Jump to content

friend has been told her baby has downs :(
UPDATE! Doctor was WRONG


  • Please log in to reply
87 replies to this topic

#1 blackbird

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:36 PM

My "work" mate is 16 weeks pregnant, they found a pocket of fluid in the babies tummy, they did more testing and found that the baby has downs in a bad way and will probably not survive the pregnancy or birth, she and her DH have decided to have an abortion, I'm so sad, there are three of us who are pregnant, I only don't really work much anymore due to study but I drop in every couple of weeks to hang out (its not a conventional work, more of a hobby) I'm just so sad for her, she fell pregnant quickly and was so happy sad.gif

Sorry, I just had to get it of my chest sad.gif

My 1st pregnancy I had my ex husbands friends GF have a still born at full term the funeral was so heart breaking, I'm just a bit emotional today I think, its just so sad sad.gif

Edited by blackbird, 05 May 2013 - 12:31 PM.


#2 Ice Queen

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:44 PM

Thats very sad and heartbreaking for your friend.

Just be there as a support.

#3 Beancat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:45 PM

: (    This is so sad.  I am sad for you and your work friend.  hugs to you both
xx

#4 Stronger

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

That is so very sad. A Mum to be's worst nightmare coming true sad.gif All the best to you and your friend. xx

#5 bright*future

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that, what an awful thing to go through & difficult to try to support. sad.gif

#6 bees-knees

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:55 PM

QUOTE (bokbok @ 28/02/2013, 04:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That is so very sad. A Mum to be's worst nightmare coming true sad.gif All the best to you and your friend. xx


Actually, I don't think a Down syndrome diagnosis is a Mum-to-be's worst nightmare. I imagine there are things far worse.

Very difficult time for your friend OP. I feel for her, and hope that she's confident that she's making an informed choice.

#7 bubmakes3

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

QUOTE (bees-knees @ 28/02/2013, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Actually, I don't think a Down syndrome diagnosis is a Mum-to-be's worst nightmare. I imagine there are things far worse.

Very difficult time for your friend OP. I feel for her, and hope that she's confident that she's making an informed choice.


I think  the PP probably means being told your precious baby is unlikely to survive pregnancy let alone birth is a mothers worst nightmare - not the Downs diagnosis.
I am so sorry your friend is having to go throught this.
Kia Kaha.

#8 belindarama

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:00 PM

I took the worst nightmare part to be that the baby was unlikely to survive and being placed in the position of having to face that.

I can see why it might sound offensive but I think you might have misunderstood what the PP was referring to bees-knees.

That's very sad news for your friend OP.

#9 Lyn86

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:01 PM

I think the previous poster was talking about the fact the baby won't survive pregnancy/birth...

Sorry to hear about your friend Op, hope they are doing the best they can.

#10 eM_Mille

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:19 PM

That is just so sad and unfair sad.gif I'm sorry for your friend and her DH.

#11 Lyn86

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:42 PM

I think bees-knees is aware of that madame protart

#12 Yomumma

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:48 PM

QUOTE (bees-knees @ 28/02/2013, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Actually, I don't think a Down syndrome diagnosis is a Mum-to-be's worst nightmare. I imagine there are things far worse.


The Ops post said the child was unlikely to survive the pregnancy or birth. I read that to be the worst nightmare part..

#13 Tomahawk

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:52 PM

That's really sad. I think you sound like a good friend OP  original.gif .

#14 Gossipgirl

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:54 PM

I went through the same thing at 16 weeks was told my baby had high risk for downs syndrome we decided on the amnio but waiting for the results I met some beautiful down syndrome men on a bus that I caught to have a day to myself (Good timing right).

We had a lovely chat about how they catch this bus to the city to see the ducks on the river and the whole time I was thinking you know what this is not the worst thing to of happened yes there will be challanges but there will also be times like today that my child would grow and have the pleasure of going to the city and feeding the ducks.

My amnio came back fine I was glad but I still would of loved and adored my baby no matter what that outcome was.
I'm so sorry about your friend it must be so hard to make that decision.

PP should of maybe looked at the sig of bees nees before commenting.

#15 mmuc83

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:56 PM

That's a sad situation to be in - so sorry for your work mate...

#16 unique_gem

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:03 PM

Sometimes I am still blown away by peoples ignorance.  People do no die from Down Syndrome people die from other complications which are sometimes common in people with Down Syndrome and sometimes totally unrelated.  Like with my DD she has a second diangosis of Moyamoya Disease this very nasty disease is much more likely to end her life early.
We have great Doctors and modern technology more people than not with Down Syndrome live full healthy lives in to their 60s and beyond.
OP I get where you were coming from its more about the fact that your mortality and your babies mortality has been challenged.  It is very challenging when you are pregnant to watch someone else go through something so difficult.
Rest assured that Down Syndrome is not a parents worst nightmare for anyone that thinks that you need to spend some time in a childrens hospital.  My daughter brings us much joy and happiness she has taught us soo much and challenged all my ideas about the world she is most definately not my worst nightmare.

#17 Super Cat

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:03 PM

It's an awful situation to be in. We had a very similar scenario but decided to proceed with the pregnancy. Unless you go through it you just cannot know what it's like to be there, and even then only you understand your choices. My heart goes out to anyone facing this. So sorry for your friend OP.

#18 F1widow

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:14 PM

I'm still blown away by people who only read the titles of threads and don't actually read the OP before responding. :eyeroll:

#19 roses99

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:19 PM

Firstly, I am very sorry for the OP's friend.

But I am also sorry that so many women seem to be encouraged to give up on babies with DS. I'm well aware that there can be complications. Is it half of DS babies who have a heart condition? Which can be serious or as minor as a heart murmur. There' are many, many more babies born with heart conditions who do not have DS. The thing is, the amnio can confirm a diagnosis of DS but it can't tell you for sure how severe the health problems will be. I think that's what the PP meant by 'informed choice'. I would be wanting second and third opinions and exploring every possibility (not suggesting that the OP's friend hasn't done that). My 'informed choice' was to carry my baby to term and have plenty of scans akin the way so that we'd be prepared for any issues she might have. We didn't have an amnio so didn't know for sure until she was born. I don't think I was naive at all about the potentially serious problems she could have if she did have DS. The only thing we knew for certain was that we loved her regardless.

#20 Stronger

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:35 PM

QUOTE (bubmakes3 @ 28/02/2013, 11:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think  the PP probably means being told your precious baby is unlikely to survive pregnancy let alone birth is a mothers worst nightmare - not the Downs diagnosis.
I am so sorry your friend is having to go throught this.
Kia Kaha.


um, yes of course that is what I meant...it's a mum's worst nightmare being told your baby will not survive is it not???? Gee some people can take things out of context so easily.

Bees-kees - how dare you make this into something that it isn't in such a sad post sad.gif

#21 leisamd

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:54 PM

So sorry for your friend, someone close to me went through the same and it just sucks. sad.gif

#22 Missy Shelby

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:56 PM

Coming from someone that has a close family member with DS I can first hand report that they do not lead a healthy or fulfilling life.

Not saying that all people with DS are all like this, but some are and I think it is better to be honest about it than, for want of a better word/phrase, sugar coat it.

I get where you were coming from OP, I feel very sad that your friend is going through this.  

For me it would be a nightmare to lose a precious little one at 16 weeks sad.gif

#23 Missy Shelby

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:57 PM

QUOTE (Madame Protart @ 28/02/2013, 06:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Down Syndrome is a pretty serious health issue.  We had a 'high risk' result during our pregnancy and had counselling on whether to have further testing.  We naively thought it was just  challenges with mental development but it's not the case all.  Some babies born face serious health problems, and won't even survive the pregnancy or birth.  Still born is common, as are heart problems.  Our doctor said there is broad spectrum - you see grown adults who lead fairly 'normal' lives and then there are those who are very sick or even die.  So yes, pretty close to every parent's nightmare to be told your child has a serious, even deadly, health issue.


All the best to your friend OP.

Well said Madame Protart.

#24 blackbird

Posted 01 March 2013 - 10:46 AM

Just to inform those that think this is not a mums worse night mare, what is then? I'm terrified it might happen to me, it would be my worst nightmare, finding out that if I don't terminate my baby it could risk my own life and that my baby is unlikely to survive and if it does it may not survive long, I don't know, maybe you think a still birth is worse but seriously I feel a bit sad that some of the attitudes are close to "meh, there is worse.." pain is pain, lose is lose, lets not belittle it please with pettiness.

#25 Loore

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:54 PM

So sorry for your friend OP.  Very sorry for those PP who felt it appropriate to try and hijack this thread by pushing personal agendas.  Best of luck with your own pregnancy.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.