, you may want to have a read:

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...p;hl=Twin+party

These kids were 7 though.

#19 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Thanks for that Mozzie1, some mixed responses in that thread, although I notice quite a few people said they would invite both twins if they were under 5.

#20 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:08 PM

I would just ring and ask the mother.   Probably a case of her asking the child who they wanted to invite, and that was who got the invitations.  I think that you have the perfect excuse of no one to look after the sibling - just say that your husband already has plans, so would it be ok for x's twin brother to come as well.   I've had to do this myself (not twins) when my husband has been away, and have had parties for my children where the siblings have come along for the same reason.  I only have a problem with it if the sibling just turns up and expects to be included!!

#21 eachschoolholidays

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

QUOTE (loshto @ 28/02/2013, 04:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


That is so rude!!

#22 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

Hm thanks everyone, I think I will call the mother and ask very politely if it would be okay to bring my other daughter, I was thinking of just saying we were busy that day but my girls are so excited about the possibility of going to a fairy garden party!

#23 mad madam mim

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (regandrog @ 28/02/2013, 01:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

This, if you had someone else to watch your other daughter then I would be telling you to just suck it up and that they don't have to invite one just because they have invited the other, but as she would have to come along as you have no one else that can watch her then yeah I would ask.

#24 epl0822

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:46 PM

I don't think you should ask the mum to invite your other daughter. The most diplomatic thing you could do is ask if there was a confusion with the invitations and you want to clarify, but communicate that it's ok if she just wants to invite one girl. Maybe there is a specific reason why the other little girl doesn't want to invite one of your twins, maybe they just don't get along etc. I would let the twin attend the party then have a special outing with the twin who wasn't invited. You don't have to say she's excluded from the party - tell her she can't go because she has plans to do something fun with you.

#25 Chill-Pill

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

I think it is a bit forward to ask for an invite directly but I don't think it would hurt to call and say that your husband is busy on the day and you haven't got anyone else to watch your other child and then see what sort of response you get. If the parent didn't offer for you to bring the other child then I think all you can do is either decline or choose to leave the invited child and come back when the party is over.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Britain's youngest parents: mother 12, father 13

A 12-year-old schoolgirl and her 13-year-old boyfriend are believed to have become Britain?s youngest parents, after the birth of their baby girl earlier this week.

When Prince George met Bilby George

Prince George has met an Aussie marsupial named after him in his first official engagement in Australia.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Pregnant woman dies after doctor removes ovary instead of appendix

When a UK woman went to hospital suffering appendicitis, doctors mistakenly removed her healthy ovary - with tragic consequences.

The milestones I can't wait to celebrate

Nothing can beat the feeling of witnessing that first smile, first step and first word - but here's a list of 'firsts' I'm really looking forward to now.

How you develop in your baby's first year

Just as babies undergo rapid growth as they learn and change in their first year, we?re learning and changing quickly as parents, too. Don?t underestimate the developmental stages you go through when you have a baby.

Can you make your baby smarter even before birth?

A product new to Australia claims to help babies be born "as intelligent as possible", but not all experts agree on the benefits of educating babies while still in the womb.

How a mother's love helped unearth the skills of an autistic savant

Autistic savant Ping Lian Yeak, a prodigious artist who has had his work shown all over the world, couldn't have done it without the support and love of his proud mum.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

A tiny heart: a baby?s death gives life to another

Simon Alexander Garcia lived only one brief hour. But somewhere, a little girl?s heart is beating today because of him.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Why is childbirth still such a pain?

The options given to women to help them cope in labour have barely changed in years.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Ideas for recording baby milestones

Get the props, lights and camera ready to record the milestone moments in your baby's first months and years. Tip: set a reminder in your phone (or jot it in a calendar) to make sure you remember it every month.

From penis amputation to fatherhood

After a botched circumcision as a child, Mike Moore was left without a penis. Years later, and after meeting the right surgeon, he was able to become a dad - naturally.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Your baby's first shoes, made with your own hands

Imagine someone saying to you, "Your baby?s shoes are magnificent, where?d you get them?" And you reply, "Oh, these? I made them."

Mother bites off pit bull's ear to save toddler

What would you do if your child was being attacked by a vicious dog? One mother recently had to learn the hard way.

Couple dies 15 hours apart after 70 years of marriage

A couple who held hands at breakfast every morning even after 70 years of marriage have died 15 hours apart.

Behind the scenes of Kate and George's cuddly photo

Every face is partially obscured, but there's no denying the happiness and love in the faces of the royal mum and bub.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Your baby?s developmental roadmap

Caring for your new baby can feel like driving along a dark highway without a GPS: you know your destination ? a happy, healthy human being ? but you?re not sure whether you?re heading in the right direction.

Breaking out of the isolation of motherhood

There can be many reasons for mummy isolation ? and you don?t have to be a new mother to feel like you're often doing it all alone. Here, mums share their stories of feeling isolated, and what they do to try to break out of it.

The billionaire baby with $10,000 worth of prams

When money is no object you can go all out when it comes to baby transportation, as this billionaire socialite has shown.

Medication helps depressed mums to breastfeed

Breastfeeding mums are often told their medication may pass into their milk, but a new study suggests the benefits of taking antidepressants are greater than any risks to baby.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.