Jump to content

friend has been told her baby has downs :(
UPDATE! Doctor was WRONG


  • Please log in to reply
87 replies to this topic

#1 blackbird

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

My "work" mate is 16 weeks pregnant, they found a pocket of fluid in the babies tummy, they did more testing and found that the baby has downs in a bad way and will probably not survive the pregnancy or birth, she and her DH have decided to have an abortion, I'm so sad, there are three of us who are pregnant, I only don't really work much anymore due to study but I drop in every couple of weeks to hang out (its not a conventional work, more of a hobby) I'm just so sad for her, she fell pregnant quickly and was so happy sad.gif

Sorry, I just had to get it of my chest sad.gif

My 1st pregnancy I had my ex husbands friends GF have a still born at full term the funeral was so heart breaking, I'm just a bit emotional today I think, its just so sad sad.gif

Edited by blackbird, 05 May 2013 - 12:31 PM.


#2 Ice Queen

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:44 PM

Thats very sad and heartbreaking for your friend.

Just be there as a support.

#3 Beancat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:45 PM

: (    This is so sad.  I am sad for you and your work friend.  hugs to you both
xx

#4 Stronger

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

That is so very sad. A Mum to be's worst nightmare coming true sad.gif All the best to you and your friend. xx

#5 bright*future

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that, what an awful thing to go through & difficult to try to support. sad.gif

#6 bees-knees

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:55 PM

QUOTE (bokbok @ 28/02/2013, 04:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That is so very sad. A Mum to be's worst nightmare coming true sad.gif All the best to you and your friend. xx


Actually, I don't think a Down syndrome diagnosis is a Mum-to-be's worst nightmare. I imagine there are things far worse.

Very difficult time for your friend OP. I feel for her, and hope that she's confident that she's making an informed choice.

#7 bubmakes3

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

QUOTE (bees-knees @ 28/02/2013, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Actually, I don't think a Down syndrome diagnosis is a Mum-to-be's worst nightmare. I imagine there are things far worse.

Very difficult time for your friend OP. I feel for her, and hope that she's confident that she's making an informed choice.


I think  the PP probably means being told your precious baby is unlikely to survive pregnancy let alone birth is a mothers worst nightmare - not the Downs diagnosis.
I am so sorry your friend is having to go throught this.
Kia Kaha.

#8 belindarama

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:00 PM

I took the worst nightmare part to be that the baby was unlikely to survive and being placed in the position of having to face that.

I can see why it might sound offensive but I think you might have misunderstood what the PP was referring to bees-knees.

That's very sad news for your friend OP.

#9 Lyn86

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:01 PM

I think the previous poster was talking about the fact the baby won't survive pregnancy/birth...

Sorry to hear about your friend Op, hope they are doing the best they can.

#10 eM_Mille

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:19 PM

That is just so sad and unfair sad.gif I'm sorry for your friend and her DH.

#11 Lyn86

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:42 PM

I think bees-knees is aware of that madame protart

#12 Yomumma

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:48 PM

QUOTE (bees-knees @ 28/02/2013, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Actually, I don't think a Down syndrome diagnosis is a Mum-to-be's worst nightmare. I imagine there are things far worse.


The Ops post said the child was unlikely to survive the pregnancy or birth. I read that to be the worst nightmare part..

#13 Tomahawk

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:52 PM

That's really sad. I think you sound like a good friend OP  original.gif .

#14 Gossipgirl

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

I went through the same thing at 16 weeks was told my baby had high risk for downs syndrome we decided on the amnio but waiting for the results I met some beautiful down syndrome men on a bus that I caught to have a day to myself (Good timing right).

We had a lovely chat about how they catch this bus to the city to see the ducks on the river and the whole time I was thinking you know what this is not the worst thing to of happened yes there will be challanges but there will also be times like today that my child would grow and have the pleasure of going to the city and feeding the ducks.

My amnio came back fine I was glad but I still would of loved and adored my baby no matter what that outcome was.
I'm so sorry about your friend it must be so hard to make that decision.

PP should of maybe looked at the sig of bees nees before commenting.

#15 mmuc83

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:56 PM

That's a sad situation to be in - so sorry for your work mate...

#16 unique_gem

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:03 PM

Sometimes I am still blown away by peoples ignorance.  People do no die from Down Syndrome people die from other complications which are sometimes common in people with Down Syndrome and sometimes totally unrelated.  Like with my DD she has a second diangosis of Moyamoya Disease this very nasty disease is much more likely to end her life early.
We have great Doctors and modern technology more people than not with Down Syndrome live full healthy lives in to their 60s and beyond.
OP I get where you were coming from its more about the fact that your mortality and your babies mortality has been challenged.  It is very challenging when you are pregnant to watch someone else go through something so difficult.
Rest assured that Down Syndrome is not a parents worst nightmare for anyone that thinks that you need to spend some time in a childrens hospital.  My daughter brings us much joy and happiness she has taught us soo much and challenged all my ideas about the world she is most definately not my worst nightmare.

#17 Super Cat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:03 PM

It's an awful situation to be in. We had a very similar scenario but decided to proceed with the pregnancy. Unless you go through it you just cannot know what it's like to be there, and even then only you understand your choices. My heart goes out to anyone facing this. So sorry for your friend OP.

#18 F1widow

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:14 PM

I'm still blown away by people who only read the titles of threads and don't actually read the OP before responding. :eyeroll:

#19 roses99

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:19 PM

Firstly, I am very sorry for the OP's friend.

But I am also sorry that so many women seem to be encouraged to give up on babies with DS. I'm well aware that there can be complications. Is it half of DS babies who have a heart condition? Which can be serious or as minor as a heart murmur. There' are many, many more babies born with heart conditions who do not have DS. The thing is, the amnio can confirm a diagnosis of DS but it can't tell you for sure how severe the health problems will be. I think that's what the PP meant by 'informed choice'. I would be wanting second and third opinions and exploring every possibility (not suggesting that the OP's friend hasn't done that). My 'informed choice' was to carry my baby to term and have plenty of scans akin the way so that we'd be prepared for any issues she might have. We didn't have an amnio so didn't know for sure until she was born. I don't think I was naive at all about the potentially serious problems she could have if she did have DS. The only thing we knew for certain was that we loved her regardless.

#20 Stronger

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:35 PM

QUOTE (bubmakes3 @ 28/02/2013, 11:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think  the PP probably means being told your precious baby is unlikely to survive pregnancy let alone birth is a mothers worst nightmare - not the Downs diagnosis.
I am so sorry your friend is having to go throught this.
Kia Kaha.


um, yes of course that is what I meant...it's a mum's worst nightmare being told your baby will not survive is it not???? Gee some people can take things out of context so easily.

Bees-kees - how dare you make this into something that it isn't in such a sad post sad.gif

#21 leisamd

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:54 PM

So sorry for your friend, someone close to me went through the same and it just sucks. sad.gif

#22 Missy Shelby

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:56 PM

Coming from someone that has a close family member with DS I can first hand report that they do not lead a healthy or fulfilling life.

Not saying that all people with DS are all like this, but some are and I think it is better to be honest about it than, for want of a better word/phrase, sugar coat it.

I get where you were coming from OP, I feel very sad that your friend is going through this.  

For me it would be a nightmare to lose a precious little one at 16 weeks sad.gif

#23 Missy Shelby

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:57 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 28/02/2013, 06:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Down Syndrome is a pretty serious health issue.  We had a 'high risk' result during our pregnancy and had counselling on whether to have further testing.  We naively thought it was just  challenges with mental development but it's not the case all.  Some babies born face serious health problems, and won't even survive the pregnancy or birth.  Still born is common, as are heart problems.  Our doctor said there is broad spectrum - you see grown adults who lead fairly 'normal' lives and then there are those who are very sick or even die.  So yes, pretty close to every parent's nightmare to be told your child has a serious, even deadly, health issue.


All the best to your friend OP.

Well said Madame Protart.

#24 blackbird

Posted 01 March 2013 - 10:46 AM

Just to inform those that think this is not a mums worse night mare, what is then? I'm terrified it might happen to me, it would be my worst nightmare, finding out that if I don't terminate my baby it could risk my own life and that my baby is unlikely to survive and if it does it may not survive long, I don't know, maybe you think a still birth is worse but seriously I feel a bit sad that some of the attitudes are close to "meh, there is worse.." pain is pain, lose is lose, lets not belittle it please with pettiness.

#25 Loore

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:54 PM

So sorry for your friend OP.  Very sorry for those PP who felt it appropriate to try and hijack this thread by pushing personal agendas.  Best of luck with your own pregnancy.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.