Jump to content

One twin invited to bday party and not the other
Update Post #49


  • Please log in to reply
52 replies to this topic

#1 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:44 PM

My daughter has received an invitation for a birthday party for her friend at preschool however it only has her name on it, not her twin sister's. I suppose I shouldn't expect an invitation for both however they're only 4 and it breaks my heart to have to tell my other daughter that she can't go to the party.

I'd think it would be fair enough if they were in different classes however my daughters and this friend are in the same class. Then I thought maybe the mother doesn't know that they are twins but both of my daughters names are on the same pocket outside the classroom...

Would you ask the mother if your other twin could come along? There is another issue too, my husband won't be home the day of the party and I think my daughter is a bit young for me to do the "drop and run", so I'm not sure who can look after my other daughter. Aargh it's all too hard!

ETA: The party is at their house and not a play centre or anything.

Edited by Libster, 05 March 2013 - 11:40 AM.


#2 Fright bat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

I would ask.

It may well be the case that the other parents don't know, even if both their names are on it.

I'm sure anyone would understand.

#3 her mum

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:51 PM

Every time someone comes on here suggesting it's not fair that their child isn't invited to a party they're shot down and told no one should expect an invite because not everybody needs to be friends with everybody else.

Why do you imagine it should be any different for twins? I'd call this a good learning experience.

#4 seayork2002

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:52 PM

SORRY I DID NOT SEE WHAT SECTION THIS WAS UNDER AS I LOOK AT NEW POSTS

I can only give my view on what I would do in this situation if my son were a twin, first off I am finding all this party etiquette very tiring when I was a kid I received/gave invites and I went/didn’t go or people came to mine or not. I hold the same view towards my son’s (future) ones. He will be invited to some not others (and I am presuming if he was a son the same) we will invite some kids not others (I am not nor ever having an ‘invite the whole class’ parties) and as he takes everything in his stride I would be surprised if it bothered him BUT if it does I will just explain the situation at the time, it is up to me to speak to him if he is upset not the other parents.

Mind you even though he is nearly 5 and a half I doubt he has any idea what a party is or whether he would like to go or not. He has been to one in his life and was not fussed. I could not even imagine him having the foggiest idea at 4

For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.

Edited by seayork2002, 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM.


#5 boatiebabe

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

Strange they only invited one and not both? Particularly as they are only 4.

I think I would probably decline the invite.

#6 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM

I would talk to mother. As you say she may not know they are twins, its also possible her DD might have thought inviting one twin was actually inviting the other twin too.





#7 bebe12

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

hi,

When my DD changed schools it had two classes and she invite whole of her class. I didn't know that one of the girls was a twin (twin in other class). The mum rang when she was rsvping and mentioned it. I was grateful to her as i didn't know and didn't have an issue with one more child.

Mention it to the mum, she really may not have realised that they are twins.

May you could mention that you are willing to help out at the event if that would make it easier.

#8 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:58 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 28/02/2013, 03:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The first time one DD went to a party but not the other was hard, but they soon saw it eventually evened out. Is your DP not able to look after one child, assuming the party is on the weekend?


No, he'll be at the Future Music Festival all day... usually he's not busy on the weekends original.gif

#9 facetious-beast

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

QUOTE (seayork2002 @ 28/02/2013, 03:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For the practicality side I would write a letter and explain you can’t go because you don’t have anyone to look after the other child.


This. Maybe she will get the hint.

Edited by facetious-beast, 28 February 2013 - 03:02 PM.


#10 Twinmum+2

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

I thought this had happened to my boys last year at preschool - I bit the bullet and phoned the other parent to ask if DS1 was invited even though we had only received an invitation for DS2.  It turned out they were both invited and that DS1 had lost his invitation.  I was so relieved.

It's definitely worth asking the question...

#11 Always amazed!

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:14 PM

Last year my boys were in the same daycare room at school ( not twins but close in age)
Only one was invited not the other..
when I arrived at the party and started to talking to mum sis didn't even relise he had a brother . Considering only 2 other boys showed up she would of invited him if she had known.

I also have twins as well who arnt at that age yet.

I would simply tell the mum that you DD cant go as you have no one to watch the other unless she can come.

#12 regandrog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:32 PM

I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

Edited by regandrog, 28 February 2013 - 03:36 PM.


#13 Threelittleducks

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:43 PM

I would also ask. There is no way I would drop and run at age 4 and I can't imagine it being an issue. I would of course take a gift from each twin to give to the birthday child and probably two homemade cards / homemade gift wrap (nice craft activity in the days leading up to the party!)

Good Luck. I'm really not looking forward to this stage!

#14 loshto

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:51 PM

I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


#15 rainycat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:52 PM

I would politely decline and let her know why.
I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.

#16 zenah18

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:54 PM

QUOTE (rainycat @ 28/02/2013, 04:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would politely decline and let her know why. I hope the other mum doesn't realise they are twins.  If she does it's a bit mean to leave a 4 yr old out.
  That's what I'll do.

#17 Feral Mozzie

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:55 PM

This topic was covered recently from the perspective of the inviting parent, you may want to have a read:

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...p;hl=Twin+party

These kids were 7 though.

#18 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

Thanks for that Mozzie1, some mixed responses in that thread, although I notice quite a few people said they would invite both twins if they were under 5.

#19 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:08 PM

I would just ring and ask the mother.   Probably a case of her asking the child who they wanted to invite, and that was who got the invitations.  I think that you have the perfect excuse of no one to look after the sibling - just say that your husband already has plans, so would it be ok for x's twin brother to come as well.   I've had to do this myself (not twins) when my husband has been away, and have had parties for my children where the siblings have come along for the same reason.  I only have a problem with it if the sibling just turns up and expects to be included!!

#20 eachschoolholidays

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

QUOTE (loshto @ 28/02/2013, 04:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would just rock up with both twins! whats the worst that can happen, boot the other twin  out? I dont think so. You would just have to tell them that these two are twins and you had noone to leave the other twin with!!


That is so rude!!

#21 Libster

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:10 PM

Hm thanks everyone, I think I will call the mother and ask very politely if it would be okay to bring my other daughter, I was thinking of just saying we were busy that day but my girls are so excited about the possibility of going to a fairy garden party!

#22 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (regandrog @ 28/02/2013, 01:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't  say that your invited DD can't go if you don't invite the other. Sounds a little bit demanding.

I'd say something like, thanks for the bday invite, dd would love to come, did you know that she has a twin sister in the class as well? I am planning to stay with dd at the party would it be okay if her sister comes to the party too?

In my experience parents are more than happy for other twin to come along too, especially at preschool and early primary parties where most parents stay for the duration. we usually had a bunch of older and younger siblings in attendance too.

This, if you had someone else to watch your other daughter then I would be telling you to just suck it up and that they don't have to invite one just because they have invited the other, but as she would have to come along as you have no one else that can watch her then yeah I would ask.

#23 epl0822

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:46 PM

I don't think you should ask the mum to invite your other daughter. The most diplomatic thing you could do is ask if there was a confusion with the invitations and you want to clarify, but communicate that it's ok if she just wants to invite one girl. Maybe there is a specific reason why the other little girl doesn't want to invite one of your twins, maybe they just don't get along etc. I would let the twin attend the party then have a special outing with the twin who wasn't invited. You don't have to say she's excluded from the party - tell her she can't go because she has plans to do something fun with you.

#24 Chill-Pill

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

I think it is a bit forward to ask for an invite directly but I don't think it would hurt to call and say that your husband is busy on the day and you haven't got anyone else to watch your other child and then see what sort of response you get. If the parent didn't offer for you to bring the other child then I think all you can do is either decline or choose to leave the invited child and come back when the party is over.

#25 Cath42

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:03 PM

At this age - 4 - I think this is appalling. It may be rude to just show up at a party with an extra child, but quite frankly I think it's far ruder to invite only one twin to a birthday party. At 7 or 8, fair enough, but at 4? Why would somebody do that, unless it was an accidental oversight? What a mean thing to do.

Honestly, I'd ring this woman and say, "Thankyou for the invite, but we're unfortunately going to have to decline. My husband will be away that weekend. I can't drop a 4-year-old at a party and run, and I can't stay because she has a twin sister who'll be with me and it'll all be too awkward".

What an awful thing to happen, OP. What is so hard about inviting both twins to a birthday party? I do hope it was an oversight.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.